Friday, October 06, 2006
SUCCESSORIZING
Here are a couple of posters I made using the online Successories generator. I would share the link with you, but then you'd be as cool as I am...and I must guard against that.
EVEN FLOW
I just found out that "Pearl Jam" is a term used to describe a substance that is more commonly referred to as jizz.
Who knew? And I own several Pearl Jam albums!
I get the unsettling feeling my world will never be the same again.
Who knew? And I own several Pearl Jam albums!
I get the unsettling feeling my world will never be the same again.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
BEHIND THE HORN
I will honk at you.
Yes, I'm that guy. The honker.
Drive like an ass and I'll let you know you're driving like an ass. Endanger my life and the lives of others, I'll lay on my wheel hard. Block traffic and I'll give you a blaring earful. Why? Because cops can't sit at every intersection to enforce every breach of basic traffic law. We need to police ourselves sometimes, and by laying on the horn I'm letting your dumb ass know I didn't appreciate your jerk move. What move? You know the move.
How about the one where the light turns red, but you figure you can chase the car in front of you into the intersection anyhow and it'll be okay. It's not okay. Red means stop. Doesn't matter if the car in front of you is moving or not. If the light is red, you stop. You don't roll out into the intersection. The reason is simple - because there's not always room on the other side and you end up blocking the whole fucking intersection! That's why. Have some common fucking sense already.
So, yes. I WILL honk at you. I will pull the front of my car right up to your driver side door in the middle of intersection you are blocking and I will honk my horn. Long and hard. You will shrug your shoulders and make words at me: "Where am I supposed to go? What am I supposed to do?"
I'll tell you what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to drive with your fucking eyes open and realize that if you can't make it all the way through the intersection, you shouldn't enter it to begin with, dumbfuck.
So eat my horn, beotch, and bask in shame. All it takes is one over-eager moron to back-up rush hour traffic for a half mile with this move. Pay afuckingttention!
Yes, I'm that guy. The honker.
Drive like an ass and I'll let you know you're driving like an ass. Endanger my life and the lives of others, I'll lay on my wheel hard. Block traffic and I'll give you a blaring earful. Why? Because cops can't sit at every intersection to enforce every breach of basic traffic law. We need to police ourselves sometimes, and by laying on the horn I'm letting your dumb ass know I didn't appreciate your jerk move. What move? You know the move.
How about the one where the light turns red, but you figure you can chase the car in front of you into the intersection anyhow and it'll be okay. It's not okay. Red means stop. Doesn't matter if the car in front of you is moving or not. If the light is red, you stop. You don't roll out into the intersection. The reason is simple - because there's not always room on the other side and you end up blocking the whole fucking intersection! That's why. Have some common fucking sense already.
So, yes. I WILL honk at you. I will pull the front of my car right up to your driver side door in the middle of intersection you are blocking and I will honk my horn. Long and hard. You will shrug your shoulders and make words at me: "Where am I supposed to go? What am I supposed to do?"
I'll tell you what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to drive with your fucking eyes open and realize that if you can't make it all the way through the intersection, you shouldn't enter it to begin with, dumbfuck.
So eat my horn, beotch, and bask in shame. All it takes is one over-eager moron to back-up rush hour traffic for a half mile with this move. Pay afuckingttention!
SAY WHAT?
Almost as dangerous is the man who doesn't know what he doesn't know as the man who knows what he knows.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
TOTAL(ITARIAN) BULLSHIT
Written by Garrison Keillor, sent by JB, and posted without permission here because I think it is important that we keep track of the people responsible for destroying our democracy one broad stroke at a time. I pray the masses hold these idiots accountable when they ask us for our vote.
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A SHAMEFUL RETREAT FROM AMERICAN VALUES
By Garrison Keillor
Tribune Media Services
I would not send my college kid off for a semester abroad if I were you. This week, we have suspended human rights in America, and what goes around comes around. Ixnay habeas corpus.
The U.S. Senate, in all its splendor and majesty, has decided that an "enemy combatant" is any non-citizen whom the president says is an enemy combatant, including your Korean greengrocer or your Swedish grandmother or your Czech au pair, and can be arrested and held for as long as authorities wish without any right of appeal to a court of law to examine the matter. If your college kid were to be arrested in Bangkok or Cairo, suspected of "crimes against the state," and held in prison, you'd assume that an American foreign service officer would be able to speak to your kid and arrange for a lawyer, but this may not be true anymore. Be forewarned.
The Senate also decided it's up to the president to decide whether it's OK to make these enemies stand naked in cold rooms for a couple days in blinding light and be beaten by interrogators. This is now purely a bureaucratic matter: The plenipotentiary stamps the file "enemy combatants" and throws the poor schnooks into prison and at his leisure he tries them by any sort of kangaroo court he wishes to assemble and they have no right to see the evidence against them, and there is no appeal. This was passed by 65 senators and will now be signed by Mr. Bush, put into effect, and in due course be thrown out by the courts.
It's good that Barry Goldwater is dead because this would have killed him. Go back to the Senate of 1964 -- Goldwater, Dirksen, Russell, McCarthy, Javits, Morse, Fulbright -- and you won't find more than 10 votes for it.
None of the men and women who voted for this bill has any right to speak in public about the rule of law anymore, or to take a high moral view of the Third Reich, or to wax poetic about the American Idea. Mark their names. Any institution of higher learning that grants honorary degrees to these people forfeits its honor. Alexander, Allard, Allen, Bennett, Bond, Brownback, Bunning, Burns, Burr, Carper, Chambliss, Coburn, Cochran, Coleman, Collins, Cornyn, Craig, Crapo, DeMint, DeWine, Dole, Domenici, Ensign, Enzi, Frist, Graham, Grassley, Gregg, Hagel, Hatch, Hutchison, Inhofe, Isakson, Johnson, Kyl, Landrieu, Lautenberg, Lieberman, Lott, Lugar, Martinez, McCain, McConnell, Menendez, Murkowski, Nelson of Florida, Nelson of Nebraska, Pryor, Roberts, Rockefeller, Salazar, Santorum, Sessions, Shelby, Smith, Specter, Stabenow, Stevens, Sununu, Talent, Thomas, Thune, Vitter, Voinovich, Warner.
To paraphrase Sir Walter Scott: Mark their names and mark them well. For them, no minstrel raptures swell. High though their titles, proud their name, boundless their wealth as wish can claim, these wretched figures shall go down to the vile dust from whence they sprung, unwept, unhonored and unsung.
Three Republican senators made a show of opposing the bill and after they'd collected all the praise they could get, they quickly folded. Why be a hero when you can be fairly sure that the Court will dispose of this piece of garbage.
If, however, the Court does not, then our country has taken a step toward totalitarianism. If the government can round up someone and never be required to explain why, then it's no longer the United States of America as you and I always understood it. Our enemies have succeeded beyond their wildest dreams. They have made us become like them.
I got some insight last week into who supports torture when I went down to Dallas to speak at Highland Park Methodist Church. It was spooky. I walked in, was met by two burly security men with walkie-talkies, and within 10 minutes was told by three people that this was the Bushes' church and that it would be better if I didn't talk about politics. I was there on a book tour for "Homegrown Democrat," but they thought it better if I didn't mention it. So I tried to make light of it: I told the audience, "I don't need to talk politics. I have no need even to be interested in politics -- I'm a citizen, I have plenty of money and my grandsons are at least 12 years away from being eligible for military service." And the audience applauded! Those were their sentiments exactly. We've got ours, and who cares?
The Methodists of Dallas can be fairly sure that none of them will be snatched off the streets, flown to Guantanamo, stripped naked, forced to stand for 48 hours in a freezing room with deafening noise, so why should they worry? It's only the Jews who are in danger, and the homosexuals and gypsies. The Christians are doing just fine. If you can't trust a Methodist with absolute power to arrest people and not have to say why, then whom can you trust?
(c) 2006 by Garrison Keillor. All rights reserved.
Distributed by Tribune Media Services, INC.
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********
A SHAMEFUL RETREAT FROM AMERICAN VALUES
By Garrison Keillor
Tribune Media Services
I would not send my college kid off for a semester abroad if I were you. This week, we have suspended human rights in America, and what goes around comes around. Ixnay habeas corpus.
The U.S. Senate, in all its splendor and majesty, has decided that an "enemy combatant" is any non-citizen whom the president says is an enemy combatant, including your Korean greengrocer or your Swedish grandmother or your Czech au pair, and can be arrested and held for as long as authorities wish without any right of appeal to a court of law to examine the matter. If your college kid were to be arrested in Bangkok or Cairo, suspected of "crimes against the state," and held in prison, you'd assume that an American foreign service officer would be able to speak to your kid and arrange for a lawyer, but this may not be true anymore. Be forewarned.
The Senate also decided it's up to the president to decide whether it's OK to make these enemies stand naked in cold rooms for a couple days in blinding light and be beaten by interrogators. This is now purely a bureaucratic matter: The plenipotentiary stamps the file "enemy combatants" and throws the poor schnooks into prison and at his leisure he tries them by any sort of kangaroo court he wishes to assemble and they have no right to see the evidence against them, and there is no appeal. This was passed by 65 senators and will now be signed by Mr. Bush, put into effect, and in due course be thrown out by the courts.
It's good that Barry Goldwater is dead because this would have killed him. Go back to the Senate of 1964 -- Goldwater, Dirksen, Russell, McCarthy, Javits, Morse, Fulbright -- and you won't find more than 10 votes for it.
None of the men and women who voted for this bill has any right to speak in public about the rule of law anymore, or to take a high moral view of the Third Reich, or to wax poetic about the American Idea. Mark their names. Any institution of higher learning that grants honorary degrees to these people forfeits its honor. Alexander, Allard, Allen, Bennett, Bond, Brownback, Bunning, Burns, Burr, Carper, Chambliss, Coburn, Cochran, Coleman, Collins, Cornyn, Craig, Crapo, DeMint, DeWine, Dole, Domenici, Ensign, Enzi, Frist, Graham, Grassley, Gregg, Hagel, Hatch, Hutchison, Inhofe, Isakson, Johnson, Kyl, Landrieu, Lautenberg, Lieberman, Lott, Lugar, Martinez, McCain, McConnell, Menendez, Murkowski, Nelson of Florida, Nelson of Nebraska, Pryor, Roberts, Rockefeller, Salazar, Santorum, Sessions, Shelby, Smith, Specter, Stabenow, Stevens, Sununu, Talent, Thomas, Thune, Vitter, Voinovich, Warner.
To paraphrase Sir Walter Scott: Mark their names and mark them well. For them, no minstrel raptures swell. High though their titles, proud their name, boundless their wealth as wish can claim, these wretched figures shall go down to the vile dust from whence they sprung, unwept, unhonored and unsung.
Three Republican senators made a show of opposing the bill and after they'd collected all the praise they could get, they quickly folded. Why be a hero when you can be fairly sure that the Court will dispose of this piece of garbage.
If, however, the Court does not, then our country has taken a step toward totalitarianism. If the government can round up someone and never be required to explain why, then it's no longer the United States of America as you and I always understood it. Our enemies have succeeded beyond their wildest dreams. They have made us become like them.
I got some insight last week into who supports torture when I went down to Dallas to speak at Highland Park Methodist Church. It was spooky. I walked in, was met by two burly security men with walkie-talkies, and within 10 minutes was told by three people that this was the Bushes' church and that it would be better if I didn't talk about politics. I was there on a book tour for "Homegrown Democrat," but they thought it better if I didn't mention it. So I tried to make light of it: I told the audience, "I don't need to talk politics. I have no need even to be interested in politics -- I'm a citizen, I have plenty of money and my grandsons are at least 12 years away from being eligible for military service." And the audience applauded! Those were their sentiments exactly. We've got ours, and who cares?
The Methodists of Dallas can be fairly sure that none of them will be snatched off the streets, flown to Guantanamo, stripped naked, forced to stand for 48 hours in a freezing room with deafening noise, so why should they worry? It's only the Jews who are in danger, and the homosexuals and gypsies. The Christians are doing just fine. If you can't trust a Methodist with absolute power to arrest people and not have to say why, then whom can you trust?
(c) 2006 by Garrison Keillor. All rights reserved.
Distributed by Tribune Media Services, INC.
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