Wednesday, November 07, 2007


Every so often I have one of those "heaven on earth" moments where I think to myself life just can't get any better than it is right now. About ten minutes ago I had another such moment while eating what was, without question, the very best roasted pork burrito I have ever had.


Still recovering from the experience. And now I'm lapsing into a post-burrito funk - that emotional low following the sensory high of eating something so perfect. I may be in the early stages of addiction here. What was in that burrito? Cilantro! The cilantro gets me every time.

I need more. I have to have more.


The subject of hockey cheerleaders came up at work the other day. Don’t ask me how. But I did take a pretty firm stance on it that surprised some people. I don’t like it. Period. First period. Second period. Third period. Don’t like the idea at all. Not in favor it.

I don’t know if you’ve been to an NHL hockey game recently, but I can tell you that during timeouts at Chicago Blackhawks games, a squad of skinny girls in tight-fitting clothes cruises out onto the ice with shovels to clear away slush from around the goalie boxes. It's a pretty important job that stadium management determined would be best handled by a crack crew of exotic dancers and night-club bartenders on their day off.

Of course, clearing away slush isn't REALLY their purpose. (The fact is, they clear away very little slush from around the net.) Their REAL purpose is to sex up the sport a little by giving all of the men in the arena something to look at while the athletes are catching their breath. To be completely honest, I find it a little insulting. "Why?" the oversexed heterosexual male might ask. Because I don’t go to hockey games to ogle women. I just don’t. I don’t go to strip clubs to ogle women, either – but if I wanted to ogle women, that’s where I would go...a strip club. Not a fucking hockey game. I go to a hockey game to eat cold, overpriced stadium food, drink flat domestic beer, and watch men with wooden sticks run into each other at high speeds. Gawking at big-bosomed women in tight lycra jumpsuits isn't on the agenda.

So, no, I don’t care for the cheap-ass peep show on ice. And the more I thought about it, the more I started realizing how some element of sex seems infused into virtually everything these days. Even the NEWS! Fox "News" Channel, not surprisingly, is the worst. While they claim to take the high road, it's clear to even the casual viewer what's going on here. Check out this fine segment undressing FOX one hypocritical example of poor taste after the next.

Okay. So sex sells, they say. I get it. But where does it end? I’m already in the ice rink – I already bought the ticket. I already bought the beer. What are the ice girls selling me? An experience? Come on. Can we stop objectifying young women already, perpetuating the illusion that the primary measure of their worth is in turning heads. Women are more valuable to society than this, aren't they? Seriously.

ICE GIRLS: I bet more than a few of these ladies can make a mean ham sandwich, too. It's a real puckin' shame...

Here it is in a nutshell. Just as women resent being portrayed as sex objects, I resent when men are viewed as sex-obsessed objects. I have other interests, you know. Like sports. And gambling. And bar trivia. I am more than a sexual impulse. I am more than a desire to procreate. I am more than a seed seeking purchase. So, yes, it’s a little insulting when it is presumed that women in provocative dress will add value to my experience as a hockey fan. And I also find it disrespectful to the female partners of the fans, who just roll their eyes when the ice girls skate out and do their thing. What's the point to all of this visual temptation anyhow? It's not going anywhere. Come to think of it, neither is this post.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007


Michael Jackson on the cover of Ebony magazine.


That's like putting Jesus on the cover of Scientific American.

Or Hillary on the cover of the New Yorker.

Monday, November 05, 2007


The terrorists have won. I concede. They finally did it. America is about to become a crippled shadow of its former self.

Somehow Al-Qaeda managed to infiltrate Hollywood, persuading the Writer's Guild of America to go on strike, a move expected to force much of American television entertainment programming into repeats! YES, REPEATS! Just when it's about to get cold outside they hit us with re-reruns. This is simply unthinkable.

They really know how to hit us where it hurts, don't they?

In all seriousness, the WGA did go on strike, and that could mean lights out for some of your favorite shows this year. Here's a select breakdown of shows I have actually heard of for your files:

Late Night TV

"Colbert Report" and "The Daily Show"
Status: Will go into repeats immediately.

"The Tonight Show" and "The Conan O'Brien Show"
Status: Will go into repeats immediately.

"Jimmy Kimmel Live"
Status: Staffed with WGA writers, so it would probably go to repeats. But Kimmel may decide to wing it.

Status: Will remain live and in originals. Sadly, I more Americans will likely prefer to watch Conan reruns than learn something new and interesting about the world around them.

Status: Expected to have eight out of 16 episodes ready.

Status: Expected to have 12 out of 13 episodes completed; has not received an order for a full season.

"The View"
Status: Will continue uninterrupted, according to a spokesman. Thank heavens.

"Dirty Sexy Money"
Status: Expected have between 11 and 13 episodes completed.

"Brothers & Sisters"
Status: Expected to have either 11 or 12 episodes completed.


Status: Will have seven of seven episodes.


"Friday Night Lights"
Status: Expected to complete 15 of 22 episodes.

Status: Expected to complete 12 of 18 episodes.


Status: Will have eight or nine out of 24 episodes completed. Midseason, none have aired yet.


Status: 22 episodes planned for two cycles: 14 to run from now to February and eight next year. All 14 in the first cycle have been written.

"The Shield"
Status: The final season is written, no date set for airing.

"Rescue Me"
Status: 5th season, just announced, would be affected since production is expected to start in early '08.


"Entourage" and "Big Love"
Status: Are currently in the writing stages and were scheduled to air in the summer of 2008.

"The Wire"
Status: Completed and will air as scheduled.


Soaps are also screwed, as they rely on day-to-day writing staff. But Survivor and other reality programming like Big Brother and the Amazing Race will likely survive the WGA strike.

So WHY are the writers on strike? Did someone replace the regular coffee with decaffeinated? Not exactly. It's all about the internet and how more original content is being broadcast, syndicated, and made available online. The networks are claiming ownership of their online content without affording the writers an opportunity to benefit from residuals - an industry term for additional income earned when content is rebroadcast, or in the case of the internet, re-accessed by an audience. The writers see their residuals being affected by the internet and would like to negotiate a revenue sharing deal with the networks execs, who apparently seem to think modern television programming writes itself.

All I know is, this is my big shot! Time to get a writing sample in front of the Conan folks!