Friday, August 19, 2005

THERE'S A NEW SHERIFF IN TOWN

This is some great shit.

There’s a Sheriff in Arizona by the name of Joe Arpaio who’s a real ball breaker. Just the kind of guy the law enforcement community needs. And thanks to his no-nonsense approach to corrections, he’s been re-elected over and over again by the justice-minded folks of the Grand Canyon State. You may have heard about him already. I only recently did, so I dug around a bit to verify he was the real deal. Oh - he's real alright. Check this out.

Sheriff Joe’s methods may sound a little unorthodox – but they’ve made him the most popular guy around. Well, except for at the Maricopa County Jail. That’s Joe's turf. And it’s there that Joe created something called “tent city” – an outdoor jail where inmates sleep on cots in tents, and wear PINK shorts and socks. He said inmates were stealing his prison-issued underwear, so he dyed them pink. It must really soften these folks up around the edges.

Sheriff Joe decided to feed his convicts bologna sandwiches to knock jail meals down to 40 cents a serving. An independent source actually estimates the meals cost just 20 cents. That saves the taxpayers in his state a lot of money. He also cut off all coffee because he says it has zero nutritional value. Joe is a certified dietician, too. Okay - maybe not...but it's still his fucking prison.

America's toughest sheriff also put an end to cigarettes and pornography. Because smoking stinks, and porn is a privilege. He also took away their weights. He must figure his inmates will be less of a menace to society if they’re not all built like linebackers when they get out. He cut off all but G-rated movies because everybody knows how movies can glorify violent behavior. So the only "Babe" HIS jailbirds get to feast their eyes on is the precocious pig.

That’ll do, Joe. That’ll do.

He then started chain gangs so inmates could provide free labor for county and city projects. After that he started up chain gangs for women (so he wouldn’t get sued for discrimination). He tried to take away cable TV, but a federal court later ordered there be cable TV access for all jails. So he hooked up the cable TV again, but only let in the Disney Channel and the Weather Channel. When asked why he allowed in The Weather Channel, he said it was so his inmates would “know how hot it’s gonna to be while they’re working on my chain gangs.”

When the inmates complained, Joe told them, “This isn't the Ritz-Carlton. If you don't like it, don't come back.”

But Joe didn’t stop there. He bought Newt Gingrich’s lecture series on videotape so he could pipe it into the jails. Unusually cruel if you ask me.

With temperatures climbing to 116 degrees, the AP recently reported that about 2,000 of his inmates living in “tent city” were given permission to strip down to their pink boxer shorts. Many were also draped in wet, pink towels as they perspired in the desert sun.

"It feels like we are in a furnace," said one inmate who'd been living in the tents for 1 1/2 years. "It's inhumane."

Joe Arpaio doesn't give a shit about comfort. He says that he told all of his inmates: "It's 120 degrees in Iraq and our soldiers are living in tents, too, and they have to wear full battle gear, but they didn't commit any crimes, so shut your damned mouths!"

You go, Joe.

Some people think if all prisons were like this one, there would be a lot less crime - or, at least a lot fewer repeat offenders. I don't know how true that is - but I do like Joe's approach. Jail is supposed to be punishment...not a place to relax, eat for free, watch television, and work out. Joe's inmates can't get too comfortable behind bars because Joe won't let them. And not because he doesn't care about people. He also created something called the School of Hard Knocks to help inmates get their high school diplomas. And his drug rehab program is a reported success. So Joe's doing something right - wouldn't you say?

You can read up on the mass e-mail that’s been going around here:

http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/m/miracopjail.htm

Or get more right from the horse’s mouth:

http://www.reelectjoe.com/

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow, he goes right to the edge with the Newt speeches.

ChatRat said...

Just think, there are wobbly great balloon people who pay through the nose for this sort of treatment just to lose 5 pounds. If Joe set up a mirror site adjacent to the real thing, he could rake in an absolute fortune.

Anonymous said...

I live here in AZ and Joe is not very popular with inmates (d'oh!), and some of the very liberal are not too impressed either. There are charges of some staff folks double dipping (retiring, then returning as consultants, etc.) and other sniffing around, but Joe continues to be re-elected, even after stating quite emphatically in his first term that he was only going to be there for one term. That was over 10 years ago!

I have a business acquaintance who spent one night at Tent City (and he was glad it was April, not August!)for a DUI charge. He didn't eat the entire 24 hours and tried to just stay as far away from all the others as possible. No more drinking and driving for him!

I SEE YOU!