...is dead.
According to reports, Al-Zarqawi bit the bullet in an air strike and is no longer the elusive mastermind of Al-Qaeda's Iraqi terror network. That is great news. It's always good to be able to put a strategic air strike to a name.
As proof, the U.S. military released video with F-16s dropping two 500-pound bombs
and a copy of Sarah Jessica Parker's last feature film "Failure to Launch" for a total of three bombs. It is believed Al-Zarqawi managed to elude the blast radius of the traditional munitions, but was sucked into the vortex that is Matthew McConaghey's shit-eating grin and perished instantly. Paramount Pictures has been unavailable for comment.
Upon confirmation of this notable success in the war on terror, President Bush's approval rating skyrocketed to 12. It is expected the president will leverage this small victory to garner support for a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. A White House spokesperson told reporters this morning:
"Everyone was up in arms about illegal wiretaps and the government spying on the people - but look where it got us. Al-Zarqawi is dead. This is clear proof that the president's policies are moving the country in the right direction. If we can ban gay people from declaring their love for one another before the law, the president thinks we may have a shot at bin Laden."
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