TIGHT FITNESS

A buddy here at the office told me he was hanging out with Chuck Norris last night. The guy is so VIP I actually believed him for a short time - until he revealed that he was merely partying with someone who RESEMBLED Chuck Norris. So much for that vicarious brush with greatness. I almost had a cool story to share. Instead, all I have for you is verification from the alternative community that Tom Cruise does, in fact, butter his bread on both sides. But you didn't hear that from me. I don't want to incur the wrath of the greater Scientologist community.

On a somewhat unrelated note, the thing I love most about Chuck Norris, besides his well-tailored beard (of course), now that I think about it, is how versatile that motherfucker is. Here's a martial arts expert who Hollywood turned into a no-nonsense Texas Ranger and he was totally cool with it. They said, "Chuck, hear us out. We're going to put you deep in the heart of Texas in cowboy boots and tight jeans and have you work some of your karate magic. How does that sound?"

Could they have made it any more difficult? "Wait - you want me to kick ass wearing cowboy boots and skin tight Wranglers? I suppose I could do that. How much does it pay?"

The whole idea makes me appreciate Chuck Norris even more.