KNOW YOUR CURRENT EVENTS

Here's the latest installment of Know Your Current Events...ripped lovingly from the headlines. How much do you know about your world?

(Answers in the comments field below)

1.) 7-11 in Japan announced this week they would start carrying:

A. Sushi Slushees
B. Extra EXTRA small condoms
C. Canned Oxygen
D. Plastic thong underwear
E. Over the counter birth control pills

2.) A high school teacher had to apologize this week for asking students to write an essay about:

A. Who they would like to kill and how
B. What celebrity they would like to sleep with and where
C. When they lost their virginity and with who
D. How they would like to die and why
E. Pork chops

3.) According to a recent poll, Miami topped the list of American cities for:

A. Metamucil parties
B. Dennis Rodman sightings
C. Illegal alien abductions
D. Road rage
E. Accidental colonoscopies

4.) In a speech on the topic of immigration reform, President Bush said this about amnesty for illegal immigrants:

A. "I loved Amnesty, or am I thinking about Falcon Crest?"
B. "I am all for it, but only when the life of the mother is at risk."
C. "I'm going to go with Dick on this one, but don't quote me on that."
D. "I oppose it."
E. "They can drink whatever they want so long as they pay their taxes."

5.) This week, new White House Press Secretary Tony Snow surprised many when he:

A. Dropped the F-bomb
B. Admitted he was gay
C. Wept openly
D. Told a correspondent to take the marbles out of her mouth
E. Quit

6.) The FBI began digging in a farm field in Michigan this week looking for:

A. A briefcase believed to contain enriched uranium flakes
B. The remaining remains of Jimmy Hoffa
C. A tunnel used to import cheap Mexican labor
D. Xanadu
E. Love in all the wrong places

7.) Ex-American Idol hopeful and dubiously iconic William Hung (She Bangs!) was recently named:

A. Artist of the Year by Disney Radio
B. The Artichoke King
C. “Long Strapper” by Well Hung magazine
D. #24 on the People magazine’s list of World’s Sexiest People
E. Mark Cuban's hairdresser

8.) A new law passed by the Iranian parliament:

A. Bans voting for an American Idol
B. Requires Jews and Christians to wear color-coded I.D. badges in public
C. Outlaws pudding baths
D. Makes it illegal to leave your camel in a handicapped spot
E. Changed the national anthem to the Flock of Seagulls song "I Ran"

9.) Saddam Hussein’s novel, which hit the shelves in Japan this week, is titled:

A. “Oil Be Back”
B. “Get Out of Here, Curse You”
C. “Brokeback Camelboy”
D. “The Gentle, Breaking Wind”
E. "W Stands for Wuss"

10.) This week, the United States Senate made…:

A. English the national language of the United States
B. Brownies from scratch
C. A run for the border
D. Love out of nothing at all
E. Hay