DENIED!

Pluto was stripped of its planet status today, rendering all science books written since 1918 obsolete. Can you believe that?

One day you're a planet, the next day you're not. Kind of like Star Jones.

Let's hope this deplanetization stops here, because Earth could be next! Then what will we call ourselves? "Planet" Earth would no longer fit. It would be something like Orbiting Chunk of Matter Earth. Doesn't have quite the same ring.

Fellow Earlthlings, fret not - for your status as planetary dwellars has been secured. After all, we're the ones calling the shots. We can kick Jupiter, the largest of them all, right out of the Planet Club if we want to - and they couldn't do anything about it! Hell yeah! Scary, but I imagine this is what Dick Cheney sounds like behind closed doors.

Totally off topic, I have verified for you that Paul Wolfowitz is NOT the antichrist. My grandmother once declared this and I was so moved by her stoic prescience I had to look into the matter. Turns out the antichrist will be young and dashing, without children, and hail from Europe. So Paul is off the hook.