SPREADING EAGLES

Did you hear about the man who got arrested over the weekend for running onto the field in the middle of the Eagles-Packers game? Unlike most of the drunk morons who hop the wall and buzz around in front of the cameras, this guy wasn’t doing it for attention. He was doing it for his mother – his DEAD mother.

As Chris ran a post pattern across the field, he could be seen scattering the dusty contents of a plastic bag – later revealed as the ashen remains of his cremated mother. Satisfied that mom had become a permanent part of Lincoln Financial Field, Chris dropped to his knees, made the sign of the cross, and laid down so security personnel could peacefully escort him from the field of play.

“She never cared for any other team except the Eagles," he later explained to WPVI-TV. “I know that the last handful of ashes I had are laying on the field, and will never be taken away. She'll always be part…of the Eagles." A lot of Philly fans thought the same thing about Terrell Owens.

Sadly, his mom died last January…just prior to the Eagles’ Super Bowl appearance. Chris had reportedly requested that Eagles spread her remains officially, through the team office – but his request was denied. That’s when he took mother’s matter into his own hands and hatched a plan to do it himself.

Chris was charged with defiant trespass, a small price to pay for giving his mother an aerial burial. His only regret? That he had to spend the night in jail with a Packers fan.

(Sidenote to Mom: Don’t get any ideas – I happen to be very allergic to jail.)