WHAT THE DOUBLE FUCK

While we've been busy living our lives, going to work so we can feed our babies, pay our mortgages, and buy our precious gasoline, our elected officials have been busily doing "the people's work."

This week, that entailed voting on a Constitutional Amendment to ban flag-burning. Yes - a Constitutional Amendment. The vote, in case you have not been in front of a newspaper recently, failed to pass by a single vote. After cruising through the House 286-130, it failed to win two thirds of the Senate, 66-34, sparing us all a harrowing journey back in time.

Two thoughts came to mind when I read this. The first thought was what the FUCK is going on here? The second thought, eerily, was what the fuck is going ON here? It was a bonafide what the double fuck? Both rare and powerful.

The first "what the fuck" was in reaction to the fact that our government is wasting its time dealing with (what should be) non-issues like flag-burning. Next to banning gay marriage, it's the last thing on a growing list of things we "the people" need to be focused on right now.

Who the hell is in charge over there that we're debating such trivial topics as flag-burning when we've got REAL issues up the wazoo? Let's see: there are the thousands of American men and women our misguided military policies have effectively stranded in the Middle East (protecting us, you will remember, from a mad dictator with zero ties to 911 and a cache of WMD that we still haven't found). Then there are our porous borders, through which a platoon of terrorists could high-step like a marching band at a homecoming parade. There's the environmental holocaust for which our addiction to oil is primarily responsible. There's an insolvent social security system we continue to ignore year after year after year while life expectancy climbs higher with every life-saving drug. Speaking of which, and scarier yet, there's a health care system many now agree is in WORSE shape than social security, if you can fathom that possibility - not to mention the dirty laundry list of perhaps a thousand other (more important) things our elected officials could, and should, be doing to make our country safer, sounder, cleaner, smarter, and longer-lasting!

Instead, we're considering a ban on flag-burning.

Which immediately led me to my second "what the fuck?" thought. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Why would we want to BAN flag burning? Shouldn't we be trying to PROTECT it? How could a nation BUILT on freedom ban the most fundamental freedom of all? I think those crafty, wigged Founders knew exactly what they were doing when they made free speech/expression the very first Amendment. They knew it was paramount to everything else that would come after it. If our government starts banning what we say and how we say it, everything else will follow it right out the window.

If they ever limit our most basic of freedoms, you can be sure the rest of the Amendments will start collecting asterisks as well.

Banning flag-burning is like saying you can say anything you want so long as the government agrees with it. Did I fall asleep in Chicago and wake up in Beijing? This is America, people. Our nation was founded by a bunch of people who broke ranks to make a better life for themselves and all of those who came after them. I'm guessing those no-good hooligans even burned the Union Jack from time to time. For heaven's sake, not only are we wasting our time with dubious domestic policymaking, we've got the bloody car in reverse! If we're going to be making radical changes to our nation's most sacred document, let's at least error on the side of progress. Legalize pot or something. Scrap the tax code. Make recycling mandatory. Impose term limits on lawmakers. There are plenty of controversial ways to mix things up that would at least keep us moving forward. Banning speech is essentially taking a quantum leap back in time.

Does this mean I condone or advocate the burning of the flag? Absolutely not. It just means that I place higher value on the freedoms that the flag represents than the fabric of the flag itself. Speaking of which, if they just made the damn things out of flame-retardant material in the first place, we wouldn't be having this discussion.

A good friend of mine named Ben Franklin was also incensed about this latest exercise in congressional masturbation, and offered the following to be cut-and-pasted into an e-mail for wider distribution. I think this letter pretty much says it all. And if you'd like to read more from my boy, B-Frank, you can check out more of his politically inspirational ramblings at Voice America.

**********OPEN LETTER TO MY CONGRESSMAN

"I have always been a fan of yours. Your voting record is indicative of one who votes with conscience and judiciousness; not bending to the unending influence of big business. As a constituent, it is heartening to see that there is still a voice; someone that understands that the government serves at the pleasure of the people, for the good of the people.

I was shocked and disappointed at your vote on the flag burning proposal. This country was founded on the principles of liberty and justice, and truths that are held to be self evident and timeless. One of those immutable truths has been held to be the freedom to express one's self.

"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."

-Evelyn Beatrice Hall, 1906 (under the pseudonym Stephen G. Tallentyre)

Words expressed, coincidentally, 100 years ago, but every bit as true, and perhaps more imperatively so, today. Even then, this sentiment was intended to paraphrase the attitudes of Voltaire - even then, over 100 years older, still. Timeless, self-evident, truths.

I am sickened when I see flags burned on the evening news - especially in lands where freedom of expression is prohibited, insofar as it deviates from officially sanctioned state or party lines. The United States, however, has ever shined as an example for the world - an environment in which contrarian ideologies might be expressed without fear of reprisal from the government. An environment that has birthed the greatest nation on Earth. A nation of industry, art, generosity, pride, and heritage.

A war is started with a single shot. True, but often overlooked. Let us be ever vigilant against the subversion of the people by its government. Please reconsider your stance and, disgusted as we both are by the act of desecrating a symbol of our great nation, realize that it is only symbol - and that the greater offense is to allow those who would impose their will on the masses to begin to do so. With a single shot."