MAMA I'M COMING HOME

I finally did it. I finally listened to Ozzy in my car again. It's been a long time since I've been able to Bark at the Moon with the Oz-man, but this morning I decided it was time to face my demons. I wanted to hear a little "Mama, I'm Coming Home" - you know, in the spirit of Mothers Day weekend. But I've been unable to jam that or anything else by the elder Osbourne since that fateful evening back in December of 1997. I was cruising north on Prospect Avenue. It was snowing. I changed lanes to avoid a left hand turner and

SLAM!

There was a car driving responsibly in my blindspot (yes, that was a subtle dose of sarcasm). I thought I'd performed an adequate check of the road prior to veering right, but apparently I had not. Fortunately, everyone was okay. I remember pulling off onto the next side street with a Monster Burger from Hardee's in my lap and Ozzie screeching loudly at me on all sides: "I'm going off the rails on a crazy train! I'm going off the rails on a crazy train!"

I hit eject and never put that disc back into the car. Not that car, the one I bought after it, or the one I have now. Until this morning. Wet, dangerous road conditions, French Toaster Stick in my hand, I decided to pump some Ozzy. And that wasn't all. I was also going to change lanes. Yeah - crazy. I know.

But that's exactly what I did. Over and over. Swerving from lane to lane as though I were going off the rails of my very own crazy train. I must have changed lanes about a dozen times on North Avenue between Clybourn and Clark. A part of me was hoping I'd get pulled over so I could tell SOMEONE what I was doing. I was so proud of myself.

"I'm getting over an irrational phobia of changing lanes in poor weather while listening to Ozzy Osbourne, officer. Haven't been able to do it for 8 and a half years."

I think the law would understand, not that I was breaking any. As far as I know, it's perfectly legal to change lanes for no reason so long as you signal and aren't endangering other motorists while doing so.

Now that I'm safely home, I must say that I'm feeling much better having faced that demon head on. Tomorrow I plan to speed through the many intersections of downtown while pumping Pete Yorn to bring down another demon. "Stories and cigarettes ruined lives of lesser girls...and I want to know..."

I've got a lot of demons, but not for long. Mama, I'm coming home.