HOT SADDAM TAMALE

The trial of Saddam Insane continues in Iraq and today he accused the angry Americans of roughing him up while in custody. According to Saddam, he has been beaten “everywhere on my body” and tortured by American jailers while detained. Yeah, right. He also said he didn’t have any weapons of mass destruction.

Oh wait. He didn’t? Oh yeah – I keep forgetting that. Well, maybe Saddam DID get a good beatdown then. It's not like he didn't have one coming. I'm still thinking a fun punishment (funishment) would be to put the guy in stocks and wheel him around Iraq so his "people," the ones who voted him into office with 99.9% of the vote, can fling pre-packaged bags of camel crap at him. I bet they could raise a lot of spare cash selling those bags of crap.

The U.S., naturally, has denied Saddam’s claims of abuse, citing the 60 Minutes segment that aired this past Sunday in which it was reported that the U.S. doesn’t torture ANYONE, EVER, NEVER EVER EVER.

No, according to the report, we just kidnap people all over the world using a fleet of specially-outfitted jets and fly them to countries where torture is considered foreplay so that third-world mercenaries can do our dirty work for us. It's genius!

All I want to know is when are they going to kidnap that Dick Cheney guy. I have a feeling he knows something he's not telling us!