Every so often I have one of those "heaven on earth" moments where I think to myself life just can't get any better than it is right now. About ten minutes ago I had another such moment while eating what was, without question, the very best roasted pork burrito I have ever had.
Wow.
Still recovering from the experience. And now I'm lapsing into a post-burrito funk - that emotional low following the sensory high of eating something so perfect. I may be in the early stages of addiction here. What was in that burrito? Cilantro! The cilantro gets me every time.
I need more. I have to have more.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
A PUCKIN' SHAME
The subject of hockey cheerleaders came up at work the other day. Don’t ask me how. But I did take a pretty firm stance on it that surprised some people. I don’t like it. Period. First period. Second period. Third period. Don’t like the idea at all. Not in favor it.
I don’t know if you’ve been to an NHL hockey game recently, but I can tell you that during timeouts at Chicago Blackhawks games, a squad of skinny girls in tight-fitting clothes cruises out onto the ice with shovels to clear away slush from around the goalie boxes. It's a pretty important job that stadium management determined would be best handled by a crack crew of exotic dancers and night-club bartenders on their day off.
Of course, clearing away slush isn't REALLY their purpose. (The fact is, they clear away very little slush from around the net.) Their REAL purpose is to sex up the sport a little by giving all of the men in the arena something to look at while the athletes are catching their breath. To be completely honest, I find it a little insulting. "Why?" the oversexed heterosexual male might ask. Because I don’t go to hockey games to ogle women. I just don’t. I don’t go to strip clubs to ogle women, either – but if I wanted to ogle women, that’s where I would go...a strip club. Not a fucking hockey game. I go to a hockey game to eat cold, overpriced stadium food, drink flat domestic beer, and watch men with wooden sticks run into each other at high speeds. Gawking at big-bosomed women in tight lycra jumpsuits isn't on the agenda.
So, no, I don’t care for the cheap-ass peep show on ice. And the more I thought about it, the more I started realizing how some element of sex seems infused into virtually everything these days. Even the NEWS! Fox "News" Channel, not surprisingly, is the worst. While they claim to take the high road, it's clear to even the casual viewer what's going on here. Check out this fine segment undressing FOX one hypocritical example of poor taste after the next.
Okay. So sex sells, they say. I get it. But where does it end? I’m already in the ice rink – I already bought the ticket. I already bought the beer. What are the ice girls selling me? An experience? Come on. Can we stop objectifying young women already, perpetuating the illusion that the primary measure of their worth is in turning heads. Women are more valuable to society than this, aren't they? Seriously.
ICE GIRLS: I bet more than a few of these ladies can make a mean ham sandwich, too. It's a real puckin' shame...
Here it is in a nutshell. Just as women resent being portrayed as sex objects, I resent when men are viewed as sex-obsessed objects. I have other interests, you know. Like sports. And gambling. And bar trivia. I am more than a sexual impulse. I am more than a desire to procreate. I am more than a seed seeking purchase. So, yes, it’s a little insulting when it is presumed that women in provocative dress will add value to my experience as a hockey fan. And I also find it disrespectful to the female partners of the fans, who just roll their eyes when the ice girls skate out and do their thing. What's the point to all of this visual temptation anyhow? It's not going anywhere. Come to think of it, neither is this post.
I don’t know if you’ve been to an NHL hockey game recently, but I can tell you that during timeouts at Chicago Blackhawks games, a squad of skinny girls in tight-fitting clothes cruises out onto the ice with shovels to clear away slush from around the goalie boxes. It's a pretty important job that stadium management determined would be best handled by a crack crew of exotic dancers and night-club bartenders on their day off.
Of course, clearing away slush isn't REALLY their purpose. (The fact is, they clear away very little slush from around the net.) Their REAL purpose is to sex up the sport a little by giving all of the men in the arena something to look at while the athletes are catching their breath. To be completely honest, I find it a little insulting. "Why?" the oversexed heterosexual male might ask. Because I don’t go to hockey games to ogle women. I just don’t. I don’t go to strip clubs to ogle women, either – but if I wanted to ogle women, that’s where I would go...a strip club. Not a fucking hockey game. I go to a hockey game to eat cold, overpriced stadium food, drink flat domestic beer, and watch men with wooden sticks run into each other at high speeds. Gawking at big-bosomed women in tight lycra jumpsuits isn't on the agenda.
So, no, I don’t care for the cheap-ass peep show on ice. And the more I thought about it, the more I started realizing how some element of sex seems infused into virtually everything these days. Even the NEWS! Fox "News" Channel, not surprisingly, is the worst. While they claim to take the high road, it's clear to even the casual viewer what's going on here. Check out this fine segment undressing FOX one hypocritical example of poor taste after the next.
Okay. So sex sells, they say. I get it. But where does it end? I’m already in the ice rink – I already bought the ticket. I already bought the beer. What are the ice girls selling me? An experience? Come on. Can we stop objectifying young women already, perpetuating the illusion that the primary measure of their worth is in turning heads. Women are more valuable to society than this, aren't they? Seriously.
ICE GIRLS: I bet more than a few of these ladies can make a mean ham sandwich, too. It's a real puckin' shame...Here it is in a nutshell. Just as women resent being portrayed as sex objects, I resent when men are viewed as sex-obsessed objects. I have other interests, you know. Like sports. And gambling. And bar trivia. I am more than a sexual impulse. I am more than a desire to procreate. I am more than a seed seeking purchase. So, yes, it’s a little insulting when it is presumed that women in provocative dress will add value to my experience as a hockey fan. And I also find it disrespectful to the female partners of the fans, who just roll their eyes when the ice girls skate out and do their thing. What's the point to all of this visual temptation anyhow? It's not going anywhere. Come to think of it, neither is this post.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
THINGS I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE, #17
Michael Jackson on the cover of Ebony magazine.Wow.
That's like putting Jesus on the cover of Scientific American.
Or Hillary on the cover of the New Yorker.
Monday, November 05, 2007
THE WRITERS STRIKE BACK
The terrorists have won. I concede. They finally did it. America is about to become a crippled shadow of its former self.
Somehow Al-Qaeda managed to infiltrate Hollywood, persuading the Writer's Guild of America to go on strike, a move expected to force much of American television entertainment programming into repeats! YES, REPEATS! Just when it's about to get cold outside they hit us with re-reruns. This is simply unthinkable.
They really know how to hit us where it hurts, don't they?
In all seriousness, the WGA did go on strike, and that could mean lights out for some of your favorite shows this year. Here's a select breakdown of shows I have actually heard of for your files:
Late Night TV
"Colbert Report" and "The Daily Show"
Status: Will go into repeats immediately.
"The Tonight Show" and "The Conan O'Brien Show"
Status: Will go into repeats immediately.
"Jimmy Kimmel Live"
Status: Staffed with WGA writers, so it would probably go to repeats. But Kimmel may decide to wing it.
"Nightline"
Status: Will remain live and in originals. Sadly, I more Americans will likely prefer to watch Conan reruns than learn something new and interesting about the world around them.
ABC
"Lost"
Status: Expected to have eight out of 16 episodes ready.
"Cavemen"
Status: Expected to have 12 out of 13 episodes completed; has not received an order for a full season.
"The View"
Status: Will continue uninterrupted, according to a spokesman. Thank heavens.
"Dirty Sexy Money"
Status: Expected have between 11 and 13 episodes completed.
"Brothers & Sisters"
Status: Expected to have either 11 or 12 episodes completed.
CBS
"Jericho"
Status: Will have seven of seven episodes.
NBC
"Friday Night Lights"
Status: Expected to complete 15 of 22 episodes.
"Scrubs"
Status: Expected to complete 12 of 18 episodes.
Fox
"24"
Status: Will have eight or nine out of 24 episodes completed. Midseason, none have aired yet.
FX
"Nip/Tuck"
Status: 22 episodes planned for two cycles: 14 to run from now to February and eight next year. All 14 in the first cycle have been written.
"The Shield"
Status: The final season is written, no date set for airing.
"Rescue Me"
Status: 5th season, just announced, would be affected since production is expected to start in early '08.
HBO
"Entourage" and "Big Love"
Status: Are currently in the writing stages and were scheduled to air in the summer of 2008.
"The Wire"
Status: Completed and will air as scheduled.
******
Soaps are also screwed, as they rely on day-to-day writing staff. But Survivor and other reality programming like Big Brother and the Amazing Race will likely survive the WGA strike.
So WHY are the writers on strike? Did someone replace the regular coffee with decaffeinated? Not exactly. It's all about the internet and how more original content is being broadcast, syndicated, and made available online. The networks are claiming ownership of their online content without affording the writers an opportunity to benefit from residuals - an industry term for additional income earned when content is rebroadcast, or in the case of the internet, re-accessed by an audience. The writers see their residuals being affected by the internet and would like to negotiate a revenue sharing deal with the networks execs, who apparently seem to think modern television programming writes itself.
All I know is, this is my big shot! Time to get a writing sample in front of the Conan folks!
Somehow Al-Qaeda managed to infiltrate Hollywood, persuading the Writer's Guild of America to go on strike, a move expected to force much of American television entertainment programming into repeats! YES, REPEATS! Just when it's about to get cold outside they hit us with re-reruns. This is simply unthinkable.
They really know how to hit us where it hurts, don't they?
In all seriousness, the WGA did go on strike, and that could mean lights out for some of your favorite shows this year. Here's a select breakdown of shows I have actually heard of for your files:
Late Night TV
"Colbert Report" and "The Daily Show"
Status: Will go into repeats immediately.
"The Tonight Show" and "The Conan O'Brien Show"
Status: Will go into repeats immediately.
"Jimmy Kimmel Live"
Status: Staffed with WGA writers, so it would probably go to repeats. But Kimmel may decide to wing it.
"Nightline"
Status: Will remain live and in originals. Sadly, I more Americans will likely prefer to watch Conan reruns than learn something new and interesting about the world around them.
ABC
"Lost"
Status: Expected to have eight out of 16 episodes ready.
"Cavemen"
Status: Expected to have 12 out of 13 episodes completed; has not received an order for a full season.
"The View"
Status: Will continue uninterrupted, according to a spokesman. Thank heavens.
"Dirty Sexy Money"
Status: Expected have between 11 and 13 episodes completed.
"Brothers & Sisters"
Status: Expected to have either 11 or 12 episodes completed.
CBS
"Jericho"
Status: Will have seven of seven episodes.
NBC
"Friday Night Lights"
Status: Expected to complete 15 of 22 episodes.
"Scrubs"
Status: Expected to complete 12 of 18 episodes.
Fox
"24"
Status: Will have eight or nine out of 24 episodes completed. Midseason, none have aired yet.
FX
"Nip/Tuck"
Status: 22 episodes planned for two cycles: 14 to run from now to February and eight next year. All 14 in the first cycle have been written.
"The Shield"
Status: The final season is written, no date set for airing.
"Rescue Me"
Status: 5th season, just announced, would be affected since production is expected to start in early '08.
HBO
"Entourage" and "Big Love"
Status: Are currently in the writing stages and were scheduled to air in the summer of 2008.
"The Wire"
Status: Completed and will air as scheduled.
******
Soaps are also screwed, as they rely on day-to-day writing staff. But Survivor and other reality programming like Big Brother and the Amazing Race will likely survive the WGA strike.
So WHY are the writers on strike? Did someone replace the regular coffee with decaffeinated? Not exactly. It's all about the internet and how more original content is being broadcast, syndicated, and made available online. The networks are claiming ownership of their online content without affording the writers an opportunity to benefit from residuals - an industry term for additional income earned when content is rebroadcast, or in the case of the internet, re-accessed by an audience. The writers see their residuals being affected by the internet and would like to negotiate a revenue sharing deal with the networks execs, who apparently seem to think modern television programming writes itself.
All I know is, this is my big shot! Time to get a writing sample in front of the Conan folks!
Friday, November 02, 2007
MILK IT UNTIL IT TURNS TO CHEESE
As you may have heard, there’s a new Rambo flick coming out in a couple of months. Stallone resumes his role as John Rambo, this time leading an expedition into the jungle where they, not surprisingly, find themselves ambushed by bad guys with an endless supply of firearms and explosives.What you may not have heard is how long it took them to come out with a name for the film. For some reason, they were torn between the simple “John Rambo,” the overdone “To Hell and Back,” and a handful of other ridiculous names. Here are a few Rambo IV titles that didn’t make the cut.
REJECTED MOVIE TITLES FOR RAMBO IV
Rambo IV: The Revenge of Old Feller
Rambo IV: Viva Sylvestra
Rambo IV: Last Blood
Rambo IV: Arthritic Bugaloo
Rambo IV: Cashing In Again
Rambo IV: Headband of Brothers
Rambo IV: I Make Dead People
Rambo IV: For Shoots and Giggles
Rambo IV: Trail of Senility
Rambo IV: The Old Man and the Jungle
Rambo IV: Geritol to Hell!
MAKING FACES AT THE PHOTOSHOPPING MALL
In case you weren't aware, I am the Creative Director at an advertising agency. It's not a bad gig most days. It's my job to direct creative, which means spotting talent when I see it, and making people go back to the drawing board when I don't. Since I came up on the copy side, which is writing-based, it never ceases to amaze me what creative people can do with some of these design programs. A friend of mine forwarded me the following pictures this morning with the subject line: When your daddy is a graphic designer.
Love the photo manipulation here. Just had to share as we all recover from our Halloween hangovers. Great stuff. Thanks, JB!
It all starts with the original shot. Helps to have something with a little attitude to it, like this one, which is a great shot without any touch-up work at all.
Then the fun starts. All you need is the right software, a vivid imagination, and a little free time.
Love the photo manipulation here. Just had to share as we all recover from our Halloween hangovers. Great stuff. Thanks, JB!
It all starts with the original shot. Helps to have something with a little attitude to it, like this one, which is a great shot without any touch-up work at all. Then the fun starts. All you need is the right software, a vivid imagination, and a little free time.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
COSTUME OF THE YEAR
And the winner is...the chap who dressed up as You Tube. Fuckin' A awesome right down to the comments. Imagination rules.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
CROC HUNTER
I've been directed to this guy's site a number of times in the past and have always enjoyed my stay. I'm fairly convinced he is me - 10 years ago. Still has some fight in him. Still has an edge.
My edge has dulled over the years. I've been reduced to a sorry state of kvetching. I used to have spunk. I used to rant and rave about senselessness and the social ills of our day. Now I just throw my arms up and say, "What are ya gonna do?"
Anyhow, here's a professional bitch-master after my own heart.
For the record - I hate Crocs, too.
My edge has dulled over the years. I've been reduced to a sorry state of kvetching. I used to have spunk. I used to rant and rave about senselessness and the social ills of our day. Now I just throw my arms up and say, "What are ya gonna do?"
Anyhow, here's a professional bitch-master after my own heart.
For the record - I hate Crocs, too.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
INTERVIEW WITH A PRIMATE
The following excerpts are from an interview I recently conducted with myself. I was quite saucy that day!
********TUESDAY, OCTOBER 30, 2007***********
Q: What time do you normally get up?
A: At 7:07 I get up – and nothing gets me down. You got it tough? I’ve seen the toughest around.
Q: Van Halen. Nice. So - if you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be with?
A: Who's paying? I don't know. People don't really impress me. Plus, I'm an introvert - so I wouldn't have much to say to someone I don't already know personally.
Q: Gold or silver?
A: My teeth are all still their original white. Although I have been promising my girlfriend a new grill. Let's go silver on that.
Q: What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
A: I don't remember, but I know I'm still paying off the second mortgage I had to take out on my house to pay for it. No wonder the box office is hurting.
Q: What is your favorite TV show?
A: I have three, actually. The Office, Lost, and Survivor. I move heaven and earth to clear my schedule for them.
Q: What did you have for breakfast?
A: A big bowl of oxygen soup. I usually drink coffee for breakfast. Lots of coffee. And then I chase that with water until I'm ready to squeeze mud.
Q: Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with?
A: That's a toss up between Sean Hannity and a well-wired suicide bomber. Let's go with the latter - I'd have better luck reasoning with a suicidal extremist than that narrow-minded Neanderthal.
Q: What/who inspires you?
A: A really good crap. Every time. Seems all of my best ideas seem to come to me on the toilet.
Q: What is your middle name?
A: I don’t tell anyone that it’s Valentine. That's just between you and me, by the way, and off the record. Seriously. Don't print that.
Q: Beach, City or Country?
A: City, of course. It’s the only way to have an appreciation for the other two.
Q: Butter, plain or salted popcorn?
A: Load on the butter and salt. All old people seem to do is bitch about how miserable they are - sign me up for the express check-out.
Q: Favorite color?
A: I don’t consciously practice discrimination. I think I gravitate toward green, though.
Q: What kind of car do you drive?
A: I don’t see how that is germane to this conversation.
Q: Favorite sandwich?
A: Italian Beef combo, dipped, with hot and sweet peppers, and smothered in melted mozzarella. Can I get cheese fries and a root beer with that?
Q: What characteristic do you despise?
A: Resolve. When you’re in a hole, the best thing to do is stop digging.
Q: Do you have a favorite flower?
A: De-
Q: If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
A: Did you catch the joke about the flower? De-. Get it?
Q: Noted. So if you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
A: La Grange. No, scratch that. I’ve been to La Grange. It’s okay. I would like to see the UK, Australia, and Iceland. And Bermuda once they get that triangle issue worked out.
Q: What color is your bathroom?
A: You seriously did not just ask me that. Antique white, I think. Funny I would know that.
Q: Favorite brand of clothing?
A: If it fits, I dig it. I'm really more into shoes than clothes. A great set of wheels can really bring the ensemble together, don't you think?
Q: Where would you retire to?
A: The couch. Love the couch.
Q: Favorite day of the week?
A: Does anyone ever pick Tuesday? I should pick Tuesday just because no one ever picks Tuesday. But that would be a lie. I hate Tuesdays. Saturday is clearly the best day. What kind of question is that? Someone needs to take your interview card away. Do they even certify people like you?
Q: Not exactly. So what did you do for your last birthday?
A: Probably went drinking, but who keeps track anymore? Really.
Q: Where were you born?
A: Memories surrounding my birth are sketchy, but I seem to recall it was a hospital.
Q: Favorite sport to watch?
A: ESPN seems to think Texas Hold ‘Em is a sport now and I do enjoy watching it…but nothing beats NFL Football. March Madness rocks, too. I tried watching soccer once since they made such a fuss about this Beckham character, but it was like receiving a really slow handjob - mildly enjoyable, but I wasn't sure if anything was ever going to happen. And then ultimately I fell asleep. So there you go.
Q: Coke or Pepsi?
A: I avoid both, actually. I once read that carbonation isn't good for your swimmers and I've been off the stuff ever since. Plus, it all tastes the same to me. I’m not particular in the least when it comes to elastic goods like milk, soda, and cheap domestic beer. I think the Pepsi Challenge proved that most people can't tell the difference, anyhow - even after stating a strong preference. We love to think we know, don't we? We insist we like one better. But we really don't know. The fact that we even have a choice is a beautiful thing, though. We shouldn't take that for granted.
Q: Are you a morning person or a night owl?
A: I’m best between 9-11 in the morning and get a second wind between 5-7 at night. The rest of the day I’m a nap waiting to happen. I could fall asleep right now, actually.
Q: Do you have any pets?
A: No pets...but I do have a lot of pet peeves. Like jackasses who turn suddenly without signaling. I always imagine accelerating through the back of their car as they're winding slowly through the turn. Signaling is fundamental.
Q: Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
A: I’m 6 months pregnant with a great idea. The doctor offered to tell me what it was but I told him I wanted it to be a surprise. I’m very excited to see how this idea changes my life.
********TUESDAY, OCTOBER 30, 2007***********
Q: What time do you normally get up?
A: At 7:07 I get up – and nothing gets me down. You got it tough? I’ve seen the toughest around.
Q: Van Halen. Nice. So - if you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be with?
A: Who's paying? I don't know. People don't really impress me. Plus, I'm an introvert - so I wouldn't have much to say to someone I don't already know personally.
Q: Gold or silver?
A: My teeth are all still their original white. Although I have been promising my girlfriend a new grill. Let's go silver on that.
Q: What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
A: I don't remember, but I know I'm still paying off the second mortgage I had to take out on my house to pay for it. No wonder the box office is hurting.
Q: What is your favorite TV show?
A: I have three, actually. The Office, Lost, and Survivor. I move heaven and earth to clear my schedule for them.
Q: What did you have for breakfast?
A: A big bowl of oxygen soup. I usually drink coffee for breakfast. Lots of coffee. And then I chase that with water until I'm ready to squeeze mud.
Q: Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with?
A: That's a toss up between Sean Hannity and a well-wired suicide bomber. Let's go with the latter - I'd have better luck reasoning with a suicidal extremist than that narrow-minded Neanderthal.
Q: What/who inspires you?
A: A really good crap. Every time. Seems all of my best ideas seem to come to me on the toilet.
Q: What is your middle name?
A: I don’t tell anyone that it’s Valentine. That's just between you and me, by the way, and off the record. Seriously. Don't print that.
Q: Beach, City or Country?
A: City, of course. It’s the only way to have an appreciation for the other two.
Q: Butter, plain or salted popcorn?
A: Load on the butter and salt. All old people seem to do is bitch about how miserable they are - sign me up for the express check-out.
Q: Favorite color?
A: I don’t consciously practice discrimination. I think I gravitate toward green, though.
Q: What kind of car do you drive?
A: I don’t see how that is germane to this conversation.
Q: Favorite sandwich?
A: Italian Beef combo, dipped, with hot and sweet peppers, and smothered in melted mozzarella. Can I get cheese fries and a root beer with that?
Q: What characteristic do you despise?
A: Resolve. When you’re in a hole, the best thing to do is stop digging.
Q: Do you have a favorite flower?
A: De-
Q: If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
A: Did you catch the joke about the flower? De-. Get it?
Q: Noted. So if you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
A: La Grange. No, scratch that. I’ve been to La Grange. It’s okay. I would like to see the UK, Australia, and Iceland. And Bermuda once they get that triangle issue worked out.
Q: What color is your bathroom?
A: You seriously did not just ask me that. Antique white, I think. Funny I would know that.
Q: Favorite brand of clothing?
A: If it fits, I dig it. I'm really more into shoes than clothes. A great set of wheels can really bring the ensemble together, don't you think?
Q: Where would you retire to?
A: The couch. Love the couch.
Q: Favorite day of the week?
A: Does anyone ever pick Tuesday? I should pick Tuesday just because no one ever picks Tuesday. But that would be a lie. I hate Tuesdays. Saturday is clearly the best day. What kind of question is that? Someone needs to take your interview card away. Do they even certify people like you?
Q: Not exactly. So what did you do for your last birthday?
A: Probably went drinking, but who keeps track anymore? Really.
Q: Where were you born?
A: Memories surrounding my birth are sketchy, but I seem to recall it was a hospital.
Q: Favorite sport to watch?
A: ESPN seems to think Texas Hold ‘Em is a sport now and I do enjoy watching it…but nothing beats NFL Football. March Madness rocks, too. I tried watching soccer once since they made such a fuss about this Beckham character, but it was like receiving a really slow handjob - mildly enjoyable, but I wasn't sure if anything was ever going to happen. And then ultimately I fell asleep. So there you go.
Q: Coke or Pepsi?
A: I avoid both, actually. I once read that carbonation isn't good for your swimmers and I've been off the stuff ever since. Plus, it all tastes the same to me. I’m not particular in the least when it comes to elastic goods like milk, soda, and cheap domestic beer. I think the Pepsi Challenge proved that most people can't tell the difference, anyhow - even after stating a strong preference. We love to think we know, don't we? We insist we like one better. But we really don't know. The fact that we even have a choice is a beautiful thing, though. We shouldn't take that for granted.
Q: Are you a morning person or a night owl?
A: I’m best between 9-11 in the morning and get a second wind between 5-7 at night. The rest of the day I’m a nap waiting to happen. I could fall asleep right now, actually.
Q: Do you have any pets?
A: No pets...but I do have a lot of pet peeves. Like jackasses who turn suddenly without signaling. I always imagine accelerating through the back of their car as they're winding slowly through the turn. Signaling is fundamental.
Q: Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
A: I’m 6 months pregnant with a great idea. The doctor offered to tell me what it was but I told him I wanted it to be a surprise. I’m very excited to see how this idea changes my life.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
POLLARY CLINTON AND THE NEO-CONSPIRACY
Contrary to what you may have been hearing, Hillary Clinton does NOT have a 33-point advantage over her Democratic rivals for President.
Now there’s a bold statement.
I submit to you that this reported “news” is simply untrue - a fabrication foisted upon the unknowing masses by a neo-conservative media machine responsible for parsing out information in the interest of steering us toward war with Iran, Syria, North Korea, Mars, and Mercury. In case you’re new to politics, the same neo-cons behind the Bush II debacle ADORE Hillary. She’s like ordering up a round of cold Bush Light.
How can I make these bold assertions without any facts to back them up? Fortunately, one of the few freedoms I have left as we wind down Bush’s “reign of error” is the freedom of speech. I can make these claims on suspicion alone because this is a forum for sharing ideas, a basic right (at least as of this morning) still protected by the First Amendment.
Want proof that I’m right? Do a little impromptu research. Ask around. I know a LOT of people. Different people in different states. People who know people. And I have a hard time finding ANY people willing to admit they are planning to vote for Hillary. What I don’t find hard to come across are people who loathe her with every fiber of their being. Democrats, Republicans, and Independents alike. It’s actually been easier to find people who will admit to voting for Bush than people supporting Hillary. That’s saying something.
So where does her insurmountable 33-point lead come from? Are they conducting these polls exclusively in upstate New York? With a lead like that, one might expect to see highways from coast to coast overrun with “Hillary ’08” bumper clings. But here I live in the nation’s third largest metropolitan area and I see virtually no evidence of any support for Hillary anywhere. And she’s FROM here. The people I know – people who vote Democratic more reliably than Britney ends up in rehab – tell me they’ll vote for anyone but Hillary.
Obviously, my personal findings weren’t meshing with the hard numbers, so it forced me to come up with some possible reasons for this. One theory is that people who are planning to vote for Hillary are afraid to tell their friends because they would prefer to keep their friends. Let’s face it – she’s a lightning rod. No one wants to come near her politically. And yet a 33-point lead suggests people are falling all over one another to profess their admiration for her. I think there’s something else going on: poll-fixing.
It certainly does sound far-fetched to suggest that polling data has been misrepresented, or our news so audaciously manufactured. But we know that information in this country is controlled by a few powerful media machines in the business of selling fear, fads, and fashion. So is it REALLY out of the realm of possibility that a handful of powerful decision-makers at the top of the media chain directed a few people behind closed doors to cook the numbers a little to make Hillary’s nomination seem inevitable?
Think about what that lead does to the psyche of your average voter.
Seeing a lead so formidable makes me feel like voting for anyone else would be a waste of my time. And since I’d sooner castrate myself with a butter knife than punch for Hillarobot, the net result is voter apathy. I stay home that night and watch the massacre from the comfort of my couch. The media machine wins.
Look where the money has been coming from. Hillary is loading up on lobby cash. You name the lobby, there’s a cashed check somewhere with her campaign’s stamp on it. Edwards and Obama, meanwhile, have been raising their money from working people who want to see a change in government – not the same corporate-controlled bullshit we’re used to. Takes a lot more people to raise the same amount of money, and a lot more integrity.
Who do you think has a better chance of getting Clinton’s ear were she to be elected – you? Or the lobbyists who put her in office? Why do you think she feels obligated to take all of that campaign cash from lobbyists? Because she doesn’t have the grass roots support. Which brings us back to that 33-point lead. How could Obama possibly be that far behind given that he’s broken virtually every grass roots fundraising record on the books? Seems to me the only way to prevent him from winning with support like that is to prevent his network from voting, and the best way to do that is to make sure they believe they’re so far behind they’d never stand a chance.
A 33-point deficit is a good start.
So why would neo-conservatives love Hillary? Think outside the box here. Their idea of fun is keeping the military industrial complex humming, so they need someone in office steadfastly dedicated to keeping the 21st century Crusades alive. With popular support for Republicans (and Democrats unwilling to take them on) reeling, the best shot they’ve got is a weak opponent. And, believe it or not, despite her whopping “33-point” lead, Hillary is probably the only Democrat in the field capable of losing to fear-mongering morons like Giuliani and “sharp as a catcher’s mitt” Romney.
But let’s say she manages to beat the odds. Let’s say the Republican nominee commits some catastrophic blunder on the campaign trail, accidentally advocating a solution with some semblance of common sense and decency. And let’s say they are promptly alienated by the holier than Yao Christian right as a result. BAM – Hillary wins by 7 votes. And so do the neo-cons – because, of all the Democrats running, she’s the one candidate most likely to continue the policy positions of the current administration. Bush Light.
Let’s recap. Not only did Clinton vote in favor of the Iraq war, she refuses to concede now that it may not have been the best idea. Further, she refuses to commit to pulling U.S. troops from Iraq by 2013! Rumsfeld would be proud of old girl.
More scary facts for your files. Hillary Clinton voted for the Patriot Act, and then, once it was revealed how its language undermined the basic freedoms we had been guaranteed under the Constitution, she voted in favor of reauthorizing it. She also voted for building a wall on the U.S.-Mexican border. She voted to enforce "decency" standards in television and music. And the one that kills me personally is her most recent vote on the Kyl-Lieberman Amendment, giving the Bush administration authority to declare Iran’s 125,000-member Revolutionary Guard Corps a foreign terrorist organization. Why is this amendment so dangerous? Because President Cheney and Vice President Bush could use its language to justify keeping our troops in Iraq so long as they can point to a threat from Iran. They could even use this language to justify an attack on Iran as a part of the ongoing war in Iraq. It’s another step down the path toward expanding our war in the Middle East. Obama did not support it. Edwards did not support it. Hillary supported it. Look at the voting record. Not exactly the kind of change we're looking for.
I wonder if her “33-point” lead realizes what it’s supporting. I can’t imagine THAT many Democrats would prefer our nation continue to pursue these failed policies when the balance of our alternatives is pitching a far more sincere brand of change. Again, it forces me to doubt that 33-point lead.
They can sell it on the evening news every night of the week, but I'm just not buying it.
Now there’s a bold statement.
I submit to you that this reported “news” is simply untrue - a fabrication foisted upon the unknowing masses by a neo-conservative media machine responsible for parsing out information in the interest of steering us toward war with Iran, Syria, North Korea, Mars, and Mercury. In case you’re new to politics, the same neo-cons behind the Bush II debacle ADORE Hillary. She’s like ordering up a round of cold Bush Light.
How can I make these bold assertions without any facts to back them up? Fortunately, one of the few freedoms I have left as we wind down Bush’s “reign of error” is the freedom of speech. I can make these claims on suspicion alone because this is a forum for sharing ideas, a basic right (at least as of this morning) still protected by the First Amendment.
Want proof that I’m right? Do a little impromptu research. Ask around. I know a LOT of people. Different people in different states. People who know people. And I have a hard time finding ANY people willing to admit they are planning to vote for Hillary. What I don’t find hard to come across are people who loathe her with every fiber of their being. Democrats, Republicans, and Independents alike. It’s actually been easier to find people who will admit to voting for Bush than people supporting Hillary. That’s saying something.
So where does her insurmountable 33-point lead come from? Are they conducting these polls exclusively in upstate New York? With a lead like that, one might expect to see highways from coast to coast overrun with “Hillary ’08” bumper clings. But here I live in the nation’s third largest metropolitan area and I see virtually no evidence of any support for Hillary anywhere. And she’s FROM here. The people I know – people who vote Democratic more reliably than Britney ends up in rehab – tell me they’ll vote for anyone but Hillary. Obviously, my personal findings weren’t meshing with the hard numbers, so it forced me to come up with some possible reasons for this. One theory is that people who are planning to vote for Hillary are afraid to tell their friends because they would prefer to keep their friends. Let’s face it – she’s a lightning rod. No one wants to come near her politically. And yet a 33-point lead suggests people are falling all over one another to profess their admiration for her. I think there’s something else going on: poll-fixing.
It certainly does sound far-fetched to suggest that polling data has been misrepresented, or our news so audaciously manufactured. But we know that information in this country is controlled by a few powerful media machines in the business of selling fear, fads, and fashion. So is it REALLY out of the realm of possibility that a handful of powerful decision-makers at the top of the media chain directed a few people behind closed doors to cook the numbers a little to make Hillary’s nomination seem inevitable?
Think about what that lead does to the psyche of your average voter.
Seeing a lead so formidable makes me feel like voting for anyone else would be a waste of my time. And since I’d sooner castrate myself with a butter knife than punch for Hillarobot, the net result is voter apathy. I stay home that night and watch the massacre from the comfort of my couch. The media machine wins.
Look where the money has been coming from. Hillary is loading up on lobby cash. You name the lobby, there’s a cashed check somewhere with her campaign’s stamp on it. Edwards and Obama, meanwhile, have been raising their money from working people who want to see a change in government – not the same corporate-controlled bullshit we’re used to. Takes a lot more people to raise the same amount of money, and a lot more integrity.
Who do you think has a better chance of getting Clinton’s ear were she to be elected – you? Or the lobbyists who put her in office? Why do you think she feels obligated to take all of that campaign cash from lobbyists? Because she doesn’t have the grass roots support. Which brings us back to that 33-point lead. How could Obama possibly be that far behind given that he’s broken virtually every grass roots fundraising record on the books? Seems to me the only way to prevent him from winning with support like that is to prevent his network from voting, and the best way to do that is to make sure they believe they’re so far behind they’d never stand a chance.
A 33-point deficit is a good start.
So why would neo-conservatives love Hillary? Think outside the box here. Their idea of fun is keeping the military industrial complex humming, so they need someone in office steadfastly dedicated to keeping the 21st century Crusades alive. With popular support for Republicans (and Democrats unwilling to take them on) reeling, the best shot they’ve got is a weak opponent. And, believe it or not, despite her whopping “33-point” lead, Hillary is probably the only Democrat in the field capable of losing to fear-mongering morons like Giuliani and “sharp as a catcher’s mitt” Romney.
But let’s say she manages to beat the odds. Let’s say the Republican nominee commits some catastrophic blunder on the campaign trail, accidentally advocating a solution with some semblance of common sense and decency. And let’s say they are promptly alienated by the holier than Yao Christian right as a result. BAM – Hillary wins by 7 votes. And so do the neo-cons – because, of all the Democrats running, she’s the one candidate most likely to continue the policy positions of the current administration. Bush Light.
Let’s recap. Not only did Clinton vote in favor of the Iraq war, she refuses to concede now that it may not have been the best idea. Further, she refuses to commit to pulling U.S. troops from Iraq by 2013! Rumsfeld would be proud of old girl.More scary facts for your files. Hillary Clinton voted for the Patriot Act, and then, once it was revealed how its language undermined the basic freedoms we had been guaranteed under the Constitution, she voted in favor of reauthorizing it. She also voted for building a wall on the U.S.-Mexican border. She voted to enforce "decency" standards in television and music. And the one that kills me personally is her most recent vote on the Kyl-Lieberman Amendment, giving the Bush administration authority to declare Iran’s 125,000-member Revolutionary Guard Corps a foreign terrorist organization. Why is this amendment so dangerous? Because President Cheney and Vice President Bush could use its language to justify keeping our troops in Iraq so long as they can point to a threat from Iran. They could even use this language to justify an attack on Iran as a part of the ongoing war in Iraq. It’s another step down the path toward expanding our war in the Middle East. Obama did not support it. Edwards did not support it. Hillary supported it. Look at the voting record. Not exactly the kind of change we're looking for.
I wonder if her “33-point” lead realizes what it’s supporting. I can’t imagine THAT many Democrats would prefer our nation continue to pursue these failed policies when the balance of our alternatives is pitching a far more sincere brand of change. Again, it forces me to doubt that 33-point lead.
They can sell it on the evening news every night of the week, but I'm just not buying it.
Monday, October 22, 2007
THE GREENLIGHT
Want to do something for the environment? Don't just change your light bulbs, change your leaders. Great article from Thomas Friedman, author of "The World is Flat," about how all the individual steps we take from recycling to conservation mean very little unless we choose leaders equally committed to making a difference.
HEADS UP!
I would never advocate suicide, but if you WERE going to kill yourself, this is the way to go out.
BASELESS CHARGES
Check this shit out. Ecuador's President, Rafael Correa, said his country will not renew Washington's lease on the Manta air base, which is set to expire in 2009. Anticipating pressure from the U.S., Manta had this to say:
"We'll renew the base on one condition: that they let us put a base in Miami -- an Ecuadorean base."
I love it. We can have an air base in their country if they can have an air base in ours. It isn't all that unreasonable, is it?
Is it anti-American of me to love that? Because I REALLY love it. It does sadden me as well. There was a time when nations around the globe actually appreciated us. Now these same countries resent us more than they trust us - and that's pretty fucking sad. I have to say - I don't blame them. I resent us more than I trust us right now with the Viva Viagra clan running the show. That doesn't make me anti-American...just pro-human.
NOT SUCH A GRATE IDEA
Everyone is up in arms about the toys we're importing from China being unsafe. Whatever. A little lead-based paint will put hair on your chest.I'm more concerned about the toys they're making in Wisconsin. This fancy slide was recalled after the first 10 were installed.
Grate ideas always get ripped to shreds, don't they?
Thursday, October 18, 2007
MY WORD!
Here's an addictive vocabulary tester you can play and help feed the world at the same time. Try to beat my high score of 44.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
BOMBERMAN, START!
Every time I think Bush has completely lost his mind, he proves he had just a little bit left to lose. The evidence continues to mount that an attack on Iran is imminent. G-Dubs was pounding his war gong loud and clear at today's press conference where he declared that if Iran continues its nuclear program, it is essentially starting World War III. Yes, my fellow Americans, George Bush threatened World War III today. I think I can hear Ozzy cackling somewhere: "All aboard!"
We're definitely headed off the rails on a crazy train. Dubya's war fetish is far worse than Hoover's cross-dressing tendencies ever were. And almost as expensive. There's simply no longer any defense left for the man. He's off the charts out of his fucking mind. It makes me seriously question the intelligence of anyone still making excuses for his policies - all of the brainwashed lemmings unwilling or unable to remove their blindfolds as the lying piper leads us all off the cliff.
Is there anything we can do to prevent the inevitable? Or are we truly paralyzed and helpless? Democrats will badmouth the President to the press over and over again - but when it comes time to pass a war budget, they line up and sign on the line that is dotted. There's dissent coming from every corner of the globe and every state in the nation. Yet a handful of powerful neoconservatives have managed to hijack America and they are now driving all of us, hostages in our own country, to the brink of yet another war we don't want and can't afford. This is absolute madness - and if you aren't outraged, you haven't been paying attention.
The writing is on the wall, and it's in the broken English of a bumbling American dictator.
NOTES ON BEING, ON TIME
Sometimes, in my private moments, I find myself speculating about really important things. Not things about me and my insignificant little life here in a small section of a big city in the middle of a large country that's part of a much bigger world - but important things. Like how to tell time in space.
Thinking about it made my head hurt.
Let’s say you’re floating about in space. Maybe you’re flying in a ship of some kind, or taking a nice, relaxing float in the tightly swaddled comfort of a boundless, black cosmos.
Whatever.
Now let’s say your watch stops. Batteries die or something. You tap it a few times, but nothing. It's done. Digital instrumentation and communications with mission control back on earth would help you keep track, but what if those too failed. What if you're out there and you have no idea what time it is. Does time even matter? And if it doesn't really matter out there, does it really matter down here?
Imagine being alone in space. Time as you know it would come to mean less and less. Sunrise and sunset really don’t apply in the way that they do now. Way out in deep space you’re surrounded by tons of flickering little specks – none quite so helpful as our own flickering little speck, the sun, at giving us the time. So drifting about in space, I imagine, isn’t a whole lot unlike spending a week inside a casino…minus the clanging jackpots and flashing lights.
No clocks. No windows to the sun. No sense for time at all. Just two hands in front of you and a laundry list of biological needs and urges.
And that’s when it dawned on me. Time as we know it – the 24-hour cycle we have neatly broken up into morning, afternoon, and night – is irrelevant in space!
Of course, we would still experience the linear passing of time from now to now-again-but-later to now-again-but-later-than-later, and so on. But without a clock or a sun to set and keep time by, there would be no way (or need) to schedule anything. No meetings to miss. No appointments to keep. No dates to circle on the calendar.
Because there's nothing to keep track of passing time. Even talking in terms of the increments we use today would be pointless. Seconds, minutes, and hours are all derived from a 24-hour day, which only matters here on earth. Out in space, everything is now or never. What is natural here becomes synthetic and man-made as soon as you leave orbit.
***
Interestingly, a recent 60 Minutes report on an indigenous tribe in the south Pacific made note of the fascinating fact that the natives did not have a word in their language equivalent to our word for “when.” They had no need for one because they don't project things out in time. Everything is now. They don’t experience time in the same way that those of us in the hustling, bustling “civilized” world do. Marooned in space, they’d probably far a lot better than we would.
I’d go insane. I am all about time. It drives me up a wall to be late to anything. I would rather be an hour early than a minute late. Wow. Read that again, will ya. Seeing that in print made me realize that maybe I already AM insane. And maybe my relationship with clocks has made me so.
So here I am, thinking about very important things, and I just realized how much time I’ve spent doing it. Was it too much time? Too little? Just enough? I guess when I put things in perspective and remember that I’m really just floating around in space on a spinning chunk of matter, time isn’t the important thing.
The important thing is that I’m floating around in space on a spinning chunk of matter.
And that's pretty cool.
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