I’ve felt ashamed to admit what I am about to reveal. Honestly, there have been days I couldn’t even bear to look at myself in the mirror. Disappointment only begins to describe how I feel right now. Disgusted is more like it. But I can no longer go on living this charade…pretending I am something I am not day after day. I hope you will still find it in your heart to love me for me, and to forgive me for misleading you for so long. Trust me – no one feels worse about this than I do. If anything, I need your support now more than ever.
It took a lot of time and some intensive counseling, but I’m finally starting to forgive myself. And it would mean the world if you would forgive me, too. So here it is. I admit it. I like Boca Burgers. Yes, you heard right. I actually enjoy the way they taste. I really like them…and worse, I’ve been eating them for months without telling anyone. MONTHS. I haven’t been able to look at beef and pork the same this whole time. I’m sorry, but it’s true.
What?
What are Boca Burgers? You seriously did NOT just ask me that. You’re only asking to cover the fact that you’re already more than familiar with them, right? Come on. Boca Burgers?
We’ve ALL tried them before, if only to sate that rumbling curiosity deep inside our bellies: Will this healthy, meatless soy patty really taste like a “burger”? The answer, for those of you truly unfamiliar with the concept of a “Boca Burger,” is that they taste, surprisingly, close enough.
No, they don’t sizzle and bleed red all over the frying pan. And they don’t fatten up in the middle when they cook. They don’t spout tasty grease that runs down your chin and they don’t flood the neighborhood with the sweet smell of sirloin sweat dripping onto ashen charcoal briquettes when you fire them up on the grill.
But they DO resemble the consistency and flavor well enough that you can make a meal out of them. Yes, even when you’re sober. And because they’re made of soy, they’re actually GOOD for you. Maybe I’m just rationalizing here, but I think you’d enjoy them. Have you tried them lately? They’re not what they once were. They’re good now. Really. What's more, a Boca Burger has fewer calories, far less fat, more fiber, and nearly as much protein as a beef burger. And they're cholesterol free (depending on the flavor you choose).
Anyhow – I’m truly sorry for having kept this from you all for so long. I’m just glad to finally get it out. No more secrets. Life is so much easier this way. Oh wait. Okay – one more secret. I shower in a swimsuit because I don’t like the way I look naked. But that's it. No more secrets.
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4 comments:
For GOD's SAKE MAN...snap out of it! You live in the heartland...that website had BOCA-EVENTS??? Where's the thrill of the hunt (okay, so you don't really 'hunt' cows, but there's not even the hint of a chase with a soy bean!)? Couldn't you just have a side of edamame with your steak?
(there, that's over. most of the nebraskans i know will have quit reading by now, having passed out from cholesterol/fat overload on that juicy sirloin. now i can freely admit...i like them too!)
Did you say edamame? I LOVE edamame. A tasty soy snack ready in just five minutes! It's like popcorn, except that it doesn't get stuck in your digestive tract.
I am not yet comfortable enough with my Bocaness to attend an event. But I should say that, living in Illinois, succumbing to soy was just a matter of time. Illinois is the nation's leading producer of soy crops. (Iowa is ranked number 2) We also grow a lot of corn here. Did you know that this summer's drought is having a massive effect on soy production? This year's crop is expected to be the smallest since 1996. The same is not true for corn. Despite the weather, this year's corn crop will be the second LARGEST on record. Don't believe the hype about food prices going up because of the drought. Today's market is a global one. There's been a significant increase in crop yield in countries like Brazil and Argentina - so there's going to be more than enough to go around. That is, of course, if you are fortunate enough to live in the land of plenty. If you live in North Korea or subsaharan Africa, global agriculture yield matters little. There's a soup nazi in the world's kitchen - no grain for you!
I'm going to Wild Oats and look for these products. Thanks Ter.
Ter,
Welcome aboard the Boca Bandwagon. I've been on it for years. I keep sirloin burgers from Costco and Boca Burgers in my freezer at all times and I'll tell you right now, I have to replenish the Bocas about 4 times as often.
All things considered, they're not too bad tasting. Plus, if I'm still hungry after eating one, I don't feel quite as guilty about having the second. Add a little Sweet Baby Ray's barbecue sauce with some smoked cheddar cheese and grilled onions and you'd be amazed at how good it continues to taste after you burp it back up again.
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