Monday, December 05, 2005


BAGHDAD, Iraq –A witness in the trial against Saddam Hussein testified Monday that the former president's agents carried out random arrests, torture, and killings. No loud courtroom “gasps” were reported following this testimony. But in one of his many courtroom outbursts, Saddam defended his “Death to people I don’t like” policy, loudly declaring in his best Jack Nicholson, “I am not afraid of execution!”

Perhaps lost in translation was the fact that Saddam is expected to be on the receiving end this time around.

When pressed on the issue of death, the health consequences of which are generally accepted as irreversible, Saddam said he would prove he is truly fearless by becoming a contestant on celebrity dictator episode of Fear Factor.

Cuba's Fidel Castro and North Korea's Kim Jong-Il will be joining Hussein as the three gross each other out for a shot at 50,000 U.S. clams. Joe Rogan, host of the NBC reality show, was reluctant to reveal the stunts, but offered: "It's going to be wicked cool. We really wanted to push the envelope with these guys. I mean, they're ruthless. They're insane. They're going to be willing to do some stuff most normal people wouldn't even consider."

Rogan dismissed rumors that the first stunt would involve dining on a cadaver. "That's crazy, dude. Who told you that? Was he a tall dude with glasses? Don't print that. This is off the record. Seriously. Who told you that shit?"

1 comment:

Peter N said...

I don't know if it's alright, but if I could use a little of your space, Ter...........An open letter to John Lennon, who was shot 4 times
in the back, severing all the major blood vessels
leading to and from the heart. There was nothing the
Doctors could do on that night 25 years ago, December
8th 1980. He was 40 years old..............
Dear John. Wow it's been 25 years. Hard to
believe, huh. You were walking into your apartment at
the Dakota in New York City when a crazed idiot
stepped out behind you, and while you were walking
away from him, shot at you 5 times, hitting you 4
times in the back. I hope you didn't feel much pain,
but I know better. When the 2 policeman put you in
their car (an ambulance would have made no difference.
The damage was done even if the shooting happened in a
21st century trauma room), one of them asked you if
you knew who you were, and you nodded and sputtered
out the word yes. You suffered and died quickly. In
fact the last word you said was YES in response to the
cop's question.
Oh how you meant so much to me. For 6 plus years,
1964 through 1969, I was mesmerized by the Beatles
music. You gave me so much joy in that short time with
the was always the music that helped me
through my awkward years of 11-16, some of them which
were not happy ones. And then in the 70's, at least
the first 5 years, your music still flowed while it
seemed everyone clamored for a Beatles reunion. And
then in late '79, when your newly born son was a
little older and your doting period ended, you came
back to your music, music more alive and vibrant than
it had been in the past decade. And then that night.
It was a Monday. I remember because I was watching
Monday night football, and Cosell said that he had
just learned of a terrible thing, and he announced to
the country the few facts known about your violent
death. I cried, called my parents and friends, and was
stunned. As I write this, I feel exactly the same way.
But your music will live forever. You said, in a
song named INSTANT KARMA...
And we all shine on
Like the moon and the stars and the sun
Yes we all shine on
On and on and on and on.....
When I looked up in the sky last night, I knew you
were right. You were so right in so many things. The
world would have been a different place with you, at
65, still demanding peace. I miss you John. I love
you. As you said, "Come together, give peace a chance,
all you need is love." We should have listened.