BEING TRANSOXUAL

I’ve been catching a lot of flack from friends who don’t think it’s natural for a Cubs fan to be rooting for the White Sox to win the World Series. My reaction thusfar has been to respond with a big, “Fuck off, I can root for whoever I want.” But today I decided to think rationally about it. Does rooting for the White Sox somehow make me less of a Cubs fan?

After four seconds of deep consideration I came to the conclusion that of course it didn’t.

Sure, the two teams are city rivals…but they play in different leagues. And when they do play against each other I always root for the Cubs. Indeed, were the Cubs playing against them in the World Series, there’s no way in hell I’d be fired up about the Sox. Of course, were the Cubs actually in the World Series, nothing in hell would be fired up, as hell would be a massive sheet of ice. But that’s not the point.

The point is that it is perfectly acceptable to pledge support for a rival team if YOUR team is comprised of a bunch of lame, underachieving nurses who’ll never get to the big show themselves. I mean, shit, what’s the point to watching sports if you’re not invested in the outcome one way or the other?

I suppose I could throw my support to the Cubs’ division rival Astros, but that wouldn’t make me a better Cubs fan, either. That would just make me a Sox-hater, which some Cubs fans think is central to being a Cubs fan. I love that argument: “Sox fans wouldn’t root for the Cubs if WE made it to the World Series, so why are you going to root for the Sox?” That’s simple: Because I’m not a bitter, mean-spirited Sox fan, frothing with vitriolic hatred. I’m a happy-go-lucky Cubs fan who doesn’t have to see the Sox implode to get a good night’s sleep. But some folks just don’t see it that way. Less power to them.

I suppose another tactic would be to boycott the World Series because my team isn’t in it. But the World Series is a prime excuse to get piss drunk with friends. How can I possibly boycott the World Series? I’ve never boycotted the World Series and I don’t intend to start now. No – my liver’s not getting off that easily. That’s what sore losers do – they pout and whine and quit when their team is out of it. I don’t pout and whine and quit. I acknowledge my team sucks, as I do every year, and then give the nod to one of the finalists. One of the finalists this year just happens to be bringing a lot of excitement (and revenue) to my fine town. I’m rather enjoying it.

So go Sox. Show Chicago how it’s done. Take some of the weight off of our City of Big Shoulders. Give Cubs fans another reason to hate you next year when the rivalry resumes. Kick some Astro ass. (Except when Clemens is pitching…everybody loves the Rocket, baby!) For the next week, there’s no rivalry here – just the respect a good, hard-working team deserves.

And if you don't agree, fuck off - I can root for whoever I want, beotch!