IN HOT PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

“Kids have it right,” I said to Geri one day while we were stuck in traffic on I-290 outside of Chicago. “In part because they have less to worry about…but also because they don’t take tomorrow for granted.”

I pointed into the backseat where the 5-year-old H-man was humming along cheerfully to something on Disney radio. “If I asked him right now what makes him happy, what would be his answer? I bet it’d be profoundly at the heart of what it means to be happy.”


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There are a lot of messages out there in the world.

How to improve yourself. How to lose weight. How to make more money. How to realize your true potential. How to find God. How to get the most out of your personal relationships. How to get rich quick. How to have the body you’ve always wanted. How to find true love. How to cheat at poker. How to score big in real estate. How to be a better parent.

What’s with all of these tips on life? Can’t we figure anything out on our own? What did people do in the tens of thousands of years before self-help? I wonder sometimes if all of these messages aren’t giving us inferiority complexes. I’m usually pretty content with myself, generally speaking. But I see all of these messages out there and I start wondering if I shouldn’t be a little more worried. All these people losing weight except me. All these people getting rich in real estate except me. All these people getting into heaven except me. Why do I even bother getting out of bed in the morning?


One thing is common to all of these messages – they all assume that I couldn’t possibly be happy with the way things are now. Not when so many other people out in the world are changing their lives for the better every day!

Marketers bombard us with messages promising us we’ll be loads happier if we do or change something about the way we are living our lives. Many religions give us the very same guarantee. And I think that’s true in a way. We CAN be happy if we do or change something. But if you ask me, all we really have to change is our mind. It's the best way to ward off the lifesucking preachers of discontent.

Here's a mantra for morning: I am happy now, dammit – with my beer belly. With my 220 cholesterol level. With off-white teeth. With the many psychological dysfunctions that make me who I am. I don't need anything other than what I have to be happy in this world. I am perfectly content with my life.


In our culture, happiness is always tomorrow – forever a day away. It’s even written in our nation’s Declaration of Independence that we have the right to “pursue” happiness. We don’t have the right to BE happy – just the right to die of exhaustion from chasing after it our entire lives.

I think about all of the people all over the globe who will live their whole lives in the same community, surrounded by the same people, eating the same staple diet, wearing the same clothes, and performing the same job year after year. Am I really any happier than they are?

I’ve been to more professional basketball games than they have, but am I happier?

I’ve been to more trendy (read: expensive) restaurants than they have, but am I happier?

I’ve got enough clothes in my closet to wear something different every day for three weeks, but am I happier?

Sure, I have the right to pursue happiness. But happiness isn’t something to be pursued – it’s something to be experienced right now. I think we spend too much time chasing future happiness and not enough BEING happy.

When does our pursuit of happiness end so we can finally be happy?

Consider children. Children don’t share in our quest for future happiness. In fact, children are quite the opposite. They live entirely in the now – the concept of delayed gratification doesn’t exist, and when we attempt to explain it, the idea isn’t well received. From a kid’s point of view, “Why would I wait until tomorrow to eat that brownie when I could eat it and enjoy it right now?” Waiting to be happy simply doesn’t make sense. That mindset makes it easier for children to experience happiness…while so many adults are bent on pursuing an uncertain future of it.

*****

“Kids have it right,” I said to Geri one day while we were stuck in traffic on I-290 outside of Chicago. “In part because they have less to worry about…but also because they don’t take tomorrow for granted.”

I pointed into the backseat where the 5-year-old H-man was humming along cheerfully to something on Disney radio. “If I asked him right now what makes him happy, what would be his answer? I bet it’d be profoundly at the heart of what it means to be happy.”

That made me curious, so I asked him.

“Hey – H. What makes you happy?”

He was taken a little off guard by the question and seemed unsure what I was asking him. So I repeated myself to be clear.

“Think about when you are feeling happy. What exactly is it that makes you happy?” I waited while he pondered happiness.

“Ummm, I don’t know,” he said, then cocked his head to the side and offered, “I guess I would say…morning?” He questioned his answer because he wasn’t sure if it was right or wrong. What he didn’t understand was that there is no right or wrong – there just is. And morning makes him happy. Could there be a more perfect answer to that question?

Morning. The miracle anti-depressant. The elusive secret to happiness. All of these ads, books, articles, and promises for a better life everywhere you turn…when healthy, well-adjusted kids the world over are getting high on a daily dose of morning. Sucks to grow up, doesn’t it?

Sure, life’s not Chuck E. Cheese’s everywhere you go - and there are a lot of kids who likely don’t share H’s enthusiasm for a brand new day. But his answer was still telling. Happiness isn’t tethered to something you do, it’s a byproduct of being. It’s about waking up every day and breathing. That’s as true today as it was when you and I were 5 years old. Happiness is recognizing that each new day is full of endless possibilities, and virtually anything can happen. At some point it seems we give up on today and start living for tomorrow. The tragedy, of course, is that tomorrow never comes. Tomorrow is always a day away.

Seems to me the best way to find happiness is to stop chasing after it. Let happiness chase you for awhile. You're a lot slower than happiness - you might actually get caught every once in a while.