SNAPPY PICS

This collection of photos is brilliant. Some of the most creative photography I've ever seen. Very much worth a click.

GETTING THE SHAFT

Here's a fun elevator. They dolled up the floor to give it that nice "shafty" appearance. Me likes.


**************** ON ELEVATORS

Is it just me or are elevators about the most socially uncomfortable places in the world?

Let’s observe the dynamics of the sophisticated elevator dance.

A single person boards an empty lift and is relaxed and free. He may pick his nose freely, inspect himself in the stainless steel doors, pry his underwear from out of his ass cheeks, cough without covering his mouth, or break wind with great force. There is great freedom in “owning” an elevator ride – but there is also great risk that the solo trip may not remain one. So this person is generally on close guard in the event the elevator should stop prematurely.

Add a second person and things begin to get interesting. Sometimes there’s a pleasantry exchanged – a simple “hello” or a nod and a smile to acknowledge the other person. But once those doors close it suddenly becomes awkward as all hell. People stare down at their feet, eyeball the numbered buttons, stare at the blinking floor indicator, fidget with their cell phone – anything at all to avoid having to make conversation with a complete stranger.

A third person boards and the tension mounts. Where to stand! They shuffle about nervously trying to remain equidistant from the elevator’s other occupants. No one wants to crowd anyone. Everyone suddenly becomes extremely self-conscious of their clothes and odor because there is now a triangle of riders. We start to wonder which passenger smells of chicken mexicali soup, while hoping the other one doesn’t think it’s us! We continue staring at our shoes and fidgeting with our belongings to avoid the discomfort.

A fourth and fifth person board and now the anxiety really starts to set in. Everyone takes mini steps to the side and back to demonstrate they are trying to make room – even though there really isn’t anywhere to go. We make ourselves thinner as we press up again the sides. We try to breathe in our own space as we notice the pulse of a whistling wheeze from somewhere in the closed cabin. It seems the ride cannot end soon enough.

As six, seven, and eight board, a state of panic ensues. People start to make contact with the people around them as they struggle to make room. Jackets brush bags and larger items like suitcases are pushed up against the walls. The doors close and no one knows where to look anymore. Most sightlines have been taken away, so the tall people look up and the short people look down. Everyone faces the doors, ready to scramble out as soon as they open. It’s become the longest 16 seconds of everyone’s life. There’s a twitch. A wheeze. Someone’s cell phone beeps from inside a pocket. The elevator hums and purrs as it hits yet another floor.

The doors open and it’s clear there isn’t any more room left for additional passengers. The people in the back are all just praying for the doors to close so we can get this damn ride over with. But the poor soul in the front facing the hallway feels obligated to, somehow, get this last person on board. So they inch their heels back carefully, looking left and right, angling slightly, and saying, “Come on – we can fit one more.” Everyone in the elevator collectively takes a breath and holds it as the ninth person crams in awkwardly.

But before the doors can close, person number nine stands blocking the infrared signal – waiting, it turns out, for her husband, who is carrying a baby and pushing a stroller.

“No way,” everyone thinks at once. This cannot happen. They won’t fit. Not possible.

But they do fit. Somehow. People are jammed in tight, completely frenzied inside and on the verge of losing control. A man clutches a Starbucks cup close to his chest to avoid spilling. A cellphone drops somewhere in the elevator, but no one knows whose it is and no one can look down to see. Everyone is tense and staring vacuously toward a spot on the wall or ceiling. Things could get no worse.

And then comes the smell. It’s heavy and dank, and clearly leaked from someone’s active bowel. Someone actually farted on the elevator! Everyone can smell it, but no one wants to acknowledge that they are resisting air. People turn their heads uncomfortably, tilting them up as though the elevator is filling with water. But the air is no fresher here, as heat rises. And this heat is some seriously strong heat. Someone suddenly coughs. The baby starts to cry. A cell phone rings and the eager jackass actually decides to answer it, speaking loudly as though he is the only one on this hellride. People begin to turn blue from holding their breath, thinking how horrible a death it would be if the elevator were to become suddenly stuck.

Suddenly the elevator slams to a close on the ground floor. The doors slide apart, and the whole mass of humanity tumbles out into the hallway.

And as the doors close again, I smile as it takes me back up to the top where I will make another fantastic voyage back down – proud as can be that the chili is working.

WHISPERS OF THE INVISIBLE

Did you know there are still U.S. army bases in Japan and Germany today…more than 60 years after the end of WWII?

Of course you knew that – EVERYBODY knows that. But did you also know there are bases in Cuba and South Korea? Yeah? I guess that was kind of easy. Well, how about Iceland and the Philippines? Yeah – we have a military base in Iceland.

Let me cut to the chase here. It is widely known that America has strategically projected its military all over the globe to maintain a presence it deems is in the interest of its national, and global, security. But do you realize just how projected the military is? Take a guess.

Go ahead. 10 military bases stationed overseas? 15? How about 50? 250? Okay, now we’re getting a little ridiculous, right? How could we have 250 military installations all over the world? That can’t be. And it isn’t.

Try over 700. SEVEN HUNDRED military installations and bases scattered all over the globe. Right now we’re in the midst of constructing a base of operation in Iraq that’s bigger than the Vatican. Make no mistake about it, wherever the seeds of American imperialism scatter, they find purchase. And the roots we put down are permanent. It’s really no wonder the resentment is so high.


Check out the map of the only world we know. It’s starting to look like a game of Risk. 60 years ago team red was pretty much confined to U.S. soil, and today it’s laid down airstrips and artillery in over 30 foreign countries. What’s really going on here? Why does the U.S. feel the need to be everywhere? As an American, I am more than a little curious to understand why we are expanding in this fashion. The folks in China and Russia were not excited about recent news that the “temporary” bases we built in the central Asian republics following 9/11 are to become permanent installations. They acquiesced to our request to set up camp there, even though the proximity of our presence represented a threat to regional security, as a show of good faith so that we could “bring to justice” those responsible for the WTC attacks. And now the news that we are staying put – just 200 miles from China.

What if China had military installations all over the globe, including bases in Mexico, Canada, and Bermuda? Might make it a little harder to sleep at night.

These are not the random observations of a single individual. This is a documented strategy of global domination that has a name. It’s called the Core Gap. Where the world is considered stable, we have what is called The Core. Where there is conflict and instability, a Gap. The idea is that the Gap remains contained so the Core can thrive. Interestingly, the Gap seems to exist in the hot zone – our planet’s bloated belly muffintopping the equator.

Do you ever stop to think about the world outside of the world we live in? There are the things that influence us from day to day that we are immediately aware of because we see, smell, touch, hear, and taste them. And then there are those things that influence us from week to week, month to month, and year to year because they shape the countless variables in our system. Things like securing access to oil. Negotiating trade agreements. Outsourcing service sector jobs to India. Subversively disrupting Iran’s nuclear ambitions through industrial sabotage. Most people don’t think about those things. But there are people in this world whose jobs are to direct global progress. And these people have a vision. Individuals like you and me are not a part of this vision. We’re too small even to be pawns in this complicated game of world chess. We’re invisible.

Wouldn’t you like to know what’s really going on? Wouldn't you like to know what the hell is really going on in Dubai? There aren't enough sheiks and billionaires to buy into the grand paradise they are hand carving over there. Who is really for?

Why do you suppose Britain so blindly followed the U.S. into Iraq? How much oil is really left - and where is it?

Are Neo-cons modern-day Masons? What do they know that we don't?

Is global warming really public enemy number one here - or is it the greatest hoax every perpetrated upon the American people as suggested by Congressman James Inhofe?

Why are we in Israel's pocket, and why are they in our pocketbook? Why do we send one of the most technologically advanced, flourishing societies with one of the best economies in the world billions in foreign assistance making them the single biggest benefactor of U.S. aid per capita in the world by a large margin when we send so much less to under-developed impoverished nations that actually NEED it, and all at the expense of domestic programs that would help us here at home, from education to social security to health care? Who is responsible for submitting and supporting these irrational policy decisions and why are our elected politicians agreeing to them? What do they know that we don't, because this kind of grossly negligent spending of U.S. taxpayer money is beyond outrageous.

We know we can't trust the mainstream media to give us the straight dope. They're complicit in the prestige. Until recently, we had no alternative but to trust the powers that be, and have faith that the information they shared with us was the truth.

But the web is making it harder for the global power brokers to keep wool pulled over our eyes. People are thinking. Sharing ideas. Learning about the issues that exist outside the little world we live in from day to day. The invisible are whispering.



And if you listen carefully - you might just hear what we're saying.

SPAM HUMOR FOR YOU

A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a house:

"Talking Dog For Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner tells him that the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was
pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my
gift and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country and
sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting
any younger, so I decided to settle down."

"I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security
wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some
incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so
cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit."

CAFFEINATED EXTREMES

You know what's weird? People will drink cold iced coffee, and they will also drink hot brewed coffee - but the second it approaches room temperature we all recoil with disgust at the mere thought of choking down that wretched Columbian backwash.

SMARTASS VS. THE MAN

The Smartass always has to have the last word, but The Man always ends up with the money.

OFF AND ONSLAUGHT

I'm usually good for a time waster or two every now and again. Here's one called Onslaught that will occupy you for hours.

A stream of invading icons will stream toward your base. You have to plant gunposts to guard against the onslaught - but be careful how many guns you buy, which guns you buy, and where you place them. The game starts out easy, and the more little icons you shoot, the more money you build up in the bank. Use the money to upgrade your guns or build news ones. Meanwhile, the onslaught continues and the icons grow harder to kill. They're faster. They mean business!

Loving the Onslaught!

SERENGETI SMACKDOWN

Here's some amazing wildlife footage shot by some folks on safari with a handycam. There's some great drama here as a herd of water buffalo approach a couple of crouching lions. It's not too gory - and there's actually a surprising twist about half way through. Check it out!

HOLY FUCKING CRAP

Do you think President Bush should be impeached? That's a serious question, and one MSNBC recently took to the people in an online poll that's getting a lot of buzz.

If Clinton was impeached for lying about his extra-marrital dabbling, then I certainly think there's more than enough on Bush's resume of destruction to warrant impeaching our nation's "very worst" president (according to Carter, anyow). And I'm not alone in that sentiment, apparently.

Vote here to see the AMAZING results. Seriously - vote and see for yourself.

Wow. Who knew?