Thursday, January 12, 2006

OEDIPUS RUMSFELD

SHIT

FUCK. SHIT. FUCK. SHIT.

Papercut.

FUCK. SHIT. FUCK. SHIT.

SOW IN THE DARK

Scientists in Taiwan announced today that the've successfully bred three pigs that glow in the dark. This is no joke, people. They claim theirs are the only pigs in the world which are fluorescent green through and through. Technically speaking, the pigs are transgenic, created by adding genetic material from jellyfish into normal pig embryos. I guess the hope is that Christmas ham leftovers will someday double as a nightlight. Or perhaps sausage links will become easy-to-eat glow-in-the-dark treats. They could start serving sausage nibblers at the movies.

This little piggy glowed all the way home.

How the hell is crap like this going on in my world? Unless...NO! Unless it's not my world anymore. Oh shit.

I'd better go feed the meter after all.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

WIRELESSTRICITY

I was midway through demolishing the single most fabulous pork taco ever created when I had the latest in what has proven to be an impressively long line of perfectly brilliant ideas. I know – you’re not surprised at all.

Here it is. Think power. Think wireless. Think wireless power.

Everywhere we go we’re bombarded with the word “wireless.” But we’re not wireless at all. Look around you. There are fucking wires everywhere. The fact is, while we’ve weaned ourselves off of wires for transferring coded packets of information, we’re still hopelessly tethered to the wall for power. Sure, that laptop works on a battery – but not for long. Even your cell phone, which has a long battery life relative to the wireless life of a notebook computer, must be plugged in for a recharge every few days.

Beyond those few technological devices we’ve retooled for convenient wireless access, think of all the crap in your home that lives only because it is tied to your wall. Virtually every appliance and light fixture, big and small, requires the power delivered it via direct electricity to function. Now, imagine the freedom of wireless power.

What if we could, by the same means we transmit signals to enable wireless communication, transmit power from a main power source to a remote power source? Yes, my friends – I’m talking about a truly wireless society.

Did I just give you the chills? I’ll try harder then.

Think about the table lamp you wanted to put in the middle of the room but couldn’t because you’d have to run a long cord under the carpet. In my vision of the future, that same lamp operates on an internal battery cell that is recharged wirelessly. How? I don’t know – my mind doesn’t think in terms of details. I just come up with the big idea and let someone else make all of the money bringing it to life.

But if I had to imagine “how” this would be done, I’m thinking that all of those outlets in your house would make perfect WRT (Wireless Recharging Transmitter) Stations. Instead of having sockets, there would be a flat plate, behind which would be a transmitter capable of – and here’s the part that will require no small amount of research & development – stimulating battery regeneration wirelessly. I’m imagining some kind of electromagnetic reaction inside the battery cell that can be triggered or fueled by a certain kind of wireless signal so that virtually everything can be powered remotely.

Televisions. Computers. Lighting. Fans. Cell phones. Space heaters. Radios. Toasters. Think of all those times you’ve wanted to make toast in the middle of the living room and had to drag out the box of extension cords to make it happen. Okay, so maybe that was just one time. But what about being able to walk from room to room while blowdrying your hair? Or think of how many times you forgot to charge your cellphone and the battery died. In my new world, nothing dies. Everything is fully charged or charging all the time, provided it is within signal reach of a WRT station. And there would be WRT stations everywhere we currently run electricity. So you could bring your laptop to Starbucks, tap into their WiFi network to surf the web, and keep your battery fully charged through their WRT stations.

No more fucking wires, people. That’s what I’m talking about.

No more crap hanging out of the walls. No more restrictions within your living space. Expanded freedom to do the things you want to do without being tied to a socket. No more dead batteries. Wireless power.

I know what you are thinking, and yes, I plan to keep the pork tacos coming.

Monday, January 09, 2006

NATIVE AMERICAN SONG

"We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children."

CHANGE MY GRADE TO A "B" NOW!

Thanks to E for sharing this bad boy. Literally. This little kid is an assbeater of Norrisian proportions.

I SEE YOU!