Friday, September 08, 2006


The Senate Intelligence Committee declassified an interesting document today.

The envelope please...

According to the Senate report on prewar intelligence on Iraq, there's NO evidence Saddam Hussein had a relationship with Abu Musab al-Zarqawi and his Al Qaeda associates. The lack of support for the Bush theory that Saddam was in league with Al Qaeda is nothing short of mindblowing considering where we are now, several years later. How did we let him talk us into this fiasco? Oh yeah, he didn't. He dictated our national interest in classic Patrick Swayze style: "It's my way or the highway."

(Where's that highway again? Oh yeah, it's coming up in a couple years.)

Actually, Bush said you're either with us or with them (the terrorists). Wow - I guess that means I'm with, er, the terrorists. That sucks! I don't want to be with the terrorists! Ugh. But I don't want to go to war for no reason either. That would only create MORE terrorists. Dammit - why didn't we have a third choice? "You're either with us, with them, or patient enough to get all of the facts before commiting troops to a cause that's as misguided as it is hopeless." I'll take C!

So now that it's "official," is the Bush echo chamber going to keep insisting the invasion was in our nation's best interest? Of course they will. The phrase "My bad!" wouldn't make for a good official State Department response. Nor would, "Oops!" Or, "That which doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." How about, "Everything happens for a reason!" A lot of people already believe that - Bush ought to use it as his justification for the war. Case closed!

I'm just worried by all of this stuff I'm reading about North Korea and Iran. Clearly unimpressed by our resolve in Iraq, they've actually stepped UP their rhetoric. Wait a second - I thought by going to war in Iraq we were showing the other card-carrying members of the Axis of Evil we meant BID-NESS! Well, to borrow a phrase from death metal band, Megadeth (as I often do), "Killing is our business...and business is good!"

Cue Ice T: On with the body count!

By this administration's vaunted logic, we must now invade every nation that poses an indirect threat to our national security - since the direct threat was, at best exaggerated, and at worst completely fabricated. And that's a pretty long list of nations who pose an indirect threat, starting with Fred & Ethel: Mexico and Canada. Did you know a majority of Canadians actually believe the U.S. is at least partially responsible for 911! Those are fightin' words in the Oval Office. Heigh ho, heigh ho - it's off to war we go!

[try whistling this]

Better order your fatigues now so you're sure to get your size.

Amazing how a single photo can sum up the Bush Administration policy on pretty much everything.

Bush on the environment...
Bush on the Constitution...
Bush on foreign policy...
Bush on middle-class taxpayers...

1 comment:

Donkey Hoatie said...

"You're either with us, or with them"

Gotta love extremist presidents!

Ed has said two things to me in the past that have stuck with me for years:

1. "You're in my world now. Livin' on my terms. Smelling my farts. You and both your friends. Cum shots to the face."


2. When forced into a dichotomy, choose neither.

The first was a quote from a crazy homeless guy, the second was from one of his law professors. Funny how I give equal weight to the two parties.

Point being, it makes a boatload of sense to always consider other options because they are always available. People often ask me whether I vote Republican or Democrat and are shocked when I tell them I vote often and have never voted for either as president. When shit is broken, the only way to fix it is to stop propping it up.

Oh, and before I forget. You're gay. Just thought everyone should know that.