ALL IN THE FAMILY

THE PEOPLE WRITE:

"I have read your stuff since when you only had a Topica mailing list. I have always enjoyed your viewpoints. Thank you for taking the time to write them.

Way back in the middle part of 2004 (I *think*) you wrote something about Politics is a Family affair. Republicans were Dad... Dems were Mom. etc etc. (BTW... who are the third party candidates?)

Anyway... I can't find it on your blog... Have anyplace you post some of the older stuff? I remember it was very well written and illustrated your point perfectly.

Thank you! -- Connor"

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Connor, I believe this is the post you are looking for from March 5th, 2004:

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http://lists.topica.com/lists/AYNtK/read/message.html?mid=1716221118


POLITICS IS A FAMILY AFFAIR
Well, my conversion is official. I am now a liberal. I don’t know how
exactly it happened, but somehow over the past four years I abandoned
the safe harbor of conservatism and swum for more liberal waters – this
according to the political ideology selector on www.selectsmart.com. I’d
like to give G-Dub the nod for showing me the light, but I don’t believe
his evangelical narrow-mindedness is necessarily typical of all
conservatives – so I won’t give him full credit for alienating me. But I
do think his policies have opened my eyes to some of the harsh realities
I’d been ignoring.

Political insider and popular talk show host Chris Matthews often likens
the two major parties to heads of household. When you think about it,
conservatives are traditionally your father figures, while liberals are
your mother figures. The Republicans are the party of strict values,
laws, discipline, and defense. Dad lays down the law. He’ll whip you
with a belt if you get out of line. You’re afraid of dad because he’s
short-tempered. But dad’s the one who keeps the roof over your head. And
dad’s the one you run to when you feel most threatened. Dad keeps you
safe, if uncomfortably so.

The Democrats, meanwhile, are more nurturing – focused more on things
like education, health care, social security, and welfare programs. Mom
gets you out of bed in the morning. She gets you clean, dressed, and off
to school with a full belly. And if you should feel sick that day, mom
takes care of you. But mom sometimes has a tendency to baby you. And she
doesn’t always trust you to do the right thing. Dad will let you learn
from your mistakes…mom doesn’t give you the opportunity to make them in
the first place. So you’re pampered and well fed with mom – even fat and
lazy.

So who do you want running the country – mom or dad? Sometimes, like in
times of war, or global uncertainty, you want dad. You don’t want Jimmy
Carter – you want Ronald Reagan. You want a practical, no-nonsense guy
who’ll speak loudly and carry a massive stick. Other times, when we the
world is a pretty stable place, we elect mom. We don’t want Bush, we
want Clinton. We want someone to feed us, pamper us, and keep us
healthy.

Dad trusted you to take the car on your own, where mom would have been
happy buying you a new bicycle every year to keep you off the road and
out of harm’s way. Dad raised you to be independent, rational, and
responsible. Mom raised you to be polite, courteous, generous, and
respectful of others. America today is a pretty good mix of the best,
and worst, of both mom and dad. And when we sense too much mom or dad in
the mix, we go back the other way.

Right now the Republicans are trying to convince voters that we need
more dad. Their message is that the world is an extremely dangerous
place and we need a leader who won’t let us get pushed around. We need
someone who means what he says and isn’t afraid to make tough decisions
where national security is concerned. The Democrats, on the other hand,
are showing us all of the sick, hungry, unemployed people we’re
neglecting. They’re telling us the world is nowhere near as dangerous a
place as the Republicans would have us believe. It all depends on who
you choose to listen to.

Personally, I’m done listening to both of them. Mom and dad have been
arguing so much I’m sick of it. Some example they’re setting. Why can’t
they sit down and compromise, I wonder? Why are they always accusing the
other one of infidelity? Is dad REALLY sleeping with the Texas oilman?
Is mom really banging all of her lawyer friends? Can’t dad see the merit
in any of mom’s ideas? Mom says dad is too strict with the children. Dad
keeps trying to tear up mom’s credit cards because she’s always out
shopping.

I’m looking into a marriage counselor by the name of Ralph Nader. He
says mom and dad both need to stop bickering and listen to the children.
We’re the ones, after all, who end up suffering in the end.

I’m out, friends. Have a good one. That’s all you need to know.

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Addendum:

This post was originally mailed to the AYNtK subscriber list prior to the 2004 Presidential election. It's clear that a lot has gone on in the American household since then.

Dad became a control freak and started eavesdropping on our phone calls. He then claimed the authority to beat us with a broom handle any time he felt so inclined - to protect us from ourselves, of course. He admitted there was a leak in our basement but said a little agua down there would be a good thing. He's still out late every night, getting drunk on oil and fighting. And when mom criticizes him for tearing the family apart, he smacks her down swiftly and calls her a whiny little bitch. Mom feels powerless, and is forced to watch the family suffer. Our health is getting worse and we can't do anything about it because the family debt is at an all time high. The kids are beginning to wish dad would move out of their big white house for good. The kids all agree that mom should dump this loser and get a new boyfriend - but at the very least she needs to kick dad out of the house so we can all sleep in peace.