NOTICE TO LOOTERS

No - I'm not going to shoot you. I've just got some neighborly notes to share.

You're doing it all wrong! Apparel and electronics are valuable goods, but they're far too difficult to carry around. Here's a tip: ATM machines.

They're everywhere, and they're loaded with cash. Let's not forget - wet cash is still cash. Every bar has one. Every mall has several. Every street corner. Every gas station. Every bank. Every convenience mart. There are thousands of ATMs all over that city and they're just bursting with big bills. If you're going to steal shit so you've got something to start over with, why not start with American green? It's lightweight and more accepted than Visa.

Here's the idea. You're going to need some help with this - but not too much because then you'll have to share the spoils. Now, if it's a free-standing unit, you'll want to drag it somewhere out of the way so camera crews don't catch you. The looting already looks bad enough without scenes of people cracking into ATM machines. That might be over the line for some folks, who've only dreamt of busting into one of those bad boys just to wrestle back some of those ridiculous transaction fees. By design, these money dispensers aren't easy to breach, so getting inside is going to take some elbow grease. Secure a heavy metal instrument of some kind from the many debris piles at your disposal and give it hell. Experiment with different pokes and swings in different places. Feel around the edges for weak seams. Knock on the casing to see where it is hollow, then drop a heavy chunk of concrete on it. *

Sound like a plan?

Okay then - put down that armful of fall fashions from Saks Fifth Avenue and go get yourself some bills. You'll find it a whole lot easier to trade money for goods than goods for money. Fa shizzle.




* Please note that I do not personally endorse looting of any kind as it is against the law. I would never suggest people break the law just to feed their dying children. Huh? Sarcastic? No, not all.