BAD MONKEY!

On the world stage, Israeli Prime Minster Ariel Sharon suffered a stroke and had to undergo emergency brain surgery. Palestinians didn’t know whether to celebrate or panic, as changes in Israeli leadership have always come with a mixed bag of hope, fries, and supersized despair. It is not anticipated Sharon will be able to serve in the same capacity as before the stroke, so the government in flux is expected to settle matters as it always has – with rock, paper, scissors.

In related news, there has been no formal announcement regarding the report NBC television has booked Sharon to host next year’s New Years Eve Countdown. Scheduled to air opposite Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Years, Sharon’s program would be called “2007: The Other Stroke of Midnight.”

I know…I know – hell awaits. In all seriousness, good for Dick. His amazing progress and recovery over such a relatively short period of time is a triumph for us all. My monkey wasn’t aware that he’d suffered a stroke when he posted earlier this week that Dick looked like Gollum in a jacket and tie. That was mean, and my monkey was spanked several times for that insensitive post. Don't bother looking for it, incidentally - it has been removed to comply with self-imposed decency standards. I'm hoping it gets me into first class when my handbasket to hell finally takes off.

“It’s time we ring in the New Year. Ring. Ring. We need to ring in the New Year. Give it to me. Give me the ring! It's so precious!”

If the American cultural icon had simply been old, that kind of mean-spirited humor works. But in light of his medical condition, it was simply cruel. I guess I need to go back to picking on booze-swilling Hollywood starve-lets. It's just not the same! *sigh*