SPECIAL DELIVERY

I am a proud subscriber to the Chicago Tribune. I say proud because in this age of technology and the Internet, and for how much time I spend online perusing the latest of the latest breaking news, there's still something I enjoy about having that tactile sheet of fiber between my fingers.

Makes me feel aloof, in a way. Your Internet's not good enough for me. I'm going to read the newspaper.

Which I don't, really. I mean, I look at the pictures and scan the headlines. But I don't really read it. Does ANYONE under the age of 55 read the newspaper?

Still, I enjoy getting it because it's a piece of my past. Of our past. It's symbolic of a time when if you wanted to find out something about the world, you didn't flip on a television, click on a mouse, or hit a few buttons on your wireless device. You went out on the front stoop in your robe and slippers and fished your newspaper out of a snowbank that the city trucks made when they plowed through your neighborhood at 4am.

You wanted news back then? It was printed on paper every day of the week, and delivered directly to your door. And it still feels nice to be physically connected in that way.

So you can imagine my disappointment last Wednesday when I didn't get my daily paper. It wasn't that I was looking forward to reading it, or that I needed to consult it for something in particular that day, which does happen from time to time. Feature articles. Exclusive savings. Movie reviews and showtimes. The daily crossword. There's a lot to love still about the Chicago Tribune offline, but these weren't on my mind last Wednesday when I raced down the stairs to secure my plastic-sheathed footnote on history.

President-Elect Barack Obama was.

It was the day after the election, and Chicagoans were beaming with pride. Tens of thousands had turned out the night before to hear his victory speech. It was history in the making, and we all, somehow, felt a part of it. This newspaper was my souvenir. My keepsake. It made it all seem more real.

Only my newspaper wasn't there. Nor was the neighbor's newspaper. I looked down the street and didn't see any newspapers. Had they all been stolen or had they gone undelivered?

I immediately called the Chicago Tribune to inquire. As is so often the case these days, I received an automated teleprompter. After navigating my way to the "delivery problems" menu, I reported that I had not received my paper, identified myself, and requested re-delivery. I then went to the grocery store to purchase a back-up.

As I approached the grocery store I noticed handmade signs on the glass doors in the entranceway.

SORRY! WE ARE ALL OUT OF TODAY'S NEWSPAPERS - WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.

I started to realize that today's paper wasn't going to be easy to come by - at least not in this Democratic stronghold, and hometown to our nation's next President.

The paper didn't come that day, so I emailed customer service and requested redelivery. I imagined they would be skeptical at this point. How many others had done the same I wondered? They wrote back 16 hours later with a polite greeting to let me know they had received my request and would be passing it on to the appropriate people.

I waited. When the paper didn't come, I decided to write again. I asked for an ETA on my re-delivery. They replied the following morning with another kind greeting, thanking me for my business, and asking for my patience as they worked to resolve the issue. A new paper would arrive within 48 hours they said.

After 49 hours, I responded again. I was becoming skeptical, and this they surely noted in my tone, which had taken a turn for the sarcastic. I was beginning to inquire as to how the daily papers for Thursday and Friday had been delivered without a problem - yet my Wednesday re-delivery had not arrived.

They responded and asked for my continued patience. I would have the paper in 48 hours.

I responded that it had technically been 49 hours since they'd first told me to wait 48 hours, and I asked if they meant to wait ANOTHER 48 hours, or if they just weren't aware that so much time had passed since their commitment.

They responded the following day with an apology for the experience, and a note indicating they had referred my case to a Special Service agent who would see to it that I received a "proper" delivery. I imagined a 12-year-old kid on the other end, laughing as he typed up these fantastic responses to my concerns and requests. Special Service agent? Proper delivery? Were they making this stuff up?

Another 48 hours passed and no paper came. My wife could sense it was irking me and sugested I just give it up already. By now there were news reports of the paper going for up to $50 an issue on eBay. There's no way you get a paper now, she said. Someone probably stole it and they probably don't have any more.

I wrote again, this time infusing some hyperbole into the equation and declaring this event the single greatest customer service catastrophe I have ever known. In fact, it rather paled to the time I was charged a mysterious "installation" fee by RCN Cable and had to file a grievance with the Better Business Bureau to get my money back - which I did.

The Chicago Tribune responded yet again with another "we are sorry for the inconvenience," another "and we thank you for your business," another "and we appreciate your patience," and another "but doing all we can."

At what point do I give up, I thought. When do I acquiesce to circumstance and throw in the proverbial towel? A week? A month? Never? It occurred to me, again, that a complaint with the Better Business Bureau would be in order. Overkill, to be sure, but
it would be an exclamation point on the entire episode. After all, I thought, I had PAID for that paper...in advance.

That's the whole point to a delivery - you pay in advance for the convenience of having the newspaper dropped off at your door every morning. There was nothing convenient about what I was going through, all to get my prepaid copy of the one paper - the ONLY paper - that in all my time as a subscriber I ever wanted to keep. And barring a Chicago Cubs World Series appearance, which looks less and less likely every year, it's the only paper I would probably ever want to keep.

And then yesterday I got the call. 7:43am. It was the paper carrier with my copy of LAST Wednesday's paper. He was coming by in 10 minutes if I could meet him. I was late for work already...but work could wait. I was not about to miss this edition again.

So I waited on the curb outside my house as the morning commuters whisked by in a damp, cold rush hour frenzy. A beat-up Mazda pulled over suddenly and an older Hispanic gentleman stepped out of the car. He handed me the newspaper, which I cradled in my arms immediately like a little girl clutching her favorite American Girl doll.

Thank you, I said. This gesture was much appreciated. He nodded his head and hopped back in the car.

You know, I didn't think it would come. But it did. And they even called me the next morning to make sure I'd received it. I was pleased to say I did, as I thanked them for their effort...and for sticking with me through the sarcasm, hyperbole, and thinly veiled belligerence.

So again, today, I am a proud subscriber to the Chicago Tribune. Proud because in this age of technology and the Internet, and for how much time I spend online perusing the latest of the latest breaking news, there's still something I enjoy about having that tactile sheet of fiber between my fingers.

And because in this day of interconnectedness, when we often feel more disconnected than anything else, some companies still know how to deliver when it counts.

And the Chicago Tribune is one of them.

THE UNITED STATES OF OBAMACA

A good friend of mine recently canvassed a nearby battleground state for Barack Obama. Today I congratulated him on the effort, remarking that we had done it. He then, in a phrase, captured what I believe to be the essence of what this victory means to so many Americans.

"Now I can travel overseas and not have to lie and tell people I'm Canadian."

He was joking, of course. Kind of. I think.

The fact is, the last 8 years - and in particular the last 4 - have represented an embarrassing stretch for Americans. We haven't been admired, respected, or appreciated by our friends around the globe...and with good reason. Sanctioning torture. Revoking civil liberties. Preemptive, unilateral military strikes founded on manufactured intelligence and hunches. Wiretapping. We've been viewed as fat, lazy, greedy, hostile, spiteful, vengeful bullies with massive chips on our shoulders and a Patrick Swayze approach to foreign policy.

It's my way or the highway. Clearly we haven't been taking the "high" way.

Most people around the globe don't hate the American people - but they do detest our policies. And those policies (fair or not) have been largely attributed to our dictator in chief - President Bush. The shift away from his party signaled to the world that the American people soundly reject what Bush has done...both at home and abroad. Each vote for Obama added to the momentum of a massive movement - the national reclamation of our dignity.

And so my friend had it exactly right - joking or not. With the election of Obama, we don't have to hang our heads in shame for our witless, bumbling chief executive. We can be a proud people again, confident in the abilities of our chosen leader.

At least until inauguration day when his mettle is put to the test. Then all bets are off. The economic deck is stacked against him.

The naysayers are already calling for his impeachment - indeed there are Facebook groups already dedicated to the cause months from inauguration. There are miserable millions still suffering the agony of defeat and declaring their discord with the usual statements of defiance. He's not MY president. He doesn't represent ME.

Oh, but he does. And if you give the man some time, and cut the guy some slack, you may just find yourself thankful for it. We have, on a single day, in a single election, restored the faith of the world community in our collective judgment as a nation. Further, we demonstrated in the most meaningful of ways, that we remain qualified to lead by the power of example.

Heck - maybe Canadians traveling abroad will even lie and say they're Americans. I am joking of course. Kind of.

BABY GOT BARACK!

Here's a very cool link to some behind-the-scenes photography of Barack Obama on election night. These pics do a great job capturing the emotion and anticipation of a historic moment in time.

ERECTION DAY COVERAGE

It has been quite remarkable hasn't it? All of this excitement over a Presidential Election? I can't remember a time when the entire country was this energized over politics. I'm too young to remember the Kennedy/Nixon throwdown, but I hear that's the best comparison to what's been going on now.

It's encouraging. It means people care again. We feel like our votes matter. We want our voices heard. We feel there's someone we can connect with.

I actually know people, for the first time in my life, who traveled to nearby battleground states to knock on doors. I know people who made phone calls to undecided voters from their homes. I actually donated hard-earned money to TWO political candidates this year (and I was only related to one of them). People are investing their time and money in politics like never before. Americans are stoked.

I'm watching news coverage now and everywhere in America there are long lines out the door - people prepared to wait for hours to be counted. They're not downtrodden or frustrated - they're upbeat and optimistic. They're proud to finally be fighting for (or against, in many cases) something they sense is big.

And isn't it big? A country that has symbolized opportunity for well over 200 years with an African American poised to become President, or a woman Vice President. History in the making, regardless of who ends up on top. No wonder so many people are turning out to be a part.

As of this morning, nearly everyone I know (well) has voted. I'd guess half of them were Bush supporters at one time who are solidly behind Obama now. People whose combined household incomes may break the Obama tax increase threshold are punching his name because they believe, in principle, with the direction he wants to take this country. Even my dear mom, who once supported the proud isolationist Pat Buchanan (bless her heart), admitted that she "may" have voted for Obama. Now that truly is remarkable.

As for me, I'm just thrilled to see so many people participating. The opportunity for millions and millions of people to select their own leader is one of mankind's greatest accomplishments. It wasn't always like this, remember. The democratic process is a relatively new deal. And we're still working on it.

The early voting thing is proof of that. It's about time they figured out a way to involve more people in the process. Holding elections on a cold, often wet, November day in the middle of the work week probably wasn't the best way to encourage participation. But it served its purpose while it lasted, which was to benefit entrenched power. Sure made it harder for those meddlesome working class people to have a voice. But that voice is being heard now - loud and clear.

As for me, I'm glad the entire thing is finally coming to an end. Or, as I think back to the electoral debacle of 2000, must I ask myself, "Is it?" Let's hope we can avoid a replay of that ugly scene.

At least I didn't make the same mistake this year that I did in 2004 when I found out the "hard" way that the first Tuesday in November is ELECTION day, not erection day. Talk about your embarrassing moments. Officials at the polling place were NOT impressed.

WYOMINGLING WITH DEMOCRATS

According to a report on CNN, Vice President Dick Cheney's hometown newspaper just named Obama their presidential pick. In case you forgot, Dick is from Wyoming...gun country. Brokeback red state. Rodeo central. What I like best is what the paper wrote in endorsing the Democrat. Big thumbs up for the Casper-Star Tribune.

"It is a foregone conclusion that Wyoming's three electoral votes will go to Sen. John McCain. It would be easy for the Star-Tribune to simply agree with the majority of voters in this red state and endorse the Republican candidate for president.

"But this isn't an ordinary election, and Sen. Barack Obama has the potential to be an extraordinary leader at a time we desperately need one."

"If the John McCain of 2000 saw today's counterpart, he wouldn't recognize himself...McCain is no longer a GOP maverick, or the war hero whose principles were unwavering. He has flip-flopped on issues ranging from tax cuts to torture in an effort to win over the conservative base of his party. He has waged a dismal campaign based on fear and divisiveness."

Damn. No love

DON'T VOTE!

In case you haven't seen it, this Get Out the Vote clip is great. Lot of Hollywood brass came out for this - and it's not a Obamamercial like you might think. It's simply a message to Vote.

Check it out.

THE SOUL SURVIVOR

A few weeks ago I attended a personal development seminar called Lifebook.

Never heard of it? Neither had I. You can check it out for yourself here if you'd like.

It was a work deal. Since I will soon be advising Lifebook on their marketing, and writing some kick-ass copy for their targeted direct campaigns, they decided it would be a good idea for me to experience their seminar in person. Who was I to argue with that logic? So I went.

What is Lifebook?

Lifebook was a concentrated, 4-day motivation/development seminar conducted in the comfort of a place called the "Lifebook Lounge." The lounge is a nicely renovated space in Chicago's warehouse district near the Lake Street El train, which you can hear rumble by about every 15 minutes - a sound I imagined was water rushing like a great waterfall. This delusion helped me keep the mood.

At around four grand, the Lifebook experience is not a middle class adventure. I considered myself privileged to experience it for free, and decided to make the most out of it. I put work aside and submerged myself in the experience.

I won't bore you with the details about the program here, but I will say it's markedly different from other personal development programs you may be familiar with. Instead of a Tony Robbins-like guru giving a pep talk, or some fancy new age way of thinking, it's a systematic process for evaluating your life across 12 different categories. A comprehensive life review, if you will.

At the end of the 4 day process, you come away with your Lifebook, which is a leather-bound guide to the person you smirk at in the mirror when you've had too much wine. That's right - it's the handbook to you. Your life. Your dreams. Your roadmap to success. Needless to say, everyone's Lifebook is different because it's written by you, for you. It's you giving yourself permission and instructions to do the things you were meant to do so you can achieve the things you want to achieve. Not earth-shattering stuff by any stretch, but an organized, helpful way to frame the life you have now so you can one day realize the life you WANT to have.

***

The biggest realization I made over that long weekend, and I did come to a number of realizations about my life, was that I lack vision. Always have. I don't plan for the future because I can't see it. I don't even try. I just go day to day reacting to whatever life throws my way. Sometimes life is good, and sometimes life sucks. But that's life, right?

I realized that I've managed success in large part because I'm a smart kid with a good work ethic. I catch on quick and I care what people think. I try. That made me the best cashier at the grocery store when I was 17. Made me the best bellhop at the Chancellor Hotel back in college. Made me the best, if only, copywriter in Champaign, Illinois after I graduated college. Made me a successful person at pretty much everything I've done, if an unfulfilled one.

It dawned on me that I wasn't working toward anything. I didn't have any goals. I just showed up for work every day and did my job. There was no game plan. No road map. Just the motions to go through. It was kind of depressing, actually.

So I began an exercise in self-reflection. I started thinking about who I am and what I bring to the world. What is my value? What do I enjoy more than anything? How would I spend my time contributing to the progress of society if salary weren't an issue? What's my talent? What's my gift?

I discovered that, by and large, my talents and gifts and contributions have been marginalized by the career I've chosen. Instead of doing what I enjoy - entertaining and enlightening with amusing essays, poignant observations, and insightful prose - I've been churning out marketing mumbo jumbo for corporate clients for over a decade! What a waste. And despite the successes I've enjoyed, I've been largely unsatisfied with what I do as a "professional."

So there I was stepping out of that 4-day seminar, which I'd only attended as a function of my job, realizing that I what I needed most in my life was a NEW one.

And so it begins, on page one of my Lifebook - the search for a better fit. And if I work as hard at that as I have the other jobs in my life - from grocery clerk to bellhop - I may just realize my true life potential.

One can hope, anyway.

ENDORSE MINTS FOR FRESH IDEAS

Whoever wrote this endorsement for the Missouri Post-Dispatch did a phenomenal job summing up our choices. There are some great lines in here that jam it home gently.

*******

Barack Obama for President
By Editorial Board of the Missouri Post Dispatch

Nine Days before the Feb. 5 presidential primaries in Missouri and Illinois, this
editorial page endorsed Barack Obama and John McCain in their respective races. We did so enthusiastically. We wrote that either Mr. Obama's message of hope or Mr. McCain's independence and integrity offered America the chance to turn the page on 28 years of contentious, greed-driven politics and move into a new era of possibility.

Over the past nine months, Mr. Obama, the junior senator from Illinois, has emerged as the only truly transformative candidate in the race. In the crucible that is a presidential campaign, his intellect, his temperament and equanimity under pressure consistently have been impressive. He has surrounded himself with smart, capable advisers who have helped him refine thorough, nuanced policy positions.

In a word, Mr. Obama has been presidential.

Meanwhile, Mr. McCain, the senior senator from Arizona, became the incredible shrinking man. He shrank from his principled stands in favor of a humane immigration policy. He shrank from his universal condemnation of torture and his condemnation of the politics of smear. He even shrank from his own campaign slogan,"County First," by selecting the least qualified running mate since the Swedenborgian shipbuilder Arthur Sewall ran as William Jennings Bryan's No. 2 in 1896.

In making political endorsements, this editorial page is guided first by the principles espoused by Joseph Pulitzer in The Post-Dispatch Platform printed daily at the top of this page. Then we consider questions of character, life experience and intellect, as well as specific policy and issue positions. Each member of the editorial board weighs in.

On all counts, the consensus was clear: Barack Obama of Illinois should be the next president of the United States. We didn't know nine months ago that before Election Day, America would face its greatest economic challenge since the Great Depression. The crisis on Wall Street is devastating, but it has offered voters a useful preview of how the two presidential candidates would respond to a crisis.

Very early on, Mr. Obama reached out to his impressive corps of economic advisers and developed a comprehensive set of recommendations for addressing the problems. He set them forth calmly and explained them carefully.

Mr. McCain, a longtime critic of government regulation, was late to recognize the threat. The chief economic adviser of his campaign initially was former Sen. Phil Gramm, R-Texas, who had been one of the architects of banking deregulation. When the credit markets imploded, Mr. McCain lurched from one ineffectual grandstand play to another. He squandered the one clear advantage he had over Mr. Obama: experience.

Mr. McCain first was elected to Congress in 1982 when Mr. Obama was in his senior year at Columbia University. Yet the younger man's intellectual curiosity and capacity (and, yes, also the skills he developed as a community organizer and his instincts as a political conciliator) more than compensate for his lack of more traditional Washington experience.

A presidency is defined less by what happens in the Oval Office than by what is done by the more than 3,000 men and women the president appoints to government office. Only 600 of them are subject to Senate approval. The rest serve at the pleasure of the president.

We have little doubt that Mr. Obama's appointees would bring a level of competence, compassion and intellectual achievement to the executive branch that hasn't been
seen since the New Frontier. He has energized a new generation of Americans who would put the concept of service back in 'public service.'

Consider that while Mr. McCain selected as his running mate Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska, a callow and shrill partisan, Mr. Obama selected Sen. Joe Biden of Delaware. Mr. Biden's 35-year Senate career has given him encyclopedic expertise on legislative and judicial issues, as well as foreign affairs.

The idea that 3,000 bright, dedicated and accomplished Americans would be joining the Obama administration to serve the public (as opposed to padding their resume(c)s or shilling for the corporate interests they're sworn to oversee) is reassuring. That they would be serving a president who actually would listen to them is staggering.

And the fact that Mr. Obama can explain his thoughts and policies in language that can instruct and inspire is exciting. Eloquence isn't everything in a president, but it is not nothing, either. Experience aside, the 25-year difference in the ages of Mr. McCain, 72, and Mr. Obama, 47, is important largely because Mr. Obama's election would represent a generational shift. He would be the first chief executive in more than six decades whose world view was not formed, at least in part, by the Cold War or Vietnam.

He sees the complicated world as it is today, not as a binary division between us and them, but as a kaleidoscope of shifting alliances and interests. As he often notes, he is the son of a Kenyan father and a mother from Kansas, an internationalist who yet acknowledges that America is the only nation in the world in which someone of his distinctly modest background could rise as far as his talent, intellect and hard work would take him.

Given the damage that has been done to America's moral standing in the world in the last eight years (by a pre-emptive war, a unilateralist foreign policy and by policies that have treated both the Geneva Conventions and our own Bill of Rights as optional) Mr. Obama's election would help America reclaim the moral high ground.

It also must be said that Mr. Obama is right on the issues. He was right on the war in Iraq. He is right that all Americans deserve access to health care and right in his pragmatic approach to meeting that goal. He is right on tax policy, infrastructure investment, energy policy and environmental issues. He is right on American ideals.

He was right when he said in his remarkable speech in March in Philadelphia that "In the end, then, what is called for is nothing more, and nothing less, than what all the world's great religions demand: that we do unto others as we would have them do unto us. Let us be our brother's keeper, Scripture tells us. Let us be our sister's keeper. Let us find that common stake we all have in one another, and let our politics reflect that spirit as well."

John McCain has served his country well, but in the end, he may have wanted the presidency a little too much, so much that he has sacrificed some of the principles that made him a heroic figure in war and in peace. In every way possible, he has earned the right to retire.

Finally, only at this late point do we note that Barack Obama is an African-American. Because of who he is and how he has run his campaign, that fact has become almost incidental to most Americans. Instead, his countrymen are weighing his talents, his values and his beliefs, judging him not by the color of his skin, but the content of his character.

That says something profound and good, about him as a candidate, and about us as a nation.

If the world could vote?

If the world could vote?

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NEGATIVE ATTAX

Here's a handy tax calculator to help you combat the haters who claim Obama is going to raise your taxes. The fact is, for most of us, he's proposing a tax break. But don't take my word for it...see for yourself!

MONKEYING AROUND

Because everyone should see a monkey on a Segway. This is good shit.

PRESIDENT PALIN?

Here's a sneak preview of what'll be one catastrophic stroke away if the haters get their man.

ENJOY!

REDNECK FIRE ALARM

CHA-CHING!

HAUNTED HOUSES

CHOKEAGO IS...

My kind of frown.




Man, it sucks being a sports fan in Chicago these days. Let's just change the name of the city to CHOKEAGO. Did you see the Bears come back to win the game with 11 seconds left yesterday...only to have the Falcons inexplicably turn the tables and use those 11 seconds to send the Bears home a bunch of losers like their baseball-playing neighbors the White Sox & Cubs.

Speaking of whom, that's been the biggest topic of conversation at the sports bars this past week - which baseball team sucked harder. You've got the Sox fans clinging to their one playoff win as evidence of having out-performed their north-side rivals. The Cubs fans point to the record as support for their claim that their lovable losers were the better squad. The sad fact is, they both fucking blew it after all the hype about having a cross-town World Series match-up.

DON'T BE HATIN'

Some fucking racist idiot brought a stuffed monkey doll wearing an Obama sticker to a Palin campaign event in Johnstown, Pa.

Realizing he was caught on camera, he passed it off to a child he didn't know.

It's amazing to me that these people still exist. In the millions. It's 2008, yo. Fuckin' A give racism a rest already.


Watch CBS Videos Online

O'REILLED UP

POP UP REPLAY

I just read a Reddit threat on CNN's debate coverage and someone had a genius idea.

They should air the debates a day later as VH1 Pop-Up videos! As the candidates spout and spew their numbers and accusations, little bubble bursts would pop-up to help us separate fact from fiction, and rhetoric from reality.

Someone needs to referee these events with all of the false claims flying back and forth. Showing the debate the next day with fun "facts" and other tidbits would make for a far more enlightening and entertaining experience.

CAMPAIGN IN THE ASS

In case you haven't seen the latest Jib Jab production, here it is. Enjoy!