SLEEP PATTERNS

The number of adults 20-44 regularly taking pills to get sleep has DOUBLED in just the last four years. Over 40 million people medicating themselves to do something that's supposed to come naturally! Can you believe that? Better lives through pharmacy, eh? I do not think Tom Cruise would approve.

Here's a tip, by the way. If you have a hard time falling asleep at night, try waking up earlier in the morning. And if that doesn't work, wake up EARLIER. There is a point at which you will be tired enough to fall asleep. And you don't need insurance for the generic brand of medication I'm prescribing here. It's FREE!

The whole not being able to fall asleep thing has always baffled me. Sleeping is like eating and breathing - you need it to live. If you just wait long enough, I can guarantee you this, you're going to fall asleep. And yet so many more people are popping pills these days to get a good night's rest. The reason, of course, is control. Through the liberal prescription of designer medication, we can now control the exact hours we allow ourselves to sleep. No more of this "sleep when you're tired" bullshit. Modern life doesn't allow for haphazard scheduling of naturally occurring bodily functions. People have lives to run. There's working and shopping and sitting in traffic. We need to be awake for all of that, which means sleeping when we have a break in the action.

I guess I'm lucky when it comes to sleep. I've actually got the OPPOSITE thing going on. I can fall asleep pretty much on command. Give me a comfy couch and a cold pillow and I'll be out in under 10 minutes - any time of day. I'm not kidding. I'm borderline narcoleptic. I could nap right after breakfast. I don't know what my secret is. Fiber maybe.