Couldn't get away! Little Flock O' Seagulls for ya.
Have you heard about what's going on in Iran? That's a silly question - of course you haven't. You've probably been preoccupied with the transcript from Paris Hilton's VIP review of the local incarceration facilities. It's an American thing. We love it when worlds collide.
Speaking of which, let me tell you about what's been going on in Iran. Bad ass president Mahmoud "Now that's a mouthful" Ahmadinejad spontaneously decided to ration oil consumption. Sitting atop one of the largest oil fields on the planet, this guy tells his own people they need to cut back. Clearly a man not preoccupied with popularity.
Needless to say, the Iranian folks were displeased. Long lines at the pumps fueled protests and organized demonstrations against this surprise announcement. So Mouthful Ahmadinejad told authorities to cut the nation's mobile text messaging system. Why? So people can't coordinate in rebellion.
So here's the big question: WHY?
The nation is anticipating U.N. sanctions following its refusal to comply with non-nuclear proliferation demands. So what? So Iran actually IMPORTS 40% of it's gasoline because it lacks refinement capability. Can you imagine that? One of the largest oil-producing nations in the world is running low on gas.
Meanwhile, their firebrand of a leader has been investing all of the nation's energy, so to speak, in developing nuclear capabilities. How forward thinking and backward thinking at the same time! Or could it be he has an ulterior motive for developing nuclear energy at the expense of refinement capabilities? Why would he want NUCLEAR energy? That WOULD be the easiest way to make good on his threat to wipe Israel off the map. But that's silly talk - they LOVE their Zionist neighbors and would never do anything to hurt them. Least of all expedite the enrichment of uranium for weaponization.
So why the insistence on nuclear energy when you live on top of the world's primary source of man-made energy? And why force your own people to cut back their consumption?
Something is definitely afoot in Iran - and I wish they'd put their shoe back on because I don't like the smell of it one bit.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
WHAT I REALLY, REALLY WANT...
Just when you thought the world was all out of second chances, they make it official. The Spice Girls have announced there will be a reunion tour.
Further proof that dreams DO come true. Good to know all those birthday candles were not extinguished in vain.
Further proof that dreams DO come true. Good to know all those birthday candles were not extinguished in vain.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
97.76
Love this new time waster sent in by Bobby Earl - who dared me to best his lowly score of 79. You'll note by the title of this post I had little trouble improving upon that total. Okay - that's a lie. It took me about an hour. A fun, frustrating hour.
You basically have to throw a paper airplane across an office and see how far you can get it to go. There's a window at the end of the office, and that's where you get the real points. Took me about 30 tries before I finally got the damn thing to make it to the window. Give it a whirl...but be warned: this one is addicting!
And good luck beating that 97.76.
You basically have to throw a paper airplane across an office and see how far you can get it to go. There's a window at the end of the office, and that's where you get the real points. Took me about 30 tries before I finally got the damn thing to make it to the window. Give it a whirl...but be warned: this one is addicting!
And good luck beating that 97.76.
LIGHTENING UP
As society continues to move toward a more politically correct version of its former self, I feel we are beginning to lose a small, but important, part of our collective soul. Take this chart on the chemical composition and properties of the female of our species. A tad sexist? Sure. Hilarious? You betcha.
We have to be able to laugh at ourselves and our differences or we're going to turn into a bunch of frightened, opinionless North Koreans - praising our "Great Leader" and singing songs about his majesty's supreme benevolence.
By its very nature, free speech is going to create offense because it promotes variety in point-of-view. But it also promotes discussion, understanding, empathy, and compromise. I personally don't like to see us becoming so sensitive about everything - like we can't take a joke. And there's mounting evidence of this trend every day. If you don't like what someone says, don't give them an audience. Or, better, let them know why you don't like what they say in a thoughtful and considerate way. But don't ask the government to step in and censor their right to free speech. That's not in liberty's best interest.
Sometimes I feel like America is turning into that friend you used to love being around...until they quit drinking - and now all they do is complain all the time and want to leave the party early. Let's quit taking ourselves so seriously and loosen up a little bit.
Our blood pressure could use a break.
A SENIOR MOMENT IN BAGHDAD
I was reading the news this morning and saw that a joint operation in Iraq netted the capture of some senior al-qaida operatives.
I think that's GOOD news when they use the "senior," right?
Or are we being hoodwinked by the MSM (mainstream media, for the acronymically challenged)? Why do I get the feeling we're going to find out someday that "senior" is just the politically correct way of saying "over the age of 60." Operation Terrorist Nursing Home is a success, the latest sweep of Baghdad nets a dozen really feisty ex-insurgents complaining of arthritis and spicy food.
No - I'm sure "senior" means something to somebody over there. Perhaps it's the distinction between an insurgent with 2-3 years of resistance fighting experience versus your more seasoned extremist who has a decade or more under his belt. You never hear about the capture of "junior" operatives. Not newsworthy for some reason.
BREAKING NEWS! U.S. Forces Storm Insurgent Stronghold and Capture Seven Junior Operatives
I'm also thinking it's because many in government don't want to admit that there are any "junior" operatives. Because if there ARE "junior" level al-qaida operatives, that would support the argument that U.S. foreign policy may be in part responsible for the proliferation of an extremist population. And that would undermine the entire argument that the war in Iraq is making us safer (somehow) - a claim fewer and fewer Americans actually believe, yet one that a number of "senior" politicians insist on making.
The blowback from our invasion and occupation of Iraq is going to have tragic consequences at home and abroad. Why did we invade again? Oh yeah - the weapons of mass destruction. I keep forgetting. Good thing we verified they didn't have any of those. I feel MUCH safer now.
I think that's GOOD news when they use the "senior," right?
Or are we being hoodwinked by the MSM (mainstream media, for the acronymically challenged)? Why do I get the feeling we're going to find out someday that "senior" is just the politically correct way of saying "over the age of 60." Operation Terrorist Nursing Home is a success, the latest sweep of Baghdad nets a dozen really feisty ex-insurgents complaining of arthritis and spicy food.
No - I'm sure "senior" means something to somebody over there. Perhaps it's the distinction between an insurgent with 2-3 years of resistance fighting experience versus your more seasoned extremist who has a decade or more under his belt. You never hear about the capture of "junior" operatives. Not newsworthy for some reason.
BREAKING NEWS! U.S. Forces Storm Insurgent Stronghold and Capture Seven Junior Operatives
I'm also thinking it's because many in government don't want to admit that there are any "junior" operatives. Because if there ARE "junior" level al-qaida operatives, that would support the argument that U.S. foreign policy may be in part responsible for the proliferation of an extremist population. And that would undermine the entire argument that the war in Iraq is making us safer (somehow) - a claim fewer and fewer Americans actually believe, yet one that a number of "senior" politicians insist on making.
The blowback from our invasion and occupation of Iraq is going to have tragic consequences at home and abroad. Why did we invade again? Oh yeah - the weapons of mass destruction. I keep forgetting. Good thing we verified they didn't have any of those. I feel MUCH safer now.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
THE FUTURE IS COMING!
How's THAT for profound? I'm cool like that. Actually, the direction I wanted to point you in is right over here where you'll get a sneak peek at what the computers of tomorrow are going to look like.
Bad ass, bro. Thanks to Bobby Earl for sharing.
Bad ass, bro. Thanks to Bobby Earl for sharing.
Monday, June 18, 2007
ENJOYING A GOOD CRY WITH THE FRAY
Whoever said grown men don't cry never took a 3 wood in the crotch.
I think I'm getting softer in my old age. And I was pretty soft to begin with.
Last week I was at the Charter One Pavilion on Northerly Island, Chicago's gorgeous open-air lakefront concert venue, to see the band The Fray perform the first of three sold-out shows. It was an all-ages show, which meant we were surrounded by "kids" - many of whom looked too young to be drinking beer (but were probably in their mid-20's). The Fray put on a fantastic show - but there was a moment about half-way through the set where I was suddenly overcome with emotion. I wasn't sure why exactly, but I felt tears welling up in my eyes. My instinct was to fight the urge to weep openly at a music concert, but truth be told, I was kind of enjoying the experience.
As the band broke into their smash hit "How to Save a Life," a massive light-board behind the drum kit began running short clips of old home movies featuring the band members as little kids. A cool wind off the lake sent chills up both arms as a chorus of pre-teen girls began singing in unison with the song's first few somber bars of piano. By the time the tempo changed with the chorus break, I was overcome with such sadness that I could not fight the tears back. I felt the sinuses blooming with snot and sniffed back some of the runny byproduct as a stream of sorrow meandered for my collar.
Enjoying the novelty of the situation, I let the experience completely consume me. It was quite possibly the single best song I have ever heard at any concert - including the kick ass acoustic version of Down Under I heard Colin Hay perform a month ago.
When the song ended, I noticed I wasn't the only one who'd been touched with sorrow. I promptly wiped my eyes and retreated to the nearest concession stand to recover with a fat, 24-ounce plastic cup of luke-warm domestic beer. And that snapped me out of it pretty quick because, as everybody knows, you just don't cry in your beer.
Great show, though - and one I would not hesitate to recommend if you are familiar with their work. Or if you just like a good cry every now and again.
I think I'm getting softer in my old age. And I was pretty soft to begin with.
Last week I was at the Charter One Pavilion on Northerly Island, Chicago's gorgeous open-air lakefront concert venue, to see the band The Fray perform the first of three sold-out shows. It was an all-ages show, which meant we were surrounded by "kids" - many of whom looked too young to be drinking beer (but were probably in their mid-20's). The Fray put on a fantastic show - but there was a moment about half-way through the set where I was suddenly overcome with emotion. I wasn't sure why exactly, but I felt tears welling up in my eyes. My instinct was to fight the urge to weep openly at a music concert, but truth be told, I was kind of enjoying the experience.
As the band broke into their smash hit "How to Save a Life," a massive light-board behind the drum kit began running short clips of old home movies featuring the band members as little kids. A cool wind off the lake sent chills up both arms as a chorus of pre-teen girls began singing in unison with the song's first few somber bars of piano. By the time the tempo changed with the chorus break, I was overcome with such sadness that I could not fight the tears back. I felt the sinuses blooming with snot and sniffed back some of the runny byproduct as a stream of sorrow meandered for my collar.
Enjoying the novelty of the situation, I let the experience completely consume me. It was quite possibly the single best song I have ever heard at any concert - including the kick ass acoustic version of Down Under I heard Colin Hay perform a month ago.
When the song ended, I noticed I wasn't the only one who'd been touched with sorrow. I promptly wiped my eyes and retreated to the nearest concession stand to recover with a fat, 24-ounce plastic cup of luke-warm domestic beer. And that snapped me out of it pretty quick because, as everybody knows, you just don't cry in your beer.
Great show, though - and one I would not hesitate to recommend if you are familiar with their work. Or if you just like a good cry every now and again.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
ACCENT MARKS
Here's a fun quiz that identifies what kind of American accent you have by asking you how you pronounce certain words. Nailed my geographic location precisely. The result are below. You can take the quiz yourself by clicking the link.
What American accent do you have? (Best version so far) Northern You have a Northern accent. That could either be the Chicago/Detroit/Cleveland/Buffalo accent (easily recognizable) or the Western New England accent that news networks go for. |
| Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests. |
Monday, June 11, 2007
RONNING FOR PRESIDENT
I don't plan to vote in the Republican primary next February because I feel more of a personal obligation to help get Obama on the top of the Democratic ticket. Hillary, for whatever reason, scares the piss out of me.
If I WERE to vote for a GOP candidate, however, here's the only guy I'd trust out of that group of war-mongering fear merchants.
Ron Paul, baby. Love that cat, man. In fact, if he by some miracle managed to win the nomination, I'd actually vote for a Republican for president. Best man for the job, kids. And most folks have no idea who he is.
If I WERE to vote for a GOP candidate, however, here's the only guy I'd trust out of that group of war-mongering fear merchants.
Ron Paul, baby. Love that cat, man. In fact, if he by some miracle managed to win the nomination, I'd actually vote for a Republican for president. Best man for the job, kids. And most folks have no idea who he is.
BUDGETARY WALLPAPER
Taxes are a strange monster. Every time you get paid, a large chunk of what you earn is skimmed off the top and sent to some unseen government account. It happens so matter-of-factly you probably don't even think about it - which is probably for the best. The money is gone before you can feel the sense of loss that would otherwise accompany parting with that much real-world financial value. Those are hours of your life, you know - siphoned away for the privilege in sitting in traffic and taking your shoes off at the airport.
Do you ever wonder how that money is spent? All that money, paycheck after paycheck, for every working American, continually deposited into government accounts to be allocated at the discretion of our elected officials. Have you ever taken the time to investigate exactly how that money is spent? Of course not - who has the time to do that? And what purpose would it serve anyway? Budgetary spending is a clusterfuck of reluctant compromises - no one in America would look at that budget and say, "Yep, that's EXACTLY how I'd do it."
But here's your chance anyhow. It's an in depth poster of how your money is spent. Quite insightful - and well done. You could spend hours clicking around on the different sections surveying the financial landscape for ridiculous expenditures and calamitous inefficiencies. You can even buy the poster so you can put it up at work and groan with agony every morning as it reminds you that your first 2.5 hours will be put toward a mess of shit you could care less about and wouldn't support if you didn't had to.
But that's precisely why we have taxes - so we can fund the interests of everybody at the expense of everybody. Like it or not, that's the way it is. And if you don't like where your money is going, pay attention to who you put in office. The Pentagon war machine, for example, already bloated beyond comprehension, eats more money every time we put a Republican in the head office. And the way they're already starting to drum up "fear" in the early debates, we can only assume they'll be looking to beef up that line item once again should the American people reward their cautionary tales with another term.
Do you ever wonder how that money is spent? All that money, paycheck after paycheck, for every working American, continually deposited into government accounts to be allocated at the discretion of our elected officials. Have you ever taken the time to investigate exactly how that money is spent? Of course not - who has the time to do that? And what purpose would it serve anyway? Budgetary spending is a clusterfuck of reluctant compromises - no one in America would look at that budget and say, "Yep, that's EXACTLY how I'd do it."
But here's your chance anyhow. It's an in depth poster of how your money is spent. Quite insightful - and well done. You could spend hours clicking around on the different sections surveying the financial landscape for ridiculous expenditures and calamitous inefficiencies. You can even buy the poster so you can put it up at work and groan with agony every morning as it reminds you that your first 2.5 hours will be put toward a mess of shit you could care less about and wouldn't support if you didn't had to.
But that's precisely why we have taxes - so we can fund the interests of everybody at the expense of everybody. Like it or not, that's the way it is. And if you don't like where your money is going, pay attention to who you put in office. The Pentagon war machine, for example, already bloated beyond comprehension, eats more money every time we put a Republican in the head office. And the way they're already starting to drum up "fear" in the early debates, we can only assume they'll be looking to beef up that line item once again should the American people reward their cautionary tales with another term.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
SAY CHEESE!
Here's an interesting test for you. See if you can spot the fake smiles. For some reason, people are not very good at discerning between fake and genuine smiles. I took the test and guessed "fake" for every single one. They all looked fishy to me. They are not all fake, I can assure you - so do your best to pick out the folks who forced a smile from those who smiled because they felt good about something.
Saturday, June 09, 2007
OMG OMG OMG
Here's something I stumbled upon on my own (for a change) and it's one of the funniest things I have ever seen.
It's a home music video for "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys - performed by two teenage Chinese dudes. I dare say this video may be better than the original. Which I know isn't saying much, but - just check it out. Funny ass shit. Matching Yao Ming jerseys. These guys know this song better than I do,
Sadly, that IS saying something.
(I never want to hear you say...)
It's a home music video for "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys - performed by two teenage Chinese dudes. I dare say this video may be better than the original. Which I know isn't saying much, but - just check it out. Funny ass shit. Matching Yao Ming jerseys. These guys know this song better than I do,
Sadly, that IS saying something.
(I never want to hear you say...)
Thursday, June 07, 2007
ANOTHER BRILLIANT IDEA OF MINE
Stolen. But that's okay - I doubt I would have gotten around to bringing it to fruition like these folks have. You may recall my post last year about living truly "wireless" and how it would require abandoning the power strips that keep our electronics tethered to the walls. Plugs, plugs, plugs. Everything needs a plug. Nothing is really wireless because it has to be plugged in to work - at least temporarily so the batteries can recharge. So I put forth the idea of...well, instead of explaining my idea, here's a picture I found online today that does it in less than a thousand words.
I also saw they're doing the Diet Coke Plus thing with vitamins. Also mine.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
RECALL NOTICE
They say an elephant never forgets. But just in case they do, these folks have the remedy - a little something called the subpoena.
Good stuff! Thanks to my buddy Steve for passing this one along.
Good stuff! Thanks to my buddy Steve for passing this one along.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
EVERY PERSON WHO EVER LIVED IN ALL OF HISTORY LIVED RIGHT THERE
Carl Sagan is one of the few authors I've completed. Read pretty much everything the guy ever wrote. The man just had a way of explaining things so they stuck with you. Simple, but insightful. This link is a video built to synchronize some of Sagan's more poignant prose. It's from Pale Blue Dot, which is also the name given that famous image of the earth taken from 4 billion miles away - the farthest photo ever taken of the only home we have. This clip does a great job of putting everything in perspective for you.
Kind of makes all those trivial daily problems wash away...
Here's the high-quality version for those into that kind of thing.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
EVENTUALLY
I've been back on a songwriting kick again. Here's my latest, from the spirit world...
EVENTUALLY
I want a flame-broiled Whopper
A greasy heart-stopper
Loaded up with mayo and cheese
And can you super-size that please?
I need a haystack, baby
With extra sausage gravy,
Eggs, potatoes, bacon and cheese
Can I get just one more biscuit please?
CHORUS:
Cause when you go...you’re gone
Adios, farewell, so long
Better while you’re here to slam a can of beer
So come on, come on!
And when you go, you’ll find
Everything gets left behind
You can plan ahead, but plan on being dead like me
Eventually…
(cause that’s the way it’s meant to be)
Hey, why don’t we go
Get super steak burritos
With guacamole and sour cream
Chihuahua cheese and refried beans
Let’s order pizza – how you want it?
With pepperoni on it
Bacon, burger, sausage, and ham
Meat lovers just don’t give a damn
[CHORUS]
Stuffed to the gills and all out of steam
Defibrillating in my dreams
Clogged with cholesterol and saturated fats
I’ll surrender when the heart attacks
Let's get started with a deep fried platter
Extra heavy batter
Poppers, nuggets, cheese sticks, and wings
On a bed of french fries and onion rings
I’ve had enough to eat but then you
Pass the dessert menu
I guess we could get something to share
And chow till we can't get off our chairs
CHORUS
EVENTUALLY
I want a flame-broiled Whopper
A greasy heart-stopper
Loaded up with mayo and cheese
And can you super-size that please?
I need a haystack, baby
With extra sausage gravy,
Eggs, potatoes, bacon and cheese
Can I get just one more biscuit please?
CHORUS:
Cause when you go...you’re gone
Adios, farewell, so long
Better while you’re here to slam a can of beer
So come on, come on!
And when you go, you’ll find
Everything gets left behind
You can plan ahead, but plan on being dead like me
Eventually…
(cause that’s the way it’s meant to be)
Hey, why don’t we go
Get super steak burritos
With guacamole and sour cream
Chihuahua cheese and refried beans
Let’s order pizza – how you want it?
With pepperoni on it
Bacon, burger, sausage, and ham
Meat lovers just don’t give a damn
[CHORUS]
Stuffed to the gills and all out of steam
Defibrillating in my dreams
Clogged with cholesterol and saturated fats
I’ll surrender when the heart attacks
Let's get started with a deep fried platter
Extra heavy batter
Poppers, nuggets, cheese sticks, and wings
On a bed of french fries and onion rings
I’ve had enough to eat but then you
Pass the dessert menu
I guess we could get something to share
And chow till we can't get off our chairs
CHORUS
SPIES LIKE US
It's not exactly real-time surveillance, but a lot of folks are concerned about this Google Earth program.
Seems anyone can zoom in on pretty much anywhere and get a good glimpse of what's going on. Or, at least, what WAS going on at the time the satellite image was taken. Google Earth software is so powerful it can take you down to street level and show actual buildings, cars, and people. There's been a link to it in my sidebar nav for some time, so if you're curious, check it out.
The big news this week is that folks are finally discovering just how robust big brother has become - and some aren't so keen on having this kind capability available to the public. There's the guy who was snapped coming out of the strip club. The folks outside the adult bookstore. License plates. Living room windows. It's all out there. Aren't you curious to see what's going on at your house?
I personally like the idea that it's all out there - because then we can see what "they" can see. Why have that kind of technology in the hands of a secretive few when the masses would love a look-see? Now if you'll excuse me, I have some topless beaches to discover...
Seems anyone can zoom in on pretty much anywhere and get a good glimpse of what's going on. Or, at least, what WAS going on at the time the satellite image was taken. Google Earth software is so powerful it can take you down to street level and show actual buildings, cars, and people. There's been a link to it in my sidebar nav for some time, so if you're curious, check it out.
The big news this week is that folks are finally discovering just how robust big brother has become - and some aren't so keen on having this kind capability available to the public. There's the guy who was snapped coming out of the strip club. The folks outside the adult bookstore. License plates. Living room windows. It's all out there. Aren't you curious to see what's going on at your house?
I personally like the idea that it's all out there - because then we can see what "they" can see. Why have that kind of technology in the hands of a secretive few when the masses would love a look-see? Now if you'll excuse me, I have some topless beaches to discover...
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
SIGNS, SIGNS, EVERYWHERE SIGNS
It's ON, beotches! Hell yeah!
Check out this ABC News Nightline report on Tesla Motors. If successful, they would be the first American automobile start-up company in over 50 years - and their vehicles don't burn an ounce of oil because they run on batteries. And they run very well, going 0-60 in 4 seconds.
But the best part isn't how they run, it's how they LOOK. Instead of all those frumpy looking Thomas the Train designs pushed on the eco-conscious public by today's major manufacturers, these guys proved you can design an electric car that actually looks as good as it is good for the environment. Nevermind the fact that we'd finally be able to tell Exxon the relationship isn't working for us anymore.
I smell progress. Or is it chili farts? Either way - smells good to me.
*****************
And if an oil-less future interests you, you may enjoy this speech which was delivered in person to the California Air Resources Board when they held hearings on the future of the Zero Emissions Vehicle (ZEV) mandate. While the usual suspects all hemmed and hawed, requested more time, and basically complained about their lack of progress - this guy administered an amusing dose of sarcasm.
The fact is, technology exists TODAY that could substantially reduce our dependence on foreign energy - but the companies best equipped to deliver this technology to the masses remain steadfastly in the past. They provide expensive, ugly-ass energy-efficient alternatives to turn off consumers when they could be working toward the mass production of truly efficient motor vehicles. Hopefully the folks at Tesla will keep this ball rolling....
Check out this ABC News Nightline report on Tesla Motors. If successful, they would be the first American automobile start-up company in over 50 years - and their vehicles don't burn an ounce of oil because they run on batteries. And they run very well, going 0-60 in 4 seconds.
But the best part isn't how they run, it's how they LOOK. Instead of all those frumpy looking Thomas the Train designs pushed on the eco-conscious public by today's major manufacturers, these guys proved you can design an electric car that actually looks as good as it is good for the environment. Nevermind the fact that we'd finally be able to tell Exxon the relationship isn't working for us anymore.
I smell progress. Or is it chili farts? Either way - smells good to me.
*****************
And if an oil-less future interests you, you may enjoy this speech which was delivered in person to the California Air Resources Board when they held hearings on the future of the Zero Emissions Vehicle (ZEV) mandate. While the usual suspects all hemmed and hawed, requested more time, and basically complained about their lack of progress - this guy administered an amusing dose of sarcasm.
The fact is, technology exists TODAY that could substantially reduce our dependence on foreign energy - but the companies best equipped to deliver this technology to the masses remain steadfastly in the past. They provide expensive, ugly-ass energy-efficient alternatives to turn off consumers when they could be working toward the mass production of truly efficient motor vehicles. Hopefully the folks at Tesla will keep this ball rolling....
Friday, May 25, 2007
SNAPPY PICS
This collection of photos is brilliant. Some of the most creative photography I've ever seen. Very much worth a click.
GETTING THE SHAFT
Here's a fun elevator. They dolled up the floor to give it that nice "shafty" appearance. Me likes.**************** ON ELEVATORS
Is it just me or are elevators about the most socially uncomfortable places in the world?
Let’s observe the dynamics of the sophisticated elevator dance.
A single person boards an empty lift and is relaxed and free. He may pick his nose freely, inspect himself in the stainless steel doors, pry his underwear from out of his ass cheeks, cough without covering his mouth, or break wind with great force. There is great freedom in “owning” an elevator ride – but there is also great risk that the solo trip may not remain one. So this person is generally on close guard in the event the elevator should stop prematurely.
Add a second person and things begin to get interesting. Sometimes there’s a pleasantry exchanged – a simple “hello” or a nod and a smile to acknowledge the other person. But once those doors close it suddenly becomes awkward as all hell. People stare down at their feet, eyeball the numbered buttons, stare at the blinking floor indicator, fidget with their cell phone – anything at all to avoid having to make conversation with a complete stranger. A third person boards and the tension mounts. Where to stand! They shuffle about nervously trying to remain equidistant from the elevator’s other occupants. No one wants to crowd anyone. Everyone suddenly becomes extremely self-conscious of their clothes and odor because there is now a triangle of riders. We start to wonder which passenger smells of chicken mexicali soup, while hoping the other one doesn’t think it’s us! We continue staring at our shoes and fidgeting with our belongings to avoid the discomfort.
A fourth and fifth person board and now the anxiety really starts to set in. Everyone takes mini steps to the side and back to demonstrate they are trying to make room – even though there really isn’t anywhere to go. We make ourselves thinner as we press up again the sides. We try to breathe in our own space as we notice the pulse of a whistling wheeze from somewhere in the closed cabin. It seems the ride cannot end soon enough.
As six, seven, and eight board, a state of panic ensues. People start to make contact with the people around them as they struggle to make room. Jackets brush bags and larger items like suitcases are pushed up against the walls. The doors close and no one knows where to look anymore. Most sightlines have been taken away, so the tall people look up and the short people look down. Everyone faces the doors, ready to scramble out as soon as they open. It’s become the longest 16 seconds of everyone’s life. There’s a twitch. A wheeze. Someone’s cell phone beeps from inside a pocket. The elevator hums and purrs as it hits yet another floor.
The doors open and it’s clear there isn’t any more room left for additional passengers. The people in the back are all just praying for the doors to close so we can get this damn ride over with. But the poor soul in the front facing the hallway feels obligated to, somehow, get this last person on board. So they inch their heels back carefully, looking left and right, angling slightly, and saying, “Come on – we can fit one more.” Everyone in the elevator collectively takes a breath and holds it as the ninth person crams in awkwardly.
But before the doors can close, person number nine stands blocking the infrared signal – waiting, it turns out, for her husband, who is carrying a baby and pushing a stroller.
“No way,” everyone thinks at once. This cannot happen. They won’t fit. Not possible.
But they do fit. Somehow. People are jammed in tight, completely frenzied inside and on the verge of losing control. A man clutches a Starbucks cup close to his chest to avoid spilling. A cellphone drops somewhere in the elevator, but no one knows whose it is and no one can look down to see. Everyone is tense and staring vacuously toward a spot on the wall or ceiling. Things could get no worse.
And then comes the smell. It’s heavy and dank, and clearly leaked from someone’s active bowel. Someone actually farted on the elevator! Everyone can smell it, but no one wants to acknowledge that they are resisting air. People turn their heads uncomfortably, tilting them up as though the elevator is filling with water. But the air is no fresher here, as heat rises. And this heat is some seriously strong heat. Someone suddenly coughs. The baby starts to cry. A cell phone rings and the eager jackass actually decides to answer it, speaking loudly as though he is the only one on this hellride. People begin to turn blue from holding their breath, thinking how horrible a death it would be if the elevator were to become suddenly stuck.
Suddenly the elevator slams to a close on the ground floor. The doors slide apart, and the whole mass of humanity tumbles out into the hallway.
And as the doors close again, I smile as it takes me back up to the top where I will make another fantastic voyage back down – proud as can be that the chili is working.
WHISPERS OF THE INVISIBLE
Did you know there are still U.S. army bases in Japan and Germany today…more than 60 years after the end of WWII?
Of course you knew that – EVERYBODY knows that. But did you also know there are bases in Cuba and South Korea? Yeah? I guess that was kind of easy. Well, how about Iceland and the Philippines? Yeah – we have a military base in Iceland.
Let me cut to the chase here. It is widely known that America has strategically projected its military all over the globe to maintain a presence it deems is in the interest of its national, and global, security. But do you realize just how projected the military is? Take a guess.
Go ahead. 10 military bases stationed overseas? 15? How about 50? 250? Okay, now we’re getting a little ridiculous, right? How could we have 250 military installations all over the world? That can’t be. And it isn’t.
Try over 700. SEVEN HUNDRED military installations and bases scattered all over the globe. Right now we’re in the midst of constructing a base of operation in Iraq that’s bigger than the Vatican. Make no mistake about it, wherever the seeds of American imperialism scatter, they find purchase. And the roots we put down are permanent. It’s really no wonder the resentment is so high.
Check out the map of the only world we know. It’s starting to look like a game of Risk. 60 years ago team red was pretty much confined to U.S. soil, and today it’s laid down airstrips and artillery in over 30 foreign countries. What’s really going on here? Why does the U.S. feel the need to be everywhere? As an American, I am more than a little curious to understand why we are expanding in this fashion. The folks in China and Russia were not excited about recent news that the “temporary” bases we built in the central Asian republics following 9/11 are to become permanent installations. They acquiesced to our request to set up camp there, even though the proximity of our presence represented a threat to regional security, as a show of good faith so that we could “bring to justice” those responsible for the WTC attacks. And now the news that we are staying put – just 200 miles from China.
What if China had military installations all over the globe, including bases in Mexico, Canada, and Bermuda? Might make it a little harder to sleep at night.
These are not the random observations of a single individual. This is a documented strategy of global domination that has a name. It’s called the Core Gap. Where the world is considered stable, we have what is called The Core. Where there is conflict and instability, a Gap. The idea is that the Gap remains contained so the Core can thrive. Interestingly, the Gap seems to exist in the hot zone – our planet’s bloated belly muffintopping the equator.
Do you ever stop to think about the world outside of the world we live in? There are the things that influence us from day to day that we are immediately aware of because we see, smell, touch, hear, and taste them. And then there are those things that influence us from week to week, month to month, and year to year because they shape the countless variables in our system. Things like securing access to oil. Negotiating trade agreements. Outsourcing service sector jobs to India. Subversively disrupting Iran’s nuclear ambitions through industrial sabotage. Most people don’t think about those things. But there are people in this world whose jobs are to direct global progress. And these people have a vision. Individuals like you and me are not a part of this vision. We’re too small even to be pawns in this complicated game of world chess. We’re invisible.
Wouldn’t you like to know what’s really going on? Wouldn't you like to know what the hell is really going on in Dubai? There aren't enough sheiks and billionaires to buy into the grand paradise they are hand carving over there. Who is really for?
Why do you suppose Britain so blindly followed the U.S. into Iraq? How much oil is really left - and where is it?
Are Neo-cons modern-day Masons? What do they know that we don't?
Is global warming really public enemy number one here - or is it the greatest hoax every perpetrated upon the American people as suggested by Congressman James Inhofe?
Why are we in Israel's pocket, and why are they in our pocketbook? Why do we send one of the most technologically advanced, flourishing societies with one of the best economies in the world billions in foreign assistance making them the single biggest benefactor of U.S. aid per capita in the world by a large margin when we send so much less to under-developed impoverished nations that actually NEED it, and all at the expense of domestic programs that would help us here at home, from education to social security to health care? Who is responsible for submitting and supporting these irrational policy decisions and why are our elected politicians agreeing to them? What do they know that we don't, because this kind of grossly negligent spending of U.S. taxpayer money is beyond outrageous.
We know we can't trust the mainstream media to give us the straight dope. They're complicit in the prestige. Until recently, we had no alternative but to trust the powers that be, and have faith that the information they shared with us was the truth.
But the web is making it harder for the global power brokers to keep wool pulled over our eyes. People are thinking. Sharing ideas. Learning about the issues that exist outside the little world we live in from day to day. The invisible are whispering.
And if you listen carefully - you might just hear what we're saying.
Of course you knew that – EVERYBODY knows that. But did you also know there are bases in Cuba and South Korea? Yeah? I guess that was kind of easy. Well, how about Iceland and the Philippines? Yeah – we have a military base in Iceland.
Let me cut to the chase here. It is widely known that America has strategically projected its military all over the globe to maintain a presence it deems is in the interest of its national, and global, security. But do you realize just how projected the military is? Take a guess.
Go ahead. 10 military bases stationed overseas? 15? How about 50? 250? Okay, now we’re getting a little ridiculous, right? How could we have 250 military installations all over the world? That can’t be. And it isn’t.
Try over 700. SEVEN HUNDRED military installations and bases scattered all over the globe. Right now we’re in the midst of constructing a base of operation in Iraq that’s bigger than the Vatican. Make no mistake about it, wherever the seeds of American imperialism scatter, they find purchase. And the roots we put down are permanent. It’s really no wonder the resentment is so high.
Check out the map of the only world we know. It’s starting to look like a game of Risk. 60 years ago team red was pretty much confined to U.S. soil, and today it’s laid down airstrips and artillery in over 30 foreign countries. What’s really going on here? Why does the U.S. feel the need to be everywhere? As an American, I am more than a little curious to understand why we are expanding in this fashion. The folks in China and Russia were not excited about recent news that the “temporary” bases we built in the central Asian republics following 9/11 are to become permanent installations. They acquiesced to our request to set up camp there, even though the proximity of our presence represented a threat to regional security, as a show of good faith so that we could “bring to justice” those responsible for the WTC attacks. And now the news that we are staying put – just 200 miles from China. What if China had military installations all over the globe, including bases in Mexico, Canada, and Bermuda? Might make it a little harder to sleep at night.
These are not the random observations of a single individual. This is a documented strategy of global domination that has a name. It’s called the Core Gap. Where the world is considered stable, we have what is called The Core. Where there is conflict and instability, a Gap. The idea is that the Gap remains contained so the Core can thrive. Interestingly, the Gap seems to exist in the hot zone – our planet’s bloated belly muffintopping the equator. Do you ever stop to think about the world outside of the world we live in? There are the things that influence us from day to day that we are immediately aware of because we see, smell, touch, hear, and taste them. And then there are those things that influence us from week to week, month to month, and year to year because they shape the countless variables in our system. Things like securing access to oil. Negotiating trade agreements. Outsourcing service sector jobs to India. Subversively disrupting Iran’s nuclear ambitions through industrial sabotage. Most people don’t think about those things. But there are people in this world whose jobs are to direct global progress. And these people have a vision. Individuals like you and me are not a part of this vision. We’re too small even to be pawns in this complicated game of world chess. We’re invisible.
Wouldn’t you like to know what’s really going on? Wouldn't you like to know what the hell is really going on in Dubai? There aren't enough sheiks and billionaires to buy into the grand paradise they are hand carving over there. Who is really for?
Why do you suppose Britain so blindly followed the U.S. into Iraq? How much oil is really left - and where is it?
Are Neo-cons modern-day Masons? What do they know that we don't?
Is global warming really public enemy number one here - or is it the greatest hoax every perpetrated upon the American people as suggested by Congressman James Inhofe?
Why are we in Israel's pocket, and why are they in our pocketbook? Why do we send one of the most technologically advanced, flourishing societies with one of the best economies in the world billions in foreign assistance making them the single biggest benefactor of U.S. aid per capita in the world by a large margin when we send so much less to under-developed impoverished nations that actually NEED it, and all at the expense of domestic programs that would help us here at home, from education to social security to health care? Who is responsible for submitting and supporting these irrational policy decisions and why are our elected politicians agreeing to them? What do they know that we don't, because this kind of grossly negligent spending of U.S. taxpayer money is beyond outrageous.We know we can't trust the mainstream media to give us the straight dope. They're complicit in the prestige. Until recently, we had no alternative but to trust the powers that be, and have faith that the information they shared with us was the truth.
But the web is making it harder for the global power brokers to keep wool pulled over our eyes. People are thinking. Sharing ideas. Learning about the issues that exist outside the little world we live in from day to day. The invisible are whispering.
And if you listen carefully - you might just hear what we're saying.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
SPAM HUMOR FOR YOU
A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a house:
"Talking Dog For Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him that the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was
pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my
gift and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country and
sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."
"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting
any younger, so I decided to settle down."
"I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security
wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some
incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars," the guy says.
"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so
cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit."
"Talking Dog For Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him that the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was
pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my
gift and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country and
sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."
"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting
any younger, so I decided to settle down."
"I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security
wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some
incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars," the guy says.
"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so
cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit."
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
CAFFEINATED EXTREMES
You know what's weird? People will drink cold iced coffee, and they will also drink hot brewed coffee - but the second it approaches room temperature we all recoil with disgust at the mere thought of choking down that wretched Columbian backwash.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
SMARTASS VS. THE MAN
The Smartass always has to have the last word, but The Man always ends up with the money.
OFF AND ONSLAUGHT
I'm usually good for a time waster or two every now and again. Here's one called Onslaught that will occupy you for hours.
A stream of invading icons will stream toward your base. You have to plant gunposts to guard against the onslaught - but be careful how many guns you buy, which guns you buy, and where you place them. The game starts out easy, and the more little icons you shoot, the more money you build up in the bank. Use the money to upgrade your guns or build news ones. Meanwhile, the onslaught continues and the icons grow harder to kill. They're faster. They mean business!
Loving the Onslaught!
A stream of invading icons will stream toward your base. You have to plant gunposts to guard against the onslaught - but be careful how many guns you buy, which guns you buy, and where you place them. The game starts out easy, and the more little icons you shoot, the more money you build up in the bank. Use the money to upgrade your guns or build news ones. Meanwhile, the onslaught continues and the icons grow harder to kill. They're faster. They mean business!
Loving the Onslaught!
SERENGETI SMACKDOWN
Here's some amazing wildlife footage shot by some folks on safari with a handycam. There's some great drama here as a herd of water buffalo approach a couple of crouching lions. It's not too gory - and there's actually a surprising twist about half way through. Check it out!
Monday, May 21, 2007
HOLY FUCKING CRAP
Do you think President Bush should be impeached? That's a serious question, and one MSNBC recently took to the people in an online poll that's getting a lot of buzz.
If Clinton was impeached for lying about his extra-marrital dabbling, then I certainly think there's more than enough on Bush's resume of destruction to warrant impeaching our nation's "very worst" president (according to Carter, anyow). And I'm not alone in that sentiment, apparently.
Vote here to see the AMAZING results. Seriously - vote and see for yourself.
Wow. Who knew?
If Clinton was impeached for lying about his extra-marrital dabbling, then I certainly think there's more than enough on Bush's resume of destruction to warrant impeaching our nation's "very worst" president (according to Carter, anyow). And I'm not alone in that sentiment, apparently.
Vote here to see the AMAZING results. Seriously - vote and see for yourself.
Wow. Who knew?
Thursday, May 17, 2007
HOW DARE YOU TELL IT LIKE IT IS
Saul Anuzis, the chairman of the Michigan Republican Party, said he's going to try to BAR candidate Ron Paul from future Republican presidential debates because the Texas congressman had the NERVE to suggest that the 9/11 attacks were the fault of U.S. foreign policy.
Can you believe this asshole? Debates are supposed to encourage dialogue, not stifle it. The whole idea is to let the candidates speak their minds and let the people decide who is crazy. It will set a frightening precedent if this idiot's petition-based move actually succeeds.
Lost in all of this, of course, is the fact that there may have actually been some merit to the point Ron Paul was making. Something few politicians have been willing to acknowledge is that foreign policies can have negative CONSEQUENCES, too, and that one of the consequences of our nation's hegemonist foreign policy of securing access to oil at all costs is terrorism. Osama bin Laden said as much when he targeted us the first time around in '93. They're not targeting us because we love freedom - they're targeting us because our entire economy is dependent upon a natural resource they happen to have in abundance.
If al-qaeda's whole raison d'etre is to strike out at "freedom-loving" people, as has been purported repeatedly by people who really should know better, here's a newsflash: There are MILLIONS of freedom-loving folks in Europe who are a lot closer to the Middle East than we are. No one loves freedom more than the pot-smoking Dutch, but no one's bombing Amsterdam. Terrorists consistently target those nations whose foreign policies facilitate the systematic oppression of the people who live atop the world's oil fields. Meanwhile, the distorted religious beliefs of a handful of zealots affords permission to execute these acts of violence in the name of jihad.
But most of our elected politicians elect to ignore the "blowback" that results when we let oil companies and the military industrial complex dictate foreign policy. They throw their hands up in the air and say, "We were just peacefully minding our own business when they decided to fly airplanes into our buildings." Which isn't entirely untrue considering "our business" happens to be promoting a worldwide military presence for securing access to oil - with particular attention paid to the Middle East.
Ron Paul had it right - and the Conservative establishment can't bear to hear it because they're a bunch of idiots. Glad to read I'm not the only one who thinks so.
The fact is, we NEED to get off of oil ASAP - not because it will be greener to do so, but because our security and economy depend on it. And don't buy the line these administration ass clowns are feeding us about "evil doers." The vast majority of people over there are normal, well-adjusted, well-intended people like you and me who just want to make good lives for themselves and their families. And the sooner we quit poking our sticks around in their nest, the better off we'll all be.
And it's nice to see some mainstream support for Paul for a change instead of the bashfest led by arrogant, ignorant assfaces like Giuliani.
We're treating the symptoms of this illness called Terrorism, not the cause, thanks to a deadly misdiagnosis on the part of our nation's narrow-minded leadership.
Can you believe this asshole? Debates are supposed to encourage dialogue, not stifle it. The whole idea is to let the candidates speak their minds and let the people decide who is crazy. It will set a frightening precedent if this idiot's petition-based move actually succeeds.
Lost in all of this, of course, is the fact that there may have actually been some merit to the point Ron Paul was making. Something few politicians have been willing to acknowledge is that foreign policies can have negative CONSEQUENCES, too, and that one of the consequences of our nation's hegemonist foreign policy of securing access to oil at all costs is terrorism. Osama bin Laden said as much when he targeted us the first time around in '93. They're not targeting us because we love freedom - they're targeting us because our entire economy is dependent upon a natural resource they happen to have in abundance.
If al-qaeda's whole raison d'etre is to strike out at "freedom-loving" people, as has been purported repeatedly by people who really should know better, here's a newsflash: There are MILLIONS of freedom-loving folks in Europe who are a lot closer to the Middle East than we are. No one loves freedom more than the pot-smoking Dutch, but no one's bombing Amsterdam. Terrorists consistently target those nations whose foreign policies facilitate the systematic oppression of the people who live atop the world's oil fields. Meanwhile, the distorted religious beliefs of a handful of zealots affords permission to execute these acts of violence in the name of jihad.
But most of our elected politicians elect to ignore the "blowback" that results when we let oil companies and the military industrial complex dictate foreign policy. They throw their hands up in the air and say, "We were just peacefully minding our own business when they decided to fly airplanes into our buildings." Which isn't entirely untrue considering "our business" happens to be promoting a worldwide military presence for securing access to oil - with particular attention paid to the Middle East.
Ron Paul had it right - and the Conservative establishment can't bear to hear it because they're a bunch of idiots. Glad to read I'm not the only one who thinks so.
The fact is, we NEED to get off of oil ASAP - not because it will be greener to do so, but because our security and economy depend on it. And don't buy the line these administration ass clowns are feeding us about "evil doers." The vast majority of people over there are normal, well-adjusted, well-intended people like you and me who just want to make good lives for themselves and their families. And the sooner we quit poking our sticks around in their nest, the better off we'll all be.
And it's nice to see some mainstream support for Paul for a change instead of the bashfest led by arrogant, ignorant assfaces like Giuliani.
We're treating the symptoms of this illness called Terrorism, not the cause, thanks to a deadly misdiagnosis on the part of our nation's narrow-minded leadership.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
STOP-AND-GO APESHIT
Have you ever crept along in traffic expecting to come upon a horrible wreck only to discover no such accident ever took place? And then you wonder why the hell traffic is so slow and backed up for no apparent reason. There's a scientific explanation for it which can be studied in the dynamics of compression in closed systems.
This awesome link takes you to a detailed description of how aggressive driving is to blame for much of today's stop-and-go freeway traffic. It also explains how we can combat the rhythmic and frustrating compression of stop-and-go traffic flow by simply slowing down. Check it out - great stuff!
This awesome link takes you to a detailed description of how aggressive driving is to blame for much of today's stop-and-go freeway traffic. It also explains how we can combat the rhythmic and frustrating compression of stop-and-go traffic flow by simply slowing down. Check it out - great stuff!
DOWNSIZING LILLIES
Every once in a while you overhear the strangest things. I love picking up phrases out of thin air, and out of context. For example, on my way to work I passed a couple of women on the street, and one was explaining to the other:
"He said he knew her, but he didn't know that was her gun."
That's all I got - but I felt suddenly immersed in an episode of Law & Order. Good stuff. And then a friend e-mailed me about a co-worker who uttered the phrases, in all seriousness, "I am not going to be a shrinking lily!"
Who says that? In fact, I was so intrigued by the choice of words, I decided to use that line myself today at the office. It promptly received a chorus of "huh?" and "what?" and "pardon?" So I repeated it, slowly. And everyone just turned around and went back to work, nodding their heads in silent agreement that I am completely insane.
Your mission today is to work in the phrase: "I am not going to be shrinking lily" without letting on that it is a joke. An inside joke - between you and a silly monkey with a typewriter.
Now go!
"He said he knew her, but he didn't know that was her gun."
That's all I got - but I felt suddenly immersed in an episode of Law & Order. Good stuff. And then a friend e-mailed me about a co-worker who uttered the phrases, in all seriousness, "I am not going to be a shrinking lily!"
Who says that? In fact, I was so intrigued by the choice of words, I decided to use that line myself today at the office. It promptly received a chorus of "huh?" and "what?" and "pardon?" So I repeated it, slowly. And everyone just turned around and went back to work, nodding their heads in silent agreement that I am completely insane.
Your mission today is to work in the phrase: "I am not going to be shrinking lily" without letting on that it is a joke. An inside joke - between you and a silly monkey with a typewriter.
Now go!
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
DEVOLVING BY THE MINUTE
I am guessing you have probably seen Jon Stewart's recap of the GOP debate by now, but if not, here's a link. A couple of great moments here. I missed the debate, but apparently three of the idiots on stage actually raised their hands when the moderator asked if anyone up there didn't believe in evolution. Silly monkeys. I also loved the report at the end of this clip from the gates of hell. Good stuff!
Seriously though. The year is 2007 and 30% of the Republican candidates for PRESIDENT don't accept evolution as a scientific truth. Kind of scary if you ask me. I think we should make these clowns take a test before they can be eligible for higher office. A simple quiz might have eliminated Dumbya before he declared his candidacy and spared us all the agony of having to weather this deadly 8-year blunderstorm. While I don't think an effective leader needs to be a genius, I certainly think he should have a solid grasp on reality and read above a 4th grade level. (I keep saying "he" here since there aren't any female candidates in the race for president. A first generation cyborg, Hillary is technically androgenous)
Anyhow, some real winners running for office in the guns and ammo party. I'm seeing a game show on FOX any day now: "Are you smarter than a Republican?"
Seriously though. The year is 2007 and 30% of the Republican candidates for PRESIDENT don't accept evolution as a scientific truth. Kind of scary if you ask me. I think we should make these clowns take a test before they can be eligible for higher office. A simple quiz might have eliminated Dumbya before he declared his candidacy and spared us all the agony of having to weather this deadly 8-year blunderstorm. While I don't think an effective leader needs to be a genius, I certainly think he should have a solid grasp on reality and read above a 4th grade level. (I keep saying "he" here since there aren't any female candidates in the race for president. A first generation cyborg, Hillary is technically androgenous)Anyhow, some real winners running for office in the guns and ammo party. I'm seeing a game show on FOX any day now: "Are you smarter than a Republican?"
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
OUR ISOTOPIAN FUTURE
The new space race is on, my friends, and you’re never going to guess why.
The first time around it was all in the name of nationalist pride. After initially falling behind the Russians in the development of space-faring technology, an energetic and passionate U.S. president committed us to landing on our planet’s sole satellite by the end of the decade. Many thought it an absurd endeavor at the time, but it got a lot of people thinking: “We can do this.”
JFK didn’t live to see the fruits of the seeds he’d sown, but a nation of inspired believers did – and it changed our culture. Years after he challenged us to think big, that ambitious scientific quest lives on as one of man’s greatest triumphs. We said we were going to do it…and we did it.
The second time around we’ve got a different reason to get excited about a moon landing. It turns out our lovely orbiting nightlight contains a valuable isotope called helium-3 that would do wonders for our energy needs. Many believe this amazing element could ultimately replace fossil fuels and possibly end the threat of global warming! Somewhere an environmentalist just got wood.
The future of mankind is on the moon!
So right now there’s another race lining up as Russia and the U.S. have both announced ambitious plans to build a habitable colony on the lunar surface. The idea is to set up camp and harvest as much helium-3 as possible. Many believe that those countries able to harness the great power of helium-3 first will enjoy a tremendous advantage in the centuries to come. The first space race was for pride, the second for providence.
So what’s the deal with Helium-3? You’d have to be a chemist or a physicist to really appreciate the microscopic machinations involved, but a non-radioactive isotope of the element has already proven a powerful catalyst for nuclear fusion – a clean, reliable source of energy. And because it’s so powerful, you wouldn’t need a whole lot of it to provide a whole lot of energy to a whole lot of people. With global warming zealots influencing public policy like never before and world oil supplies in question, this could be a big break for humankind.
Russia and the U.S. aren’t the only ones excited about helium-3. Germany, India, and China are all researching extraction techniques for mining this potentially life-changing isotope. But right now it appears the Russians are most serious about the effort. A leading Russian force on the project, Energia, has announced “industrial scale delivery” of helium-3 no later than 2020. I think it’s time we had a leader here in the States able to inspire this kind of ambition instead of mortgaging our nation’s future on oil futures.
A leader with the right attitude and can-do spirit. Someone who will look at an opportunity like this one and announce boldy, “We can do that.”
And then we’ll do it.
The first time around it was all in the name of nationalist pride. After initially falling behind the Russians in the development of space-faring technology, an energetic and passionate U.S. president committed us to landing on our planet’s sole satellite by the end of the decade. Many thought it an absurd endeavor at the time, but it got a lot of people thinking: “We can do this.”
JFK didn’t live to see the fruits of the seeds he’d sown, but a nation of inspired believers did – and it changed our culture. Years after he challenged us to think big, that ambitious scientific quest lives on as one of man’s greatest triumphs. We said we were going to do it…and we did it.
The second time around we’ve got a different reason to get excited about a moon landing. It turns out our lovely orbiting nightlight contains a valuable isotope called helium-3 that would do wonders for our energy needs. Many believe this amazing element could ultimately replace fossil fuels and possibly end the threat of global warming! Somewhere an environmentalist just got wood.The future of mankind is on the moon!
So right now there’s another race lining up as Russia and the U.S. have both announced ambitious plans to build a habitable colony on the lunar surface. The idea is to set up camp and harvest as much helium-3 as possible. Many believe that those countries able to harness the great power of helium-3 first will enjoy a tremendous advantage in the centuries to come. The first space race was for pride, the second for providence.
So what’s the deal with Helium-3? You’d have to be a chemist or a physicist to really appreciate the microscopic machinations involved, but a non-radioactive isotope of the element has already proven a powerful catalyst for nuclear fusion – a clean, reliable source of energy. And because it’s so powerful, you wouldn’t need a whole lot of it to provide a whole lot of energy to a whole lot of people. With global warming zealots influencing public policy like never before and world oil supplies in question, this could be a big break for humankind.Russia and the U.S. aren’t the only ones excited about helium-3. Germany, India, and China are all researching extraction techniques for mining this potentially life-changing isotope. But right now it appears the Russians are most serious about the effort. A leading Russian force on the project, Energia, has announced “industrial scale delivery” of helium-3 no later than 2020. I think it’s time we had a leader here in the States able to inspire this kind of ambition instead of mortgaging our nation’s future on oil futures.
A leader with the right attitude and can-do spirit. Someone who will look at an opportunity like this one and announce boldy, “We can do that.”
And then we’ll do it.
Monday, April 30, 2007
WHO'S YOUR IDOL?
Here's a fun link you will wish I'd never posted. You create your own dancing idol and he basically becomes the star of a thousand little dancing idols just like him. Very bizarre, yet intriguing and fun. Click on a bunch of the different figures people have created to see how they perform, then paint your very own!
Thanks, Steve.
(My boss does not thank you)
Thanks, Steve.
(My boss does not thank you)
Friday, April 27, 2007
THE SUPER-DUPER FRIENDS
Speaking of cool cartoons, this one was cute. Who has the time to make this stuff? And why aren't they working for me?
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
COLOR ME NOSTALGIC
Wow. This is fucking cool.
30 full minutes of just intros to 80's cartoons. Transformers. Dungeons & Dragons. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Take a trip down memory lane with some classic opening sequences from animation history. I feel like grabbing a box of Fruit Loops and sitting crossleg on the floor in front of a television.
30 full minutes of just intros to 80's cartoons. Transformers. Dungeons & Dragons. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Take a trip down memory lane with some classic opening sequences from animation history. I feel like grabbing a box of Fruit Loops and sitting crossleg on the floor in front of a television.
RUDY GIULIASININE
I can't believe what Rudy Giuliani said this week. Simply can't believe it. Here's a guy I thought had some pretty good qualities - and who might actually make a decent Commander in Chief. And then he makes one of the most utterly asinine declarations I've ever heard and completely removes himself from my very short list of "people I would be okay with in the Oval Office."Rudy Giuliani actually announced this week that if a Democrat is elected president in 2008, America will be at risk for another terrorist attack on the scale of 9/11 - but that if a Republican is elected, preferably him, terrorist attacks can be anticipated and stopped.
Holy fucking shit. He can't possibly believe that, can he? To call him a fucking moron would be an insult to morons (and fuckers, for that matter) worldwide.
This is the kind of fear politics Americans have (slowly) learned to reject. We can't be intimidated and bullied into voting a certain way like we were in 2004, can we? He might recall there was a Republican in the White House when the terrorists took down the WTC. We weren't safe then just as we aren't safe now. Are we really supposed to believe Democrats actually care less about the future of our country? That they are less capable of providing an adequate defense? That they are less committed to the safety and protection of our people? It's an insane proposition. Beyond ludicrous. Political hyperbole at its worst.
Barack Obama responded today and called it what it is. Good for him:
“Rudy Giuliani today has taken the politics of fear to a new low and I believe Americans are ready to reject those kind of politics. America’s mayor should know that when it comes to 9/11 and fighting terrorists, America is united. We know we can win this war based on shared purpose, not the same divisive politics that question your patriotism if you dare to question failed policies that have made us less secure. I think we should focus on strengthening our intelligence, working with local authorities and doing all the things we haven't yet done to keep Americans safe. The threat we face is real, and deserves better than to be the punchline of another political attack.”
But this rant by MSNBC anchor Keith Olbermann is the best. Great stuff, my friends.
Friday, April 20, 2007
SPRING IS HERE, BABY!
Speaking of spring, sometimes when I eat a lot of cocktail shrimp I find I can jump really high. Weird, I know. Here's a cool shot I snapped with my cell phone last time I pounded some shrimpies. I almost jumped off the planet!
IT'S CHO TIME!
A friend of mine out east and I frequently swap links (that sounds dirty), share news, and enjoy discussing/debating the collapse of our nation in short caffeinated bursts. The burst he sent me this morning on the VA Tech massacre was great, so I asked him if I could post it here and spare myself the effort of writing something half as good.
JB about says it all:
"Last night dining at Chili's, I noticed the TVs in the bar bombarded with images of the VA Tech shooter and the tagline: "Copy Cat Concerns." I couldn't make out the channel or hear the audio, but good grief. Let's move on and stop hyping the spectacle. More than 170 civilians died in Iraq from bomb blasts shortly after the VA tech shootings. Tens of thousands die from gun violence every year in this country. The United Nations currently puts the Darfur genocide numbers at more than 450,000 dead. While horrific and tragic, VA Tech is barely a footnote to the record of human depravity. (No, I'm not desensitized from over exposure to violence in the media, video games, etc. I've simply reached the limit of my capacity for shock at the real-world exploits of our species.) Why give other, alienated sociopaths confirmation that the news media will deliver nothing short of iconicity for purveyors of school shootings? And why the predictable and incessant witch hunt for causes, missteps, and scapegoats? As if the occasion of a 23-year-old student deciding one quiet Virginia morning to shoot dead 32 of his fellow campus community members could be reduced the logic of cause and effect... [end of rant]"
Exactly.
JB about says it all:
"Last night dining at Chili's, I noticed the TVs in the bar bombarded with images of the VA Tech shooter and the tagline: "Copy Cat Concerns." I couldn't make out the channel or hear the audio, but good grief. Let's move on and stop hyping the spectacle. More than 170 civilians died in Iraq from bomb blasts shortly after the VA tech shootings. Tens of thousands die from gun violence every year in this country. The United Nations currently puts the Darfur genocide numbers at more than 450,000 dead. While horrific and tragic, VA Tech is barely a footnote to the record of human depravity. (No, I'm not desensitized from over exposure to violence in the media, video games, etc. I've simply reached the limit of my capacity for shock at the real-world exploits of our species.) Why give other, alienated sociopaths confirmation that the news media will deliver nothing short of iconicity for purveyors of school shootings? And why the predictable and incessant witch hunt for causes, missteps, and scapegoats? As if the occasion of a 23-year-old student deciding one quiet Virginia morning to shoot dead 32 of his fellow campus community members could be reduced the logic of cause and effect... [end of rant]"
Exactly.
WHY ARE WE SO FAT?
The short answer:
We eat more food than our bodies need to do the things we do.
The slightly longer answer:
There are actually a lot of reasons. Where to begin!
According to a new study, people tend to eat whatever is put in front of them – regardless of how large or small the portion size. The reason? A "culturally induced" norm that presumes the portion in front of you is appropriate. Researchers call it the “unit bias.” We don’t think about the amount of food in front of us – we just work to clean our plates until the entire “unit” is gone. And in the land of plenty, that unit has gotten a lot bigger over the years. So every time you say, “Supersize me,” you aren’t kidding. In recent years we've been hearing the dietitian's mantra "smaller portions, smaller portions" but you really don't see it very often. In fact, given our historically unprecedented surplus of food, the opposite tends to be true.
BULK UP!
To get the biggest deal on something, you have to buy more of it. Companies call this the volume discount, and it rewards those consumers willing to stock up – purchasing more of a product for a lower price per unit. Supermarkets are able to keep prices low by dealing in volume sales. So it’s no wonder that sale prices on food these days include such amazing volume discounts as “Buy one, get one free!” and “Get 10 for $10!” Supply greatly exceeds demand, so they want you to buy more and keep that product moving off their shelves and into your pantry. Think about all the food you throw away - or the cans and boxes you've had forever. Dig around and you'll find tons of food you probably will never open and eat - but that at one time seemed like a great buy. We're up to our eyeballs in food, so we can eat pretty much whenever we want to - whether we're hungry or not. And, not surprisingly, the more food we buy, the more we eat.
This look is becoming hot!
Here’s something else that should not shock you. Obesity rates in America have increased in 49 of the 50 states. The only state that hasn't been getting fatter was Oregon. Big Vegan population out there. Lovers of soy, tofu, and organics. Or maybe just more eating disorders. Why are the rest of us getting so damn chubby? I’ll tell you why.
Since 1929, the percentage of disposable income the typical American spends on food has dropped from 25% to 10%. Let’s take a moment to discuss how these figures influence our figures.
It takes less money, as a percentage of disposal income, for Americans to feed themselves than any other people on earth. The result is that we can afford to eat more than any other people. It sounds simple to say, but one reason we eat more is because we can - which makes us no better than most dogs. They'll eat and drink themselves sick if you let them. I don't know about you, but that sure sounds like Thanksgiving to me.
PORTION OUT-OF-CONTROL
Have you ever taken notice of what the folks at Applebee’s and Lone Star pile onto your plate? Our portions are enormous. With few exceptions, restaurants heap on the helpings, often serving enough food for two people, or two meals, at a single time – not because you NEED that much food to feel full, but so that they can charge you for it. It's the idea of bulk grocery sales applied to the restaurant biz. If they served you half the amount of food and charged you half the price for it, but you still took up a table for an hour, they’d lose a lot of money! Restaurants deal in volume sales, too. So they load you up with more than you can handle - and charge you for it. And we gladly pay...because it’s hard to complain about that $12 lunch when you walk away from your table so stuffed you think you might pass out.
This is to say nothing of what’s going on at fast food joints where the trend has been to supersize everything. They even made the diameter of their straws wider so you’ll down your corn-sweetened drink faster! Straws never used to be that wide. But they figured out that you'd be able to consume more, and faster, if they improved the cup-to-mouth vehicle.
All of this is very easy to understand when you look at it from a business perspective. There’s a big supply of food in the U.S. – and Americans are only spending 10% of their disposable income on it. So the idea is to get as much food into as many mouths as fast as possible…and to keep the food coming.
I live alone, and I can’t tell you how much food goes to waste at my place. The main reason is that everything comes in bulk and family size. Milk, bread, eggs, cereal – even most of the basics expire, get old, grow stale, or go moldy before I have a chance to finish them. I suppose I could stop at the store every day on my way home from work and buy just what I need for dinner – but that's not convenient for me. And it wouldn’t be the American way! So, instead, I stock up, fill up, and throw out what I don’t use. What could be more American than waste? Aside from a deadly oil addiction, of course.
This is what portion control is all about.
I think shopping and portion control would be a lot easier for people like me if manufacturers made single servings. But try buying a box, bag, or can of anything at the grocery store that’s just one serving. Even the smallest of containers – the ones that look like they would contain a single serving – contain two servings! And what constitutes a single serving anyhow? Who decided that I needed 12 full ounces of sugar water in my can of Coke? I’m not a thirsty person and have a hard time finishing all 12 ounces, so for me, 8oz is just fine. And yet whenever I get a 12oz. can, I almost always end up finishing the whole thing – because I paid for it and don’t like pouring money down the drain. It's the "unit bias" hard at work. Pepsi actually introduced smaller 8oz. cans for a while – and they were perfect for me.
But they've been slow to catch on because they're more expensive per unit.
Another reason we’re so fat is that our lives revolve around meals. Virtually every social gathering has a meal of some kind. Holidays and special occasions are all about the grub: the Thanksgiving feast, the Memorial Day cookout, the birthday cake, the romantic Valentine’s Day dinner, the Easter brunch, and on and on and on. Every time people get together there’s food. And people are always asking what they can bring because you can’t show up to a gathering empty-handed. You’ve got to bring food! How about a dip or a dessert? I have a better idea – how about someone brings a guitar, someone brings a bocce ball set, and someone brings a volleyball net. We don’t need 20 saran wrapped side dishes jammed next to one another on a card table, especially when we KNOW we’re going to want to try them all.
Parties and barbecues and street festivals. Wherever there are people, there are people eating, buying, and selling food. And you know what you’ll find pretty much everywhere? Not broccoli, that's for sure. Hot dogs! Fatty, processed meat parts squeezed into a sheer sheath for quick, convenient consumption. Look on the package, friends. Yeah – it REALLY says “mechanically-separated turkey” on there. Deee-lish! So while we're always eating, we're not eating particularly well.
BUT EATING IS NATURAL!
We can’t help it – to live we must eat. But when you live in the land of plenty, eating is not just an act of nourishment. It’s something to do. Think about it. Meals are neatly woven into our social fabric. Let’s “do” lunch. Get together for coffee. Host a dinner party. Grab a bite to eat. Hit the drive-thru. Order a pizza. And there are more food choices in America today than ever before - in the history of the world! Every neighborhood, strip mall, main street, and interstate rest stop has a nauseating number of fast food options to choose from. Pepto anyone?
Add to this tremendous bounty the fact that our pace of life has changed and it's a blueprint for waistline expansion. We no longer wake up and enjoy a healthy, hearty breakfast, take a small lunch to work, and relax with a home-cooked dinner. We grab something on the go. We eat out for lunch. We either order in or fire up the microwave for dinner. We say we don’t have time to cook anymore, but the truth is that we don’t have time because we don’t need time like we used to. The corporation has made it cheap and easy for us to feed ourselves, and fast. There was a time people scraped by on what they had. They stretched a loaf of molding bread and a dozen eggs. They drank sour milk. They turned spoiled leftovers into soup. It's hard to fatten up on a few hundred calories a day. Just ask Lindsay Lohan.
*****
Trivia fact: The states with the highest rates of obesity are Mississippi, Alabama, West Virginia, Louisiana and Tennessee. I just included this so you can throw it out at a party while you’re grazing on deep-fried appetizers.
*****
Why do we eat so much? Yes, WE. Don’t lie – I know what’s in your fridge. Crap, and lots of it. It’s no mystery we’re so damn fat. We eat every meal like it’s our last supper.
Why is any of this important? Because the number one killer in America is heart disease. (Smoking is a not-so-distant second) We’re eating ourselves to death! But there's actually a lot more to our obesity than an insatiable appetite. While our diets are not fantastic, diet is only a PART of the overall equation. Diet is what you put IN your system; it’s the summation of everything that finds its way into your belly. When I’m drunk, I let my guard down and that’s when the super burritos with extra sour cream and cheese sneak in. (Damn! I just made myself hungry)
Anyhow, the point is that you don’t get fat just because you eat a lot. What you do when you’re NOT eating plays an equally important role. That's called activity, and the more you get, the better off you are.
Science has been generous enough to permit us a measure by which we can determine how food is converted to energy. It’s called the calorie. A calorie is the standard unit of measurement equal to the amount of heat required to raise one gram of water one degree Celsius. Blah blah blah. What you need to know about calories is that the foods you eat and the things you do can both be measured in them. If you eat more calories than you burn doing things, your body starts stashing them in places you don’t want them.
I ran some numbers to see how many calories I burn doing some of the things I do. Basketball for 70 minutes: 550 calories. Beach volleyball for 50 minutes: 500 calories. Very nice. Cycling for a half hour: 245 calories. Vigorous sex for 6 minutes – 12 calories. Wait a second. That's it? I work harder than THAT! According to my source here, it says I burn more calories brushing my teeth. That can’t be right! Oh well…12 calories are 12 calories. Hell, looks like I burn 78 calories an hour just WRITING. Every little bit counts, people.
Here’s a great calorie counter. You enter your weight, the activity, and the duration and it will spit out the number of calories you’ll burn. I found out that I would have to jog an hour and a half to burn off the calories in a Whopper with cheese. That doesn’t include the coke and fries!
The good news is that you burn calories doing everything. Getting out of bed, washing your hair, brushing your teeth, climbing stairs, picking your nose – everything you do requires energy. And that energy comes from the food you eat, which can be measured in calories.
I personally think most people have it all backward. We eat first, then try to work off the calories later. But it’s not all about the calories we EAT. It’s also about the calories we BURN. The more calories we burn during the course of the day, the more calories our body will “need” to sustain a healthy level of activity. So a better strategy might be to figure out how many calories we need to sustain a healthy weight, then moderate our food intake accordingly. And as our activity level changes, adjust our diet.
Adjusting what you eat, as anyone who has ever tried dieting knows, is much easier said than done, especially when our activity level fluctuates from day to day, season to season, and year to year. I personally know that I tend to put on a few LBs during the winter months because I’m nowhere near as active as I am when the weather is warm. In fact, there’s not a whole lot else to do in Chicago BUT eat (and bitch) during the winter. So when it’s cold out, I know I need to control my calorie intake by consuming healthier foods. During the summer when I’m active outdoors, prancing about (nude) in the glorious sunshine, I can usually afford to eat that 4th bratwurst at the game – because I end up burning it off doing drunk cartwheels on the long walk home.
No – changing eating habits is not easy, but it’s important. Here’s a story that may sound familiar to many of you. Most of us were far more active when we were younger, and back then we needed a lot of calories to keep going, going, going all the time. We became accustomed to eating a certain amount of food to sustain that level of energy. Then, as we got older, we started collecting things like partners, careers, mortgages, and kids – all of which required more of our time and attention, slowing us down considerably. So today we don’t get the exercise we need to burn off the same amount of food we’ve been eating since we were 18! Our appetite never changed, just our activity. The result? Weight gain. We get so tired from working, we go right home, eat dinner, and sit on the couch in front of the television. Often with a bag of chips. We end up eating the same amount of food we ate when we were young and active, but don’t keep up the same active lifestyle.
And that brings us right back to the short answer: When we take in a lot more calories than we burn, we store fat.
Maybe as adults we need to reintroduce ourselves to the concept of “recess.” Recess for the workplace. Remember when you were a kid? Second grade? Half way through morning you’d hear that bell and run screaming into the schoolyard to kick a big rubber ball, skip rope, or beat up someone smaller than you. Those were the days. Even in high school we had P.E. class. Physical education. Soccer. Swimming. Track. We didn’t think about it much back then, but the exercise was good for us. Exercise burns calories.
People like to focus on dieting because finding the time to be active isn’t easy. When you were a kid, you probably ran around all the time. You played, you jumped, you swam, you rolled around in the mud. You were always moving. Now you sit in a chair. I think all workplaces should have workstations set up on treadmills - I call them Work-out stations, or Treadicles. You can work and keep active at the same time.
SO AM I FAT?
Want to know your body mass index? Click here to find out.
Enter your weight and height in inches and it will automatically calculate it for you. Your BMI can help you know whether you are “at risk” for a weight-related illnesses. It essentially correlates the ratio between your height and weight with body fat. If your BMI is 25 or higher, you could be at risk for high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart disease, stroke, diabetes, arthritis, low-back pain, menstrual disturbances, skin and psychological disorders.
My BMI is 25 – which is considered low risk for weight-related illnesses. I was happy to hear that, and so was my tongue which has been craving a beef enchilada all day.
Bon appetite!
We eat more food than our bodies need to do the things we do.
The slightly longer answer:
There are actually a lot of reasons. Where to begin!
According to a new study, people tend to eat whatever is put in front of them – regardless of how large or small the portion size. The reason? A "culturally induced" norm that presumes the portion in front of you is appropriate. Researchers call it the “unit bias.” We don’t think about the amount of food in front of us – we just work to clean our plates until the entire “unit” is gone. And in the land of plenty, that unit has gotten a lot bigger over the years. So every time you say, “Supersize me,” you aren’t kidding. In recent years we've been hearing the dietitian's mantra "smaller portions, smaller portions" but you really don't see it very often. In fact, given our historically unprecedented surplus of food, the opposite tends to be true.
BULK UP!
To get the biggest deal on something, you have to buy more of it. Companies call this the volume discount, and it rewards those consumers willing to stock up – purchasing more of a product for a lower price per unit. Supermarkets are able to keep prices low by dealing in volume sales. So it’s no wonder that sale prices on food these days include such amazing volume discounts as “Buy one, get one free!” and “Get 10 for $10!” Supply greatly exceeds demand, so they want you to buy more and keep that product moving off their shelves and into your pantry. Think about all the food you throw away - or the cans and boxes you've had forever. Dig around and you'll find tons of food you probably will never open and eat - but that at one time seemed like a great buy. We're up to our eyeballs in food, so we can eat pretty much whenever we want to - whether we're hungry or not. And, not surprisingly, the more food we buy, the more we eat.
This look is becoming hot!Here’s something else that should not shock you. Obesity rates in America have increased in 49 of the 50 states. The only state that hasn't been getting fatter was Oregon. Big Vegan population out there. Lovers of soy, tofu, and organics. Or maybe just more eating disorders. Why are the rest of us getting so damn chubby? I’ll tell you why.
Since 1929, the percentage of disposable income the typical American spends on food has dropped from 25% to 10%. Let’s take a moment to discuss how these figures influence our figures.
It takes less money, as a percentage of disposal income, for Americans to feed themselves than any other people on earth. The result is that we can afford to eat more than any other people. It sounds simple to say, but one reason we eat more is because we can - which makes us no better than most dogs. They'll eat and drink themselves sick if you let them. I don't know about you, but that sure sounds like Thanksgiving to me.
PORTION OUT-OF-CONTROL
Have you ever taken notice of what the folks at Applebee’s and Lone Star pile onto your plate? Our portions are enormous. With few exceptions, restaurants heap on the helpings, often serving enough food for two people, or two meals, at a single time – not because you NEED that much food to feel full, but so that they can charge you for it. It's the idea of bulk grocery sales applied to the restaurant biz. If they served you half the amount of food and charged you half the price for it, but you still took up a table for an hour, they’d lose a lot of money! Restaurants deal in volume sales, too. So they load you up with more than you can handle - and charge you for it. And we gladly pay...because it’s hard to complain about that $12 lunch when you walk away from your table so stuffed you think you might pass out. 
This is to say nothing of what’s going on at fast food joints where the trend has been to supersize everything. They even made the diameter of their straws wider so you’ll down your corn-sweetened drink faster! Straws never used to be that wide. But they figured out that you'd be able to consume more, and faster, if they improved the cup-to-mouth vehicle. All of this is very easy to understand when you look at it from a business perspective. There’s a big supply of food in the U.S. – and Americans are only spending 10% of their disposable income on it. So the idea is to get as much food into as many mouths as fast as possible…and to keep the food coming.
I live alone, and I can’t tell you how much food goes to waste at my place. The main reason is that everything comes in bulk and family size. Milk, bread, eggs, cereal – even most of the basics expire, get old, grow stale, or go moldy before I have a chance to finish them. I suppose I could stop at the store every day on my way home from work and buy just what I need for dinner – but that's not convenient for me. And it wouldn’t be the American way! So, instead, I stock up, fill up, and throw out what I don’t use. What could be more American than waste? Aside from a deadly oil addiction, of course.
This is what portion control is all about. I think shopping and portion control would be a lot easier for people like me if manufacturers made single servings. But try buying a box, bag, or can of anything at the grocery store that’s just one serving. Even the smallest of containers – the ones that look like they would contain a single serving – contain two servings! And what constitutes a single serving anyhow? Who decided that I needed 12 full ounces of sugar water in my can of Coke? I’m not a thirsty person and have a hard time finishing all 12 ounces, so for me, 8oz is just fine. And yet whenever I get a 12oz. can, I almost always end up finishing the whole thing – because I paid for it and don’t like pouring money down the drain. It's the "unit bias" hard at work. Pepsi actually introduced smaller 8oz. cans for a while – and they were perfect for me.
But they've been slow to catch on because they're more expensive per unit.
Another reason we’re so fat is that our lives revolve around meals. Virtually every social gathering has a meal of some kind. Holidays and special occasions are all about the grub: the Thanksgiving feast, the Memorial Day cookout, the birthday cake, the romantic Valentine’s Day dinner, the Easter brunch, and on and on and on. Every time people get together there’s food. And people are always asking what they can bring because you can’t show up to a gathering empty-handed. You’ve got to bring food! How about a dip or a dessert? I have a better idea – how about someone brings a guitar, someone brings a bocce ball set, and someone brings a volleyball net. We don’t need 20 saran wrapped side dishes jammed next to one another on a card table, especially when we KNOW we’re going to want to try them all.
Parties and barbecues and street festivals. Wherever there are people, there are people eating, buying, and selling food. And you know what you’ll find pretty much everywhere? Not broccoli, that's for sure. Hot dogs! Fatty, processed meat parts squeezed into a sheer sheath for quick, convenient consumption. Look on the package, friends. Yeah – it REALLY says “mechanically-separated turkey” on there. Deee-lish! So while we're always eating, we're not eating particularly well.
BUT EATING IS NATURAL!
We can’t help it – to live we must eat. But when you live in the land of plenty, eating is not just an act of nourishment. It’s something to do. Think about it. Meals are neatly woven into our social fabric. Let’s “do” lunch. Get together for coffee. Host a dinner party. Grab a bite to eat. Hit the drive-thru. Order a pizza. And there are more food choices in America today than ever before - in the history of the world! Every neighborhood, strip mall, main street, and interstate rest stop has a nauseating number of fast food options to choose from. Pepto anyone?
Add to this tremendous bounty the fact that our pace of life has changed and it's a blueprint for waistline expansion. We no longer wake up and enjoy a healthy, hearty breakfast, take a small lunch to work, and relax with a home-cooked dinner. We grab something on the go. We eat out for lunch. We either order in or fire up the microwave for dinner. We say we don’t have time to cook anymore, but the truth is that we don’t have time because we don’t need time like we used to. The corporation has made it cheap and easy for us to feed ourselves, and fast. There was a time people scraped by on what they had. They stretched a loaf of molding bread and a dozen eggs. They drank sour milk. They turned spoiled leftovers into soup. It's hard to fatten up on a few hundred calories a day. Just ask Lindsay Lohan.
*****
Trivia fact: The states with the highest rates of obesity are Mississippi, Alabama, West Virginia, Louisiana and Tennessee. I just included this so you can throw it out at a party while you’re grazing on deep-fried appetizers.
*****
Why do we eat so much? Yes, WE. Don’t lie – I know what’s in your fridge. Crap, and lots of it. It’s no mystery we’re so damn fat. We eat every meal like it’s our last supper.
Why is any of this important? Because the number one killer in America is heart disease. (Smoking is a not-so-distant second) We’re eating ourselves to death! But there's actually a lot more to our obesity than an insatiable appetite. While our diets are not fantastic, diet is only a PART of the overall equation. Diet is what you put IN your system; it’s the summation of everything that finds its way into your belly. When I’m drunk, I let my guard down and that’s when the super burritos with extra sour cream and cheese sneak in. (Damn! I just made myself hungry)
Anyhow, the point is that you don’t get fat just because you eat a lot. What you do when you’re NOT eating plays an equally important role. That's called activity, and the more you get, the better off you are.
Science has been generous enough to permit us a measure by which we can determine how food is converted to energy. It’s called the calorie. A calorie is the standard unit of measurement equal to the amount of heat required to raise one gram of water one degree Celsius. Blah blah blah. What you need to know about calories is that the foods you eat and the things you do can both be measured in them. If you eat more calories than you burn doing things, your body starts stashing them in places you don’t want them.
I ran some numbers to see how many calories I burn doing some of the things I do. Basketball for 70 minutes: 550 calories. Beach volleyball for 50 minutes: 500 calories. Very nice. Cycling for a half hour: 245 calories. Vigorous sex for 6 minutes – 12 calories. Wait a second. That's it? I work harder than THAT! According to my source here, it says I burn more calories brushing my teeth. That can’t be right! Oh well…12 calories are 12 calories. Hell, looks like I burn 78 calories an hour just WRITING. Every little bit counts, people.
Here’s a great calorie counter. You enter your weight, the activity, and the duration and it will spit out the number of calories you’ll burn. I found out that I would have to jog an hour and a half to burn off the calories in a Whopper with cheese. That doesn’t include the coke and fries!
The good news is that you burn calories doing everything. Getting out of bed, washing your hair, brushing your teeth, climbing stairs, picking your nose – everything you do requires energy. And that energy comes from the food you eat, which can be measured in calories.
I personally think most people have it all backward. We eat first, then try to work off the calories later. But it’s not all about the calories we EAT. It’s also about the calories we BURN. The more calories we burn during the course of the day, the more calories our body will “need” to sustain a healthy level of activity. So a better strategy might be to figure out how many calories we need to sustain a healthy weight, then moderate our food intake accordingly. And as our activity level changes, adjust our diet.
Adjusting what you eat, as anyone who has ever tried dieting knows, is much easier said than done, especially when our activity level fluctuates from day to day, season to season, and year to year. I personally know that I tend to put on a few LBs during the winter months because I’m nowhere near as active as I am when the weather is warm. In fact, there’s not a whole lot else to do in Chicago BUT eat (and bitch) during the winter. So when it’s cold out, I know I need to control my calorie intake by consuming healthier foods. During the summer when I’m active outdoors, prancing about (nude) in the glorious sunshine, I can usually afford to eat that 4th bratwurst at the game – because I end up burning it off doing drunk cartwheels on the long walk home.
No – changing eating habits is not easy, but it’s important. Here’s a story that may sound familiar to many of you. Most of us were far more active when we were younger, and back then we needed a lot of calories to keep going, going, going all the time. We became accustomed to eating a certain amount of food to sustain that level of energy. Then, as we got older, we started collecting things like partners, careers, mortgages, and kids – all of which required more of our time and attention, slowing us down considerably. So today we don’t get the exercise we need to burn off the same amount of food we’ve been eating since we were 18! Our appetite never changed, just our activity. The result? Weight gain. We get so tired from working, we go right home, eat dinner, and sit on the couch in front of the television. Often with a bag of chips. We end up eating the same amount of food we ate when we were young and active, but don’t keep up the same active lifestyle.
And that brings us right back to the short answer: When we take in a lot more calories than we burn, we store fat.
Maybe as adults we need to reintroduce ourselves to the concept of “recess.” Recess for the workplace. Remember when you were a kid? Second grade? Half way through morning you’d hear that bell and run screaming into the schoolyard to kick a big rubber ball, skip rope, or beat up someone smaller than you. Those were the days. Even in high school we had P.E. class. Physical education. Soccer. Swimming. Track. We didn’t think about it much back then, but the exercise was good for us. Exercise burns calories.
People like to focus on dieting because finding the time to be active isn’t easy. When you were a kid, you probably ran around all the time. You played, you jumped, you swam, you rolled around in the mud. You were always moving. Now you sit in a chair. I think all workplaces should have workstations set up on treadmills - I call them Work-out stations, or Treadicles. You can work and keep active at the same time.
SO AM I FAT?
Want to know your body mass index? Click here to find out.
Enter your weight and height in inches and it will automatically calculate it for you. Your BMI can help you know whether you are “at risk” for a weight-related illnesses. It essentially correlates the ratio between your height and weight with body fat. If your BMI is 25 or higher, you could be at risk for high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart disease, stroke, diabetes, arthritis, low-back pain, menstrual disturbances, skin and psychological disorders.
My BMI is 25 – which is considered low risk for weight-related illnesses. I was happy to hear that, and so was my tongue which has been craving a beef enchilada all day.
Bon appetite!
Thursday, April 19, 2007
QUESTIONING MARKS
Have you noticed how we've become a nation of second-guessers? We're all about the woulda coulda shoulda. Sure isn't hard to find an opinion these days - everybody's got one. Or several. And I think the media really enables this through the use of an attention-grabbing technique that drives me apeshit: the headline question
You know what I'm talking about - they're all over the place. They encourage people to have an opinion - but sometimes just asking the question is enough to influence opinion. Sometimes these questions are highlighted in the margin and asked as part of an "unscientific" poll - but other times they're disguised as news amidst the rest of the day's headlines.
Should Imus be fired?
When is it okay to put a student away?
Does a fruity cocktail qualify as health food?
Can the U.S. Restore its Destroyed World Image?
Did the Supreme Court flip flop on abortion?
Has Tarantino been flushed away?
I think the integrity of journalism would be better served if we didn't allow these types of "questionable" headlines. They can be presumptuous and misleading, and often indirectly direct people to lend more credence to the sensational. Worse, they're easy to abuse in making social and political commentary because they can suggest something is true without providing any proof. The Fox News Channel has mastered the art of the Question mark Headline, routinely posing absurd, baseless questions that suggest by their very asking that there is some merit in the proposition.
I think if it's news, there's no question about it. Statements only please. Because if we're going down the route of Ask Yourself journalism, then what's to stop us from wondering whether Hillary is human, or if Paul Wolfowitz is the antichrist? These questions grab your attention, but blur the line between fact and speculation. And when we make speculation a headline on a reputable news site, or in a newspaper with mass appeal, doesn't that give weight to the speculation?
I don't like all of the second guessing. Should officials at Virginia Tech have shut down the campus earlier? Report the facts and let people speculate on their own. Quit filling up the airwaves with all of this hindsight garbage. It's so easy to criticize after the fact - and people have enough questions of their own without editorial masquerading as news.
You know what I'm talking about - they're all over the place. They encourage people to have an opinion - but sometimes just asking the question is enough to influence opinion. Sometimes these questions are highlighted in the margin and asked as part of an "unscientific" poll - but other times they're disguised as news amidst the rest of the day's headlines.
Should Imus be fired?
When is it okay to put a student away?
Does a fruity cocktail qualify as health food?
Can the U.S. Restore its Destroyed World Image?
Did the Supreme Court flip flop on abortion?
Has Tarantino been flushed away?
I think the integrity of journalism would be better served if we didn't allow these types of "questionable" headlines. They can be presumptuous and misleading, and often indirectly direct people to lend more credence to the sensational. Worse, they're easy to abuse in making social and political commentary because they can suggest something is true without providing any proof. The Fox News Channel has mastered the art of the Question mark Headline, routinely posing absurd, baseless questions that suggest by their very asking that there is some merit in the proposition.
I think if it's news, there's no question about it. Statements only please. Because if we're going down the route of Ask Yourself journalism, then what's to stop us from wondering whether Hillary is human, or if Paul Wolfowitz is the antichrist? These questions grab your attention, but blur the line between fact and speculation. And when we make speculation a headline on a reputable news site, or in a newspaper with mass appeal, doesn't that give weight to the speculation?
I don't like all of the second guessing. Should officials at Virginia Tech have shut down the campus earlier? Report the facts and let people speculate on their own. Quit filling up the airwaves with all of this hindsight garbage. It's so easy to criticize after the fact - and people have enough questions of their own without editorial masquerading as news.
I JEST IN ALL SERIOUSNESS
Well, now that Iran's nuclear program is busily whirring away, it shouldn't be long before our regularly scheduled programming is interrupted by a news alert announcing that the U.S. has decided to bomb Iran. It's just like A Flock of Seagulls said it would be!
"Iran. Iran's so far away. But couldn't get away."
Is it just me or does anyone else feel a draft in here?
"Iran. Iran's so far away. But couldn't get away."
Is it just me or does anyone else feel a draft in here?
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
ERR UNBALANCED
Wow. It saddens and frightens me how this brand of journalism finds its way into so many homes night after night. Anyone familiar with the whole quote knows it was a little closer to: "I think that nobody wants to play chicken with our troops on the ground."
Interesting visual excerpt, isn't it? The visual takeaway here is a completely false "report" of what was actually said. This is not an isolated gaffe, mind you. It is just one of seemingly countless irresponsible decisions made on behalf of Fox News channel editors every day of the year. For more on the truth behind how these types of absurdities make it into your living room, I highly recommend the documentary "Outfoxed: Rupert Murdoch's War on Journalism."
An independent study was recently conducted to determine how informed Americans are with regard to actual current events and news. The results revealed that viewers of the Fox News Channel were the LEAST informed Americans of all those tested - by a huge margin. Garbage in, garbage out. Their actual knowledge of real world events was distorted beyond that of any other news channel audience. And what's dangerous is that these viewers THINK they know the truth because they are getting all of this information from a reputable "news" channel. But for heaven's sake, 34% of FNC viewers actually believe we FOUND weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Outfoxed is short and sweet and available to rent on DVD today. Get it into your Netflix queue today. I'm going to start a list of advertising sponsors responsible for the proliferation of this disinformation and hold them accountable.
Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme to start a boycott posse. Who's with me, boys? Let's saddle up and ride!
WEB POINTERS
In case you ever wondered how the arrow on the screen works with your mouse, http://www2.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifhere's an up close look inside your monitor, where all the magic happens!
Saturday, April 14, 2007
FOR THE INACTIVE MIND
Not sure how I stumbled upon this timewaster, but it's a pretty mindlessly entertaining site. Spent an hour on his Flash map mashup comparing satellite imagery from Google Earth, Yahoo Maps, and Microsoft Virtual Earth. Zoomed in and out of the atomic test sites at Trinity, New Mexico to survey the damage where they detonated the first atomic bombs. Cool shit. Then played some of his addictive Flash games. Enjoy!
CIRCLE CIRCLE DOT DOT
LEGO RAP
This Funny or Die website has some pretty entertaining videos - if the content ends up as novel as this clip, I bet it will stick around.
This Funny or Die website has some pretty entertaining videos - if the content ends up as novel as this clip, I bet it will stick around.
GOOD WILL FERRELLING
Will Ferrell fans will enjoy this homemade video called "The Landlord."
Quite simple and very amusing.
Quite simple and very amusing.
Friday, April 13, 2007
OCCUPATIONAL HAZARD
Sometimes I wonder why the media and government insist on referring to our military operation in Iraq as a "war." Technically, it's not a war at all. The war came to an abrupt halt when Baghdad fell and the Iraqi army surrendered. We weren't still calling it the "War in Deutschland" when we occupied post-WWII Germany. Post-war resistance is not the same as "war." But those who insist on labeling it such have their reasons.
This fine post makes some excellent points regarding the continued use of the term "war" in describing what would more correctly be termed a "military occupation."
In a nutshell, war is sexier. It's easier to find sympathy and win support for war. It's easier to exploit patriotism and divert resources for war than for a military occupation. And it's easier to keep the masses scared out of their wits when you're at "war" because the very word implies a threatening state of impending danger. The irony here, of course, is that there wasn't a threat in Iraq to begin with. Further, the threat that exists now only grows the longer we remain mired in occupation there.
I wish the government and folks in media would call it what it is instead of misleading us with rhetoric. There's a lot of fighting still - that is for certain. But the only "war" going on in Iraq right now is a civil one - and our over-extended military folks are stuck in the middle of it.
Just today, spin maestro Dickie Cheney suggested that some in government would like to see us "retreat" from this war. More sharp rhetoric intended to paint us into this "war" setting. Clever use of the word "retreat" - no one wants to be pinned a sissy or a coward. Dick - it's not a war, buddy. And a phased pull-out is not a "retreat."
These are some shrewd folks. Their words are carefully selected to advance their political agendas. And everything is spoken so matter-of-factly, as though it isn't to be questioned. Over and over again it plays. They are the same sound-byte wizards who turned a single, harmless Kerry quote into the "flip-flop" phenomenon of 2004. Listen to the buzz and the chatter. Stop focusing on the details and just take it all in at once. There's a single message coming down from the top and it filters into your life in countless ways. Magazines, newspapers, internet articles, television, radio, barber shop conversation. It's hypnotic in a way. And after a while you just start to accept what they say as truth. But the truth is not in words, it is in action. Nevermind what we're being told - look at what we are doing.
The "war" has been over for years. Saddam Hussein is dead. There are no weapons of mass of destruction in Iraq. Why are we still there?
Brings a whole new meaning to the term "military occupation," doesn't it?
This fine post makes some excellent points regarding the continued use of the term "war" in describing what would more correctly be termed a "military occupation."
In a nutshell, war is sexier. It's easier to find sympathy and win support for war. It's easier to exploit patriotism and divert resources for war than for a military occupation. And it's easier to keep the masses scared out of their wits when you're at "war" because the very word implies a threatening state of impending danger. The irony here, of course, is that there wasn't a threat in Iraq to begin with. Further, the threat that exists now only grows the longer we remain mired in occupation there.
I wish the government and folks in media would call it what it is instead of misleading us with rhetoric. There's a lot of fighting still - that is for certain. But the only "war" going on in Iraq right now is a civil one - and our over-extended military folks are stuck in the middle of it.
Just today, spin maestro Dickie Cheney suggested that some in government would like to see us "retreat" from this war. More sharp rhetoric intended to paint us into this "war" setting. Clever use of the word "retreat" - no one wants to be pinned a sissy or a coward. Dick - it's not a war, buddy. And a phased pull-out is not a "retreat."
These are some shrewd folks. Their words are carefully selected to advance their political agendas. And everything is spoken so matter-of-factly, as though it isn't to be questioned. Over and over again it plays. They are the same sound-byte wizards who turned a single, harmless Kerry quote into the "flip-flop" phenomenon of 2004. Listen to the buzz and the chatter. Stop focusing on the details and just take it all in at once. There's a single message coming down from the top and it filters into your life in countless ways. Magazines, newspapers, internet articles, television, radio, barber shop conversation. It's hypnotic in a way. And after a while you just start to accept what they say as truth. But the truth is not in words, it is in action. Nevermind what we're being told - look at what we are doing.
The "war" has been over for years. Saddam Hussein is dead. There are no weapons of mass of destruction in Iraq. Why are we still there?
Brings a whole new meaning to the term "military occupation," doesn't it?
Thursday, April 12, 2007
ALCOHOL BY VOLUME
Holy shit.
I just read an article on all of the dangers of heavy drinking and it scared the crap out of me. So I made a decision. I've decided to quit. After today - no more reading.
I just read an article on all of the dangers of heavy drinking and it scared the crap out of me. So I made a decision. I've decided to quit. After today - no more reading.
HITCHHIKER WISDOM
"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."
- Douglas Adams
- Douglas Adams
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
MSNBC U LATER, HATER
Unfortunately, he didn't have the hidden immunity idol. Don - the sponsors have spoken. It's time to go.
At least this 10-gallon pimp has a future in rap.
THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMMMMM.....
Classified?
Zoom out to get a better idea of where you are. What ARE the folks at Google so senstive about hiding here?
Zoom out to get a better idea of where you are. What ARE the folks at Google so senstive about hiding here?
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
GREAT MELTDOWNS IN MODERN HISTORY
Here's an old classic that's making the rounds again. If you haven't seen the Winnebago man completely lose his mind, you need to check this out. I recommend playing this feature at work with the volume jacked up really high.
PUT A LID ON IT!
Here's a little something that's been on my mind. I've been watching the folks at Starbucks closely and I may have stumbled onto something.
Imagine you're a barista. You're back there all day mixing drinks for people in the name of rapid caffeination, and you love your job because you're getting top-shelf health insurance. And also because they're always playing hip, new tunes. You finish off each complex beverage with a flourish because you imagine yourself as Tom Cruise in Cocktail, slinging flavored syrup bottles around and juggling plastic cups like a circus clown. It's big fun, all shift long.
And after you make each steaming, frothing batch of sweetened morning goodness, you grab a plastic lid and snap that bad boy on the top of the cup. And that's when you notice something. In order to snap that lid on evenly and efficiently, you actually have to cup your entire palm over the top of it and push down. The meat of your hand and your sticky, sugary fingers press firmly all around the top to ensure it is firmly applied. Yes, you are, in essence, a germ factory - dispensing mild illness with every beverage you so carefully prepare for your unsuspecting victims.
I've been watching the folks at Starbucks, and you definitely get a handful of extra love with every cup you order. So before you raise that tiny little drink slot to your lips, you may want to consider giving the lid a good wipe-down. Or risk inviting a fresh brew of bacteria in for open swim.
Imagine you're a barista. You're back there all day mixing drinks for people in the name of rapid caffeination, and you love your job because you're getting top-shelf health insurance. And also because they're always playing hip, new tunes. You finish off each complex beverage with a flourish because you imagine yourself as Tom Cruise in Cocktail, slinging flavored syrup bottles around and juggling plastic cups like a circus clown. It's big fun, all shift long.
And after you make each steaming, frothing batch of sweetened morning goodness, you grab a plastic lid and snap that bad boy on the top of the cup. And that's when you notice something. In order to snap that lid on evenly and efficiently, you actually have to cup your entire palm over the top of it and push down. The meat of your hand and your sticky, sugary fingers press firmly all around the top to ensure it is firmly applied. Yes, you are, in essence, a germ factory - dispensing mild illness with every beverage you so carefully prepare for your unsuspecting victims.I've been watching the folks at Starbucks, and you definitely get a handful of extra love with every cup you order. So before you raise that tiny little drink slot to your lips, you may want to consider giving the lid a good wipe-down. Or risk inviting a fresh brew of bacteria in for open swim.
Monday, April 09, 2007
KEEPING YOUR COOL
I love it when professors of meteorology are given the rare opportunity to debunk global warming in mainstream mags. You just don't see it very often. Everything is doom and gloom everywhere you look. And then someone manages to break through and make a little sense for a change. You can read what I'm talking about here.
My favorite part is where the author wonders why so many of the same people who propose to know what the climate is going to be like in 40 years can't accurately predict what the weather will be like next week. It seems the thing a lot of these panic specialists are ignoring is the fact that climate change is normal. There's no such thing as a "perfect" temperature at which the earth is supposed to be at all times. Environmental catastrophe is fast becoming the new Communism...something trumped up by an overzealous media to keep the underinformed masses living in fear. Fear sells magazines and gets ratings. And it gives well-intended people a cause to champion. There was a time I bought it - but then a very modest amount of research revealed an alarming lack of scientific consensus. Turns out this whole warming thing isn't quite as inevitable as some would have us believe. Ten minutes of surfing and you can see for yourself.
My favorite part is where the author wonders why so many of the same people who propose to know what the climate is going to be like in 40 years can't accurately predict what the weather will be like next week. It seems the thing a lot of these panic specialists are ignoring is the fact that climate change is normal. There's no such thing as a "perfect" temperature at which the earth is supposed to be at all times. Environmental catastrophe is fast becoming the new Communism...something trumped up by an overzealous media to keep the underinformed masses living in fear. Fear sells magazines and gets ratings. And it gives well-intended people a cause to champion. There was a time I bought it - but then a very modest amount of research revealed an alarming lack of scientific consensus. Turns out this whole warming thing isn't quite as inevitable as some would have us believe. Ten minutes of surfing and you can see for yourself.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
ELECTRIC BUGALOO
If you've never seen a 2-year-old break dance, you have to click here.One of the funniest things I've ever seen.
Friday, April 06, 2007
DENTAL LOWGEINE
You know what I love? I love it when I floss a good-sized chunk of something out from between my molars and have no idea what it is - until I recognize it as something I ate two days ago.
So lovely.
So lovely.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
ACCESS DENIED!
This link is fantastic. Some guy has created one of those user authentication checks that would permit or deny access to the Internet based on your use of the English language. The concept is a scream and it's surprisingly well executed.
I'm all for the idea, incidentally.
Try it out yourself and see if you'd be able to use the Internet.
And when you're done, head back and check out the picture of Hillary again. She's short-circuiting again!
I'm all for the idea, incidentally.
Try it out yourself and see if you'd be able to use the Internet.
And when you're done, head back and check out the picture of Hillary again. She's short-circuiting again!
WHAT THE BARACK?!?
Democratic Party Frontrunner and malfunctioning cyborg Hillary Clinton reacts Monday to news that Barack Obama nearly matched her fundraising total of $26 million dollars. More surprising than the amount was the origin: it poured in from over 100,000 donors. It appears the people grow restless for change.More disconcerting for Hillary lovers may be the recent Harris poll indicating that 50% of Americans would NOT vote her under any circumstances. This staggering setback in the court of public opinion, no doubt, has the Republican establishment eagerly stuffing her war chest with green in the hopes she can wrest the Party nomination away from her pragmatic and popular challenger, Obama, which would all but ensure a Republican victory in November 2008.
Advice to Democrats: If you want the White House, better ditch Capitol Hillary and Barack and roll. The best shot isn't such a long shot anymore.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
MARCH GLADNESS
Looks like I can retire from NCAA Bracketology - I finally placed in a 40-man pool last night with Florida's (anticipated) win over Ohio State.
All those years of picking conservatively and sticking with the top seeds finally paid off. '07 was a not-so-upsetting tournament in that regard - few surprises, and most of those aberrations were quickly corrected by higher seeds. It's safe to say March wasn't all that mad this year.
Nailed three of the final four, the final two, and the national champ to lock up second place and $100. I was thinking I should quit now while I'm ahead, but then I realized that if I add up all the money I've spent over the years without winning a dime, I'm really not ahead. So I suppose I'll have to let it ride instead!
All those years of picking conservatively and sticking with the top seeds finally paid off. '07 was a not-so-upsetting tournament in that regard - few surprises, and most of those aberrations were quickly corrected by higher seeds. It's safe to say March wasn't all that mad this year.
Nailed three of the final four, the final two, and the national champ to lock up second place and $100. I was thinking I should quit now while I'm ahead, but then I realized that if I add up all the money I've spent over the years without winning a dime, I'm really not ahead. So I suppose I'll have to let it ride instead!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
