WHO SHOULD YOU VOTE FOR FOR PRESIDENT?

With the presidential primaries scheduled for early 2008, it may be time to start looking at the viability of some of your options. The whole idea behind democracy is that we elect people to act on our behalf in making decisions that will affect us all.

You're going to be hearing a lot of spin in the upcoming months. Obama lacks experience. Hillary is a pandering cyborg. Giuliani is exploiting 9/11. Romney is a fucking moron. Paul is a racist nutjob. The name of the game in political marketing these days is to brand your opponent unfit with a catchy, unforgettable nickname. Case in point: how Kerry was destroyed by the tag "flip-flopper," a term of endearment bestowed upon him countless times by Rupert Murdoch's fair and balanced spin doctors.

I personally don't find it comforting that the media, by and large, discourages our elected officials from changing their minds about the issues once they've voiced an opinion. I know a lot of people. A LOT of people. And I don't know one person who can say they've never changed their mind about something. We all change our minds...quite regularly, in fact. This is owed to something called "learning."

You live and you learn. And as you do, your opinions on and attitudes toward things change. It's only natural. There was a time I voted for Bush and despised Al Gore. Boy have I arrived at a different place today. You live, you learn. Gore's still fucking annoying as hell - but there's little doubt in my mind he was the better option for president. Word now is that Bush plans to declare a police state, institute a draft, and go after Iran before his term is up. And there's nothing we can do about it because our elected officials blindly signed the Patriot Act which pretty much says the president can do whatever he wants without restriction. All of those ludicrous Bush-Hitler comparisons are gaining merit fast.

Anyhow, we're finally into the homestretch of Bush's reign of terror. Just another 18 months, baby! With that in mind, I present to you the following list of issues. May I suggest you get out a pen and write them down. Then, next to each one write down whether you are in "support" of or "oppose." Skip the issues you don't give a shit about because they won't factor into your decision. Ready? You have 60 seconds. GO!

Abortion
Death penalty
No child left behind
Embryonic Stem Cell research
Drilling for oil here at home (ANWR)
Assault weapon ban
Signing the Kyoto Treaty for the environment
Mandatory background checks for gun buyers
The Patriot Act
Guantanamo Bay
Use of torture to gather information
Wiretapping of U.S. citizens
Path to citizenship for Illegal Aliens
Immigration border fence
Internet neutrality
Sanctions against Iran
Military action against Iran
Support for war in Iraq
Support for troop surge in Iraq
Withdrawl from Iraq
Minimum wage increase
Same sex civil unions
Same sex marriage
Same sex constitutional ban
Universal healthcare

Once you have completed your cheat sheet on the issues, click on this link to a table of the issues. It is a chart that illustrates where all of the presidential candidates stand on these very same issues. Compare your options. Find out who thinks most like you and the decision is easy. Unless you end up with Hillary, in which case I completely understand if you just can't do it. I'm not sure America is ready for a cyborg, either.