THE WELL-HUNG BEER GARDENS OF BABYLON

Some friends and I decided to check out the patio at NoMi for drinks on Saturday evening, listed as one of Chicago’s finest outdoor adult beverage consumption destinations.

We arrived at around 7:30 and were fortunate enough to be seated at the last available table. The temperature was comfortably warm, with a gusty summer breeze that made for some really interesting hair. The patio itself was only seven stories up, but high enough you definitely felt like you were on top of things. We were surrounded by many other, far taller buildings and removed enough from surface streets that the only sounds from below were your occasional ambulance siren or fire engine. It was pleasantly peaceful - an oasis in the sky - and an ideal nesting place for an evening of mellow fun in one of the Gold Coast's finest steel trees.

As the sun began to dip lower in the west behind a bank of high rises, we agreed that the atmosphere was hard to beat for a beautiful summer evening – and almost worth the price of drinks there. $12 mixed beverages. $13 martinis. $7 imported bottles. We realized quickly that our drinking locale came with an environmental surcharge. I did a little spot math and figured the cost of the atmosphere to be roughly $30 per 6-pack, or close to $5 a Guinness. We could sit and drink all night in the lap of luxury - but we were going to pay for it.

Shortly after 8pm, and mid-way through my second pint of the black stuff, my eyes caught something in the Peninsula Hotel directly across the street – which is the #1 rated hotel in the U.S., according to Zagat’s. My friend noticed that I was fixed on the view and asked what I was staring at.

“I don’t know," I said. "It looks like two kids keep touching that window on the top floor up there for some reason.”

I motioned in the direction of the Peninsula and everyone at the table glanced up. We all then immediately made the same discovery. I had not been looking at a pair of curious kids touching their room window. I had been studying the back of a woman having sex for all the world to see. Or, at least that corner of the world where Chicago Avenue meets Rush Street.

I say “woman having sex” for two reasons: Her partner could not be immediately identified from our POV, and presuming there was someone else involved, she was definitely the one having the sex.

She was tall and slender with long dark brown hair and a deep tan. We noticed that her arms were bent straight back behind her body, both hands pressing hard against the glass window as she writhed and bucked enthusiastically – all in plain view of a nearby beer garden with a seating capacity of close to 75. I heard the sound of iron chairs turning on brick as the exhibition continued. We laughed aloud, unable to take our eyes off the show. This went on for several minutes before Captain Viagra revealed himself, lifting his sun goddess from the window and spinning around, her knees bent flexibly atop his shoulders as they whirled out of sight. Despite the collective hope of a patio full of eager onlookers, there was no encore.

While overpriced and understaffed, I highly recommend NoMi's outdoor patio at the Park Hyatt Hotel in Chicago for a few stiff drinks and an early evening experience second only to the penthouse suite at the Peninsula.

Bottoms up!