STUPIDEST THINGS EVER SAID, #1

It's rare that I stumble across the most, best, funniest, stupidest, or otherwise "-est" anything to beat all superlatives before it. But today President Bush gave me one. Holy crap - if I didn't read the quote in print I would not have believed it was possible that he actually said this. In fact, I had to check several sources to be sure this is what he actually said. No lie, people. Your president said this today in a speech to the Conservative Political Action Committee:

"We have had good debates and soon we will have a nominee who will carry the conservative banner into this election and beyond. Prosperity and peace are in the balance. So with confidence in our vision and faith in our values, let us go forward ... fight for victory ... and keep the White House in 2008."

Did he just say "prosperity and peace" are in the balance? Is he implying that a vote for anyone other than the Republican nominee would be a threat to the prosperity and peace we now enjoy. OMFG. Yes, I just broke out the shorthand.

I have heard celebrities say some pretty asinine things. I have, myself, after a few rounds too many, spouted off some pretty ignorant shit. This screen capture from CNN is pretty stupid if you ask me. Hell - President Bush HIMSELF has thousands of websites dedicated to the stupid things he's been saying for years.

But in my modest opinion, this one really took the cake. Prosperity and peace?!?!

We have been AT WAR for nearly 7 fucking years. The world hates us. Pakistan is on the brink of nuclear meltdown. Iran is on the verge of lobbing missiles into Tel Aviv just to spite us. North Korea's only real source of GNP comes from selling weapons on the black market. We've been responsible for the deaths of a staggering 500,000 Iraqi people - a number of casualties one might expect to find on Hitler's spreadsheet, not the freedom-loving U S of A. The fallout from our invasion and occupation won't be realized for years to come...which is how long we must stay there, according to the hawks who launched this obscene crusade, if we are to emerge victorious - a word that means NOTHING to parents who pray every night they will get to see their kids one more time.

And what is this "prosperity" of which Bush speaks? Is he referring to the booming housing market or the news that, if we adjust incomes for the rising cost of living, we were actually better off in the broke-ass 70's than we are today. Is this remarkable prosperity the reason Bush and Congress decided to get the checkbook out and pump billions back into the economy? Why the FED keeps cutting interest rates to avoid a worsening crisis? Or perhaps he is speaking of the tremendous value of our currency, with an American dollar now worth LESS on the world market than a Canadian one (No offense, Canada, but that's pretty pathetic).

What in God's holy fuck is Bush talking about? Gas is through the Martha Focker roof. People have no money in the bank. We are peasants with shiny electronics. We OWE tremendous amounts of money to financial institutions. We are slaves to our mortgages, and stuck in houses we can't sell. We are not as free as we think we are. But we eat ourselves fat on a surplus of corn and industrially processed meat products, so we must be happy.

Does Bush actually believe this nonsense? It's like he's reading at a second grade level sometimes - the words come out okay (most of them) but the meaning is entirely forfeit. Makes me wonder if he would pass a comprehension test on his own speech. Dude - you just said prosperity and peace are in the balance. Do you even know what those words mean?

I believe a vote for any Republican nominee who promises more of Bush's brand of "Prosperity and Peace" is a declaration of war against the hardworking people and the principles that made this nation great. There, I said it - with the dwindling remains of my First Amendment Rights.

THE DISAPPR-OVAL OFFICE

El Presidente achieved his lowest approval rating EVER today with a mere 30% of Americans willing to admit they like the job he is doing. And if you think that's pretty sad, the news is even worse for Congress. Their approval fell to just 22%! That's shittier than a nursing home laundry room. And all of this negative feedback comes on the heels of a bipartisan vote to write "stimulus" checks to John Q. Public.

They've got to be wondering what they're doing wrong. They can't even BUY their way out of this pit of disapproval.

What more could the people POSSIBLY want more than a big fat check for nothing? Honesty? Integrity? Cooperation? Accountability? These are silly, abstract concepts. A check is REAL money that people can spend on Lotto tickets, happy hour specials, and discounted designer jeans at Marshalls - the things that make us giddy with pleasure and content in our otherwise meaningless lives. Spending money is the American way!

NOTICE TO WASHINGTON: We do not enjoy war. We do not like being lied to about the reasons we went to war. We do not want half of our tax dollars buying more bullets and bombs for over there instead of books and bridges for over here. We do not like seeing gas prices approaching $4 a gallon while Exxon and Shell post record profits quarter after quarter. We do not like having to decide between food and medicine. We do not like being put out on the curb because some irrationally exuberant financial institution enabled us to buy us a house that was listed well above market price and stuck us with a lending rate they knew would bankrupt us in 3-5 years. We do not like being told to live in a perpetual state of fear and vigilance. We do not like the feeling that the oil lobby has a louder voice in what we drive than the people driving. We do not like wondering if our phone has been tapped because our last name ends in a vowel. We do not like finding out a good bill is loaded down with unrelated earmarks for special interests. We do not like the fact that you voted for the Patriot Act without reading it (didn't think we knew that, did you?). We do not like the fact that you voted for the Patriot Act AGAIN after you found out what it contained. We do not like that you cleverly named the least patriotic bill in American history "The Patriot Act" to fool us into thinking it was good for us. We do not like that (former and current) presidential hopefuls like Kucinich and Paul are prevented from joining the mainstream debate because the media doesn't like what they have to say. We don't like being limited to 2 choices for President every 4 years by a system that makes it virtually impossible for otherwise qualified candidates to get serious consideration unless they happen to have millions of dollars under the mattress. We do not like that Fox News can peddle propaganda unchecked, misinforming the masses around the clock. We do not like that doctors make more money if we stay sick than if we get healthy. We do not like that the answer to every stubbed toe and mosquito bite is a life-long prescription drug. We do not like that keeping your one job is more important than protecting millions of ours.

We do not like the job you are doing, and we do not like that there's nothing we can do about it except bitch to pollsters when they ask how we think you're doing.

MAKING THE CUT

What would you create with a single sheet of white paper and an X-ACTO knife? You might be surprised what's possible.

The following are entries for an art contest at the Hirshhorn Modern Art Gallery in DC. Simply awesome.

THE GREAT ESCAPE

Has this ever happened to you?

SUPERCUTS

People never cease to amaze me. This one is a gem. Thanks to Terry for passing this one along.

ENGLISH DIAGRAMMAR LESSONS

I found this interesting diagram here. Should help eliminate any confusion you may have had regarding the folks who live in this region of the world.

HOLY SHIT!

Google's stock price fell below $500 today. If that's not a clear sign the economy is tanking, I don't know what is.

The good news is, the Spender in Chief is authorizing a nice economic stimulus plan which should net me around $600 or so - which is enough to buy be one fat share of Google at the new sale price and have enough left over for a month full of cinnamon dolce lattes.

America is awesome.

YES WE CAN

You've probably seen this by now, but if not check it out. Great mash-up here of an inspirational Obama speech with some well known artists.