Friday, September 30, 2005


Meteorologists reported today that the cities of Houston and Galveston were spared the worst of Hurricane Rita due to a mysterious connection with FOX News correspondent Geraldo Rivera’s mustache.

“Geraldo’s mustache is always at the center of the storm,” said Michael Clifton of the Academy of Atmospheric Sciences. “Take a look at history since Geraldo has been around, dating back to the chair-launching episode on his syndicated talk TV program. The man is a magnet for all that it dangerous in this world. People think he’s got a death wish for putting himself in harm’s way, but the reverse is actually true. Trouble finds HIM.”

An in-depth analysis by weather control teams tracked the path of both Geraldo Rivera’s mustache and Hurricane Rita, revealing a noticeable change in the course of the storm based on the hour-to-hour movement of Geraldo’s mustache.

“I don’t know if he even knows it, but he’s a hero in Houston. Unfortunately, the folks in Beaumont probably want him dead…or worse – shaved.”

Neither Geraldo nor his mustache could not be reached for comment.

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