CURRENT EVENTS

Okay class, close your books. We’re about to have a pop quiz!

Here are some questions ripped from the headlines. See how much you know about what's going on around the world.
For correct answers, click on the comments link below.

1.) Wii is:

A. Nintendo’s next generation game console
B. The name of China’s special ambassador to the U.S. whose actual job is to translate President Bush’s broken English into coherent English before it can be translated to Mandarin Chinese
C. The announced name of Brad and Angelina’s expected child
D. Text message shorthand for “What is it?”

2.) Congress wants to alleviate the pain at the gas pump by:

A. Cutting people checks worth $100
B. Enforce carpooling 3 days a week
C. Putting Social Security into a lockbox and investing it in oil futures
D. Grounding all cabs for a week

3.) The White House’s new Press Secretary:

A. Was President Bush’s college roommate at Yale
B. Invented Sudoku
C. Works at FOX News Channel
D. Wears a bullet-proof girdle

4.) Brett Favre announced this week:

A. He is retiring
B. He is half gay
C. He is not done losing to the Bears and will play another season for the Packers
D. There’s something about Mary

5.) 15 riot vans, 8 police cars, and dog sniffer units were recently dispatched at Heathrow International Airport to:

A. Apprehend a suspected suicide bomber
B. Search for Christina Aguilera’s lost lap dog
C. Subdue Snoop Dogg’s rioting posse
D. Catch a man smuggling pigeons infected with Asian Bird Flu

6.) Oil giant ConocoPhillips announced this week:

A. A surge in quarterly profits of 13%
B. Plans to open a bicycle building plant
C. “Holy shit, we’re rich!”
D. It placed the single largest order for cookies in the history of the Girl Scouts

7.) Iran’s official response to the United Nations regarding the threat of a Security Council resolution demanding a halt to Iran’s nuclear energy program:

A. “We fart in your general direction!”
B. “We won’t give a damn!”
C. “If you ask us deal or no deal, we say no deal!”
D. “We need more sources of energy. We are not Energizer Bunny.”

8.) Pro-immigration activists announced this week:

A. That if every undocumented worker in America agreed to push one car for one day, gas prices would drop by 200%.
B. They hope to completely shut down 6 major American cities.
C. A plan to section off half of Texas for illegal immigrants and call it Texaco.
D. That if undocumented workers aren’t given amnesty, they will make a mockery of the American Idol competition by collectively voting for Taylor Hicks.

9.) Dozens of memory disks stolen from a U.S. military base and reportedly loaded with military secrets were recently found:

A. For sale on eBay
B. On display at a bazaar in Afghanistan
C. In a Burger King bathroom in Hamburg, Germany
D. In an abandoned backpack on the New York subway

10.) This week, David Copperfield failed to escape:

A. Being robbed at gunpoint by Florida teenagers
B. A new Utah state tax on magicians
C. A burning ring of fire
D. Tax evasion charges