Friday, March 03, 2006

SYSTEM FAILURE

Every morning I wake up and start all over again. The first things that pop into my head are: Who am I? Where am I? What day is it? What time is it? It’s like I’m a computer booting up, and my system diagnostics take an inventory of my surroundings.

Loading OS ANYtK…

System belongs to: Terry Mertens

System ports: OK

Chicago, Illinois
2006

Today is Friday
***Launching Friday Feel Good Hormone…

It is 7:35 in the morning and sunny

Checking log:

“Good morning, Terry. You have work today. It is the last work day of the week. You need to pay your mortgage today. You have a meeting this morning at 10:00 a.m. - be sure to shave. Your car is parked in the garage. Your girlfriend is generally pleased with you - buy flowers to improve relationship performance. You do not have cash. It is going to be a cold day. Call the following people...”

And then my computer proceeds to fill up my system tray with all of the programs that will be running in the background all day long.

* Appetite Manager…loading
* Waketime temperature Monitor…loading
* Libido Doctor…loaded in sleep state at 5:23 a.m
* Social Awareness 2.0…loading

And then my body gets out of bed and start doing things without my even thinking about it. I make a cup of instant coffee. I turn the shower and television on. I start fishing through the pile of clothes on my bed for something relatively clean.

45 minutes later, the person I recognize as “me” stumbles out into the hallway, locks the door, and trudges with eyes half shut toward the elevator.

Do I really have free will? Or do I just think I do? Am I really behaving consciously, or am I noticing what I’m doing as I’m doing it and interpreting it as choice? I do not feel free. I do not feel like I am making choices. I feel like some invisible hand is typing in commands all day long, commands I execute without much thought. And when my battery life finally starts to fail and my central processing unit chokes and sputters, I am powered down for the night.

Every morning I am booted back up again and set to perform a multitude of functions that surely must serve a purpose higher than my own self-interest. I don’t and can’t know what it is – only that my participation is essential, and trying to figure it out is futile.

System OK.

I have created the following diagnostic report for my user. I think it's time I get some fucking upgrades.

WARNING! - SYSTEM UNSTABLE - RUNNING OUT OF MEMORY - PLEASE TRY OPTIMIZING HARD DRIVE - INSTALL NEW VIRUS PROTECTION SOFTWARE - DOWNLOAD LATEST SECURITY UPDATES - REMOVE ALL UNUSED APPLICATIONS - UPGRADE PROCESSOR SPEED - INSTALL PATCH FOR SOCIAL AWARENESS 2.1 TO IMPROVE PERFORMANCE

Please enter password: __

4 comments:

barnyardfriend said...

All of these things don't load for me until I interface with an external hard drive I call coffee. Luckily, I can make it down the stairs and brew a whole pot of it in my sleep.

Anonymous said...

Wow! It takes you 45 minutes to get ready for work? I'm really pushing it with 15-20 minutes!

AYNtK said...

No - it doesn't take me 45 minutes to get ready for work. In sum, it takes closer to 6 minutes. The other 39 minutes are spent talking myself into going. Morning is a process. I first wake up, then I lay there, then I close my eyes and pretend if I open them again I'll be someone else, then I finally get out of bed and move to the couch where I try the same exercise over again, to no avail, then I get up and move to the can where I sit down and see if anything happens, even though nothing ever happens first thing in the morning, and so I finally get into the shower and 6 minutes later I'm out in the hallway locking up and heading off to work. Didn't think the original post warranted this degree of detail, but your curiosity required clarification. So there ya go...

Anonymous said...

Ahhhh, yeah I get it. Pretty much like sex. ;)

I SEE YOU!