BORDER-LINE PLAGARISM

El Presidente gave a prime-time speech on immigration reform last night. It was the first time he addressed the nation from the Oval Office on an issue of domestic concern during his two terms. I watched it from the edge of my seat, poised to pounce on every ludicrous word he was certain to utter regarding the millions of illegal aliens on permanent holiday in our great country.

But as my ears searched his quivering prose for absurdity, I grew shocked at how little there was to criticize. He was, for perhaps the first time in his presidency, making complete sense to me. I wondered how it was possible that he could suddenly articulate rational points of view, particularly on a topic so hopelessly charged with controversy. And then it all started coming into focus. Word after word. Point after point. There was something familiar about it all. Where had I heard such perfect sense expressed with such crystal clarity before? Eureka!

He was reading my blog post titled Random Notes on Immigration!

I couldn't believe it. Everything was there - the guest worker program, the "make them wait in line behind the folks who are applying legally," making English comprehension a prerequisite for citizenship, all of it! As he delved into the details of his plan, I could see the paper in front of him on his Oval desk was a print out of my post. He was using AYNtK as Cliff's Notes for a presidential address! It was all too much to handle - I fell off my couch in shock. Hearing my jokes on late night monologues is one thing, especially considering jokes on current affairs tend to be obvious. I can't really take credit for those. But here I was clearly providing major domestic policy insight for a world power. The only thing he didn't mention was the Great Moat of North America. That's okay, G-dubs - gotta hold back a little something for next time.

This is going to look really good on my resume.