What exactly constitutes premature ejaculation? Who decides what’s normal and what’s premature? How long do you have to go before you’re considered a mature ejaculator? And will too many margaritas make me a post-mature ejaculator?
You’ll be excited to learn that a handful of curious scientists recently committed to hammering out a definition. In setting up the study, however, measurement was a concern. Specifically, how would researchers be able to count on men to provide honest, empirical data as it relates to sexual performance? (Or should I say, “perceived” sexual performance) Relying on the truthfulness of men in general isn't typically advisible - how could it make for good science?
To combat what I call “Pinocchio Penis,” or the making of dishonest statements in describing the size and/or activity of one’s own genitalia, researchers decided to arm women with stopwatches. A reasonable methodology it would seem. If you’re going to measure for duration, keeping time with a mechanical chronological instrument is always more accurate than making a “guesstimate.” Right? Still, I can’t help but question this stroke of objective brilliance.
Gentlemen, imagine you’re in bed with a woman and a stopwatch. No pressure there. On your mark, get hard, go! I question the efficacy of the study given the potential psychological imapact timing might have on otherwise normal coital performance. But now I'm just being a wet blanket. This is a fun fuckin' study, if you'll pardon the pun.
Researchers outfitted a sample size of more than 1,500 couples with timekeepers and told them to keep track. Are you ready for the results? Of course you are.
About 200 of the subjects suffered from “premature ejaculation.” Members of this group ( let’s call them sprinters) finished just 1m 48s after beginning intercourse. Yes, speedy, that is considered an early finish.
The rest of the men passed the checkered flag line around 7m 18s. Now you know if you (or your partner) would be considered a tortoise or a hare.
Personally, not that it’s any of your business, I’ve found I’m different every time and the duration of the act can last anywhere from between 23 seconds flat to 14 hours, 17 minutes or so. There are a lot of variables involved. Fatigue, hunger, sobriety, time since last O, condom, diet, mood, whether she’s holding a stopwatch, if the forest preserve is crowded, etc.
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3 comments:
This subject hits a nerve for me because in earlier days I was fairly rapid. I went through a sucession of wonderful and beautiful(10s) young women when I was in my 20s, and a couple of them pointed out that things were a bit quick. Always a compliment such as, 'it's because you are so hot' worked. Blending into my early 30s, I was able to perform more "normally' in the clock department, but I'll never forget the super speed transgressions of my earlier days. Geez, there was nothing I could do and I was doomed from the start. I made it up to them in other, undisclosed to you, ways. PeterN, just now remembering how God damned fucking hot they really were. Take care all. Ter, this is a blast, you Scrabblehead.Still play with Mom? If so, that's great. Mine doesn't even know the alphabet anymore.PN
PN,
Yes, mom and I still dabble in Scrabble. We make it a point to play at least once every time we visit. I recently picked up a lazy susan at Ikea so we can spin the board around from turn to turn. While there are newer "deluxe" editions of the game on the market that include larger, rotating boards with plastic wells that hold shiny plastic letters, we prefer the older, classic board with dull wooden letters that we've been playing on for years. It's got more character.
Well, I can say that I have been with both the tortoise and the hare. Both had their better qualities. While the tortoise last longer, he wasn't romantic. And when he was finish, he was finished for good. The hare was quick, but made up for in other ways. He knew what other spots were good and he wasn't a one timer, we could go several times. I could never make it to the big or any kind of O with him though. haha...I don't even know if he knew that he was a quick sprinter!! Never had the heart to tell him!
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