tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69530512024-03-14T06:57:12.305-05:00All You Need to KnowDiary of the Human ExperienceContact me!http://www.blogger.com/profile/18355579495316555436noreply@blogger.comBlogger1022125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953051.post-44017231227520927562013-06-02T12:44:00.003-05:002013-06-02T12:48:35.409-05:00I POST, THEREFORE I AM<style>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Living and working in the city, I’m among the fortunate who
find the Chicago EL a relatively convenient ride to and from work. The CTA
brown line doesn’t reek of urine like the red line does. Nor is it covered in
graffiti and littered with trash. It’s a relatively clean and comfortable place
to spend 30 minutes every morning and evening, and a great place to study the
behavior of people in public. Which is about all there is to do while daydreaming
away those precious minutes in transit.
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="216" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMU3dHnXhcPrc-lUQkxLnn82p-jm1qUOE0GWGxcFZVxmv7P_YKNE_AjtWzdFQndWmncQKEqQpg-g8y4EkA7GkbOHJKeKbEGkC1ZCAsbnMqoQPzXx61kBPotBUPrgzvfg7tsN4A/s320/people-on-train-overloaded-croweded-trains-funny-people-images-pics-asia-2.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">My ride to work is a little more comfortable than this one.</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">For me, the commuter train feels a lot like an elevator – one
of those uncomfortable public places where strangers are forced to share close
quarters for a short distance before parting ways. There’s very little eye
contact, and virtually no conversation. Those who initiate either are likely
creeps or criminals. That’s just the way it is and everybody knows it. So you
mind your own business and try to respect the personal space of those around
you.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Unlike strangers stranded on a tropical island together, who
may otherwise have incentive to get to know one another, people on the train
spend their rides in a state of quiet, personal reflection. Or, at least they
did before smart phones came along. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">*TEXT ALERT*</span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
Today's travelers in transit enjoy the deeply gratifying distraction of a
held-held portal to the world outside their train car. Seated passengers who
had once struggled to awkwardly unfold large-sheet newspapers now comfortably
gaze into their palms at glowing, real-time newsrooms. And playrooms. And chat
rooms. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkRtf98rKYOVHRfUKrvf_XL4v-XBa_djEfniYywXGzQ44yL0Y_w-sBNqT98M9I56syAm2gNH4vXUUBpFlWYC7rpJ1z6yFlldkLHbNOhberBeY6gJAcRmkonHCLu44CgyYT-S_f/s1600/world-hands.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkRtf98rKYOVHRfUKrvf_XL4v-XBa_djEfniYywXGzQ44yL0Y_w-sBNqT98M9I56syAm2gNH4vXUUBpFlWYC7rpJ1z6yFlldkLHbNOhberBeY6gJAcRmkonHCLu44CgyYT-S_f/s320/world-hands.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The very notion of such unfettered access and control in the
consumption of information is as taken for granted today as it would have been
considered science fiction just a couple of decades ago. Behold the world of
information now in your hands, swiftly manipulated by your fingertips. It’s
truly a modern miracle.</span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
And it also makes one wonder: where are all of these technological advances
leading us? </span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
I went to the theater the other night to take in a Broadway musical. It has
become customary (and necessary) at such events for theater management to
direct patrons to exercise courtesy in turning off, and tuning out, the outside
world...if only for a short time, out of respect for the performers, the
performing arts, and fellow show-goers who spent good money to enjoy a good
show. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">*NEW MAIL*</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Most complied with this simple request to silence all cell
phones. As soon as the intermission lights came up, however, bathing the
audience in a bright yellow glow, a sea of flickering digital screens lit up
the floor. From my seat in the dress circle I could see them all winking like
the scales of a fish reflecting through the water. People essentially tuning
out their immediate surroundings to attend to life elsewhere.</span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
We give the technology such power, I thought. The act of so habitually giving
our minds to the virtual world says, in essence, that what is happening outside
of the room we are in is more important than what is happening inside of it.
That life somewhere else is more interesting, more fulfilling, and more
immediately rewarding than any sensory experience one could possibly have in
the here and now. </span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
And that promise is so frequently kept, we return to our devices day after day
– time after time – on the train, in the theater, in the car, at our desks, in
the bathroom, in bed, in line at the store, and at virtually every idle
moment. Just look around you, wherever you go and wherever you are. People are
staring at their hands, immersed in a virtual space and indifferent to their
physical one. You may, in fact, be reading this post on a tablet or smartphone.
Indeed, I am “penning” it on my handheld wireless device, connected to the
Internet, as I ride to work. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxkdBog79ZnyaQHptgAhOPDOx7Adu0S4FVK6Q9XyGNuA2-2h7ICw5E625tBtGTa52QH7U8r4NwK4APYcpXPgGyx1ZYq7ERmX0cNsFOoksNw-6k_pUaAybgXJNCmoNGyTZO7lwX/s1600/world-wide-web.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxkdBog79ZnyaQHptgAhOPDOx7Adu0S4FVK6Q9XyGNuA2-2h7ICw5E625tBtGTa52QH7U8r4NwK4APYcpXPgGyx1ZYq7ERmX0cNsFOoksNw-6k_pUaAybgXJNCmoNGyTZO7lwX/s320/world-wide-web.jpg" width="320" /></a>*AP NEWS ALERT*</span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
We are always on. Always connected. And there's a new anxiety that we may be
missing out on something if we're not constantly checking in on the world
outside of our own. Our Facebook feeds. Our email accounts. Our hand-picked
news sources. Instagram buddies and Pinterest boards. Reddit threads and
YouTube clips. So much information, so little time. But we have to keep up or
risk losing touch with the rest of humanity.</span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
And when you look up from your phone for a second to take
notice of them, you realize they’re just as distracted as you were.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The only way to keep up with it all is to check in – constantly, and usually at
the expense of experiencing the world that is immediately around us. Of
enjoying the company of the people we'd once turned to in satisfying Maslow's
well-documented human need to belong. The people we choose to make our lives
with. Our REAL lives. Our friends. Our families. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">*SOMEONE HAS COMMENTED ON YOUR FACEBOOK POST*</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Today, we need only tap an icon on a tiny screen to satisfy
that innate desire to belong. With that tap we can be immediately transported
to a virtual world that reflects the real world in so many ways – even as it
dilutes it in so many others. We text instead of talk. We zone out instead of
tune in. We explore the world through a sophisticated composite of plastics and
glass instead of through our own eyes, ears, hands, and feet. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And it's not because we're inherently lazy that we give
ourselves to these devices – that is the RESULT, not the cause, of our
sedentary wandering. In many ways, our brains are actually more active and fit
than ever; indeed, we're improving our ability to multi-task, consuming more
and more varied forms of content than ever, and accessing and processing a
wider variety of ideas. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">No – the reason we give ourselves to these devices is
because the technology has made it easy to form habits that perpetuate the
behavior. The behavior-reward loop is so strong, we react without thinking
about it. We hear a text alert or sense a vibration in our pocket and suddenly
feel a powerful urge to know what we are missing. We’re trained to reward our
curiosity with instant access to a global bank of answers via Google,
Wikipedia, and thousands of custom applications the moment our mind begins to
wonder. We reflexively inject the virtual world with our deepest (and shallowest)
of thoughts, immediate and future whereabouts, and photographic evidence of our
existence at every opportunity to validate ourselves before the altar of
humanity.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I post, therefore I am!</span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTnYOF3i9ARikhbYViF-CPq6NLxoldFfif6tqD2RBc3poBz70TIl0U5p3lm3Dg5ZGtIio6H5dsfrt6w_wi_uHB_lIgy3Laga5Xtnbqpd4rExBwwfkiBkfy2EFAeesiJmPHbKNs/s1600/brain.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTnYOF3i9ARikhbYViF-CPq6NLxoldFfif6tqD2RBc3poBz70TIl0U5p3lm3Dg5ZGtIio6H5dsfrt6w_wi_uHB_lIgy3Laga5Xtnbqpd4rExBwwfkiBkfy2EFAeesiJmPHbKNs/s320/brain.jpg" width="260" /></a></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">This map of the Internet eerily resembles the synapse structure of a biological brain.</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">*GROUPON OF THE DAY*</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Despite the immense amount of information now at our disposal. Despite the
opportunities to connect with people all over the world. Despite the robust
capabilities now afforded us as individuals to do and achieve more
independently than ever before. Despite the superhuman extensions of our thought
processes and communicative powers…we are not machines. We are still very much
living, sentient human beings, even as technology seeks to control and direct
us as though we were machines, bending our behavior to its will: which appears
to be, quite simply, the propagation of technology.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">One reminder of our humanity is the fact that there is a
limit to the amount of information we can absorb. A limit</span> to how many pictures
we can scan. How many messages we can digest. How many offers we can process.
How many requests we can consider. How many opportunities we can evaluate. And,
yes, despite what your Facebook and LinkedIn profile pages may lead you to
believe, how many friends and acquaintances we can keep...and keep up with. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sorry, all those smiling faces carefully cropped in tiny
pixel-built boxes aren’t your friends. Some of them, sure. All of them? Not a
chance.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">As my EL stop approaches, the automated conductor announces
it over the intercom. The system unfolds as it does day after day, people
closing out their applications and shutting down their devices, stowing them in
purses and pockets, and rising to disembark. Once everyone has safely left the
train and begins their final walk to work or home at street level, the devices
come out again. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">We pass people we might recognize. We ignore the threat of traffic. And
we fail to take notice of the many miracles around us. Miracles our ancestors
once worshipped, that generations past came to take for granted, and that we
have seemingly now forsaken in our self-absorbed voyage into the World Wide Web’s
black hole of global unconsciousness.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3CLSUyZ8gsieOeGMtZv04_iYnER_v8HBxLW8DWIgRnGNEC3OOfTRq5Ja9kJjp6nwxynh1-enN9TVa4JM3xpRgZvyv7x-gYNhtp8LyuCABwwLrEGjQgKV_6pc1ROBTU7OFaAUz/s1600/blakchold.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3CLSUyZ8gsieOeGMtZv04_iYnER_v8HBxLW8DWIgRnGNEC3OOfTRq5Ja9kJjp6nwxynh1-enN9TVa4JM3xpRgZvyv7x-gYNhtp8LyuCABwwLrEGjQgKV_6pc1ROBTU7OFaAUz/s640/blakchold.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/AYNtK</div>Contact me!http://www.blogger.com/profile/18355579495316555436noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953051.post-68594561951868885682013-05-25T08:55:00.000-05:002013-05-25T08:55:38.113-05:0040 Things I Learned in 40 Years (One Year at a Time)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjjrpM6ubHoUNJ3taJvhIXLnemB9bznZKVdD8aRUlLNTMUWTxLq92uQUQDd_T4dh3SvgYNNlj7brl1XNKKWA-ro-_5FvXXZbcO3ow_afmBQ3TipmWeEeEVzFDIEWiSGc2Q8CqX/s1600/DSCN5332.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjjrpM6ubHoUNJ3taJvhIXLnemB9bznZKVdD8aRUlLNTMUWTxLq92uQUQDd_T4dh3SvgYNNlj7brl1XNKKWA-ro-_5FvXXZbcO3ow_afmBQ3TipmWeEeEVzFDIEWiSGc2Q8CqX/s320/DSCN5332.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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1 Cookie! (the awesome power of words)
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2 Little sisters are okay</div>
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3 Friends can be very comforting (even if they’re stuffed)</div>
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4 ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ</div>
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5 People come in all colors, shapes, and sizes</div>
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6 Asthma is scary</div>
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7 Dinosaurs rule!</div>
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8 Farts are hilarious</div>
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9 Girls are icky</div>
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10 Video games rock</div>
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11 Maybe girls aren’t so bad</div>
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12 Sometimes you just want to be alone (with the door
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13 Life isn’t fair</div>
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14 Listening isn’t enough – sometimes you have to take notes</div>
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15 It sure takes a lot of time to earn a little money</div>
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16 They’re really serious about this speed limit thing</div>
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17 Girls suck</div>
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18 Life can be more awesome than I ever imagined</div>
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19 They’re really serious about underage drinking</div>
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20 This guitar thing is pretty easy</div>
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21 You can’t really do much with a degree in Rhetoric</div>
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22 Grad school is a great (but expensive) way to buy time</div>
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23 Girls suck (but only if you’re nice to them)</div>
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24 It’s possible to live on very little</div>
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25 If you don’t water your relationship, it will die</div>
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26 Friends can be very comforting (especially if they’re not
stuffed)</div>
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27 You can do great things if you put your mind to it</div>
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28 If you’re not billable, your days are numbered</div>
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29 Sometimes the worst thing that could have happened turns
out to the be the best thing</div>
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30 Little sisters are more than okay</div>
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31 Commuting drains the soul</div>
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32 Girls can be pretty awesome</div>
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33 People sometimes see more in me than I see in myself</div>
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34 Being a father figure is a big responsibility (with big
rewards)</div>
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<br /></div>
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35 Having no plan for your life is actually a plan (and not
a very good one)</div>
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36 Home is the company of loved ones</div>
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37 Wanting something won’t help you get it</div>
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38 There’s still time to change the road you’re on</div>
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39 Some of life’s surprises are brutally painful</div>
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40 Don’t steal the steins at Oktoberfest in Munich </div>
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Looking forward to learning my next 40 lessons...</div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/AYNtK</div>Contact me!http://www.blogger.com/profile/18355579495316555436noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953051.post-77200157622733749962011-07-17T12:03:00.005-05:002011-07-17T12:20:20.191-05:00CONSUMER VICTORY #230: BUDGET RENTAL CAR & THE SQUEAKY WHEELJuly 16, 2011<br /><br />Avis Budget Car Rental, LLC<br />6 Sylvan Way<br />Parsippany, NJ 07054 U.S. <br /><br />RA Document# 598442XXX<br /><br /><br />To whom it may concern:<br /><br />I am writing to detail a disappointing experience I recently had with Budget and to offer your company a chance to make things right. <br /><br />My wife and I recently booked a trip to the Los Angeles area through Hotels.com and reserved an economy vehicle to be picked up and returned at your LAX airport facility, 9775 Airport Boulevard, Los Angeles, California, 90045.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu_ht4gpbL7XPNBk9S1aYm_IXsJu4HBUTYEEzJF15ZvKqtGGg8i14AOM2TjhpjNpouscwbx5upk_MErYR6VG3udZSoMtPxpMLzDmrZimVzz0yQkwLVQvR6zvYzRmf7xBYBZYMV/s1600/images.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 284px; height: 177px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu_ht4gpbL7XPNBk9S1aYm_IXsJu4HBUTYEEzJF15ZvKqtGGg8i14AOM2TjhpjNpouscwbx5upk_MErYR6VG3udZSoMtPxpMLzDmrZimVzz0yQkwLVQvR6zvYzRmf7xBYBZYMV/s400/images.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5630369686255688994" /></a>Upon arrival at the airport, we were picked up by a shuttle bus and transported to the Budget rental office location. The shuttle service, while prompt, was also considerably damper than our clothing would have preferred. The air conditioning unit in the vehicle had apparently been sweating at regular intervals throughout the day, emitting large amounts of condensation on the bench seats every time the vehicle came to an abrupt stop. As a result, the cloth seats were saturated with water. Unfortunately, this would not become apparent to us, or anyone else boarding the shuttle for that matter, until about three minutes into the ride when the water from the cloth bench had managed to saturate the bottoms of our pants. <br /><br />While an uncomfortable ride, to say the least, this was only the beginning of what would prove a disastrous rental experience.<br /><br />Upon arrival at Budget’s LAX rental office, we were unpleasantly surprised to see a line of customers from the office, out the door and down the covered walkway to the parking lot. We could not believe this was actually the line to pick up a “reserved” vehicle, so we checked inside to find out where we could pick up our car and were told that this long line was, in fact, the waiting line for ALL people picking up cars from Budget that day – even those of us who had booked a car online in advance months before to expedite the process.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrDgyrbP2k8D-5vTpuoqSCMNJ_OCeX5ASOFgtWECsTkqCouwFny7FJ3HO2tfT8FUC6IIq4Rn_enKd4T7pVx7IC1SK8pyHpXwaT8LLwJZMsBOP6P22NF1A92nH9saV7HGmv924R/s1600/WaitingInLine.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrDgyrbP2k8D-5vTpuoqSCMNJ_OCeX5ASOFgtWECsTkqCouwFny7FJ3HO2tfT8FUC6IIq4Rn_enKd4T7pVx7IC1SK8pyHpXwaT8LLwJZMsBOP6P22NF1A92nH9saV7HGmv924R/s400/WaitingInLine.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5630369698198322610" /></a>Grudgingly, my family and I were forced to stand in line outside your facility for over an hour on an unseasonably hot day, all of our luggage and personal belongings baking in the summer sun as we helplessly watched the precious minutes of our first vacation slowly melting away.<br /><br />Once breaking the threshold of the office, I saw the line wrapped around even further, which meant more waiting. At this point the problem became evident – while there were around eight reservation terminals in total, only three were staffed by personnel. Given the long line, which only grew longer as shuttle after shuttle continued bringing new customers to the office, it was clear that the people on duty that afternoon were in no hurry to get customers on their way.<br /><br />Upon finally reaching the service desk, I was greeted by a polite lady who appeared to have a management position. I asked her if the facility were always this busy, to which she responded with a laugh, “Always. The price must be right, right? Business is good.” <br /><br />I explained to her that while business appeared good, things were actually not so good if you asked the dozens of people in line behind me, many of whom were on their cell phones canceling afternoon plans because Budget was inexplicably understaffed and woefully inefficient.<br /><br />She laughed again and said, “Well, we must be doing something right. Look at all these people.”<br /><br />Frustrated at her lack of empathy, and lack of understanding regarding sound business principles, I politely explained to her that ‘all these people,’ as she had put it, had been “Bad-mouthing Budget for the past hour and a half.” <br /><br />“They may be customers today,” I continued, “But they’re not HAPPY customers…and they won’t likely be repeat customers given this experience. That’s actually BAD for business.”<br /><br />Another laugh. Another smile. Another excuse. “That’s how we keep our prices so low. People like low prices. It must be worth it.”<br /><br />“That’s my whole point,” I explained. “It’s NOT worth it. No one here expected to waste away their afternoon in line at the airport. I would never pay a few dollars less for a rental car to endure this. I don’t think anyone here would. If it’s ‘always’ like this, and ‘business is good,’ then you’d think Budget could afford to hire a couple more people to make use of all of these empty terminals.” I gestured at the row of unmanned computer screens that had been taunting impatient customers all afternoon.<br /><br />Another ‘polite’ laugh. I had to admire her mock amusement as she deftly avoided offering me anything that would have made the situation better – such as an apology, or better yet – a token discount for my time and trouble. I was instead horrified to discover the opposite was about to happen. <br /><br />After accessing her records to locate my reservation, she began the ritual hardsell of vehicle upgrades, supplemental insurance, and pre-paid gasoline purchases. I declined, but she insisted on explaining to me the benefits of all three anyhow – even as my family continued sweltering in the sun outside. “Perhaps,” she suggested, “You would like a vehicle with a little more room.” <br /><br />“Like what?” I asked, foolishly taking the bait. <br /><br />“I have one Impala left,” she said. “It is the only car we have ready. I only have it because someone else canceled and you can have it now if you want it.”<br /><br />“Wait a second,” I said. “You don’t have any other cars ready?”<br /><br />“No,” she confirmed. “There is a wait for all other cars right now. They are not ready.”<br /><br />“Even the car I had reserved for today? After I’ve been waiting all this time? It’s not ready?”<br /><br />“There is a wait. But this Impala is ready now. It has more room.”<br /><br />I would have been pleased to agree to a car with more room at that moment, had it been offered at the same rate I had been extended for the vehicle I had reserved online – well in advance. But it was not. This car would run another $93, she explained. But had more room. <br /><br />I looked outside at my family, camped out patiently on our luggage, their pants finally beginning to dry from the shuttle ride over, and wondering if we would ever get to start our vacation. How much longer could I possibly ask them to wait for our car to be ready, I wondered. <br /><br />In the interest of leaving the facility as soon as humanly possible, I relented and grudgingly accepted the terms on a car we didn’t ask for, that would cost more to rent, and that would get us worse gas mileage over the course of a week (but had more room). But it wasn’t until we were driving away that we made the most bone-chilling discovery of all. <br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0QKqwxb3vU-YApVA_HT8HLhX8egSMUSmYSJRavWyaNHUuNG_sot1f8lv8ua3D1aVZBLUubfp45k-BvXPPXrOBgGxMZYs8NQQ-HlYnjGM7r-FeMdNB6vWFMkFbfY2GrrwN00rL/s1600/Impala_Ext_06.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 174px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0QKqwxb3vU-YApVA_HT8HLhX8egSMUSmYSJRavWyaNHUuNG_sot1f8lv8ua3D1aVZBLUubfp45k-BvXPPXrOBgGxMZYs8NQQ-HlYnjGM7r-FeMdNB6vWFMkFbfY2GrrwN00rL/s400/Impala_Ext_06.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5630371273256999490" /></a>UPGRADE? PLENTY OF ROOM IN THIS SWEET RIDE.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Just as we had been handed a key and were allowed to load our Impala and drive off to wherever we wanted, so too had other customers been handed keys to cars – economy cars – to be loaded and driven away. In fact, it was happening all around us. People walking out of the office with keys to cars that were *GASP* ready. <br /><br />There had been no wait, after all, as we had been told. People who had been waiting in line with and around us were all driving away in cars that could easily have been assigned to us. We had, in fact, been lied to by the representative and told that our wait would have been longer had we opted to keep our economy car reservation. <br /><br />Rather than spend another minute of our vacation battling your staff over this deceptive, unethical practice, we drove off and elected to take this issue to a higher authority. And that is, at long last, why I am writing today.<br /><br />I believe we are owed an apology and an explanation for way we were treated, as well as a refund for the $93.31 we were coerced into paying by the unscrupulous Budget employee who exploited our frustration to up-sell us a vehicle we didn’t need or ask for. <br /><br />I trust someone in your company has the authority to make this happen, and trust that whoever is screening this formal complaint and request now ensures it finds their hands. This is not a matter any company or business should leave unaddressed, and I do hope Budget will take action toward able remedying this to our satisfaction.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br /> <br /><br />Terry Mertens<br />312-501-XXXX<br /><br /><br /><br />RESERVATION DETAILS<br /><br />Rental Agreement Document # 598442XXX<br />Car # 10586XXX<br />Rented: 02JUL11/1146<br />Due-In: 09JUL11/1700<br /><br />CC: Hotels.com<br /><br />******************************************<br /><br />TWO HOURS LATER:<br /><br />******************************************<br /><br />CS#40621<br /><br />Thank you for contacting Budget Customer Service, Mr. Mertens.<br /><br />Budget strives to provide exceptional customer service with every rental. We deeply regret that you have had a bad experience with us, and we thank you for bringing this to our attention. We try to provide you with the utmost customer service experience as possible and when this is not being done, we need to be aware of this. Also, the $93.31 USD charge for the upgrade has now been removed, and a credit has been issued to the charge card used for the rental, which you should see within a few business days. We can assure you that this case has been submitted to the District Manager of that location and action will be taken in order to prevent such an incident from occurring again in the future. <br /><br />If you have any further questions please let us know.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br /><br />Josh Pinson<br />Budget Customer Service<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/AYNtK</div>Contact me!http://www.blogger.com/profile/18355579495316555436noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953051.post-34545133940431925312009-09-16T17:59:00.004-05:002009-09-16T18:41:58.254-05:00AYNtK ALSO RECOMMENDS...This is the second installment of my recommendation feature, offering consumer experiences I recommend based on businesses and companies holding up their end of the bargain and giving me something I felt was worth the money. <br /><br />Again, you may have a different point of view based on your experience, but based on MY personal experience with these products, services, and companies, I would like to publicly recommend them...and commend them for a job well done. <br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwiK8gkgK14huSWYmBVMwIeiyYPDi3qV9Fm4ShDFEm7Phyphenhyphens03fAMbXoEdzMfBd1P4Fm4F33pEQlPP9tZSkk6P-LbMfVyjAErHycCUKDWSv0d0rOBtZ5BEjBhGqJkGuzZm6PpSU/s1600-h/taco-bell-dog.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 370px; height: 278px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwiK8gkgK14huSWYmBVMwIeiyYPDi3qV9Fm4ShDFEm7Phyphenhyphens03fAMbXoEdzMfBd1P4Fm4F33pEQlPP9tZSkk6P-LbMfVyjAErHycCUKDWSv0d0rOBtZ5BEjBhGqJkGuzZm6PpSU/s400/taco-bell-dog.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5382212923719934594" /></a>THE FRESCO MENU @ TACO BELL<br />Most fast food chains don’t even TRY offering healthier alternatives, so I give a big thumbs up to Taco Bell for making an effort. Their Fresco Menu gives border runners a collection of delicious dining options lower in fat and cholesterol than the standard fare we know and love long time - late night or date night! Or maybe both. Yeah, that's how I roll. My lucky wife.<br /><br />Even though I usually break down and dial up the Meximelt for dessert, I do feel better about hammering a half-dozen tacos when they're not accompanied by the unappetizing aftertaste of a guilty conscience. <br /><br />Something else I like about the Fresco menu is the taste. They have a great tomato-onion-cilantro pico they use instead of all that cheese and sour cream you’ll find on a standard deluxe – and I actually find myself preferring it to the fattier fare. Simply remarkable. Yo quiero Fresco!<br /><br />One last request for the folks at Pepsico...CHORIZO, mi hermanos. Fresco chorizo with low-fat chihuahua. That's what I'm talking about, Willis Tower. I might just make you my regular Saturday night.<br /><br />And bring back the little talking dog, too. I miss that perro pequeno. <br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4fAcGiCN3kbiD1RLa-wfItbgc5399Mg2Rmad96FVE-AMkv8t3NgUNR7eQoqvFBXePkgEbw65k_MicHuSBv4UhsgHD8Js7gE2Ivh13ucMPSA-pw1br1jiYozCxhTgEQ_xmUDGg/s1600-h/coupons.JPG"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 262px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4fAcGiCN3kbiD1RLa-wfItbgc5399Mg2Rmad96FVE-AMkv8t3NgUNR7eQoqvFBXePkgEbw65k_MicHuSBv4UhsgHD8Js7gE2Ivh13ucMPSA-pw1br1jiYozCxhTgEQ_xmUDGg/s400/coupons.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5382212914964386930" /></a>COUPONS<br />Okay, so this isn't really a specific store or a product - but there are a lot of companies out there throwing money at us...and most consumers refuse to accept it. How INSANE is THAT? <br /><br />Coupons add up, folks. My wife and I recently considered canceling our subscription to the weekly newspaper because, while we enjoy receiving it, saving money is the name of the game these days. Then I did a little math and realized that the paper pays for itself (and then some) in all of the Sunday circular coupons I clip and use. YES, I clip coupons. And I maximize my savings by using those coupons only when the items are on sale at the grocery store. Yeah...retail is for suckers.<br /><br />I am a power shopper, which also means I can do difficult math like solving the per unit price of a "6 for $10!" sale. Don't you hate the way they price food these days? Everything is a complicated division problem - 4 for $11, 3 for $8, and 5 for $7. What the hell is THAT? Just tell me what ONE COSTS! But I digress...I've been trying to keep things positive by pointing out things I recommend...and I highly recommend clipping coupons.<br /><br />Look - it takes about 5 minutes a week and I am able to reconcile it with my masculinity by doing it while watching football and drinking beer. The bottom line is this: Virtually everything at the store can be picked up for less if you just wait a week, shop around, do your homework, and/or clip coupons. <br /><br />These days, I'll take the savings - and I'm not embarrassed at all to be toting around that old, crumpled envelope full of coupons. (Okay, maybe a little). Still, it's a huge thrill for me to get $1 OFF something that’s also buy-one-get-one-free. Score, baby! It’s like finding a washed-up Washington in my pocket. George, not Denzel. Denzel's not washed up. Yet.<br /><br />And if I haven't got you yet, think about it this way. The less I spend on toothpaste, the more I have for beer. Hard to argue with coupons when they’re blanched in perspective like that. And when I add it all up at the end of the month, I’m saving about $20-$30 on the stuff our family was going to buy anyhow. Multiply that by 12 and you're looking at a lot of nice gifts under the tree come Christmas. Giddyup!<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE3tPH9EuSvb0HDk_pQm8wBBeufqZxDD88Wc7tcuaU7f-iqOxBy62S5PATpD39Ld62TJtiIOG4v8CjFXfFfVabqFp2OtvTtB0Der5_lU4CHllQCOsFw90JMKFIByEXQTdjs7Zv/s1600-h/world-market.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE3tPH9EuSvb0HDk_pQm8wBBeufqZxDD88Wc7tcuaU7f-iqOxBy62S5PATpD39Ld62TJtiIOG4v8CjFXfFfVabqFp2OtvTtB0Der5_lU4CHllQCOsFw90JMKFIByEXQTdjs7Zv/s400/world-market.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5382212934735768226" /></a>WORLD MARKET<br />This not-so-hidden gem wasn’t on my radar for the longest time, but ever since I discovered it I can’t get enough. They carry the most interesting shit (and I mean that it the nicest way), from food to furniture to jewelry. If you’re looking to find someone a gift that’s a little outside the norm, I recommend a stroll through World Market. Many of their wares are unexpected, which makes the shopping experience a novelty in itself. They also have an email list you can join that will keep you informed of special deals on things like wines from around the world and seasonal arrivals. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7OfjuT_r5YzWU24Jh3ZFkCFrUcXM4PLPZW-SFcgTlEgWTLzcXyEUyeBpaxDYIWjSUrSFhX1C19e-FiSFOCt05Zu3rBGyLuvz3u1VOFC9KNFAyqDh_lRCrt9mPJ-ta4dE8Ysl1/s1600-h/images.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 116px; height: 107px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7OfjuT_r5YzWU24Jh3ZFkCFrUcXM4PLPZW-SFcgTlEgWTLzcXyEUyeBpaxDYIWjSUrSFhX1C19e-FiSFOCt05Zu3rBGyLuvz3u1VOFC9KNFAyqDh_lRCrt9mPJ-ta4dE8Ysl1/s400/images.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5382212942325348674" /></a>ROY'S HAWAIIAN<br />If you’ve never been to Roy’s Hawaiian, you are missing out. They're located all over - Chicago, Texas, California, Florida. The service and the food were exceptional – particularly the service. Their attention to detail was amazing as well. When we enjoyed our first anniversary dinner there, they personalized our menu prior to our arrival with a special greeting. They also created a complimentary dessert and surprised us with it after our main course. Staff was attentive, not overbearing, prices were reasonable, food was delicious, and the dining environment could not have been more comfortable. I'm not Phil Vettel here, but I have been to a lot of NICE (read: way overpriced) restaurants, and if you appreciate a 5-letter world called "value," I definitely felt I got my money's worth at Roy's. <br /><br />Until next time...that's Aloha you need to know!<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/AYNtK</div>Contact me!http://www.blogger.com/profile/18355579495316555436noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953051.post-26463491608171969652009-09-11T09:12:00.004-05:002009-09-11T09:30:45.721-05:00THE RECOMMENDATION DEPARTMENT IS NOW OPENWhen I started making a list of all of the companies and products I like and would recommend, I realized it was a lot longer than I thought. It turns out there are a LOT of businesses meeting and exceeding my expectations. We just don't notice them sometimes because we're too busy bitching about the ones that don't.<br /><br />Here are a few that recently stood out:<br /><br />FIELDS INFINITI OF GLENCOE<br />I recently had to take my car into the shop for a stuck dash light. It was a little thing, but when you’re trying to sell your car the little things tend to signal bigger things to prospective buyers. I’d taken it to a local shop first, but all they did was fix the seal on a suspect wheel and hit me up for $30 before sending me on my way. “That ought to do it!” they said. <br /><br />It did not “do it.” <br /><br />Against my wallet’s better judgment, I elected to take the vehicle to a certified Infiniti dealership where I figured it just might get a little more love and attention. First off, the customer service at Fields Infiniti in suburban Glencoe was top-notch. I made an appointment online and was promptly confirmed via email. When I showed up the next morning, I noticed their reception facility was unlike any I’d ever seen. They had a low-lit coffee bar serving specialty beverages and grilled panini sandwiches to waiting customers – all free of charge. There were executive workstations with telephones and Ethernet cables…and free wireless throughout. A grouping of leather couches and chairs surrounded a large flat-screen TV. And everything was complimentary. Drinks. Snacks. Car wash. <br /><br />In the end, they fixed the gauge, updated an outstanding recall I wasn’t even aware of, provided a courtesy diagnostic report on the condition of the vehicle, and shined it up nicely inside and out. Everyone I dealt with was prompt and professional – and the entire visit cost about $25. When I factored in the free lunch and car wash, I left a very satisfied customer. Big thumbs up to these folks who did everything right.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibdAv4XdmJcBDohr7vymGP3NxOEst8Zq0TsRSKCflkDmj_m6Zew9QiIQ6_9BF9a0Bm-qfo0YyLvYs7R_ufrkU10ygQ007iYU5iir1uWIuht0w422noYj7Vxkz5YUyRkzBvA0zJ/s1600-h/nutro_logo_blue.gif"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 140px; height: 75px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibdAv4XdmJcBDohr7vymGP3NxOEst8Zq0TsRSKCflkDmj_m6Zew9QiIQ6_9BF9a0Bm-qfo0YyLvYs7R_ufrkU10ygQ007iYU5iir1uWIuht0w422noYj7Vxkz5YUyRkzBvA0zJ/s400/nutro_logo_blue.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5380213573812090290" /></a>NUTRO ULTRA DOG FOOD<br />Our puppy had diarrhea when we switched her food, and some guy wandering the aisles at PetCo recommended this brand. I was skeptical at first because I noticed it was a little more expensive, and because guys who hang out at PetCo are not widely recognized as credible, objective consumer advocates. The guy told me that dogs actually eat less holistic/organic food because it has more nutrients and less filler, so you’re actually buying LESS food and saving money in the end. <br /><br />I was VERY skeptical of this claim, but considering the glut of equally obscure off-brand options to choose from and an embarrassing lack of knowledge about my dog's dietary needs, I elected to take a risk. At the time I just wanted our little bugger to quit squirting crap all over the place, so I was happy to try anything new. Sure as shit, if you'll pardon the expression, our little Lucy Pooper adjusted in about a day and started producing perfectly firm, compact turds the size of Lincoln logs. And, as advertised, she was eating less! <br /><br />To this day there’s always food left in her dish because she fills up fast and always has a ton of energy. I didn’t believe the hype at first, but now I’m sold. Nutro Ultra delivered and I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend. <br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9SRwOX_X3VPio0eSDAIizpkgZhhcN_bCdrnJU1JVL-AlHLMeOExXuz8xiCtPwjnb86Kj71tBv6athQjO_6Lec_VZMY8Ney2jANaCHZCdEFOTllsQfsSSw5_xhvjV_NOjfkF9y/s1600-h/skype_logo.png"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 105px; height: 47px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9SRwOX_X3VPio0eSDAIizpkgZhhcN_bCdrnJU1JVL-AlHLMeOExXuz8xiCtPwjnb86Kj71tBv6athQjO_6Lec_VZMY8Ney2jANaCHZCdEFOTllsQfsSSw5_xhvjV_NOjfkF9y/s400/skype_logo.png" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5380213564733175314" /></a>SKYPE<br />When cutbacks at work meant I could no longer expense my wireless phone bill, I needed to make some cuts in my personal spending. I lowered my monthly minutes allotment and started shopping around for inexpensive landlines. That’s when I found Skype. <br /><br />Skype is essentially an internet-based telephone connection (that also works with a webcam) that offers FREE calls to/from pretty much anyone in North America – whether they have Skype or not. So, unlike a fax machine, you don’t have to wait until everyone else gets Skype to use it. I couldn’t believe Skype was for real until I signed up for a free account and started using it. The sound quality has better than I thought it would be, and for a nominal fee of like $2.99 a month you can add voicemail and a host of additional services. <br /><br />I like being able to dial in for conference calls through my laptop where I can quickly access my work files (and play games on Facebook when meetings run long). Skype also let me program my outgoing Skype line so that when I call people their caller ID recognizes my cell phone number. <br /><br />And check this out – my uncle was recently traveling in Italy and was able to walk his laptop around outside to show off where he was standing and what he was seeing. Imagine getting a free video tour from friends and family from virtually anywhere you can get an internet connection. Sure beats a postcard! <br /><br />Lots to love about Skype. They even have Skype handsets you can buy – cordless phones that function like landline phones, but are connected via your ISP. They ring and dial out just like an ordinary phone – but the calls are free. Yes – FREE. You may not use it right away, but I do recommend you check it out and sign up while they’re giving it away. www.skype.com<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/AYNtK</div>Contact me!http://www.blogger.com/profile/18355579495316555436noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953051.post-16142992902641127872009-09-05T16:45:00.002-05:002009-09-08T09:59:14.766-05:00THE COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT IS NOW CLOSED<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmBfMHTo8rXtASJeL5kiBy8-PupykG-rplyCmiLP0d8Mqug6tak0fCaUdJ-EoqVXf78PCCGwmKR1h1af31Ht4c6Qq6Zpj6CeYtZPclFZCSsOPOXwLNd-FrcikaQE75YLO8KFYn/s1600-h/complaints.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmBfMHTo8rXtASJeL5kiBy8-PupykG-rplyCmiLP0d8Mqug6tak0fCaUdJ-EoqVXf78PCCGwmKR1h1af31Ht4c6Qq6Zpj6CeYtZPclFZCSsOPOXwLNd-FrcikaQE75YLO8KFYn/s400/complaints.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5378913105748086354" /></a>Most of us come equipped with a pretty active complaint system. If we see, hear, try or otherwise experience something we don’t like, we complain about it almost reflexively. It’s as if humans are hard-wired to bitch. <br /><br />Why is that? Why are we compelled to share every little inconvenience, disappointment, and episode of misery and misfortune? What's the purpose of reliving these moments out loud, oftentimes over and over again? <br /><br />One reason may be that complaining serves an emotional purpose. Complaining vindicates us in some small, yet meaningful way. Negative word of mouth is our way of exacting revenge on someone or something when we feel we’ve been wronged. It’s how we stick up for ourselves when we’ve been screwed by “the man.”<br /><br />Even if we can’t get our money, our time, or our dignity back, we can always fight back with harsh words in the hope those words will one day come to haunt or harm the party responsible for our discontent - and that can be pretty much anything these days.<br /><br />The weather. The waitress. Rising taxes. Traffic. Our shitty job. No shitty job. The religious right. The liberal left. The neighbors. Obama. Rush. The cops. The media. Lawyers. Long lines. High prices. The privileged. Panhandlers. Aggressive drivers. Sunday drivers. Communists. The post office. Smokers. Technology. This damn head cold. Guns. Oil barons. Rap music. The Illuminati. <br /><br />No, you can't always get what you want – but you can always complain! Talk is cheap, as they say.<br /><br />Today, more than ever before, people actually LISTEN to complaints. We actively SEEK out consumer reviews on websites like Yelp because they help us make informed decisions. Leveraging the experiences of others helps us make better decisions for ourselves. Thanks to technology, in an instant we can tap into an online database of collective experiences and download mob wisdom. <br /><br />Go here. Do this. Avoid that. Try this. Do NOT go there!<br /><br />People freely contribute to these sites because while companies can afford to ignore us as individuals, they have learned to respect the power of communities. One squeaky wheel gets a little grease. Thousands of squeaky wheels gets a whole new machine. Big changes require speaking with a single voice. Case in point: President Obama. (Oh, yes we did.)<br /><br />All of this, believe it or not, is prelude to a point...which I will get to. Eventually.<br /><br />We all know the feeling of getting taken, or getting a great deal. We can relate to both because we’ve experienced both. When we spend our valuable wages and precious time somewhere, we expect certain things in return.<br /><br />I expect my order to be correct in the drive-thru. Most of the time it is.<br /><br />I expect the doctor to keep his appointment time, or at the very least call me to let me know he is running an HOUR late so I can use that time to do other things. (This never happens, by the way - why is the doctor's time more valuable than mine?)<br /><br />I expect the guy at Jiffy Lube to be honest with me when he says I need a new air filter. Really? You just charged me $40 to change my oil and you're going to upsell me an air filter? <br /><br />I expect the waiter/waitress to tell me if gratuity has already been added to the check. Not a small detail, or an easy one to spot at the end of a long tab...especially if you've been drinking.<br /><br />I expect the store to match the low price I just found if you have a price-match guarantee. How can you advertise a guarantee if you can't guarantee it?<br /><br />I expect the company to take me off of their calling list if I ask them to take me off of their calling list. Seriously, I am going to find out who you are, drive to where you are sitting, and take my name off your list the old fashioned way.<br /><br />There sure are a lot of opportunities to complain, aren’t there? But after a while, don’t you get kind of tired of complaining? I do. And I get tired of listening to them. <br /><br />Complaints, by their very nature, are negative. They’re hostile in spirit. They come from a sad, hurt, and often angry place. They don’t promote the emotional states we think of as pleasurable or otherwise positive, even if they seem to satisfy us on another level.<br /><br />Complaining, and listening to people complain, are two surefire ways to depress your mood. Think of the people we enjoy being around. Fun-loving, positive, optimistic people with a lot of enthusiasm. They take bad news in stride. When shit happens they step over it.<br /><br />And then there are the people who can't seem to avoid shit no matter where they step. They're surrounded by it. Drowning in it. Choking on it. Their entire existence is a world of shit and all they can do to make themselves feel better is tell you how shitty things are. Don't you LOVE these people?<br /><br />Me neither. I recently thought about how much more I prefer hearing recommendations from people than complaints. Positive stories. Good ideas. Things I should try some day. Great experiences. Encouraging news.<br /><br />So I decided to think positive - for a little while, anyhow.<br /><br />Instead of investing my time listing all the products and experiences and companies and services to AVOID, I'm going to promote a few that exceeded my expectations. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1gE-ii-OBz5TSrKzhtxyKWgm_XIsMtL8vtWReSx_F6AGx5Wf-DW7c3ktA-QXs4bnYCCgmQfjtAiw1ONYlX8oR5AcTxeAFtDKZDtQPLTg4piLXmm8wITU61kKZw0tRrEVSFyns/s1600-h/Cubicle_Complaint.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1gE-ii-OBz5TSrKzhtxyKWgm_XIsMtL8vtWReSx_F6AGx5Wf-DW7c3ktA-QXs4bnYCCgmQfjtAiw1ONYlX8oR5AcTxeAFtDKZDtQPLTg4piLXmm8wITU61kKZw0tRrEVSFyns/s400/Cubicle_Complaint.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5378913115859319314" /></a>For some reason I think it’s just easier for people to complain than to give praise. It seems more satisfying, somehow. Or less of a risk. Don't you LOVE when you recommend something you like and the person next to you rips into your recommendation with a story about how awful their experience was? Yeah, thanks for that. Sorry it RAINED the whole time you were in Maui. God obviously hates you. I had the time of my life.<br /><br />I will confess that I do take a lot of pleasure in crafting written complaints. It's an opportunity for me to be creative. I imagine Roger Ebert takes some pleasure in completely trashing a movie – his negative reviews are always loaded with quality one-liners and painfully riotous insults. Yes, complaining can be fun…<br /><br />Still, what’s the GOOD word? <br /><br />In the short term, I'm going to try something a little different and share some POSITIVE experiences here. Recommendations. Product alternatives. New things to try. Experiences that made me smile and think, "This is something other people would enjoy, too."<br /><br />So stay tuned, because in my next few posts I will be describing a handful of personal recommendations. You may not agree with them all, but they are my recommendations based on my experiences with companies that lived up to their end of the bargain…again, in my humble opinion.<br /><br />In the mean time, if there’s a company, service, or product you would like to recommend here, please share. I'd love to hear the good word!<br /><br />The Complaint Department, for the mean (spirited) time, is now closed.<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/AYNtK</div>Contact me!http://www.blogger.com/profile/18355579495316555436noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953051.post-86360414599839304952009-08-10T19:12:00.008-05:002009-08-10T20:06:36.701-05:00THERE'S NO FREE CABLE IN THE GAME OF OLIGOPOLY<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQi4kFZlZnQiPKvPjS56Br-4eg9cLzaHnEQRenI9Li98_PJ0plfHSZoBPfvIOVQaWkL3hIPpU37Y2zofstiqVAnYhKo5D7mZDO2QVZBXcTzcTn-IggeCNpnCzryRf2yNuBQK3J/s1600-h/cable-tv-ch.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQi4kFZlZnQiPKvPjS56Br-4eg9cLzaHnEQRenI9Li98_PJ0plfHSZoBPfvIOVQaWkL3hIPpU37Y2zofstiqVAnYhKo5D7mZDO2QVZBXcTzcTn-IggeCNpnCzryRf2yNuBQK3J/s400/cable-tv-ch.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5368492535404494258" /></a>It’s only a matter of time before people start asking the obvious question.<br /><br />“Why in fuck’s garden am I paying $147 a MONTH to watch television?”<br /><br />This is the question I asked myself a couple of weeks ago while adding up our household’s monthly expenses. Seems like just yesterday my cable bill was $35. How did we get here?<br /><br />When did the cable bill feel more like a monthly shakedown? And why do we reflexively pay whatever they say it’s worth without questioning it? Because alternative would be anti-American!<br /><br />Ours is a culture of connectedness. We love being in the know. Unplug that connection and we end up on the information fringe wondering what everyone else is talking about. The information fringe is not the most desirable place to be, unless you're moving to Idaho and swearing off human interaction altogether. In which case, your cable bill is likely the least of your problems. <br /><br />The bottom line is, if you want to function socially in this society, you have to have access to some basic info-tainment. You have to have cable.<br /><br />So we fork it over – month after coffer-draining month. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwBMt7xb-6sjb0lrsWAtR9ZwA-jpGl-pbAFLwAsk-zPHTjfWb_tTdK3PjSVf0MR3LQyQr72ZGMye6TF7KiFTuCtmmZvw1DgYADtd2-2sxAoYtW7qxP8q4Kr9bRh60XO8-_Hawn/s1600-h/art02.gif"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 237px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwBMt7xb-6sjb0lrsWAtR9ZwA-jpGl-pbAFLwAsk-zPHTjfWb_tTdK3PjSVf0MR3LQyQr72ZGMye6TF7KiFTuCtmmZvw1DgYADtd2-2sxAoYtW7qxP8q4Kr9bRh60XO8-_Hawn/s400/art02.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5368493685877122706" /></a>I don’t know about you, but my monthly cost mysteriously climbs a little higher with every statement. $114. $123. $142. $156. $177. Go back and look at yours over the past year. Upsy daisy!<br /><br />When times are good and consumer confidence is soaring, we don’t really question highway robbery – we just stick our hands up in the air with a smile and say, “Take all you want, we’ll make more!”<br /><br />But in tighter times, as our nation’s “hopeful” leader projects unemployment figures above 10% in the near term, more and more people are starting to think about what they’re getting for their money.<br /><br />And for our cable money, I’d say we’re getting screwed.<br /> <br /><br />CLUB CABLE IS ALL THE RAVE<br /><br />It’s all there in black and white.<br /><br />Your monthly statement outlines everything you “get” for price you are paying. But if you read between the line items you’ll see that the cable company is merely passing along someone else’s content…for a fee. And that fee – consistently my highest household bill – is established by two old, white businessmen making a $1 bet in the bathroom over how much they can charge us before we cancel. Thanks to our unhealthy obsession with information, Randolph and Mortimer Duke have us by the short and curlies.<br /><br />CONSIDER THIS<br /><br />Unlike every other utility bill you pay, cable costs are not based on how much TV you consume. You pay full price for it every month whether you use it or not. It doesn’t matter how many hours or channels you watch in a month, you will pay the same amount. <br /><br />In essence, the cable fee is all about ACCESS. It’s the $20 cover charge you eagerly hand the doorman at the hot new nightclub. It’s a platter full of all-u-can-eat TV. It’s a front row seat on the couch.<br /><br />And if you don’t like the price, don’t buy it. Right? <br /><br />That’s certainly true in a competitive environment where other companies can step in and provide the same or similar service for less. Competition tends to be good for consumers because it forces companies to provide more for less. <br /><br />But if you closely evaluate your options, you’ll see there’s very little competition in the cable market.<br /><br />The cable industry is a classic example of an oligopoly, in which a few companies enjoy complete, unchecked control over an entire market.<br /><br />If you want to stay connected via phone, television, or Internet, and depending on where you live, you have limited options. <br /><br />Here I am in the nation’s third most populated metropolitan area and I have exactly TWO cable television options, and the most significant difference between them is the logo on their statement.<br /><br />What about satellite? <br /><br />The dish companies have taken considerable market share away from the cable companies in recent years, billing themselves as lower-cost alternatives to cable, but they live and die by the same, lucrative business model that charges a monthly access fee. You don’t buy the dish and call it a day…you have to SUBSCRIBE to a monthly SERVICE.<br /><br />Make no mistake about it – satellite communications companies are part of the oligopoly.<br /><br />But the news isn’t all bad. Here’s a look at the future:<br /><br />http://bit.ly/xTygC<br /><br />Companies like this one are probably why the cable companies are hell bent on raking it in hand over fist while they can. The captains of cable are no dummies. They see the writing on the wall, like oil barons panicking and price gouging before the green revolution takes hold.<br /><br />MARKETING BRILLIANCE!<br /><br />If you were in charge of marketing for one of these cable companies, you’d have a pretty big job. You’d have to convince people, somehow, that they’re getting a great value for all that money. And that’s not an easy task when folks like me are out here with a megaphone screaming, “Why in fuck’s garden are we paying all this money for cable??!?!?”<br /><br />I mean, how would you talk otherwise rational people into making monthly payments of $150 for access to anything? <br /><br />I’m in marketing, so I’ll tell you how. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">BIG numbers in colorful fonts! </span><br /><br />We’re trained to assume that prices MUST be good when they’re blown up huge on a postcard or in a newspaper ad. We’re bombarded by so many offers, we don’t have the time or attention span to focus on them all. We just trust that the offer MUST be good or why else would they be showing it off like it's the best deal since the Louisiana Purchase.<br /><br />Out of curiosity, I recently went to Comcast.com and looked up their normal, non-promotional price for basic cable. BASIC cable. Not the expanded basic – just access to what they consider your “basic” channels. I found it in the small print. <br /><br />$59.98 a month.<br /><br />I was speechless. $60 a month for BASIC cable? How is that even remotely reasonable? Am I so out of touch with the cost of things that I don’t recognize real value anymore? This is their starting cost, remember – everything else is an add-on. The next tier. Premium channels. Converter box rental. DVR. HDTV. All extra. <br /><br />Reality is obscured, of course, by the really big number in the colorful font:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">$29.99/month! </span><br /><br />Now THAT sounds reasonable. <span style="font-style:italic;">If only it were true.</span><br /><br />CABLE IS NOT REALLY PRO-CHOICE<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZgDrXIHH78dTAIifk3gD_E7rEbgIAFwFkXPd_saeFAbV5SVJ-ak7zyW300K0bqM41PuCjwpT0TVpBI2vUgikCmLRBf1O8AuxV5QU27Dz-URfcJdN1vhu-8t1mBC9MrwzPoM1i/s1600-h/networks.png"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 230px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZgDrXIHH78dTAIifk3gD_E7rEbgIAFwFkXPd_saeFAbV5SVJ-ak7zyW300K0bqM41PuCjwpT0TVpBI2vUgikCmLRBf1O8AuxV5QU27Dz-URfcJdN1vhu-8t1mBC9MrwzPoM1i/s400/networks.png" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5368494758644396514" /></a>You do have choices when it comes to ordering cable service. You don’t have to order 450 channels, all the top tier pay channels, and the kitchen sink. You can scale it down to something a little more reasonable, like 250 channels and HBO.<br /><br />What you CAN’T do is the one thing that you would like to do: pick your own line up. And it’s not because they can’t manage this from a technology standpoint – it’s because it would hammer their bottom line. This is how they make their money. <br /><br />They disguise their packages as choices – but you really don’t have much of a choice.<br /><br />We are forced to select an all-or-nothing “package” and pay a set cost, regardless of how much we watch. They call it a “service” fee. I don’t know what your experience has been with your cable company, but “service” is probably not the best word to describe that fee.<br /><br />Even the most caffeinated and ADD-riddled among us have little use for the overwhelming number of channel options that come with these packages. <br /><br />Sane people simply don’t have the need for 300 channels. Or 200. Or even 100 for that matter. In fact, if you took an audit of the programs you watch over the course of a week, you’d likely find that you watch around a dozen or so channels – give or take a few.<br /><br />The Consumers Union recently reported, “The average household watches no more than a dozen to 17 channels.”<br /><br />The rest of those channels are just noise, and nuisances you must flip past to get to the channels and programming you do want to watch.<br /><br />If this is the case, why can’t we just pick the channels we actually watch and pay for those? How much are we paying for the OPTION to watch the other 288 channels?<br /><br />BASIC CABLE MATH<br /><br />Let’s say you get a promotional package that offers 300+ channels for $59.99. That comes to about .20 cents per channel per month. If you only watch 12 of them, that’s just $2.40 out of the $59.99 you’re paying. So you’re essentially paying $57.59 every month for the option to watch something else. <br /><br />Deal or no deal? I don’t need to be a banker to know the answer to that one.<br /><br />IN DEFENSE OF CABLE<br /><br />To be fair, it’s important to acknowledge the relationship between cable channel producers (Disney, Fox, Viacomm, etc.) and the cable companies. The channel producers sell the rights to rebroadcast their content to the cable company, which then passes along that cost to us. <br /><br />Guess what happens when a channel like, say, ESPN, starts enjoying a larger audience share? They assume their content is worth more and charge the cable company more money to offer it as part of their “basic” package. <br /><br />And guess who ends up paying for that? YOU do. This is how basic cable gets jacked up to $60 month. I don’t know about you, but I think the cable channel producers are double-dipping. They take in ad revenue, airing commercials we are forced to endure…and then also charge cable companies for permission to carry their content. I declare shenanigans!<br /><br />The cable companies contend bundling is the best way to provide maximum viewing options while keeping costs down. But as channels become more popular, the producers start bumping up their prices knowing the cable companies will pay because the demand is there. And the cable companies get blamed for the costs. They ought to use some of their oligopoly influence and stand up for consumers for a change. Tell those double-dipping producers to fly a kite. <br /><br />WHY ARE THERE ADS ON CABLE TELEVISION?<br /><br />Think about this for a second. Broadcast television has been free for decades. <br /><br />FREE. No charge. Turn on your set and watch. <br /><br />How is that possible? <br /><br />Yes – ADVERTISING. Advertising dollars finance the development, production and broadcast of content, which is in turn leveraged to collect more advertising dollars, and so on and so forth. It’s a nice little system that makes complete sense because we can all see exactly how it works.<br /><br />Content is free to us because advertisers pay for it. Maybe we watch their ads, maybe we don’t. But that’s the drawback to advertising: you can’t MAKE people watch or read your shit. You can only put it out there and hope. <br /><br />As a creative advertising professional, it’s often been my challenge to develop compelling, relevant ads that resonate with people. This is how we support and sustain the cycle of free content. <br /><br />Good ads work, and keep companies investing in the medium. But as ad dollars shift, the medium starts to fade. Look at what happened to the print news industry. Companies moved their marketing dollars online, primarily at the expense of newsprint. Without ad support, the medium stands on the verge of collapse, and desperately needs to change its communications ideology to reestablish consumer relevance if it is to remain a viable channel.<br /><br />How does this relate to cable television? Well, there’s the free-content-supported by-advertising model…and then there’s another model. <br /><br />HBO, believe it or not, surfaced in 1972. They had a different approach. Instead of offering free content supported by advertisers, they went straight to consumers and said: If you pay us directly, we’ll provide uninterrupted programming.<br /><br />37 years later, they’re still alive and kicking – for two simple reasons:<br /><br />1.) The content is good<br />2.) People are willing, when they’re able, to pay for it<br /><br />And this just begs the question: Why should we pay to watch channels that are supported by advertising? Why aren’t advertising-supported cable channels free anymore, like they’ve always been?<br /><br />TNT. Bravo. HGTV. VH1. The History Channel. They all sell commercial time to support the production and distribution of the content they broadcast. They’re on the “free” TV model, yet we pay for them like we do for channels that don’t have advertising. Why? Somewhere along the way the cable companies changed the rules on us and we didn’t notice.<br /><br />STOCKPILE CABLE NOW!<br />Consider this. Cable is not a finite resource like the rest of the utilities you pay for. If you use more heat in the winter, you’re going to have a bigger bill because you’re consuming finite resources that someone else can’t use. Not so with cable. <br /><br />The more television you watch does not leave less television for someone else.<br /><br />If you use more gas, electricity, or water, you’re consuming resources that someone else can’t use – so individual usage is an important determining factor in establishing the cost.<br /><br />With cable television, this is not the case. There’s a signal pumping 24/7 to your TV whether it’s on or not – and it’s not in danger of running out. There aren’t going to be rolling cable blackouts if too many people tune into American Idol at the same time. Your hometown isn’t going to announce “no cable” hours to conserve television. And you’re certainly not “wasting” cable if you let it run it overnight. Electricity, maybe...but not cable.<br /><br />Cable isn’t a traditionally distributed commodity with a market value based on the amount we use versus the finite amount that is available. And that means the price of cable is almost completely arbitrary! <br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn_RlQEJTutHQ5LUarQZuwp8n0AgmwDSe-yrLpsX_COFZ7Nhus8mgtDtVD8FEOs_O6ojdv1JZEJ6OaU2vgRNzkY_aP4IWzBPIN_7WIrQI4OZ2Kz99ffDdIDzP62NKMOHXTANdf/s1600-h/0524-web-subCABLE.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 350px; height: 396px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn_RlQEJTutHQ5LUarQZuwp8n0AgmwDSe-yrLpsX_COFZ7Nhus8mgtDtVD8FEOs_O6ojdv1JZEJ6OaU2vgRNzkY_aP4IWzBPIN_7WIrQI4OZ2Kz99ffDdIDzP62NKMOHXTANdf/s400/0524-web-subCABLE.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5368497150377800946" /></a>THE COST OF DELIVERING THE WORLD<br />We’re paying for unlimited access to a virtually unlimited resource – and that cost can be whatever the market will bear. Right now, the market is bearing a lot more than it needs to, in my humble opinion. <br /><br />Why do we do it? Why do we let the cable companies fleece us repeatedly month after month? I understand there are hard costs associated with maintaining the infrastructure of the network. But what exactly are those costs?<br /><br />Except in the case of a handful of local cable access channels, cable companies aren’t responsible for creating any of the programming content we watch on television. They just provide the connectivity – that magical switch they can flip without warning from a desk in Mumbai and shut you down instantly if you miss a payment. (Don’t ask me how I know that)<br /><br />Many cable companies use independent contractors to fulfill their installation and service technician needs, while outsourcing their customer service and technical support needs to the Asian subcontinent because it’s marginally cheaper than employing your out-of-work cousin Glen. Maybe if Glen would quit smoking he wouldn’t be so damn expensive to insure. But now I digress…<br /><br />The point is, what kind of operational and infrastructure maintenance costs are really required here? <br /><br />It’s not hard to imagine a company like Comcast employing about 6 people here in the U.S. and running the entire operation out of the back of a pimped out van. What are they are physically providing in exchange for unlimited access to a virtually limitless resource? My home still has the same cables running to it we had last month. And the month before. And the month before that. <br /><br />AN ALTERNATIVE THAT MAKES MORE SENSE<br />Why can’t cable companies bill us for what we use like the rest of the utility companies? Bill me per channel if you want. Or by the hour. At least then I can decide which channels, or which shows, to watch and pay for instead of paying for hundreds of channels that I never asked for, don’t want, and will never watch. <br /><br />Then at least I would have some control over my monthly costs instead of the control I have now: $0 for no service, $60 for basic TV, $100 for expanded TV, $150 for God’s control room.<br /><br />Let me build my own channel line-up. Or give me cable minutes like a cell phone plan. Give me some kind of a billing system that doesn’t make me feel like I’m getting mugged every month.<br /><br />BUT WAIT – THERE’S MORE!<br />Reviewing my bill I also noticed that my cable company makes me pay to rent THEIR video converter boxes, which I need in order to receive their service. That’s like selling someone a car and making them pay extra for the keys...every time they drive it!<br /><br />SO NOW WHAT?<br /><br />Rest assured, the model will be changing again...thanks to the Internet, of course. There are already a handful of sites boasting free television through your computer – one of which I offered earlier. <br /><br />In the same way that companies like Skype are offering FREE phone calls via the Internet (which really works, by the way), it’s only a matter of time before someone figures out a way to deliver the content we crave without the arbitrary and excessive costs meted out by the middle man and his double-dipping accomplices. <br /><br />Until then, however, if we want inside Club Cable, we need to hand that cash to the man at the door...because the government is letting these clowns play unregulated in the oligopoly gardens. <br /><br /><CLICK><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/AYNtK</div>Contact me!http://www.blogger.com/profile/18355579495316555436noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953051.post-23500420925978820592009-07-22T09:07:00.004-05:002009-07-22T15:29:33.154-05:00CONFESSIONS OF A RETIRED SHITSLINGER<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSVqc7PU7JRpRwSEHhUut8a596JyrhhwcfnkJYQ8H5M6GcQ3lBd-iqCGt2ahzRxicqdUXfl4Qtj3ARTo8NYJPJdoyyHSC_t0dG-qSVTmiDmjMS_hOn0l1NdvUeFFe2uqa-UPR7/s1600-h/dogpoop.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 255px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSVqc7PU7JRpRwSEHhUut8a596JyrhhwcfnkJYQ8H5M6GcQ3lBd-iqCGt2ahzRxicqdUXfl4Qtj3ARTo8NYJPJdoyyHSC_t0dG-qSVTmiDmjMS_hOn0l1NdvUeFFe2uqa-UPR7/s400/dogpoop.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5361285965533648370" /></a>I’m a shitslinger. There’s no way around it. I like to sling shit.<br /><br />Literally – not figuratively, metaphorically, or otherwise.<br /><br />Every time I tie up that little blue shit bag, weighted with the warm compact butt nuggets from our well-fed terrier mix, I think about winding that shit up and letting it fly.<br /><br />Is that wrong? Is it, though? <br /><br />Is it really?<br /><br />Let me back up for a moment.<br /><br />When I was 15, growing up in Chicago, I had a very important job. It was my household chore to walk to our family dog – a shepherd collie mix – down three flights of stairs every night, rain or shine, up and down the alley behind our house, until she finally found an agreeable place to plant her signature dogpile.<br /><br />Some nights it would take her two minutes to find that perfect patch of gravelly heaven. Sometimes she’d sniff every split in the pavement, taking 20 minutes or more to identify a shitworthy canvass for those repug-nificent works of arse. <br /><br />Only one thing was certain those nights – when she was done doing her business, I was in the shitslinging business.<br /><br />Back then, they didn’t really have all of these fancy pile-sized "hand" bags that they do these days, so I had to follow her around with a crumpled up plastic grocery bag. Sometimes the bags had holes in them that you couldn’t see in the dim alley light at night, but you were sure to FEEL them if you squeezed the assfruit a smidge too hard.<br /><br />For some reason, when you’re 15, it doesn’t occur to you that slinging shit is a bad idea. You don’t think about where it goes, or who’s going to clean it up later. You just know that it liberates you in some mysterious way. Nope - when you're 15 - slinging shit is a perfectly sane, sensible thing to do because...well, why not? <br /><br />So when my canine companion would finally rise from that signature shit stance, kicking up stones and dust with her hind feet, I’d swoop in with my plastic falcon to swiftly extract the crap from the concrete. In a single motion, I’d deftly pull the bag handles forward, trapping the crap inside the bag, and tie the top into an awkward bunny-eared bow. <br /><br />Making sure the coast was clear, I’d spin a couple times imagining I was an Olympic shitslinger going for the gold. Like a shot putter, or a discus thrower, I’d leverage the momentum of my rotating torso and let that turdpedo soar into the night sky - target unknown.<br /><br />Most of the time I would lose sight of it, a muffled rustle somewhere in the distance confirming that my payload had found purchase, and almost wetting my pants with glee in the process. <br /><br />My parents had no idea I was out slinging shit all over the neighborhood at night, until that fateful Spring morning. My mother screamed my name in a way I knew I had been discovered. I ran to meet her out on our third floor porch. We looked down from our perch at the maze of telephone lines and garbage cans in the back alley.<br /><br />The snow outside had melted overnight after a long, cold winter, revealing a gloriously macabre sight. <br /><br />All up and down the alley, for blocks in both directions, the garage rooftops were dotted with plastic bags of shit. They had frozen in place where they landed, night after night, most standing upright, the handles all tied in tight bows. At a glance, someone might have thought an airplane full of skinny white Easter baskets had airdropped its cargo all over the north side neighborhood.<br /><br />There had to have been a hundred bags of thawing dog shit on those rooftops, if not more.<br /><br />Somehow, my mother had me pegged for a shitslinger, because she knew in an instant that this work had my signature all over it. I could not deny it. I was laughing too hard. I was also grounded for months. And worse – my shitslinging days were all but over.<br /><br />Flash forward to today and I find myself struck by the same impish urge to do something I now recognize is – more than simply mischievous – just plain wrong. Only now my juvenile urges are laced with an unhealthy dose of creativity. <br /><br />As I walk the dog back home, I envision all the “fun” I could have with that tiny blue bag of dog shit. <br /><br />I see the open sunroof of an expensive luxury car and I think, “Time is winding down...he drives, spins, fakes, pivots, fakes again, shoots...it's up and...he SCORES!!” <br /><br />I notice an open window walking past a neighbor’s house at night and wonder how fast I would have to run to escape visual ID after pitching a plastic-wrapped pile of poop onto their dining room table. <br /><br />I look at the mailboxes on the street corner and wonder if the post office would ever be able to return that shit to sender. <br /><br />I see cyclists as moving targets. I see condo balconies as a chance to elevate my game. I see busy intersections as a crap shoot. <br /><br />And I see garbage cans as joining the ranks of adulthood. <br /><br />I know my wife, for one, is thankful I have thus far managed to silence the menace within, surrendering to adulthood night after night, and depositing those little blue bags in the trash where they belong.<br /><br />But that doesn’t stop the shitslinger in me from dreaming. Because every time I tie up that little plastic bag, weighted with those warm compact nuggets from our well-fed terrier mix, the 15 year-old in me remembers the liberation I felt years ago from setting that shit free.<br /><br />Sometimes you just gotta let shit go. It is, after all, the best way to know if that shit's gonna fly.<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/AYNtK</div>Contact me!http://www.blogger.com/profile/18355579495316555436noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953051.post-23449898213317341732009-06-24T14:02:00.003-05:002009-06-24T16:09:06.288-05:00IT'S THE LOGO, STUPIDMy wife is getting a fleet car through work, so we've been looking to sell one of our other vehicles. The fleet car will be nice to have, even if it's not something we would have picked out ourselves.<br /><br />Thinking it through, we understood that it's not mandatory we take the fleet car, but it just wouldn't make much sense to turn down a FREE car - free insurance, free gas, free tolls, free oil changes, free car washes...well, you get the point. <br /><br />So, after about 14 seconds of deep consideration, I elected to say goodbye to my ivory pearl Infiniti G35 and hello to [crowd applauds excitedly] our brand new Ford Fusion! <br /><br />[Crowd quickly quiets, soft whispers and groans continue]<br /><br />Sexy, I know.<br /><br />While I wasn't initially jazzed by the thought of parting with my sporty ride, I knew I would come to appreciate the financial benefit of freedom from car-related expenses. As you are likely aware, car costs can really add up - and getting rid of that steep monthly payment will be like finding cash in a paper bag on our doorstep every month (minus the sideways glances up and down the block as you spirit quickly back inside with the dough).<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiw1zQcJXCxtdXShq-olUuQ7BM4HjHvRCxXEJXTL5EscjH6BEgMcIynclnS3IcEpFByo9ilrftJxp_8n3qpsmmNCUPZIAcHrznR63iqPP5ZpkvHkJsogYdxO_JI2l8P2y0XTLnU/s1600-h/ford20logo1.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiw1zQcJXCxtdXShq-olUuQ7BM4HjHvRCxXEJXTL5EscjH6BEgMcIynclnS3IcEpFByo9ilrftJxp_8n3qpsmmNCUPZIAcHrznR63iqPP5ZpkvHkJsogYdxO_JI2l8P2y0XTLnU/s400/ford20logo1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5350995849267038418" /></a>Still, there's been something about the Ford Fusion that hasn't exactly stirred up a whole lot of excitement in me. It's a brand new car, I keep telling myself. It's going to have a sunroof and play MP3 files and smell like heaven's foyer. <br /><br />Why aren't I more excited about this?<br /><br />I started noticing Ford Fusions on the road this week and thinking, "That's not so bad, is it?" And it really wasn't. In fact, sometimes I'd see a pretty sharp looking car and think, "I really like that car!" before realizing it was a Ford. <br /><br />Funny how much something as small as a logo can influence our feeling about something.<br /><br />And that's when it dawned on me. It's the brand, silly! The "Ford" name does not live in that part of my brain where I store all of the cool stuff, like "iPhone," "Banana Republic," and, "Infiniti." <br /><br />Why is that? How did Ford end up in the anti-cool bin? Out of curiosity, and while I was waiting for the longest red light in the world to turn green, I began a thought exercise in which I mentally replaced the Ford logo - that hideous, outdated script font inside a blue oval - with an Infiniti logo. <br /><br />BAM! Just like that, the "Infiniti" Fusion was one sweet-ass set of wheels. <br /><br />I immediately wondered if the folks at Ford had figured this out yet - that they could probably increase sales among key American demographics (i.e. people who buy cars) simply by replacing their logo with a new symbol of some kind. Sure, there's brand equity in that logo...but with what demographic? And aren't those people too old to drive anyhow?<br /><br />This is the power of branding, as they say. So much of the focus in marketing over the past 15 years has been on building strong brands so that people recognize you and know what you're all about. But what happens when people recognize you and associate you with "inferior, uncool product"? <br /><br />I personally don't dislike the Ford brand - I just don't FEEL like driving any of their cars when I see that logo. <br /><br />When I see a BMW, Audi, or Acura logo, on the other hand, my eyes turn green and I start salivating. Slap one of those logos on a rusty tractor and I'm sold...because the feeling I get when I see those brands makes me want to drive whatever it is they're putting on the road.<br /><br />I recently read that one of the keys to companies turning around the American automaker market will be building better products that people want. But I'm in marketing, and the fact is there are a lot of people out there who don't know what they want until someone tells them. Product is only one of the 4 P's.<br /><br />In my opinion, the recovery is going to require a major reprogramming of a few brand platforms until labels like Chevy and Ford no longer trigger a sensation of nausea. They need to become symbols of innovation, evolution, and rebirth. <br /><br />From the ashes, a phoenix rises. A Phord Phoenix.<br /><br />If I'm in charge of Ford, I start with the logo. Right now. That logo is toast. It's time for a 21st century look for a 21st century carmaker. I've been told that the 2010 Fusion is actually a decent machine, but too many people (like me) won't be able to see past that logo. <br /><br />And come to think of it, the Ford name should probably go, too. <br /><br />How about Fjord, instead? That has a nice European sound to it, no? The 2010 Fjord Fjusion is one sleek and sexy ride. <br /><br />I'M SOLD!<br /><br />I would like to close this post with a wee bit of Brady wisdom for the brand executives at Ford.<br /><br />As Peter and the other Brady kids once belted out, "When it's time to change you've got to rearrange...move your heart to what you're gonna be."<br /><br />So what are you gonna be?<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/AYNtK</div>Contact me!http://www.blogger.com/profile/18355579495316555436noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953051.post-77550495041984041572009-06-18T09:47:00.003-05:002009-06-18T10:03:58.684-05:00THE TWITTER STAMPEDEInteractive advertising "Admaven" Nicholas Kinports says "Everybody Hates Social Media." It's <a href="http://twurl.nl/m1phfq">a good post</a> that discusses some observations in the marketplace regarding trends in the promotion of social media marketing.<br /><br />I replied to his post with my observations, and build upon them here for further discussion.<br /><br />**********************<br />RE: Everybody Hates Social Media<br /><br />I sense that a lot of companies and clients are just now becoming curious about social media marketing because the traditional media din has been deafening. CNN reports, newsprint articles, and online columns have been hammering the business community with forecasts for a “new age” in marketing where consumers are calling the shots – and social media is the best/only way to reach them.<br /><br />This has a lot of marketing folks scrambling to take action fast, so as not to get left behind. But in the rush to Twitter and Facebook, I think they’re missing out on something fundamental to marketing of any kind: strategic planning. First, many are simply new to the idea and don’t yet fully understand the potential value in social media marketing. I would recommend these people become familiar with its nuances on a personal level so they can identify potential business applications for the medium. Having someone explain to you how it works can only produce a dim glimmer in the lightbulb above your head.<br /><br />Second, once there is a better understanding of how people interact in these popular communities, I think there must be time set aside for the development of a coherent plan and strategy for integrating social media efforts with existing and planned initiatives across channels. In other words, you can't just start Twittering and expect a return on the investment. You have to strategically build it into the mix.<br /><br />I don’t personally hate social media, but I do believe ubiquitous media coverage is inciting an online stampede of well-intended marketers destined to get it all wrong. Like anything, taking the time to get it right, which can also mean spending the money, can pay huge dividends down the road.<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/AYNtK</div>Contact me!http://www.blogger.com/profile/18355579495316555436noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953051.post-48369093227593334092009-05-08T09:30:00.002-05:002009-05-08T09:37:24.881-05:00EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT SURVIVING THE RECESSION I LEARNED WATCHING SURVIVOR<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGPHVxavtng9wJu0rzfifsCPS-zsSFImNqZwi49O5raJneUzGGyoXysFcJfXttYxNiEBrzAFeqssEx_M62rH0rfSAE74bhA2KzUZ6w6xOUhl2xNPlLwT6Hdb1qZyP_6goqpdvW/s1600-h/Survivor.borneo.logo.png"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 262px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGPHVxavtng9wJu0rzfifsCPS-zsSFImNqZwi49O5raJneUzGGyoXysFcJfXttYxNiEBrzAFeqssEx_M62rH0rfSAE74bhA2KzUZ6w6xOUhl2xNPlLwT6Hdb1qZyP_6goqpdvW/s400/Survivor.borneo.logo.png" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5333462187319377106" /></a><br />Even while there are signs the economy is improving, the job market is anticipated to be among the last to rebound. That means continued job hemorrhaging is likely in the months ahead. As companies of all sizes look for ways to cut costs but cutting people, I look to Survivor (as I so often do) for some tips to avoid the chopping block. <br /><br />Here are the Top 10 Survivor tips for surviving the recession:<br /><br />10.) MAKE FRIENDS – Nobody likes the grumpy guy who complains about everything and never goes out drinking with the crew. If you’re bad for morale, you’re an easy cut. Play nice with others and you’ll make it to the final nine.<br /><br />9.) CATCH FISH OR MAKE FIRE – Be valuable. Even the most adored contestants wear their welcomes thin by lazing about. In business as in Survivor, your special skills will get you every bit as far, if not farther, than your personality.<br /><br />8.) WIN CHALLENGES – If you want layoff immunity, you’re going to have to fight for it and there are plenty of everyday workplace challenges that will give you an opportunity to shine. Be the first one in every morning. Fill up the paper tray. Run that presentation to Kinko’s at the 11th hour. If someone’s going home, it won’t be you.<br /><br />7.) FLY UNDER THE RADAR – Use discretion. Don’t leave your resume laying on the photocopier. Stop humming obscure showtunes in your cube. Log out of your Facebook account when you break for lunch so people don’t see that you’re “hardly working again – I love my job.” Shower. The obnoxious players who stick out as oddballs or anti-establishment are always among the first to get the boot.<br /><br />6.) FORM AN ALLIANCE – Stay close to the office untouchables to become untouchable yourself. Buddy up at lunch. Carpool. Walk to the train. Get to know and trust key people and you’ll have extra ears and eyes to alert you when the whispering begins. You’ll also have advocates and allies to defend your reputation at senior leadership's tribal council.<br /><br />5.) KNOW THE PLAN – How many times have we seen the Survivor folks smugly strutting about camp just hours before getting the axe? They feel safe and invincible in their naïveté, but the fact is if you don’t know what the plan is, you’re probably not part of it. Get involved, stay active, and don’t take your position for granted.<br /><br />4.) LEAD AND FOLLOW – Strike a balance between teamwork and leadership. It’s good to follow direction, but order-takers are easily replaced. You need to show initiative, too. Step up your efforts and prove your ideas have merit. Just don’t come on too strong because nobody likes a bossy barker. Congratulations – you just made top 3.<br /> <br />3.) SHARE YOUR REWARDS – Generosity can take you a long way – in Survivor and in life. You definitely want people saying nice things about you behind your back. When you receive credit or praise for a job well done, make sure to acknowledge the support of your co-workers, and the expert guidance of your superiors.<br /><br />2.) HUMILITY OVER HUBRIS – If you’re among the fortunate few to make it to the end, there’s one final hurdle to clear: your peers. Remember all those coworkers you lied to, misled, and stabbed in the back to keep your job? Don’t brag about how smart you are for outlasting them all. Acknowledge their misfortune, be sympathetic to their plight, and win them over with your character. You’ll gain votes of confidence from these people for life.<br /><br />1.) THE GAME EVENTUALLY ENDS – This is important to keep in mind wherever you go and whatever you do. Some people feel like it’s the end of the world when they hear those dreaded words: “Corporate has spoken…it’s time to go home. Grab your stuff.” But NOTHING is permanent in today’s business world. The marketplace is in constant flux, so if you’re not the sole survivor this time, take your experience down the street and apply to be on the Apprentice.<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/AYNtK</div>Contact me!http://www.blogger.com/profile/18355579495316555436noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953051.post-10791173866624401082009-05-02T09:46:00.001-05:002009-05-02T09:46:59.671-05:00THE CONCEPT GARDENSo often in advertising we talk about "the big idea." It's the traditional brainstorm session kickoff question: What's the big idea? What is the concept that's going to sell this product or service? What is the angle here? How are we going to get noticed? What's going to make people say, "Aha! I totally get it...that's cool"?<br /><br />In my experience, the big idea always starts out as a page or two of small ideas. Silly ideas. Stupid ideas. Ridiculous ideas that "they'll never go for." One of those ideas, of course, becomes the big idea.<br /><br />I've always been the idea guy. Working at small creative agencies my whole career, I've been responsible for coming up with thousands of ideas. Television and radio concepts. Dimensional direct mail campaigns. One-off print ads. Outdoor campaigns. Promotional themes. Interactive presentations. Communications and contact strategies.<br /><br />Most of my ideas were never executed. That's just the way it works. And the ones that ARE executed are seldom the best ones - at least in my humble opinion. But that doesn't matter so long as clients are pleased with the creative product, and that they work - driving awareness, interest, desire, and action. It is all about client satisfaction, after all. In that sense, the "best" idea is the one the client buys.<br /><br />When a good idea doesn't work, it's seldom the fault of the creative. It's usually under-funded, watered down, or paired with a poor list. A lot of clients don't understand that about creative marketing. Just because you have a great idea doesn't mean it's going to work. It needs to be supported financially. That means spending the money to have it professionally produced and properly promoted. The integrity of the concept needs to be protected. That means resisting the urge to make sweeping, often unnecessary changes that compromise the appeal and effectiveness of the idea. And a good idea needs to be paired with sound marketing data. That means having a clean customer list, a solid media strategy, and/or the benefit of current market research to give your good idea a great chance to connect with your top prospects.<br /><br />Coming up with a big idea can take 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days, or 5 weeks. It's hard to provide a reliable estimate since it's impossible to know how long it will take. When I'm about to start a project, people ask me, "So, when do you think we'll have something to look at?" The answer, of course, is sometime between now and never. I usually error on the side of now. It's better for business. But clients always want a firm date, so I give them one as a stake in the ground. Still, it's important to recognize that building ideas is not like building a deck. You're not assembling material pieces in the physical world. You're trying to herd thoughts as they run wild in your imagination. It's not like picking up lumber at Home Depot.<br /><br />If the stars align properly, I may just stumble upon something brilliant before lunch. If my creativity is blocked, on the other hand, it could be a few days before I have anything to share. That's the nature of the work. I always have something, though. Even if I know it's not the world's greatest concept, I know it will be effective. And that's the line we have to walk sometimes: profitability in the creative department is often the difference between good and good enough.<br /><br />Which is tough for me because I'm a perfectionist. At least when it comes to creative ideas. I am never satisfied with my concepts and usually spend way more time than the budget allows for in concept creation development. Creative thinking is the fun part, and I like presenting options. My approach is to come up with as many ideas as I can instead of focusing in on one or two. I've found that it's not safe to get attached a couple of ideas - you need to start with a handful of solid possibilities and let the cream rise to the top. Plus, you need to pump out a few mediocre concepts before you can get to the really good stuff.<br /><br />The final phase is collaboration. This is where you gather people in a room (or on the phone) to brainstorm. We talk ideas. We discuss options. We consider alternatives. We play things out in our minds. We vote. We marry concepts. We eliminate the impossible and the ridiculous. We vote again. The collaboration process eventually gives birth to what will become the big idea. It is still an infant at this stage. It needs nourishment and a lot of attention. But before you know it, there it is: the big idea.<br /><br />If you ever need a big idea, I recommend starting with a page or two of small ideas. Silly. Stupid. Ridiculous. This is where big ideas begin, planted small in the fertile fields of an endless concept garden.<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/AYNtK</div>Contact me!http://www.blogger.com/profile/18355579495316555436noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953051.post-25813056729493399822009-04-06T07:59:00.003-05:002009-04-06T08:21:13.179-05:00DUMBEST GAME EVER ALSO A LOT OF FUNThe following is a review of the dice game "LCR" I posted on Amazon earlier this week. In case you haven't picked up your set yet, I thought I would advise...<br /><br />Dumbest Game Ever Also a Lot of Fun, April 6, 2009<br /><br />Durability: 5.0 out of 5 stars <br />Fun: 4.0 out of 5 stars <br />Educational: 1.0 out of 5 stars <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDGuzucL-Iui1ShynN3SKgHW30bbhQpXfzd7wKzDIbnr_XJDFl-Yd4OVbksH_3B0OgkeF93TizUG8tm2EdmIxi7Y300tBCJRIajEqqKwvxp9ASTGaVfQ5hH9-jrP7amwP_2HuN/s1600-h/lcr.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDGuzucL-Iui1ShynN3SKgHW30bbhQpXfzd7wKzDIbnr_XJDFl-Yd4OVbksH_3B0OgkeF93TizUG8tm2EdmIxi7Y300tBCJRIajEqqKwvxp9ASTGaVfQ5hH9-jrP7amwP_2HuN/s400/lcr.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5321563191515168274" /></a><br /><br /><br />This game requires so little brainpower it may be possible to play in your sleep...or possibly while driving (but you didn't read that here). <br /><br />If you're looking for something challenging, strategic, or mind-bending, this is NOT it. LCR ranks right up there with "War" for the most mindless recreational games of all time.<br /><br />That said, the game can also be a lot of fun *IF* you play it with something besides the thin plastic wafer chips that come with the game. I would NEVER advocate gambling with your children, but we do find that if you substitute pocket change for the chips (quarters work best, not surprisingly), the level of interest and excitement skyrockets. Incidentally, if you are playing with adults, a currency less round has the similar effect. <br /><br />As it happens, games of skill and strategy are fun to play in and of themselves, and on the merit of besting someone at something - outwitting, or outperforming a competitor. Games of chance, however, are only fun if there's a "chance" you will lose your shirt...or potentially win someone else's, which, as those of us who have ever been to Las Vegas know all too well, is less often the case.<br /><br />A normal LCR game functions like this: You roll the special dice, reallocate your "chips" based on the roll, and pass the dice to the next person who does the same. There are no strategic decisions to make. There are no game-altering "reverses" or "switch chips with the person on your left" commands or cards to add interest. Only three dice and a series of reallocation rolls. I imagine government money is distributed in the same fashion.<br /><br />So how do you win? One of the sides of the dice has a big "C" on it. This stands for for Center. The L and the R, as you may have guessed, stand for Left and Right. Eventually, after the dice have taken a number of tours around the table, all of the "chips" will end up in a big pile in the center. The last person left with a chip/coin/finski wins the middle pile. There are a number of variations on this simple theme, but I'm sure you get the gist of it. Roll and do what the dice tell you to.<br /><br />There are no decisions to make, only rules to follow, so the game is essentially a dumbed-down crap shoot. It's not educational in the least, if that is important to you, but perhaps for the simple lesson that, if you are playing with "chip" substitutes, you may learn that games of chance don't usually end well. In fact, most of the people at the table end up losing. I suppose there is something to be learned from that if your children are using their own money. But we usually end up bankrolling our kids, which ends up bankrupting us after a couple of rounds.<br /><br />If the game doesn't sound all that exciting from this review, I apologize for the lackluster tone. I personally prefer games of strategy and skill to games of chance. Still, LCR is a wonderful way to get the family all gathered around a table for a couple of hours of laughter and togetherness. Some people really get anxious toward the end, screaming on every toss as the final chips are making their way to the center pile. The people you play with will determine whether this is a fun game, and the people we play with make it so every time. Plus, I'm usually pretty self-medicated on cheap red by the time we break out the LCR, so it ends up being about the perfect speed.<br /><br />For the relatively low price of the dice, you get hours of mindless family fun in a portable plastic tube. Definitely worth the investment in my book, and worth a closer look. If you're interested, you can buy them online - just run a search on Amazon or Google for "LCR." They're also available in a number of specialty games stores.<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/AYNtK</div>Contact me!http://www.blogger.com/profile/18355579495316555436noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953051.post-44728272524656026552009-02-15T10:20:00.002-06:002009-02-15T10:50:47.813-06:00DON'T BE HATIN'I used to love reading The Drudge Report. There was just something about it.<br /><br />It looked and felt markedly different than the traditional news media outlets, and I liked that. It had this underground, organic appeal that made me feel like I was special somehow...privy to insider information. Silly, I know, considering the website is one of the most widely visited pages on the Internet.<br /><br />For me, for years, The Drudge Report was the quickest way to download the daily zeitgeist, and I was addicted to its easy-access format. I just loved the way the news was laid out…a single page, loaded with links, each custom-crafted headline contributing to a real-time commentary on the world. And that trademark black, bold headline in the center of the stark white page with a single photo calling attention to biggest breaking news story.<br /><br />Yes, I used to love Drudge. *sigh*<br /><br />These days, the site’s primary focus, as far as I can tell at a glance, which is all I can manage to give Drudge these days, is the pernicious denigration and humiliation of the Obama Administration. <br /><br />And Obama hasn’t done anything yet! <br /><br />He hasn’t had the time in office to eloquently mispronounce common words. He hasn’t had the occasion to treat our nation’s most sacred documents with contempt and disregard. He hasn’t invested the energy in defouling our reputation abroad. He hasn’t committed American blood and billions to the preemptive invasion of non-threatening sovereign nations. He simply hasn’t earned the disrespect Drudge shamelessly dishes day after nauseating day. <br /><br />For heaven's sake, the man hasn't even choked on a pretzel.<br /><br />All he DID do was win an election. And not by a small amount. <br /><br />Ever since, and in fact for months leading up to his election and subsequent inauguration, Drudge's carefully written headlines have mocked the popular politician's every step in Washington, in a way we would have expected them to mock our previous President – a man who truly earned, and history may decide DESERVED, the sharp criticism he received. <br /><br />Yes, the agenda is clear. To promote disdain for the progressive. To promote distrust of populism. To execute a smear campaign one headline at a time – each spitefully crafted phrase promoting a subtext of disharmony and a spirit of divisiveness.<br /><br />All of the bitching and moaning is unbecoming of Drudge. And, frankly, from someone who had considered himself a fan and loyal follower, I find it a little embarrassing. I used to browse the Report with enthusiasm. These days I am almost too ashamed to keep it in my bookmarks toolbar. It no longer represents me, or the world I want to live in. <br /><br />What has Obama done but inspired millions of uninspired Americans? What has he done but made history by overcoming great odds and cultural adversity? What has he done but pledged to defend the widely cherished democratic beliefs that have been silenced for too long? What has he done but risen to the occasion – to act with swiftness in addressing our nation’s most destabilizing economic crisis since the great depression?<br /><br />Don't take my word for it. I encourage you to judge for yourself. Visit Drudge now. See what Drudge is calling “news” these days. See what millions are digesting as the same. Headlines about Obama bumping his head on Air Force One, promoting socialism, controlling the media, and being an elitist. <br /><br />What does it benefit America to hope for our President’s failings at a time we as a people are failing? Failing to make the grade. Failing to become energy independent. Failing to hold corporate entities accountable for the havoc they have wreaked on the working class. Failing to afford basic health care to all Americans. Failing to recognize that in helping those who need help, we are also helping ourselves. After eight years of failed leadership, why wish and hope for more?<br /><br />Instead of becoming a mouthpiece of hatred and malcontent, Drudge, I would have you deeply consider the words of a man whose positive ideals and values changed the course of human history: Mahatma Gandhi. <br /><br />“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” <br /><br />Be a force for good. Promote the positive. Sell success. Tell the story of our common struggles - those we all must overcome.<br /><br />Or, at the very least, in the urban parlance of our trying times, give us all a break and for Criminy's sake, man, “Don’t be hatin’.”<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/AYNtK</div>Contact me!http://www.blogger.com/profile/18355579495316555436noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953051.post-82592869969000119522009-02-09T08:21:00.002-06:002009-02-09T08:25:01.191-06:00THIS DEAD HORSE IS HARD TO BEATI often wonder who sits around and comes up with these modern day e-mail parables. I get a handful of them every week and some are pretty damn amusing, like the one I'll share today. Thanks to Robert Earl for sending my way.<br /><br />*************<br /><br />The Dead Horse<br /><br /><br />Young Chuck in Montana bought a horse from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day.<br /><br />The next day he drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news... the horse died."<br /><br />Chuck replied, "Well, then just give me my money back."<br /><br />The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."<br /><br />Chuck said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse."<br /><br />The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"<br /><br />Chuck said, "I'm going to raffle him off."<br /><br />The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead horse!"<br /><br />Chuck said, "Sure I can, watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."<br /><br />A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked,"What happened with that dead horse?"<br /><br />Chuck said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998."<br /><br />The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"<br /><br />Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."<br /><br />Chuck grew up and now works for the government. He was the one who figured out how to "bail us out."<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/AYNtK</div>Contact me!http://www.blogger.com/profile/18355579495316555436noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953051.post-70921860650652797822009-02-03T13:30:00.004-06:002009-02-03T14:07:25.351-06:00WELL THAT'S NEWS TO ME!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDHG4L4AnDzqEsfpU2QmBI9gJyZvw-YfGfCCCwITnd_U5G6ZwoKswKVxhdX_AGYeR5LObKCZT2QTWUgHRWbF7N37iI8y09jn2ZYD4HzTDdOLPIrOQqV0pe5ymV4a5hVZz11TwU/s1600-h/logo_square_200px.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDHG4L4AnDzqEsfpU2QmBI9gJyZvw-YfGfCCCwITnd_U5G6ZwoKswKVxhdX_AGYeR5LObKCZT2QTWUgHRWbF7N37iI8y09jn2ZYD4HzTDdOLPIrOQqV0pe5ymV4a5hVZz11TwU/s400/logo_square_200px.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5298655959503686690" /></a>A new “blogging” newspaper has a lot of traditional journalists and news industry folks riled up – and for good reason. It stands to challenge the entire concept of what constitutes a newspaper. Or even – dare I suggest it – news itself!<br /><br />If you haven’t heard about it yet, there’s a new print publication called “THE PRINTED BLOG.” It launched in Chicago and San Francisco a few weeks ago as, for now, a weekly roundup of stories and columns harvested from the Internet and printed for your browsing pleasure on paper. <br /><br />Yes, someone is actually distributing WEB content in newspaper format. That’s so daringly against-the-grain it's news in and of itself.<br /><br />As a proud contributor to the inaugural issue of THE PRINTED BLOG, I feel obliged to clear the air a bit in regard to what some might consider the generous use of the term “newspaper” in describing a publication like this one. And I’d like to start by asking a simple question.<br /><br />What IS news?<br /><br />It is likely safe to say that most people think of news as the information they read in the newspaper, or the stories they hear about on the nightly, ahem, news.<br /><br />But just because you put syrup on something, doesn’t make it pancakes. I’m not entirely sure what I mean by that, either – but it has a nice ring to it. Bear with me for a moment, I’m blogging here.<br /><br />News isn’t news because it’s on the nightly news or printed in a newspaper. News is the CONTENT – the information that is, in essence, “new” to you. And news can arrive in many forms.<br /><br />News can be delivered by a friend over the phone, as in: “Did you hear the good news? Jack IS the father!”<br /><br />News can come by way of a stranger in person:“Bad news, man. We ran out of the strawberry frosted ten minutes ago.”<br /><br />News can be silent. No news is good news, as they say. Especially in places like the Middle East where news is too often accompanied by a body count.<br /><br />And if you happen to hear about something twice, well, that’s OLD news.<br /><br />Print newspapers and the nightly news shows are merely VEHICLES for delivering information, but over decades have become synonymous with “news.” What we’ve seen in recent years is a steady decline in readership and ratings thanks to the immediate and constant availability of information online. It’s simply an easier, faster way to access information you want.<br /><br />You don’t have to wait for your morning paper or the news at 11 to find out what’s going on in the world. You have only to click and browse, at your convenience, any of myriad “news” resources. And that’s been bad news for the print newspaper industry in particular.<br /><br />Still, traditional newspaper publications are far from obsolete. I, for one, still pay to have the Chicago Tribune delivered to my front doorstep each morning. I use it to browse car ads when I’m in the market, find local sales, read the amusing opinions of outspoken sports columnists, clip coupons, fill out crossword puzzles and sudoku grids, skim headlines for items of interest, and admire the photography. <br /><br />I also use the newspaper to soak up slush from my winter boots, pack glassware for safer transport, cover my tabletop for messy projects like gutting pumpkins, and to commemorate special dates in history, such as the election of our nation’s first African-American president.<br /><br />For me – and millions of other subscribers – the newspaper experience isn’t about getting news. It’s about the paper itself. It’s about the collection of rituals that make subscribing still worth it. It's about the act of holding and opening and folding over pages.<br /><br />For my news fix, I have a dozen or so favorite websites bookmarked for up-to-the-minute updates on the world. By the time I pull the morning paper out of its plastic sheath, I’m usually well briefed on the day’s happenings.<br /><br />When Founder of THE PRINTED BLOG, Josh Karp, first told me he was creating the “Newspaper for the next hundred years,” I winced. Blogs are hardly newsworthy, at least in the way we think about news. Too many blogs are jumbled, grammatically challenged ramblings of people channeling their energies in unproductive ways. But not all blogs. Some blogs are insightful, entertaining, intriguing, enlightening, and informational. <br /><br />Perhaps most importantly, the content is NEW. It's fresh. It's unlike anything else the MSM is promoting these days. I just saw the same story on the midday news that I heard in the car on the way to work, the same story I read online earlier this morning that will be covered in the paper I'll open when I get home tonight. Ho hum.<br /><br />News is everywhere, and it's largely the SAME. THE PRINTED BLOG may not be considered news by traditional standards, but it sure is new. And if it's new...well, that's news to me.<br /><br />Karp is probably the last person to call the content for his publication “news.” He refers to it, simply, as content. Because he sees the newspaper for what it truly is, and that’s whatever people choose to do with it. The medium, you see, is the message.<br /><br />This observation is not beside the point, because the publication's model calls for an unprecedented level of reader engagement in the not-so-distant future: self-selection of content by community, facilitated online, and replicated all over the country for a custom publication unlike any other.<br /><br />It may not deliver what many would consider news, but THE PRINTED BLOG is definitely a newspaper. It delivers the experience of physical interaction with information, much of which will be “new” to the reader. <br /><br />Will it follow AP style and aspire to uphold traditional journalistic standards? Not likely. This is, after all, the first print publication dedicated to capturing the essence of the wild, wild, web. In case you haven’t noticed, standards are a little different online. Not lower, necessarily. Just different. I’m not a huge fan of the abandonment of punctuation, but then many consider Joyce’s syntax-challenged “Ulysses” a thought-provoking work of art. Like THE PRINTED BLOG, it is what people say it is. <br /><br />I have just one final note for journalism's old guard. Look closely at the word “journalism” and you’ll find it starts with a peculiar word – Journal. Defined, a Journal is quite simply “a diary: a daily written record of (usually personal) experiences and observations.” <br /><br />Sure sounds like a blog to me.<br /><br />I do understand the misnomer of “newspaper” may not work for some, but the term is much broader than the delivery of presumed-objective content subjectively deemed important by editorial organizations with established beliefs and opinions about the world. In fact, I might submit that THE PRINTED BLOG is closer to the soul of true journalism than anything broadcast on the Fox News Channel. That's in my humble opinion, of course. Or, I should say, in the parlance of our age, imho.<br /><br />This newspaper is about giving people what they want. <br /><br />Choices. Flexibility. Relevance. Entertainment. Information. A vehicle for self-expression. <br /><br />It's also a snapshot of the zeitgeist. <br /><br />The way I see it, if the content is interesting and relevant, the paper easy to carry and share, and I can gut a pumpkin on it, count me in.<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/AYNtK</div>Contact me!http://www.blogger.com/profile/18355579495316555436noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953051.post-91603202564172796502009-02-02T11:04:00.003-06:002009-02-02T11:07:40.211-06:00HOW TO STOP BADVERTISINGOn the heels of advertising's biggest day (Super Bowl Sunday!), I wanted to share a little insight regarding the process. <br /><br />Our clients do not make it easy, as illustrated in this classic clip. Sometimes a bad ad isn't the advertiser's fault. Most of the time, in fact, bad advertising is a function of how the client relationship works. They're cutting the checks, after all.<br /><br />This clip is billed as a parody, but it's "spot on." Captures the aggravating nuances of an industry on the border of art and science.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwqPYeTSYng">WATCH IT HERE</a>.<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/AYNtK</div>Contact me!http://www.blogger.com/profile/18355579495316555436noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953051.post-58490807074671864662009-02-02T09:52:00.001-06:002009-02-02T09:52:37.134-06:00IN TRANSITION<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpAMO6ai_P2znVfXxQtMM3sg4Hg2nL2FbOGu8BuGnheAw9rUzhNalhgFh0rV50CQbmDb8Gxd-vu5eeB43ZOX-Ffs7LwUq5uhEGEj8QV4q8Fo1wRH5RVoXZuQc0CYxFCkvFWSv0/s1600-h/download-1.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 109px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpAMO6ai_P2znVfXxQtMM3sg4Hg2nL2FbOGu8BuGnheAw9rUzhNalhgFh0rV50CQbmDb8Gxd-vu5eeB43ZOX-Ffs7LwUq5uhEGEj8QV4q8Fo1wRH5RVoXZuQc0CYxFCkvFWSv0/s400/download-1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5298228446035571010" /></a><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/AYNtK</div>Contact me!http://www.blogger.com/profile/18355579495316555436noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953051.post-2133447185831130832009-02-02T08:14:00.002-06:002009-02-02T08:23:11.848-06:00SUPERB BOWL COMMERCIALSIn case you missed any of the action last night, <a href="http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1874549_1874552,00.html?xid=newsletter-daily">here's a link to the Super Bowl ads</a>. <br /><br />It's thorough, and they're graded. I tend to agree with the assessments here. Overall, a rebound for the advertising industry compared to recent years. There were a number of real winners. My favorites were Bud Light's man flying out of the office window, the Teleflora flowers spot, Cars.com's well crafted story, and Doritos' crystal ball.<br /><br />As for the game, I am still in shock that the NFL would allow that game to expire without reviewing that final turnover, which was clearly an incomplete pass. But that missed call was the punctuation mark on an overall poorly officiated game. One Steelers drive was buoyed by three personal foul calls, two of which fall into the "this game couldn't possibly be fixed, could it?" category.<br /><br />No, I don't believe in conspiracies like that. But then, how can the replay booth not take a look at a critical, pivotal final turnover with just :15 left in the game? <br /><br />FAIL.<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/AYNtK</div>Contact me!http://www.blogger.com/profile/18355579495316555436noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953051.post-45826506926003128772009-01-26T12:06:00.001-06:002009-01-26T12:08:17.955-06:00HORES WHISPERINGThanks to Ed (among others) for passing along this reminder that spelling matters.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin-QnrL0o_honZ-G8h1ToivYpQioNIU9PGjOy0yflTQTRgQ9w55Fxmq2YzUDhocs4LBaTUzOMxQfcOxwbFHY5GWZ7PKHTFI5wEKr-sG-GXeemasU3pjCW2YowAagjH2BRpjY-g/s1600-h/Spelling.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 297px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin-QnrL0o_honZ-G8h1ToivYpQioNIU9PGjOy0yflTQTRgQ9w55Fxmq2YzUDhocs4LBaTUzOMxQfcOxwbFHY5GWZ7PKHTFI5wEKr-sG-GXeemasU3pjCW2YowAagjH2BRpjY-g/s400/Spelling.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5295665424386906402" /></a><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/AYNtK</div>Contact me!http://www.blogger.com/profile/18355579495316555436noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953051.post-26098890497229811882009-01-15T12:05:00.003-06:002009-01-15T12:19:06.579-06:00THE BITTER COLDYou know what? It’s cold outside. <br /><br />Big whoop.<br /><br />That’s life, people. Sometimes it’s hot. Sometimes it’s cold. And sometimes you step outside in your boxer shorts to get the paper and think, “This is nice.”<br /><br />Everywhere you turn the story is all about the weather. Coldest in a decade. Sub-zero temperatures. Brutal windchills drop to 30 below. Windburn. Frostbite. Hypothermia! <br /><br />So what are we going to do? Stay inside? <br /><br />No! Say it with me. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6NrZNQug9SyyNW3pXCEbKrFCfJDR-yDD3rcHycTxg6JqOXjgTv-FxX9Jj5JmjvLtzG7QM8ttYmA59qnhb0yf_GKmlEYArK-dI3aRCnyfWm2NYcboHDyHkk-d6ySPK1B9V0Mh1/s1600-h/070205_chicago_cold_hmed_3p.h2.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 270px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6NrZNQug9SyyNW3pXCEbKrFCfJDR-yDD3rcHycTxg6JqOXjgTv-FxX9Jj5JmjvLtzG7QM8ttYmA59qnhb0yf_GKmlEYArK-dI3aRCnyfWm2NYcboHDyHkk-d6ySPK1B9V0Mh1/s400/070205_chicago_cold_hmed_3p.h2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5291585980673192562" /></a>We’re going to put on our hats and gloves – just like we would if it were 10 degrees. Or 20. Or 30. Or 40, some of us. And we’re going to man up (or woman up, as the case may be). We’re going to shovel off our stairs. We’re going to scrape off our windshields. We’re going to get on with life.<br /><br />If the news media weren’t reporting that it was so cold outside, do you know what you’d do? You’d put on more clothes. Somehow, we know when to put on more clothes. Like the native American Indians living in the northern plains for centuries knew to bundle up when that Arctic wind would come rolling through with a wintry vengeance, we know. <br /><br />People have been living with cold for a long time. This is not the first time it has been cold. In fact, I seem to remember it being pretty damn cold in the not so distant past – a period historians are now referring to as LAST WINTER.<br /><br />Cold weather in winter is not news. WARM weather in winter would be news. Then you’d have all these climate “experts” on television talking up global warming and citing the weather as evidence of a trend toward impending disaster. No one’s giving airtime to those cats these days, and they probably wouldn’t want it. Hard to pitch the dangers of melting ice caps with ice chunks stuck in your eyelashes.<br /><br />For the record, I do believe in global warming.<br /><br />But I also believe in global cooling. And right, now, this spot of the globe is definitely cooling. I don’t need meteorologists, special interest groups, news media, or even a thermometer to tell me that. All I need is to walk out onto my front porch in my boxers to get my paper. <br /><br />“Nope…this is NOT nice. This is ice." <br /><br />Better double up on the socks today.<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/AYNtK</div>Contact me!http://www.blogger.com/profile/18355579495316555436noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953051.post-88382546620213416872009-01-15T11:29:00.007-06:002009-01-15T11:42:15.461-06:00GREAT MOMENTS IN HUMAN CREATIVITY<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit0rbIl6gnrClIfHG-8sPPdsJI9u637ZIb4ZF2a-L5k1BqtuJ1uFIyBYKUNIWg3jKejTnHTJd-OTnXSxlj-5x1LYJE3ezvqBz_xcqXdMHJ3NzTKzZOU8Us0qBYL505JFrvxq5r/s1600-h/Unknown-1.jpeg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 266px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit0rbIl6gnrClIfHG-8sPPdsJI9u637ZIb4ZF2a-L5k1BqtuJ1uFIyBYKUNIWg3jKejTnHTJd-OTnXSxlj-5x1LYJE3ezvqBz_xcqXdMHJ3NzTKzZOU8Us0qBYL505JFrvxq5r/s400/Unknown-1.jpeg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5291574301362330626" /></a>This is what a little creativity can do for your next party.<br /><br />That's a cake under there. A moist, delicious cake. <br /><br />Who wants the first piece? <br /><br />I love the touches here. Sifter shovel spatula. Plastic bag wrapped around the cake. Cut out life-sized image of a startled cat. Melted Tootsie Rolls, finessed ever-so-gently to dangle like fecal sludge over the edges.<br /><br />This is a well-executed masterpiece. A true triumph in human creativity. <br /><br /><br />***<br />Thanks to the Harris Wheel for sharing this glorious box of treats.<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/AYNtK</div>Contact me!http://www.blogger.com/profile/18355579495316555436noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953051.post-51799094467411563332009-01-10T14:55:00.003-06:002009-01-10T14:58:07.175-06:00THE 25 YEAR OLD BRAINHere's a fun one. It's <a href="http://flashfabrica.com/f_learning/brain/brain.html">a brain game that will tell you the age of your brain</a> based on how well you can perform a simple task.<br /><br /><br />It's in Japanese, so use these instructions:<br /><br />1. Touch 'start'<br /><br />2. Wait for 3, 2, 1.<br /><br />3. Memorize the number's position on the screen, and then click the circle from the smallest number to the biggest number.<br /><br />4. At the end of game, the computer will tell you the age of your brain.<br /><br />It will drive you apeshit. <br /><br />Age of my brain? <br /><br />25<br /><br />Beat that, loser!<br /><br />****************<br /><br />(Thanks to GC for passing this one along!)<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/AYNtK</div>Contact me!http://www.blogger.com/profile/18355579495316555436noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953051.post-79038125572179672352009-01-05T09:35:00.003-06:002009-01-05T09:52:09.086-06:00TEFLON MUSINGS OF THE WELL INTENDEDSome of my most enlightening moments come on weekday mornings around 7:58am. <br /><br />I am always in the car. Sometimes I haven’t even managed a shower yet. I’m seldom more than a mile or two off from the house. It’s usually cold. <br /><br />And then, suddenly, there it is again – that moment of revelation. <br /><br />It’s not a light bulb going on so much as it is a dimmer switch briefly turning brighter before rotating back into the dark of my subconscious.<br /><br />You may be wondering – what’s so special about this particular time? Why in the few minutes before 8am on weekday mornings would anyone so routinely encounter epiphany? This must be hyperbole, right?<br /><br />Well, these just happen to be school days. And at 7:58 in the morning I am usually taking alleys, short cuts, and trivial risks on the road in an attempt to get Harrison to school on time.<br /><br />It is also during this brief window that I am learning from an 8-year-old things about myself – things, perhaps, I knew once but forgot. <br /><br />These are my conversations with Harrison.<br /><br />*****************<br /><br />“Do you know what a New Year’s Resolution is?”<br /><br />“No,” he hummed in between bars of a song that has been playing in his head since October.<br /><br />“Really? You’ve never heard anyone talk about a New Year’s Resolution?”<br /><br />“Well, maybe. Not really.”<br /><br />I decided to bait him a little bit. “Oh. Wow. Hmmm. Surprising.” He hummed a bit more, then took the bait.<br /><br />“Why? What’s a resolution?”<br /><br />“Oh – well. You know how New Years is the start of a whole new year, right?”<br /><br />“Yeah.”<br /><br />“Well, this is the time of year that a lot of people decide to look at their life and make changes. They imagine how their life could be better, and then make a promise to themselves to make it happen.”<br /><br />“Like how?”<br /><br />“Like a lot of people, for example, would like to be in better shape. So they promise they will exercise more or eat healthier.”<br /><br />“Oh yeah – like Uncle B.”<br /><br />“Right. So, if you had to make a resolution for yourself, now that we are looking at a whole new year – what would it be?”<br /><br />“I think I should read better. Just focus more,” he said, as if without much thought. But I could tell he had already been thinking about it. We each know what we need to work on.<br /><br />“Wow. That’s a great resolution," I said. "Did someone tell you to say that or did you just come up with that yourself?”<br /><br />“I came up with it.”<br /><br />“Well, I think that’s a great resolution because that’s something you have complete control over. If you focus more on your reading, you WILL be better at it. That’s how it works.” He grew quiet, thinking about it. I decided to change gears and build on the momentum of this discussion before he changed his mind and elected to master the Wii instead. <br /><br />“That was such a great resolution,” I said, “Maybe you can come up with one for me.”<br /><br />“I think you should eat better,” he said, almost without hesitation.<br /><br />“What does THAT mean?” I offered with a smile, glancing back in my rear view mirror.<br /><br />“It means eat healthier foods.”<br /><br />“Like what?”<br /><br />“Like no more pork!” he said insistently, expecting I might fight back. I’ve been ardently promoting the merits of pork for a long time in defense of my affinity for the versatile Western delicacy. He knows I love pork. But he also knows I have high cholesterol. It would make an awesome bowling score, I once explained – but it’s not such a great score for cholesterol.<br /><br />“Yeah – that’s probably a good idea,” I said. And then the dimmer switch in my mind turned up brightly. <br /><br />I pulled up the curb outside the schoolyard and wished Harrison a good day as he hurriedly unclicked the seat belt.<br /><br />And there it was. The New Year’s Resolution defined in my own words. A promise we make to ourselves. A vision of the future worth working toward. And the resolution is simply our conscious decision to go for it. <br /><br />But we all know what happens to New Years resolutions.<br /><br />They’re too often abandoned, and too soon forgotten. It dawned on me that I couldn’t remember a single New Years resolution I have ever made. We sure do like to dream, I thought. It’s easy to imagine ourselves in that Hollywood version of the future. But unless we make necessary life changes, resolutions are Teflon-coated musings of the well intended. <br /><br />They’ll never stick.<br /><br />And yet, the power to change is entirely within us. We CAN become that person we want to become – if we commit to it. If we give our resolution the time and effort it deserves. Then, perhaps, we wouldn’t be so quick to forget them.<br /><br />And so I considered what it would mean to let go of pork. Not because I was seriously considering it, but just to weigh the sacrifice against the potential reward. Actually, I thought, there are a lot of other foods I could eat. I could probably live without bacon if I needed to. And ham. And sausage. And chops. And loin. And…<br /><br />And now the list was starting to look a little ridiculous. Quitting pork cold turkey would be a tall order. So I decided I would follow Harrison’s lead instead and declared my resolution was to read better. <br /><br />Labels, that is. Food labels. <br /><br />Yes, this year I decided I am going to pay closer attention to what I eat by reading better. I’m going to avoid foods high in saturated fats, total fat, and “bad” cholesterol. <br /><br />And I’m going to see if I can get that cholesterol level down to a less-respectable bowling score…even if I have to strike some pork from my diet to do it.<br /><br />It's a promise I'll make to myself - and I know that if I don't keep it, I may never be able to trust myself again. And if I can't trust myself, who CAN I trust? Well, besides the 8-year-old in the backseat.<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/AYNtK</div>Contact me!http://www.blogger.com/profile/18355579495316555436noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953051.post-44448646209674295572008-12-31T12:59:00.005-06:002008-12-31T15:06:38.632-06:00THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWYHYm-F9N-HCp9k1c7D8qCifXZqZQJ2SGO9xLqg69NeFM1H6SPVkGY52Vesa32K8he3BtBMTgsPAxxovExWV299YQ11C5MrzimCWCZIHJoYrVxZhoSJApiQ8xiNBfPQaStghH/s1600-h/holiday_stress.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWYHYm-F9N-HCp9k1c7D8qCifXZqZQJ2SGO9xLqg69NeFM1H6SPVkGY52Vesa32K8he3BtBMTgsPAxxovExWV299YQ11C5MrzimCWCZIHJoYrVxZhoSJApiQ8xiNBfPQaStghH/s400/holiday_stress.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5286049098572171106" /></a>I like the holiday season. I really do. <br /><br />The weather turns brutally cold, people forget how to drive, night falls at 4:30 in the afternoon, and people become generally more irritable and depressed. <br /><br />What’s not to like?<br /><br />Seriously, though. I really do enjoy the holiday season. I think most people do, despite our perennial complaints about last minute shopping madness, gridlock, erratic and miserable weather, nauseating holiday music, and creepy uncles. <br /><br />It's okay, we’ve all got one.<br /><br />Aside from providing an excuse to spend money we don't have, the holidays serve another, more vital purpose for those of us in colder climates. They help break up the dismal monotony of a lonely season spent primarily indoors. <br /><br />Between the bitter arctic chill, short gray days, and long dark nights, winter is a naturally depressing time of year. But that stretch of holiday madness between the week of Thanksgiving and the week of New Years keeps us so preoccupied we barely have time to focus on these naturally occurring discomforts. <br /><br />Nope – during the holiday season, most of our discomforts are entirely man-made.<br /><br />Why? <br /><br />WHY are we so wrapped up in ourselves this time of year? Why do people experience mall rage and family overload? Why do people dread the holidays, for lack of a more dreadful word.<br /><br />This is supposed to be a time of peace and joy. A time to celebrate long-held traditions. A time to honor the birth of Hayes Zeus if you’re Christian, guerilla warfare if you’re Jewish, or the fruits of Capitalism if you’re uncommitted. At least according to Wikipedia.<br /><br />Yet for so many of us the holidays represent a painfully difficult time of year. Why is that? <br /><br />It’s really not so much a mystery when you consider the annual convergence of holiday-related stresses. Together, these fretful forces tangle and swell to become the perfect holiday storm…through which our tiny vessels must sail year after grueling year. This week I'd like to explore a few of the specialized stresses common to the holiday experience.<br /><br />Do any of these sound familiar?<br /><br />THE WORKPILE<br />You’re about to enjoy a nice slice of Christmas ham when you suddenly remember the huge report that’s due the day after Christmas…and you haven’t even started yet! <br /><br />Talk about stress. <br /><br />How can I possibly focus on the flavor of that savory swine, paired with a curiously spiced holiday wine, if I'm suddenly consumed with all those career commitments on the back burner? <br /><br />We’re a nation of hard working people. It’s hard to turn that off – or to give ourselves permission to, anyway. The holiday season presents a challenge because, for many of us, there’s always that lingering dread of work piling up, even as we pile up our plates with delicious, starchy sides. I had a hard time relaxing this year thinking about all the stuff I wasn’t getting done.<br /><br />SCHEDULING NIGHTMARE<br />A lot of people have to work during the holidays, including medical professionals, law enforcement officials, retail sales staff – just to name a few. For these folks and plenty of others, the holidays aren’t really a break in the action so much as a frustrating distraction. <br /><br />And there’s a lot of wheeling and dealing involved to secure enough time off to make all those holiday meals. Holiday scheduling can create a lot of conflict in the home and place a lot of stress on an entire family.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKnrPY_UJGk3dZ4dFW5SBzqGNnzqQz83D3i393pbXsIydj0GBfTAfys5yk7iebPhNW6iEOv-Qf4b3Eyvoh1bgOexMx3tpJFmHX3O6F_VpzzlQwVv67KzDGAaQOgf5vnXB_55SR/s1600-h/Image21029-766707.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKnrPY_UJGk3dZ4dFW5SBzqGNnzqQz83D3i393pbXsIydj0GBfTAfys5yk7iebPhNW6iEOv-Qf4b3Eyvoh1bgOexMx3tpJFmHX3O6F_VpzzlQwVv67KzDGAaQOgf5vnXB_55SR/s400/Image21029-766707.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5286049103089164194" /></a>GETTING MALLED<br />I am not what you would call a "people person." If I know you and like you, I don't mind standing behind you in line at the store. If I don't know you, you're in my way. And the mall becomes full of people in my way this time of year. People with strollers. People moving way too slow. People wandering aimlessly unsure of their next step. People texting people. People texting while walking slowly and aimlessly, with strollers and shopping bags. Holiday shopping is a contact sport that requires great patience, intestinal fortitude, and perseverance. <br /><br />GREAT EXPECTATIONS<br />Most people spend the holidays with family. And every single person in your family has an expectation of how the holidays “should” be celebrated. Try changing things just a little bit and you could become the subject of vicious whispers. <br /><br />In most cases, the general rule is: don’t rock the boat. In this way, the holidays represent the purest of social bureaucracies. “We do things the way we do them because we’ve ALWAYS done them that way!” <br /><br />Never mind that there may be an easier, better way. Just come ready to defend yourself if you plan to change anything at all about the holidays, including but not restricted to the following. <br /><br />• The rules to a traditional holiday game: “These rules are confusing! Why does my grab bag gift have to start with the letter P?”<br /><br />• The order of events: “We can't eat now. We ALWAYS open presents first. I just had lunch an hour ago!”<br /><br />• The style of meal service: “What is this - China House Buffet? It's so informal!"<br /><br />• The start time: “Why are they having us so early this year? Do they want us to LEAVE earlier?”<br /><br />• The menu: “Artichoke hearts and pork loin? Things must be really bad for them this year.”<br /><br />• The day: “How can you have Christmas Dinner on Christmas Eve? It’s just not right!”<br /><br />• Gifting: “I hate grab bags – why can’t we just buy for everybody like we always do?”<br /><br />That’s the way tradition works. Change things up at your own risk…and expect to hear about it – usually through the grapevine, and 11 months later.<br /><br />EXTENDED FAMILY MATTERS<br />Another source of stress around the holidays is being in a house full of people you only see once or twice a year. The first half hour is usually marked by everyone sitting next to who they came with, quietly avoiding eye contact like strangers in the waiting room at the family planning clinic.<br /><br />Sooner or later, and usually after a glass or two of cheap wine, we loosen up enough to make small talk. And it isn't long after that that the gossip machine fires up. We’ve all been on the receiving end of a muffled inquiry as someone surreptitiously leans in for the scoop.<br /><br />“Wow, I didn’t know she had another baby. That means she would have been pregnant last year. Hmmmm. Does she know whose it is?”<br /><br />“They’re married? No way. He's totally gay.”<br /><br />“What’s the youngest one’s name again? I always get those kids mixed up.”<br /><br />“Is that the same guy she brought last year? I think I saw him on a Dateline special.”<br /><br />“What happened to grandma’s face?”<br /><br />“Who’s THAT guy – I’ve never seen him before.”<br /><br />“When did Uncle Ron get out?”<br /><br />“That’s not cousin Rachel is it? Oh my. She needs to put that plate of sausages down.”<br /><br />“Is that a prosthetic?”<br /><br />"How long has my fly been open?"<br /><br />BUYING GIFTS<br />One of the most stressful of all holiday activities is the gift-giving ritual, and that’s because a lot of people are keenly aware that gifts say a lot about what you think of the person you are giving it to. For those of us who care what other people think, there’s a lot of stress in finding the “perfect” gift – or at least a gift that demonstrates a little thought. There’s also the stress of showing up to a family gathering without a gift for someone who was thoughtful enough to pick out something just for you. And then there’s the stress of keeping track of all the people in the family to buy for year after year. <br /><br />THE VALUE CALCULATION<br />For better or worse, most of us can instantly ballpark the relative value of the things we give and receive. And it can be a little bit nerve-racking when the calculations aren't close. <br /><br />"Wow - we got your brother's kids about $100 worth of stuff, and they gave us another friggin' sock monkey. That's six sock monkeys now."<br /><br />I had a relative who did all of his holiday shopping at garage sales. No joke. I once received a glass bust of a human head wrapped in the comics section of the newspaper. You can't even regift something like that.<br /><br />As for the rest of us, we can heap a lot of stress on ourselves as we work toward establishing a fair exchange of gifts. We want to make sure we spend roughly the same amount of money on the important people in our lives so no one feels slighted. How did we become so sensitive? <br /><br />How many times have you had to run out and get something else at the last minute to “even things up.” It can become a never-ending balancing act to even approach equality in spending. Unless you resort to gift cards, of course - the least imaginative of all gifts, but the easiest in terms of keeping everything fair and square. <br /><br />I know a lot of people who are big fans of gift cards, but to me gift cards have always seemed uninspired, and even a little impractical - because they're like cash, minus the convenience and universal acceptance. Like receiving foreign currency. <br /><br />"Those are Lire. You can use them to buy whatever you want...the next time you happen to be in Italy." <br /><br />MEMORY LANE<br />Death is an unfortunate, but inevitable life event that can forever mark a holiday with special sadness. This can create a lot of stress as we anticipate spending another season without someone for whom we cared so deeply. This profound brand of sadness has a way of controlling us and suppressing any happiness we might otherwise experience in the presence of the loved ones we have left. <br /><br />MULTIPLE CELEBRATIONS<br />Today’s families are mixed, extended, appended, extended again, and downright confusing. How many separate holiday celebrations did you have this year? I had six. There was Christmas Eve day, Christmas Eve night, Christmas Day morning, Christmas Day evening, the day after Christmas, and then two days later.<br /><br />Due to the fractured nature of the contemporary family unit, a lot of people find themselves on tour for the holidays – booking multiple engagements over the course of a very busy week. This can be an extremely stressful thing to pull off with all of the different events to attend, gifts to buy, travel to coordinate, and schedules to accommodate. You almost need a tour manager, a tour bus, and a team of roadies to keep the holidays rolling smoothly. <br /><br />THE MAD DASH<br />Every year the holidays seem to come a little earlier, or at least retailers make it seem that way. Still, with so much work required to make the holidays special it seems there’s never enough time to get everything done. People fight stress daily as they work to cross off items on a never-ending holiday to-do list. Winterize the house. Buy stamps. Go shopping. Send out holiday cards. Decorate the house. Put up the lights. Buy a tree. Wrap the gifts. Make travel plans. Considering how busy most people are these days to begin with, all of these additional responsibilities can be a stressful burden.<br /><br />THE MALCONTENT<br />Nothing creates stress around the holidays like that one person who gets underneath everyone’s skin. You know who I’m talking about. The chatterbox who never shuts up. The know-it-all who’s smarter than everybody, but especially you. The aloof snob who criticizes everything. The grump with the short fuse. The phantom menace who manufactures drama behind the scenes. <br /><br />While most of us look forward to the holidays as a chance to catch up with loved ones, overeat, and enjoy the company of family and friends, there are a handful of malcontents who use the holidays as an opportunity to complain, meddle, badmouth, aggravate, and gossip. Just anticipating having to deal with these people can send stress levels soaring.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSvaEf2v8B7u_ZHLUSq55fuAHdbqX12LrK9wDgXDwpapBmkTNgUHfzyTIatqyW1oWGEpXdvHgovEAMcc7zCQRolFnQ5m6IIs6AQL3ktiQoRlhRCsqLBPA4x04yTCRJDmIOesqv/s1600-h/storm-RYAN-15.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSvaEf2v8B7u_ZHLUSq55fuAHdbqX12LrK9wDgXDwpapBmkTNgUHfzyTIatqyW1oWGEpXdvHgovEAMcc7zCQRolFnQ5m6IIs6AQL3ktiQoRlhRCsqLBPA4x04yTCRJDmIOesqv/s400/storm-RYAN-15.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5286049100621174242" /></a>WEATHER ALERT<br />With the exception of those lucky enough to reside in milder climes, most of us in the northern hemisphere must brave the elements in navigating through the holiday season. Inclement weather creates messy, dangerous conditions for living and traveling. From cold, leaky houses to salty, icy roads, the season itself has a way of creating natural stress. It took me 3 hours and 15 minutes to get home from work last week, roughly how long it would take to fly to Florida and get away from all of it.<br /><br />DIETARY GUILT<br />How do we say NO to all of this food? <br /><br />The short answer is we don’t. We give ourselves permission to gorge with the understanding that we’ll start a whole new diet in the new year. <br /><br />But that doesn’t make us feel any better when notice our outie has become an innie virtually overnight.<br /><br />We eat way too much over the holidays. We know it, we let ourselves do it, and we feel guilty about it after. It’s part of the holiday experience, and a common source of stress for men and women of all ages.<br /><br />STRAPPED<br />Look in your bank account lately? The holidays sure are expensive! <br /><br />If there’s one thing this year’s slow retail sales indicated it’s that we don’t NEED most of things we’ve been buying year after year. Stores are hurting because we finally managed to put the breaks on runaway spending. <br /><br />I saw tables piled high with cheaply built pre-packaged gifts imported from China lining the aisles of department stores. Every checkout counter was stacked with boxes of “impulse” holiday buys. There were “sale” signs in every window of every store, in every newspaper ad on every page of every newspaper, and in every department of every store in every mall and shopping center. <br /><br />In leaner times it becomes clear just how frivolous we have been – throwing money at stuff that ends up collecting cobwebs in the crawlspace. In the face of economic uncertainty, tightening our purse strings can be a stressful exercise in self-control as we seek out other ways to demonstrate to loved ones that we do care about them…just not enough to throw $20 at an electronic coin counter or flimsily constructed desk caddy.<br /><br />If this economy keeps tanking, next year I'll be giving out hand-drawn caricatures of myself.<br /><br />**************************<br /><br />So here we are – staring down the barrel of another New Year, presumably thankful to have made it and relieved to have another holiday season under our belts, if tightly. I heard more than one person declare this year that next year they’d be on vacation. Now there's a plan!<br /><br />Avoid the frigid weather. The aggravation of holiday traffic. The awkwardness of extended family gatherings. The conflicting schedules. The last minute running around. The pressure to conform to what everybody else wants to do.<br /><br />Just get away. Fly away. <br /><br />Sorry – can’t make it this year…I’ll be out of the country. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHF2-MvpmanvAuMMcpHdLukt_74l72gHVL1TV87rKhJO59AXikTGudw9EkNxbrVI46jJ_8HaQElhMkPS_duSVAlEdUZo-cLArgThDunusP_xkOtaX_Tx9HWM3SB9a8oxdYCJ2S/s1600-h/TropicalChristmas.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 280px; height: 210px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHF2-MvpmanvAuMMcpHdLukt_74l72gHVL1TV87rKhJO59AXikTGudw9EkNxbrVI46jJ_8HaQElhMkPS_duSVAlEdUZo-cLArgThDunusP_xkOtaX_Tx9HWM3SB9a8oxdYCJ2S/s400/TropicalChristmas.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5286052949742506994" /></a>Just laying there in the warm sand on some remote beach with a chilly mojito thinking to yourself how this truly is “the most wonderful time of the year.” <br /><br />Until your creepy uncle strides out of the surf in a speedo.<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/AYNtK</div>Contact me!http://www.blogger.com/profile/18355579495316555436noreply@blogger.com0