I DID NOT WRITE THIS

But I wish I did. Good stuff forwarded to me as SPAM. I post it now for your reading pleasure.

You're very welcome.

Zen For Life

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory.
5. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
8. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
9. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
10. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
11. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
12. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
13 I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
14. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
15. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
16. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
17. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
18. Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!
19. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
20. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
21. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
22. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand...
23. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
24. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
25. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
26. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
27. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
28. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
29. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
30. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
31. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
32. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
33. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.