Wish I had the time and energy to go off on the state of the world right now. Heaven knows there's plenty of shit that needs going off on. Unfortunately, I sold my soul to the man (for now) and owe all of my time to the folks writing me a check every two weeks. Freelance life is starting to look awfully good to me right about now.
If I were a freelance writer, you'd hire me - wouldn't you? But would you pay $75/hour. Sorry, that's my rate. I'm worth it. You know I am.
Anyhow - here's a great link for your amusement.
It's a look at some ways to make the Olympics more interesting. Very creative. Looking forward to 2012 already (isn't that the end of the world?)
Thursday, August 14, 2008
TALK LIKE AN EGYPTIAN
Some of the pictures HERE are fucking hilarious. Gotta check 'em out. The controls to the slideshow are in the upper right hand corner of your browser window.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
POP GOES THE BRAIN CELL
Not sure I like the implications of this experiment in modern technology. Hello speakerphone!
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
HOMEBODY BLUES
Man - I haven't been anywhere. I'm a total loser. This is what happens when you have a fear of flying. But I've been getting a lot better. Even made it all the way to Hawaii for my wedding!
Thanks to Prenta for sharing this fun site. Go check it out. They let you check off all of the states and countries you've visited and map it out for you.
Monday, July 07, 2008
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
INDEPENDENCE DAY EXAMINATION
As we get set to celebrate another fine year of independence from the Redcoats, I thought it appropriate that I administer a POP QUIZ. Don't worry, I took it first to make sure it was something you could handle. It's not that hard. It's a citizenship test and all Americans should be able to pass it. Can you?
Take the test right now!
For your reference, I scored 95%, missing just one question (#19). I hope you beat me, but doubt you will. I am very, very smart...and you are, well, sometimes you get your shoes on the right feet.
That's right...I'm trash talking. Now go take the test and find out whether you're worthy of calling yourself an American. Sorry, there's no version en espanol. English is the official language here, after all. For now, anyhow. That will be changing soon at the rate Mexico is spilling into the southwest - a large part of which, incidentally, had actually been part of Mexico at one point. So perhaps we shouldn't call it illegal immigration, but rather The Formerly Mexico Reclamation Project.
So what did you get? On the test. You didn't take it yet? Go now and find out if you bleed red, white, and blue. And no, I don't mind if you marvel at my greatness. That's what gets me out of bed most mornings.
Take the test right now!
For your reference, I scored 95%, missing just one question (#19). I hope you beat me, but doubt you will. I am very, very smart...and you are, well, sometimes you get your shoes on the right feet.
That's right...I'm trash talking. Now go take the test and find out whether you're worthy of calling yourself an American. Sorry, there's no version en espanol. English is the official language here, after all. For now, anyhow. That will be changing soon at the rate Mexico is spilling into the southwest - a large part of which, incidentally, had actually been part of Mexico at one point. So perhaps we shouldn't call it illegal immigration, but rather The Formerly Mexico Reclamation Project.
So what did you get? On the test. You didn't take it yet? Go now and find out if you bleed red, white, and blue. And no, I don't mind if you marvel at my greatness. That's what gets me out of bed most mornings.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
BURRO TREND'S ASS OF THE YEAR
Here's a look at life in the not so distant future if the price of oil continues to climb. We'll be shopping for transportation at AssMax and picking up spare stirrups at the DonkeyZone.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
WHERE THE HELL IS MATT?
Matt's back. In case you missed his first round the globe dance explosion, here's the latest. This dude is hilarious, and his feat fun to watch.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
NOW WAY, JOSE!
Here's an ID card confiscated by police during a traffic stop. You have to admire the resourcefulness of some folks...just not in this case. Wow.I showed this image to my favorite 8 year old to get his thoughts.
He said, "Why is that lady there?"
"What do you mean?" I said.
"That lady," he said, and pointed at the woman in the photo. She's not supposed to be there."
"What does that tell you?" I asked.
"It's not real," he said confidently.
Smart kid. Smarter than Jose, anyway.
Friday, June 20, 2008
TRAILER PARKING
Oh shit...get ready for Will Farrell's next classic. Check out that restricted trailer. Good stuff.
LINKS AND PLUGS
My buddy Gene at Graphic-promotions.com sent me this cool snapshot of online resources. It's like a master bookmark page organized by category with site logos for easy reference. I can see the older set really taking advantage of something like this.
On a side note, if your company is ever in the market for promotional items from custom apparel to desk items to corporate gifts, you simply MUST check out Graphic Promotions. Tell them you heard about it here and you'll get the AYNtK discount. Okay, so there's no discount for dropping the name of your favorite typing monkey. But they'll treat you like a VIP regardless. Seriously, check out all the cool stuff you can order up!
On a side note, if your company is ever in the market for promotional items from custom apparel to desk items to corporate gifts, you simply MUST check out Graphic Promotions. Tell them you heard about it here and you'll get the AYNtK discount. Okay, so there's no discount for dropping the name of your favorite typing monkey. But they'll treat you like a VIP regardless. Seriously, check out all the cool stuff you can order up!
FAVORITE TOWER, SEARS
Was sent this by a few of my Chicago peeps and it's a scream. Anyone who grew up in or around the Second City will appreciate this fine piece of Chicagocana.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
SHALL WE OVERCOME?
Oh my. Here's a pin someone found at the Republican state convention in Texas. The mere fact that someone turned this into a pin indicates the O-Bomb has his work cut out for him.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
GIVE ME A BREAK!
A tax break, of course!
One of the Republican talking points I've been hearing a lot lately is this idea that Obama wants to raise taxes. I personally find it hard to believe that we'd be WORSE off financially if we leave Iraq with Obama versus sticking around another century or two with McCain. The war has been a huge hole in Uncle Sam's pocket. How is McCain planning to cut taxes AND keep fighting this red herring of a war?
Turns out he's not, really. Pay attention to this, folks. According to the tax experts, 90% of Americans will pay less taxes under Obama's plan than McCain's.
The party of big taxes actually figures to save you some coin over the alternative - to say nothing of the lives we'll be saving when we start bringing the troops back. I mean - shit - didn't Bush declare our mission accomplished back in 03 or something like that? Give me a break.
One of the Republican talking points I've been hearing a lot lately is this idea that Obama wants to raise taxes. I personally find it hard to believe that we'd be WORSE off financially if we leave Iraq with Obama versus sticking around another century or two with McCain. The war has been a huge hole in Uncle Sam's pocket. How is McCain planning to cut taxes AND keep fighting this red herring of a war?
Turns out he's not, really. Pay attention to this, folks. According to the tax experts, 90% of Americans will pay less taxes under Obama's plan than McCain's.
The party of big taxes actually figures to save you some coin over the alternative - to say nothing of the lives we'll be saving when we start bringing the troops back. I mean - shit - didn't Bush declare our mission accomplished back in 03 or something like that? Give me a break.
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Thursday, June 05, 2008
THE LEGEND OF THE DISAPPOINTING SEQUEL
G and I walked down to Webster Place last evening to take in the 8pm showing of the hit movie "Sex and the City" only to have fate, and hundreds of women with the same plan, intervene and spoil what was sure to be an otherwise thrilling evening.
THE MOVIE WAS SOLD OUT. Yes, a Wednesday night movie.
We couldn't believe it. Not only that, but the box office was turning away droves of movie-goers at the door. All women. Not most, mind you - ALL. I was the ONLY man there, and had I not been wearing my wedding band, I would have felt like my wife's little gay friend.
But these are the things we do for love. Speaking of which, G returned the favor by agreeing to sit through Indiana Jones and the Legend of the Crystal Skull with me instead. We'd walked all that way - there was no sense in walking back just yet. Although in hindsight, we both wished we would have.
SPOILER ALERT - AS IN, THIS MOVIE WILL SPOIL YOUR EVENING
So - sequels tend to suck. We all know this. But I was holding out hope that the much-anticipated return of Indiana Jones would prove worth waiting for. Boy, was it not. It wasn't even worth waiting THROUGH. In all seriousness, we both considered walking out about half way through the movie. It was THAT absurdly poor. I haven't disliked a film this much since Armageddon. Remember that wildly ludicrous and predictable piece of crap?
Before I insult anyone who's already seen and LIKED the movie, I should qualify this review by admitting that my wife and I are movie snobs. We like silly things like plot. We like compelling storytelling devices. We like witty dialogue. We like well-developed characters.
We loathe the predictable.
We loathe the contrived.
We loathe the convenient.
This movie was a nauseating amalgam of all three.
We actually groaned in disgust about a dozen times from the mind-blowingly ridiculous plot. Whoever penned the screenplay for this outlandish waste of time should have their hands permanently wrapped in mittens so they can do us no more damage. Sadly, that may mean saying goodbye to George Lucas, whose name was co-credited with the story. Good riddance, captain fantasmic. Your best days are clearly behind you.
At times it felt like Spielberg and Lucas were in an epic battle to decide who could insult the intelligence of the audience more - deftly outdoing one another, obnoxiously impossible stunt after unimaginatively contrived circumstance. Killer ants. Aliens. A nuclear explosion. Deadly waterfalls. It was brutal.
Look - I get it. There's supposed to be a willingful suspension of disbelief where the audience understands that these things are unlikely or implausible, and is willing to accept the story despite its incongruencies with the world as we know it. But this was beyond ridiculous. It may as well have been in Narnia. Why even pretend this movie took place in this world? Raiders of the Lost Ark was a masterpiece for the very reason this one was a piece of shit: No matter how impossible things seemed in the original, there was always a part of you that thought, "well, maybe." You wanted to believe that Dr. Jones was able to escape death in creative ways, so you let things go. The storyline was simple - there was an ark, and an amazing race to find it.
But the writers here push us WAY outside the realm of what's even remotely possible. At no time was I thinking, "well, maybe." I was thinking, "Are you fucking kidding me? That's just plain insulting." But we suffered through it, nonetheless, because we'd paid $21 to see it. Not exactly the experience I had been hoping for. Some people think movies like this one are made for kids, but this was a violent, PG-13 rated movie that missed the mark there, too. Although it must have been okay for SOME people - at least two people clapped at the end of our showing. Although G thought they may have been clapping because it was finally over. I know I was relieved.
The movie let out at the same time as Sex and the City - which we gathered was a far better film from the parade of exuberant, chatty women laughing it up on the way out. G covered her ears to avoid hearing anything about the story, and I covered my face to hide the shame of having just stumbled out of a bloody shitstorm.
By the way, let me drop the 411 for all you single men out there. It's no secret - Sex and the City is a chick flick, but I didn't think I'd be the ONLY guy there to see it. If you are a single man in the city, you may want to hang around the cineplex for the next week or two. Just throwing that out there. And if you do decide to take in the movie itself, you'll likely enjoy it more than you think you will...the writers for that show are actually a gifted, insightful bunch. It's a shame they couldn't have tried their hand at IJ.
Need more? This link here really nails it.
THE MOVIE WAS SOLD OUT. Yes, a Wednesday night movie.
We couldn't believe it. Not only that, but the box office was turning away droves of movie-goers at the door. All women. Not most, mind you - ALL. I was the ONLY man there, and had I not been wearing my wedding band, I would have felt like my wife's little gay friend.
But these are the things we do for love. Speaking of which, G returned the favor by agreeing to sit through Indiana Jones and the Legend of the Crystal Skull with me instead. We'd walked all that way - there was no sense in walking back just yet. Although in hindsight, we both wished we would have.
SPOILER ALERT - AS IN, THIS MOVIE WILL SPOIL YOUR EVENING
So - sequels tend to suck. We all know this. But I was holding out hope that the much-anticipated return of Indiana Jones would prove worth waiting for. Boy, was it not. It wasn't even worth waiting THROUGH. In all seriousness, we both considered walking out about half way through the movie. It was THAT absurdly poor. I haven't disliked a film this much since Armageddon. Remember that wildly ludicrous and predictable piece of crap?
Before I insult anyone who's already seen and LIKED the movie, I should qualify this review by admitting that my wife and I are movie snobs. We like silly things like plot. We like compelling storytelling devices. We like witty dialogue. We like well-developed characters.
We loathe the predictable.
We loathe the contrived.
We loathe the convenient.
This movie was a nauseating amalgam of all three.
We actually groaned in disgust about a dozen times from the mind-blowingly ridiculous plot. Whoever penned the screenplay for this outlandish waste of time should have their hands permanently wrapped in mittens so they can do us no more damage. Sadly, that may mean saying goodbye to George Lucas, whose name was co-credited with the story. Good riddance, captain fantasmic. Your best days are clearly behind you.
At times it felt like Spielberg and Lucas were in an epic battle to decide who could insult the intelligence of the audience more - deftly outdoing one another, obnoxiously impossible stunt after unimaginatively contrived circumstance. Killer ants. Aliens. A nuclear explosion. Deadly waterfalls. It was brutal.
Look - I get it. There's supposed to be a willingful suspension of disbelief where the audience understands that these things are unlikely or implausible, and is willing to accept the story despite its incongruencies with the world as we know it. But this was beyond ridiculous. It may as well have been in Narnia. Why even pretend this movie took place in this world? Raiders of the Lost Ark was a masterpiece for the very reason this one was a piece of shit: No matter how impossible things seemed in the original, there was always a part of you that thought, "well, maybe." You wanted to believe that Dr. Jones was able to escape death in creative ways, so you let things go. The storyline was simple - there was an ark, and an amazing race to find it.
But the writers here push us WAY outside the realm of what's even remotely possible. At no time was I thinking, "well, maybe." I was thinking, "Are you fucking kidding me? That's just plain insulting." But we suffered through it, nonetheless, because we'd paid $21 to see it. Not exactly the experience I had been hoping for. Some people think movies like this one are made for kids, but this was a violent, PG-13 rated movie that missed the mark there, too. Although it must have been okay for SOME people - at least two people clapped at the end of our showing. Although G thought they may have been clapping because it was finally over. I know I was relieved.
The movie let out at the same time as Sex and the City - which we gathered was a far better film from the parade of exuberant, chatty women laughing it up on the way out. G covered her ears to avoid hearing anything about the story, and I covered my face to hide the shame of having just stumbled out of a bloody shitstorm.
By the way, let me drop the 411 for all you single men out there. It's no secret - Sex and the City is a chick flick, but I didn't think I'd be the ONLY guy there to see it. If you are a single man in the city, you may want to hang around the cineplex for the next week or two. Just throwing that out there. And if you do decide to take in the movie itself, you'll likely enjoy it more than you think you will...the writers for that show are actually a gifted, insightful bunch. It's a shame they couldn't have tried their hand at IJ.
Need more? This link here really nails it.
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