Yes - it's a fucking baby. Bald with balled up fists. It cries a lot. And craps without warning. People have been having them for a long time. As long, in fact, as people have been around.
I was one once. As I suspect were you. I doubt either of us made it to the cover of a magazine, though. What's all the fuss about anyhow? Why is this child so newsworthy? Because she was born with a gold spoon in her mouth, or because our culture is hopelessly obsessed with celebrity?
And what's with that name? If you've got the last name Cruise (which is not his original surname, incidentally), you may as well have a little fun with it. How about Caribbean Cruise? People could just call her Carrie for short. Or Control Cruise? I imagine it would look nice on a directory: Cruise, Control. Or what about Motley? Kickstart my heart! Here are all of my favorite alternatives:
Caribbean
Control
Motley
Booze
Carnival
Midnight
Princess
J
Ground
Missile
Casino
But, alas, Suri it is. And good for them. Now go make me another movie, dammit! Or at the very least insult another pill-popping celebrity. This whole procreation routine isn't impressing me. At least the picture is on the cover of the right magazine. Vanity Fair is right!
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