Friday, February 08, 2008


El Presidente achieved his lowest approval rating EVER today with a mere 30% of Americans willing to admit they like the job he is doing. And if you think that's pretty sad, the news is even worse for Congress. Their approval fell to just 22%! That's shittier than a nursing home laundry room. And all of this negative feedback comes on the heels of a bipartisan vote to write "stimulus" checks to John Q. Public.

They've got to be wondering what they're doing wrong. They can't even BUY their way out of this pit of disapproval.

What more could the people POSSIBLY want more than a big fat check for nothing? Honesty? Integrity? Cooperation? Accountability? These are silly, abstract concepts. A check is REAL money that people can spend on Lotto tickets, happy hour specials, and discounted designer jeans at Marshalls - the things that make us giddy with pleasure and content in our otherwise meaningless lives. Spending money is the American way!

NOTICE TO WASHINGTON: We do not enjoy war. We do not like being lied to about the reasons we went to war. We do not want half of our tax dollars buying more bullets and bombs for over there instead of books and bridges for over here. We do not like seeing gas prices approaching $4 a gallon while Exxon and Shell post record profits quarter after quarter. We do not like having to decide between food and medicine. We do not like being put out on the curb because some irrationally exuberant financial institution enabled us to buy us a house that was listed well above market price and stuck us with a lending rate they knew would bankrupt us in 3-5 years. We do not like being told to live in a perpetual state of fear and vigilance. We do not like the feeling that the oil lobby has a louder voice in what we drive than the people driving. We do not like wondering if our phone has been tapped because our last name ends in a vowel. We do not like finding out a good bill is loaded down with unrelated earmarks for special interests. We do not like the fact that you voted for the Patriot Act without reading it (didn't think we knew that, did you?). We do not like the fact that you voted for the Patriot Act AGAIN after you found out what it contained. We do not like that you cleverly named the least patriotic bill in American history "The Patriot Act" to fool us into thinking it was good for us. We do not like that (former and current) presidential hopefuls like Kucinich and Paul are prevented from joining the mainstream debate because the media doesn't like what they have to say. We don't like being limited to 2 choices for President every 4 years by a system that makes it virtually impossible for otherwise qualified candidates to get serious consideration unless they happen to have millions of dollars under the mattress. We do not like that Fox News can peddle propaganda unchecked, misinforming the masses around the clock. We do not like that doctors make more money if we stay sick than if we get healthy. We do not like that the answer to every stubbed toe and mosquito bite is a life-long prescription drug. We do not like that keeping your one job is more important than protecting millions of ours.

We do not like the job you are doing, and we do not like that there's nothing we can do about it except bitch to pollsters when they ask how we think you're doing.

1 comment:

Donkey Hoatie said...

Yeah! What he said!

I'd add more to this, but I don't think anyone here is in the mood for a 5000-word diatribe about how much the two-party system sucks my balls.