Wow. This is really bad. Michael Richards, the frizzy-haired comic actor who played Kramer on Seinfeld, was caught on tape making a complete ass out of himself.
On stage.
Apparently, he was getting heckled by a couple guys at a recent stand-up comedy show at the Laugh Factory when he completely lost all control and made a number of incredibly insensitive racial comments about the hecklers.
I personally think heckling sucks, but it doesn't sink to this level.
Be warned, the link is vulgar in its depiction of Michael Richards ceremoniously ending his own career. Click on the movie link to view the whole thing yourself. I hope he made a call to Mel Gibson's publicist after this shocking performance, because he's going to need a PR miracle to survive this Apocalytpo stumble.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Sunday, November 19, 2006
MILLIONS OF PEOPLE LIVING AS FOES
Here's something that breaks my heart.
We were at Barnes & Noble Bookseller yesterday afternoon, browsing for Christmas gift inspiration, when we decided to stop in their second floor cafe for a gingerbread latte. As we waited for the barista to whip up our seasonal specialty beverages, we pulled up chairs at a nearby table. At the table behind us, three young boys were talking to each other while one of their mothers read quietly beside them.
"Yeah, I know. We're ALL going to go to war."
"Yeah, like, in 10 years it's going to be World War 3."
"I know. I'm going to be 19. We're going to have to go to war."
"I heard World War 3 is already started, but we won't have to go for 10 years."
"Yeah. It's started already. But the real world war won't be for 10 years."
As we got up to get our warm spiced coffee drinks, I suddenly felt terribly depressed. "Did you hear that?" I asked. "Those kids were talking about going to war. They were NINE years old and talking about World War 3."
It was startling, and made me wonder what kind of world we had created - that war was the expectation of our nation's youth. And not just any old war, but the mother of all wars...global smackdown numero tres.
I wasn't worried about going to war when I was a kid. We had the evil Russians to fear, not war. War back then was a handful of mysterious men in smoke-filled rooms without windows, pushing big red buttons and bringing armageddon to places thousands of miles away. It was a fear we couldn't imagine, so we didn't imagine it. We played Frogger and Pitfall and spun around on broken down cardboard boxes to people rhymically making fart sounds with their mouths. The human beatbox age was a simpler time.
But today's kids see news reports every day of American soldiers dying in a faraway place. They have family members, or friends with family members, serving extended tours of duty in the Middle East. And what are we telling our kids when they ask why we're at war? Do we tell them the truth? Or do we tell them what George Bush tells us because the Administration's soundbytes are hardwired into our polluted stream of consciousness? Do we reflexively demonize the nation of Islam? Do we define them all as "terrorists"? Do we say, "Because they hate us"? Or do we take the time to explain to our kids the way of the world - detailing our complex cultural differences, outlining our very different histories, and making an attempt to tell both sides of the story. They don't hate our people, kids. They hate our policies. There's a difference. They don't hate our way of life. They hate that our way of life is sustained at the expense of theirs. The responsibility for our current conflict is shared, depsite what you may hear from the righteous brothers at arms.
How do we raise our children so they don't make the same mistakes we've made? I don't quote Ozzy Osbourne very often - not because he isn't quoteworthy, but because his exact words are usually subject to great debate - but "maybe it's not too late...to learn how to love and forget how to hate."
The alternative may be exactly as those precocious 9-year-olds put it.
We'll be going off the rails on a crazy train.
We were at Barnes & Noble Bookseller yesterday afternoon, browsing for Christmas gift inspiration, when we decided to stop in their second floor cafe for a gingerbread latte. As we waited for the barista to whip up our seasonal specialty beverages, we pulled up chairs at a nearby table. At the table behind us, three young boys were talking to each other while one of their mothers read quietly beside them.
"Yeah, I know. We're ALL going to go to war."
"Yeah, like, in 10 years it's going to be World War 3."
"I know. I'm going to be 19. We're going to have to go to war."
"I heard World War 3 is already started, but we won't have to go for 10 years."
"Yeah. It's started already. But the real world war won't be for 10 years."
As we got up to get our warm spiced coffee drinks, I suddenly felt terribly depressed. "Did you hear that?" I asked. "Those kids were talking about going to war. They were NINE years old and talking about World War 3."
It was startling, and made me wonder what kind of world we had created - that war was the expectation of our nation's youth. And not just any old war, but the mother of all wars...global smackdown numero tres.
I wasn't worried about going to war when I was a kid. We had the evil Russians to fear, not war. War back then was a handful of mysterious men in smoke-filled rooms without windows, pushing big red buttons and bringing armageddon to places thousands of miles away. It was a fear we couldn't imagine, so we didn't imagine it. We played Frogger and Pitfall and spun around on broken down cardboard boxes to people rhymically making fart sounds with their mouths. The human beatbox age was a simpler time.
But today's kids see news reports every day of American soldiers dying in a faraway place. They have family members, or friends with family members, serving extended tours of duty in the Middle East. And what are we telling our kids when they ask why we're at war? Do we tell them the truth? Or do we tell them what George Bush tells us because the Administration's soundbytes are hardwired into our polluted stream of consciousness? Do we reflexively demonize the nation of Islam? Do we define them all as "terrorists"? Do we say, "Because they hate us"? Or do we take the time to explain to our kids the way of the world - detailing our complex cultural differences, outlining our very different histories, and making an attempt to tell both sides of the story. They don't hate our people, kids. They hate our policies. There's a difference. They don't hate our way of life. They hate that our way of life is sustained at the expense of theirs. The responsibility for our current conflict is shared, depsite what you may hear from the righteous brothers at arms.
How do we raise our children so they don't make the same mistakes we've made? I don't quote Ozzy Osbourne very often - not because he isn't quoteworthy, but because his exact words are usually subject to great debate - but "maybe it's not too late...to learn how to love and forget how to hate."
The alternative may be exactly as those precocious 9-year-olds put it.
We'll be going off the rails on a crazy train.
THE WONDER YEARS
FYI - the world is in the process of selecting a new list of 7 World Wonders, and you can vote for your favorites here.
Some of the structures that made the list baffle me. The Eiffel Tower? One of the 7 Wonders of the World? I don't think so. Even the Parisians thought it hideous when it was first constructed. Others on the list make complete sense. Stonehenge. Easter Island. Truly magnificent "wonders" that defy explanation and instill us with a sense of awe.
A large number of contenders are up for consideration, and the world wants your opinion. Which was a greater world wonder - the Great Wall of China or the Eiffel Tower? No question in my mind that the largest man-made monument on the planet nabs that honor...but you may not see it that way. Read the short blurbs on all of the nominees (there are a bunch I personally wasn't even aware of) and then cast your vote today!
Some of the structures that made the list baffle me. The Eiffel Tower? One of the 7 Wonders of the World? I don't think so. Even the Parisians thought it hideous when it was first constructed. Others on the list make complete sense. Stonehenge. Easter Island. Truly magnificent "wonders" that defy explanation and instill us with a sense of awe.
A large number of contenders are up for consideration, and the world wants your opinion. Which was a greater world wonder - the Great Wall of China or the Eiffel Tower? No question in my mind that the largest man-made monument on the planet nabs that honor...but you may not see it that way. Read the short blurbs on all of the nominees (there are a bunch I personally wasn't even aware of) and then cast your vote today!
Saturday, November 18, 2006
ESPN Motion Sickness
I need to vent.
Is there anyway to disable that stupid-ass ESPN Motion player on the espn.com homepage?
You know what I'm talking about - that little video screen in the upper right hand corner of the page they use to replay sports clips and commercials they presume I am interested in watching. I'm not.
I don't want it. I don't use it. I don't like it. Every time I visit that site, I get down to the third or fourth headline and the stupid player kicks in. It's distracting. It's annoying. Sometimes it's very loud. I hate it. And I immediately have to go up and click on the stop button to make the madness end.
I like to be in control my browsing expoerience, and ESPN won't let me. They keep forcing that audio/vidio shit down my throat. I'd boycott the site if it weren't the gold standard in sports news. Looks like I'm stuck with it. Just wish they'd let me OPT IN to the movie player instead of forcing me to opt out every single time.
Give me a dramamine - I've got ESPNMotion Sickness.
Is there anyway to disable that stupid-ass ESPN Motion player on the espn.com homepage?
You know what I'm talking about - that little video screen in the upper right hand corner of the page they use to replay sports clips and commercials they presume I am interested in watching. I'm not.
I don't want it. I don't use it. I don't like it. Every time I visit that site, I get down to the third or fourth headline and the stupid player kicks in. It's distracting. It's annoying. Sometimes it's very loud. I hate it. And I immediately have to go up and click on the stop button to make the madness end.
I like to be in control my browsing expoerience, and ESPN won't let me. They keep forcing that audio/vidio shit down my throat. I'd boycott the site if it weren't the gold standard in sports news. Looks like I'm stuck with it. Just wish they'd let me OPT IN to the movie player instead of forcing me to opt out every single time.
Give me a dramamine - I've got ESPNMotion Sickness.
Friday, November 17, 2006
AM RADIOACTIVE
I was headed to the Bears game with my dad last month and, stuck in traffic en route to Soldier Field, we tuned in to some pre-game AM talk radio to get us fired up in advance of kick-off. The analysts and broadcasters were mercilessly criticizing someone's performance from the week prior, drilling down to the minutest details in offering explanations for why that player was under-delivering on the field. As the headless talking heads went back and forth, my dad offered up some food for thought.
"Imagine," he said, "if there were people in this world whose jobs were to analyze and criticize your work performance every day."
"Right," I said, catching his drift immediately. "And they'd question your salary, and your work ethic, and your desire. Every single day."
"Exactly. And then they'd do it over the radio so that millions of people could hear about how you messed up. And how you should have done something differently. And how you're not trying hard enough. Imagine being under the microscope like that."
It all seemed kind of absurd when we thought about it. These sports radio guys get paid to pick apart player performances day in and day out. They question absolutely everything. They orchestrate call-in programs where fans can get in on the bashing. They openly discuss details considered private in most employment agreements, like medical information and salaries. And they're constantly stirring up controversy by questioning commitment, dedication, intentions, and motivation. And, in many ways, high-profile sports figures are demonized by members of the media who don't know them personally - but who presume to for the sake of making a point.
Many of these folks say it comes with the territory - that professional sports figures are fair game because they're in the public eye. And because they make a LOT of money.
Then I imagined how I would feel if I turned on the radio this evening on my way home from work and heard people talking about ME.
"...that's exactly what I'm talking about, Mike. He clearly lacks focus. Let's go back to the conference call he had this morning. Completely unprepared. Hardly said a word. Mentally absent."
"No, you're right. But maybe that's because he's just not ready yet. He's too young."
"Too young? He's not a rookie anymore. By now, this kid needs to know how to handle a simple client call."
"But even the best have bad days. He's still learning the ropes. And let's give that conference call some props - those clients threw some real zingers at him today. Estimates? Schedules? I can guarantee you he wasn't prepared to handle those. Whose fault is that? The director."
"I agree. But he's got to have better instincts when he's under the gun. Period. But aside from the conference call. That's just one example. I'm talking about a pattern of behavior here that forces us to have to ask the question - maybe there's someone better out there. Maybe the agency should consider waiving him and re-staffing that position with some more proven talent."
"It always comes back to this. Keep him. Get rid of him. I still think he's going to be spectacular one day."
"One day, yes. But when? And how long is this agency willing to sit on his potential. He spends half his morning checking fantasy sports online. He spends another hour every day checking personal e-mail. And then there are the long coffee breaks. This is a guy who doesn't have the passion that is required to become great. Tons of natural talent - but no motivation."
"Well, we disagree again. Although I think he's overpaid, too. I'll agree with you there. They spent a ton of green when they went out and nabbed this guy. Signed him to a lucrative deal and have yet to see the investment pay off."
"Unless they figure out a way to bill clients for trips to the coffee machine."
"Right. That's right. Although he'll tell you he needs it to take his morning dump. Okay. Let's take a break. But when we come back we want to know what YOU think about AYNtK. Revenue-raising star or water cooler bust? We'll talk about the day he came in late because he couldn't find parking, the long lunch he had last Friday, his bad breath, and more. Stay tuned!"
"Oh man, the breath. That alone is grounds for dismissal. We'll be right back."
And then I'd flip the station and there'd be two more jackasses talking about me.
"What was with that sweater he wore to work yesterday? Did you see that?"
"It wasn't the sweater so much as it was the pants. I've never seen such a random dresser in my life. Different colors, styles, patterns. It's like he's dressing out of one of those Salvation Army bins behind the grocery store."
"Did you hear what his co-worker said about his breath the other day?"
OFF.
Most of these sports dudes are pretty tough to begin with, but they must have skin of steel to deal with some of the crap these motormouths are belching out during the morning drive. I don't know how they do it - but I'm glad I don't have to deal with that kind of public criticism.
Anyone have a breath mint?
"Imagine," he said, "if there were people in this world whose jobs were to analyze and criticize your work performance every day."
"Right," I said, catching his drift immediately. "And they'd question your salary, and your work ethic, and your desire. Every single day."
"Exactly. And then they'd do it over the radio so that millions of people could hear about how you messed up. And how you should have done something differently. And how you're not trying hard enough. Imagine being under the microscope like that."
It all seemed kind of absurd when we thought about it. These sports radio guys get paid to pick apart player performances day in and day out. They question absolutely everything. They orchestrate call-in programs where fans can get in on the bashing. They openly discuss details considered private in most employment agreements, like medical information and salaries. And they're constantly stirring up controversy by questioning commitment, dedication, intentions, and motivation. And, in many ways, high-profile sports figures are demonized by members of the media who don't know them personally - but who presume to for the sake of making a point.
Many of these folks say it comes with the territory - that professional sports figures are fair game because they're in the public eye. And because they make a LOT of money.
Then I imagined how I would feel if I turned on the radio this evening on my way home from work and heard people talking about ME.
"...that's exactly what I'm talking about, Mike. He clearly lacks focus. Let's go back to the conference call he had this morning. Completely unprepared. Hardly said a word. Mentally absent."
"No, you're right. But maybe that's because he's just not ready yet. He's too young."
"Too young? He's not a rookie anymore. By now, this kid needs to know how to handle a simple client call."
"But even the best have bad days. He's still learning the ropes. And let's give that conference call some props - those clients threw some real zingers at him today. Estimates? Schedules? I can guarantee you he wasn't prepared to handle those. Whose fault is that? The director."
"I agree. But he's got to have better instincts when he's under the gun. Period. But aside from the conference call. That's just one example. I'm talking about a pattern of behavior here that forces us to have to ask the question - maybe there's someone better out there. Maybe the agency should consider waiving him and re-staffing that position with some more proven talent."
"It always comes back to this. Keep him. Get rid of him. I still think he's going to be spectacular one day."
"One day, yes. But when? And how long is this agency willing to sit on his potential. He spends half his morning checking fantasy sports online. He spends another hour every day checking personal e-mail. And then there are the long coffee breaks. This is a guy who doesn't have the passion that is required to become great. Tons of natural talent - but no motivation."
"Well, we disagree again. Although I think he's overpaid, too. I'll agree with you there. They spent a ton of green when they went out and nabbed this guy. Signed him to a lucrative deal and have yet to see the investment pay off."
"Unless they figure out a way to bill clients for trips to the coffee machine."
"Right. That's right. Although he'll tell you he needs it to take his morning dump. Okay. Let's take a break. But when we come back we want to know what YOU think about AYNtK. Revenue-raising star or water cooler bust? We'll talk about the day he came in late because he couldn't find parking, the long lunch he had last Friday, his bad breath, and more. Stay tuned!"
"Oh man, the breath. That alone is grounds for dismissal. We'll be right back."
And then I'd flip the station and there'd be two more jackasses talking about me.
"What was with that sweater he wore to work yesterday? Did you see that?"
"It wasn't the sweater so much as it was the pants. I've never seen such a random dresser in my life. Different colors, styles, patterns. It's like he's dressing out of one of those Salvation Army bins behind the grocery store."
"Did you hear what his co-worker said about his breath the other day?"
OFF.
Most of these sports dudes are pretty tough to begin with, but they must have skin of steel to deal with some of the crap these motormouths are belching out during the morning drive. I don't know how they do it - but I'm glad I don't have to deal with that kind of public criticism.
Anyone have a breath mint?
HO HO HO AND A BOTTLE OF CISCO
Pirate Brad sent me this link as explanation for his walking the porcelain plank at our Halloween Party a couple weeks ago. It does seem to explain a lot. Not the site itself, but the fact that Pirate Brad says it's one of his favorites.
The Night Train is leaving the station...all aboard! This link is actually a pretty good resource for college kids looking to drink on a dime. And busy professionals. The only "bumwine" I've ever had, that I know of, is Mad Dog 20/20. The name sends a mixed message of sorts. While I was foaming at the mouth by evening's end, my eyesight was no where near 20/20. I'm thinking it ought to be Mad Dog 20/400 or something like that.
The Night Train is leaving the station...all aboard! This link is actually a pretty good resource for college kids looking to drink on a dime. And busy professionals. The only "bumwine" I've ever had, that I know of, is Mad Dog 20/20. The name sends a mixed message of sorts. While I was foaming at the mouth by evening's end, my eyesight was no where near 20/20. I'm thinking it ought to be Mad Dog 20/400 or something like that.
CHOPPER STOPPER
Screw the Playstation 3.
Here's a fun helicopter game that will keep you occupied for hours.
Or at least several minutes.
Here's a fun helicopter game that will keep you occupied for hours.
Or at least several minutes.
INSERT TWO MORE TOKENS TO CONTINUE
I am old. Old and out of touch. I keep seeing these news stories all over the internet about the debut of a new gaming console called the Playstation 3. Apparently there have been long lines across the country, and a number of heated altercations, as people fight to be the first to own one. And here I am, oblivious to this nation's insatiable hunger for cutting-edge electronic entertainment. I just don't understand the hype at all. It's a GAME box - I'm pretty sure Sony is going to be making more of them. Are these collectors editions? What does this demand for hand-eye stimulation come from?
When I was a kid, we had Atari. 2600, baby. And that was a pretty big deal when it first came out. But it was revolutionary because you no longer had to trek out to the J.J. Peppers convenience mart around the corner from the park to play Space Invaders. For the first time you could play arcade games on your television in your home. It was breakthrough technology that shaped the way we live and interact. The medium, as you know, is the message. Instead of gathering in public places every once in a while to share in the gaming experience, people could now enjoy the same games at home on their own. And these machines soon became an appliance staple, like a toaster or a can opener. Every home had one.
Today, a lot of homes have multiple gaming machines, from multiple makers - in addition to personal computers, which are also chipped and equipped to accommodate a massive PC gaming industry. Where personal gaming had once been an entertainment novelty, it is now deeply woven into our nation's social fabric. Children are often born with them already in the house, and grow up devoting countless hours developing post-modern maladies like "Nintendo Thumb" and "Playstation Posture." And a lot of parents don't mind because, as every parent knows, Nintendo is a relatively cheap babysitter.
I understand the dazzling allure of modern gaming consoles - the graphics are so real they stop me sometimes when I'm doing laps at Best Buy. But when I see people lined up outside of buildings in the cold, willing to fight over an appliance that will still be available tomorrow and next week, I have to wonder what's happening to us as a people.
But then, our parents used to fight over Cabbage Patch Dolls in the aisles of Toys 'R' Us. So maybe it's less about an addiction to new technology and more about a competitive sense of entitlement that comes with life in culture of mass consumption.
And now, if you'll excuse me, I have a high score of Tetris to beat.
When I was a kid, we had Atari. 2600, baby. And that was a pretty big deal when it first came out. But it was revolutionary because you no longer had to trek out to the J.J. Peppers convenience mart around the corner from the park to play Space Invaders. For the first time you could play arcade games on your television in your home. It was breakthrough technology that shaped the way we live and interact. The medium, as you know, is the message. Instead of gathering in public places every once in a while to share in the gaming experience, people could now enjoy the same games at home on their own. And these machines soon became an appliance staple, like a toaster or a can opener. Every home had one.
Today, a lot of homes have multiple gaming machines, from multiple makers - in addition to personal computers, which are also chipped and equipped to accommodate a massive PC gaming industry. Where personal gaming had once been an entertainment novelty, it is now deeply woven into our nation's social fabric. Children are often born with them already in the house, and grow up devoting countless hours developing post-modern maladies like "Nintendo Thumb" and "Playstation Posture." And a lot of parents don't mind because, as every parent knows, Nintendo is a relatively cheap babysitter.
I understand the dazzling allure of modern gaming consoles - the graphics are so real they stop me sometimes when I'm doing laps at Best Buy. But when I see people lined up outside of buildings in the cold, willing to fight over an appliance that will still be available tomorrow and next week, I have to wonder what's happening to us as a people.
But then, our parents used to fight over Cabbage Patch Dolls in the aisles of Toys 'R' Us. So maybe it's less about an addiction to new technology and more about a competitive sense of entitlement that comes with life in culture of mass consumption.
And now, if you'll excuse me, I have a high score of Tetris to beat.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
AMERICA'S TOP POLITICIAN
There’s been a lot of talk for years now (not just by me!) about getting a third major party established in this country – someone to give those Republicans and Democrats a run for their money. The Libertarians and Green and Reform Parties have all fielded candidates in past elections, but they just don’t get the media attention or the widespread public support they need to prove viable come Election Day.
So here’s my idea: a television show on FOX called America’s Top Politician. Why FOX? Because they're crazy enough to do something sensational like that.
Simon Cowell and Mark Burnett will team up to produce it…a weekly show on which ordinary people like you and me (who also meet the Constitutional requirements for becoming President) line up outside of auditoriums nationwide to audition in front of a panel of judges for a shot at becoming El Presidente. I know it sounds ludicrous – but I bet it would result in one hell of a candidate…and the press coverage he/she would get from week to week would make him/her a formidable opponent in the General Election!
This is how I imagine it would be done.
The show would last a full year and start with several months of broad auditioning to weed out the religious zealots, criminally stupid, car salesmen, and facially uninteresting. Can you imagine how hilarious the auditions would be? Our panel of judges would ask average people to provide practical solutions to real problems and then vote based on the quality of the responses. Who would judge? Could be anybody! I'm thinking my mom, Gary Coleman, and Bruce Willis for starters. People would learn pretty quick how difficult it is being a politician as they struggle to offer viable solutions that won’t offend SOME group of people. I'm guessing most folks would sound like complete idiots. I know I would!
“Mr. AYNtK – okay. Welcome.”
“Thanks for having me.”
“So you’d like to be President?”
“Sure.”
“Sure? That doesn’t sounds very convincing. Why are you here?”
“I heard the job pays more than the one I have, and I could use the extra coin.”
“So you’re here for the money?”
“It’s all about the Benjamins. And having access to that private jet would be pretty sweet, too. Par-tay!”
“Fantastic. So let’s see. How would you propose the U.S. government address the troublesome flow of illegal immigrants from south of the border?”
“That’s a great question. And I have a great answer. First, I would offer them all jobs.”
“Did you say jobs? How would that help solve the problem?”
“I’m not finished. The jobs would be digging trenches. I propose we pay the largest workforce in American history minimum wage to dig a 20-foot deep, half-mile wide trench from California to the Gulf Coast. Then I’d have them it with oil and light it on fire like that kick ass scene at the end of the Beastmaster. Did you see that scene? You know which one I’m talking about? Maybe it was Beastmaster 2.”
“Let me get this straight. You’d pay a massive foreign labor team to dig a gargantuan petroleum moat and ignite a permanent barrier of flames between Mexico and the U.S.?”
“Yes, sir, I would. It’d be a real life firewall...like the ones that protect computers from viruses and stuff. Except it would be a REAL firewall protecting our lower-class jobs from foreigners, thereby preserving the rich, cultural traditions of our nation’s NASCAR class.”
“That is a completely asinine suggestion…and yet also very brilliant in a way. I like how you think and I’m going to vote you through to the next round!”
This kind of Q&A would go on all over the nation until our list of viable candidates is narrowed down to 16 finalists. These 16 presidential hopefuls would then compete in a series of mock challenges in a format more like the Apprentice. Donald Trump would preside over phase 2 ensuring that the candidates not only have good ideas, but possess strong leadership skills as well. They’d be split up into teams and given a number of tasks to muddle through. Then the losing team would be sent to the board room where Trump would send one of them home: “You’re impeached!”
Phase 2 would last several more months until the list of candidates is narrowed down to 8. The remaining 8 would have to learn how to dance with the help of a professional partner and America would vote on their dance routines every week until the field is narrowed to 4.
The final 4 would then participate in a series of debates, after which America would vote, eliminating two of the candidates. The final two would then have a foot race, arm wrestling match, and ro-sham-bo for the right to run for president. The runner-up would become the VP candidate on the same ticket. It's brilliant!
I think America’s Top Politician would give the major party candidates a real scare, too. He/She would be a strong, sensitive, smart leader with a textbook tango. I know – this is all beyond genius. And here’s the best part. All those .99 cent calls to vote for your favorite politician add up in the winning candidate’s advertising fund so they are able mount a serious media challenge in the weeks leading up to the election. Gotta hit those airwaves!
So what do you think, Simon? Are you game? Let's do this!!!
So here’s my idea: a television show on FOX called America’s Top Politician. Why FOX? Because they're crazy enough to do something sensational like that.
Simon Cowell and Mark Burnett will team up to produce it…a weekly show on which ordinary people like you and me (who also meet the Constitutional requirements for becoming President) line up outside of auditoriums nationwide to audition in front of a panel of judges for a shot at becoming El Presidente. I know it sounds ludicrous – but I bet it would result in one hell of a candidate…and the press coverage he/she would get from week to week would make him/her a formidable opponent in the General Election!
This is how I imagine it would be done.
The show would last a full year and start with several months of broad auditioning to weed out the religious zealots, criminally stupid, car salesmen, and facially uninteresting. Can you imagine how hilarious the auditions would be? Our panel of judges would ask average people to provide practical solutions to real problems and then vote based on the quality of the responses. Who would judge? Could be anybody! I'm thinking my mom, Gary Coleman, and Bruce Willis for starters. People would learn pretty quick how difficult it is being a politician as they struggle to offer viable solutions that won’t offend SOME group of people. I'm guessing most folks would sound like complete idiots. I know I would!
“Mr. AYNtK – okay. Welcome.”
“Thanks for having me.”
“So you’d like to be President?”
“Sure.”
“Sure? That doesn’t sounds very convincing. Why are you here?”
“I heard the job pays more than the one I have, and I could use the extra coin.”
“So you’re here for the money?”
“It’s all about the Benjamins. And having access to that private jet would be pretty sweet, too. Par-tay!”
“Fantastic. So let’s see. How would you propose the U.S. government address the troublesome flow of illegal immigrants from south of the border?”
“That’s a great question. And I have a great answer. First, I would offer them all jobs.”
“Did you say jobs? How would that help solve the problem?”
“I’m not finished. The jobs would be digging trenches. I propose we pay the largest workforce in American history minimum wage to dig a 20-foot deep, half-mile wide trench from California to the Gulf Coast. Then I’d have them it with oil and light it on fire like that kick ass scene at the end of the Beastmaster. Did you see that scene? You know which one I’m talking about? Maybe it was Beastmaster 2.”
“Let me get this straight. You’d pay a massive foreign labor team to dig a gargantuan petroleum moat and ignite a permanent barrier of flames between Mexico and the U.S.?”
“Yes, sir, I would. It’d be a real life firewall...like the ones that protect computers from viruses and stuff. Except it would be a REAL firewall protecting our lower-class jobs from foreigners, thereby preserving the rich, cultural traditions of our nation’s NASCAR class.”
“That is a completely asinine suggestion…and yet also very brilliant in a way. I like how you think and I’m going to vote you through to the next round!”
This kind of Q&A would go on all over the nation until our list of viable candidates is narrowed down to 16 finalists. These 16 presidential hopefuls would then compete in a series of mock challenges in a format more like the Apprentice. Donald Trump would preside over phase 2 ensuring that the candidates not only have good ideas, but possess strong leadership skills as well. They’d be split up into teams and given a number of tasks to muddle through. Then the losing team would be sent to the board room where Trump would send one of them home: “You’re impeached!”
Phase 2 would last several more months until the list of candidates is narrowed down to 8. The remaining 8 would have to learn how to dance with the help of a professional partner and America would vote on their dance routines every week until the field is narrowed to 4.
The final 4 would then participate in a series of debates, after which America would vote, eliminating two of the candidates. The final two would then have a foot race, arm wrestling match, and ro-sham-bo for the right to run for president. The runner-up would become the VP candidate on the same ticket. It's brilliant!
I think America’s Top Politician would give the major party candidates a real scare, too. He/She would be a strong, sensitive, smart leader with a textbook tango. I know – this is all beyond genius. And here’s the best part. All those .99 cent calls to vote for your favorite politician add up in the winning candidate’s advertising fund so they are able mount a serious media challenge in the weeks leading up to the election. Gotta hit those airwaves!
So what do you think, Simon? Are you game? Let's do this!!!
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Monday, November 13, 2006
TO MAKE BENEFIT GLORIOUS COMEDY MAN FROM BRITISH
As you must be aware by now, Borat is a not really an Eastern European bigot with a knack for making people uncomfortable. He's a British comedian who's made a killing at the box office by pulling off one of the grandest candid camera pranks of all time. Sacha Baron Cohen's character Borat has been the top draw for two weeks in a row now - and the appeal of his cinematic charade is simple: the film is one long practical joke on America and, we the people are in on it.
Have you seen it yet? Lucky you. And have you heard how all of the "real" characters from Borat's motion picture are coming out of the woodwork to say they had no idea the entire thing was a ruse? There were definitely some moments where I was thinking: "This HAS to be staged." But as it turns out, the scenes were actually more real than anyone thought - including the people appearing in them, many of whom are now seeking legal recourse for the way they were portrayed.
Producers allegedly told participants they would be appearing in a foreign-made documentary on American life. Some were even liquored up before their appearance. All of them signed documents agreeing to the use of their likenesses. What these people didn't know was that the ignorant, backward filmmaker from Khazakhstan wasn't really an ignorant, backward filmmaker from Khazakhstan. He was a British comedian filming what would amount to a feature length episode of Punk'd. They just didn't realize they'd been Punk'd until the movie was playing in theaters nationwide.
My review? It's everything you may have heard it was: irreverent, crass, outrageous, juvenile, and loaded with toilet humor - literally at times. But it wasn't offensive in a gratutious way - like, say, Porky's or American Pie. It was genuinely offensive, which, strangely, was probably what made it so entertaining. The film shows real people interacting with Borat, reacting to his disgusting, obnoxious comments and behavior, clearly uncomfortable, and completely unscripted. You actually feel a little bad for them at times - but worse for the conscience of America. And that was the depressing genius of the film, in my opinion.
In exaggerating the fictional prejudices of an unrefined, underdeveloped culture, Borat actually exposes the real prejudices of a culturally advanced and presumably more "enlightened" people. Some of the things uttered by the real particpants in this film will make you sicker than the twisted crap that comes out of Borat's mustached mouth. Sad, really, that in 2006 there were people willing to make such hateful, appalling remarks about minorities, homosexuals, and women - entirely aware that the camera is rolling. It's hilarious to watch the reactions of other people when Borat makes such remarks. It hurts when real people make similarly offensive remarks right back at him.
Still, despite these depressing cultural revelations, I enjoyed the film immensely. Laughed myself to tears in a couple of spots, I am almost embarrassed to admit. I do feel obliged to caution that the movie is not for everyone. Some of the scenes may be a little over the top in relentless pursuit of indecency. If you're looking for wholesome family entertainment, this is definitely not it. But if you're looking for something wildly outrageous, Borat says it best:
You like!
Have you seen it yet? Lucky you. And have you heard how all of the "real" characters from Borat's motion picture are coming out of the woodwork to say they had no idea the entire thing was a ruse? There were definitely some moments where I was thinking: "This HAS to be staged." But as it turns out, the scenes were actually more real than anyone thought - including the people appearing in them, many of whom are now seeking legal recourse for the way they were portrayed.
Producers allegedly told participants they would be appearing in a foreign-made documentary on American life. Some were even liquored up before their appearance. All of them signed documents agreeing to the use of their likenesses. What these people didn't know was that the ignorant, backward filmmaker from Khazakhstan wasn't really an ignorant, backward filmmaker from Khazakhstan. He was a British comedian filming what would amount to a feature length episode of Punk'd. They just didn't realize they'd been Punk'd until the movie was playing in theaters nationwide.
My review? It's everything you may have heard it was: irreverent, crass, outrageous, juvenile, and loaded with toilet humor - literally at times. But it wasn't offensive in a gratutious way - like, say, Porky's or American Pie. It was genuinely offensive, which, strangely, was probably what made it so entertaining. The film shows real people interacting with Borat, reacting to his disgusting, obnoxious comments and behavior, clearly uncomfortable, and completely unscripted. You actually feel a little bad for them at times - but worse for the conscience of America. And that was the depressing genius of the film, in my opinion.
In exaggerating the fictional prejudices of an unrefined, underdeveloped culture, Borat actually exposes the real prejudices of a culturally advanced and presumably more "enlightened" people. Some of the things uttered by the real particpants in this film will make you sicker than the twisted crap that comes out of Borat's mustached mouth. Sad, really, that in 2006 there were people willing to make such hateful, appalling remarks about minorities, homosexuals, and women - entirely aware that the camera is rolling. It's hilarious to watch the reactions of other people when Borat makes such remarks. It hurts when real people make similarly offensive remarks right back at him.
Still, despite these depressing cultural revelations, I enjoyed the film immensely. Laughed myself to tears in a couple of spots, I am almost embarrassed to admit. I do feel obliged to caution that the movie is not for everyone. Some of the scenes may be a little over the top in relentless pursuit of indecency. If you're looking for wholesome family entertainment, this is definitely not it. But if you're looking for something wildly outrageous, Borat says it best:
You like!
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
CHAKRA KHAN, LET ME ROCK YA
I had my aura read this afternoon and learned that my chakras are all out of whack. The reader first told me that my aura was healthy and that I was projecting myself well. She also said my color, yellow, denoted wisdom and creativity. Then I asked her what the giant yellow orb on the diagram meant - and she informed me that my navel chakra, or solar-plexus, was extremely active. I told her I had not eaten lunch yet and wondered why there was so much activity in that area. She explained that chakras are channels for energy - and that this was where the sense of self, or ego, manifests. She called it the power center for the self. So I asked her what the little dots meant "here" and "over here." I pointed to the purple dot on the top of the diagram's head and the blue one in the neck. She told me those were my crown and throat chakras, and there wasn't a whole lot of energy flowing through those. I didn't like the sound of that at all. So I got online and looked up some ways to balance my chakras. Three cups of herbal tea later and I've got to say I am feeling fantastic. I can't say my chakras are in balance - but I definitely feel a shit coming on. And that's almost always a good thing.
YEAR OF THE ASS
Did you vote this week?
I did. Used one of those unwieldly optical scan ballots that are the size of cafeteria trays. The whole experience was very Alice-in-Wonderland for me. After connecting all of the arrows to my choices for public servant, I took the over-sized sheet to the tabulator, which operates much like a paper shredder. It sucked my ballot in and that was that. A lady with her name stickered to her blouse handed me a generic “receipt” that I suppose was to make me feel better about the process because now I had PROOF that I had voted. But all it really did was give me a meaningless piece of paper that I promptly discarded on the way out the door. More meaningful would have been an itemized receipt - like the bill they give you at a restaurant, with all my choices clearly listed so I could verify that I had voted correctly. Imagine playing Super Lotto and having them hand you a generic, "Thanks for playing!" ticket. What good is that? I want to see the numbers I picked so I know who I'm rooting for.
As I walked away from the scanner machine I pointed back at it and announced, "There's the winning ballot, right there!" Everyone looked at me like I was insane. "That's the winner, right there. I just picked all the winners. Trust me - I have a knack for these things." The registrar at the entry table wiped horseradish off her mouth with a napkin and said, "That's not how it works, sir."
"Watch the news, tonight. I bet you I win." And I walked out.
It turns out I missed two. But that's not a bad percentage. I believe this may be the first time in my life that I have ever voted and came out on the majority side of things. I voted for Dole in '96 and he was trounced by Slick Willie. I voted for Bush in 2000 and he was beat by Al Gore (although the powers that be made sure he ascended to the throne) – so I suppose that qualifies as a win. Although, considering where he’s taken our country over the last 6 years, it's hard to call that a win. Then voted for Kerry in ’04 and he was mauled by the Republican rhetoric and marketing machine. Every successful politician in this country since 1776 has been a "flip-flopper," but Kerry was officially branded one...and that made all the difference.
But this election year was different. It was good to see people are finally coming around to my way of thinking.
South Dakota rejected a law that would have banned virtually all abortions. That’s a pretty conservative state, but like I’ve been saying for years – church-going farm folk get knocked up unexpectedly, too. What people don’t want to admit in public, they will vote for in private. Or against, in this case.
Speaking of which, Arizona voted against banning gay marriage. And good for them. I’m sure the temptation was overwhelming – thousands of heterosexuals standing in those cramped poll booths with the power to legislate the boundaries of love. They easily could have been Wedding Nazis: “No love for you!” But instead they chose the enlightening path of compassion and empathy. Lots of old people out there - maybe the rest of us could learn something from them. Such as: There are all kinds of people in this world – why not love them all? The institution of marriage promotes monogamy, which is healthier for all of society. Why would we discourage ANYONE from participating in that?
And then there was the passage of the stem cell measure in Missouri – a hotly contested debate that plumbed the depths of decorum when Rush Limbaugh accused Michael J. Fox of hamming up his debilitating illness for the camera. The measure was a big win for the advancement of medical science in the Show Me state, while the incumbent Senator who publicly opposed it will soon be collecting unemployment. For your files, here’s a file photo of Rush in rehab. He’s a little thinner here because he’s battling a fierce addiction to over-the-border pain killers.
So, yeah – it was encouraging to see that the American majority, by and large, has had enough of our Administration’s blind leading the deaf leading the dumb policies. Tuesday’s sweeping Democratic victories were essentially a referendum against Lord Bush and his elite Republican cronies. The only two candidates for whom I voted NOT elected to office were the two Republican candidates I felt were better for the job. I threw them my support, but it just wasn’t enough to overcome public suspicion that the elephant in the room is actually an elephant.
Who's got a Chinese calendar handy? Is this the year of the ass or what?
I did. Used one of those unwieldly optical scan ballots that are the size of cafeteria trays. The whole experience was very Alice-in-Wonderland for me. After connecting all of the arrows to my choices for public servant, I took the over-sized sheet to the tabulator, which operates much like a paper shredder. It sucked my ballot in and that was that. A lady with her name stickered to her blouse handed me a generic “receipt” that I suppose was to make me feel better about the process because now I had PROOF that I had voted. But all it really did was give me a meaningless piece of paper that I promptly discarded on the way out the door. More meaningful would have been an itemized receipt - like the bill they give you at a restaurant, with all my choices clearly listed so I could verify that I had voted correctly. Imagine playing Super Lotto and having them hand you a generic, "Thanks for playing!" ticket. What good is that? I want to see the numbers I picked so I know who I'm rooting for.
As I walked away from the scanner machine I pointed back at it and announced, "There's the winning ballot, right there!" Everyone looked at me like I was insane. "That's the winner, right there. I just picked all the winners. Trust me - I have a knack for these things." The registrar at the entry table wiped horseradish off her mouth with a napkin and said, "That's not how it works, sir."
"Watch the news, tonight. I bet you I win." And I walked out.
It turns out I missed two. But that's not a bad percentage. I believe this may be the first time in my life that I have ever voted and came out on the majority side of things. I voted for Dole in '96 and he was trounced by Slick Willie. I voted for Bush in 2000 and he was beat by Al Gore (although the powers that be made sure he ascended to the throne) – so I suppose that qualifies as a win. Although, considering where he’s taken our country over the last 6 years, it's hard to call that a win. Then voted for Kerry in ’04 and he was mauled by the Republican rhetoric and marketing machine. Every successful politician in this country since 1776 has been a "flip-flopper," but Kerry was officially branded one...and that made all the difference.
But this election year was different. It was good to see people are finally coming around to my way of thinking.
South Dakota rejected a law that would have banned virtually all abortions. That’s a pretty conservative state, but like I’ve been saying for years – church-going farm folk get knocked up unexpectedly, too. What people don’t want to admit in public, they will vote for in private. Or against, in this case.
Speaking of which, Arizona voted against banning gay marriage. And good for them. I’m sure the temptation was overwhelming – thousands of heterosexuals standing in those cramped poll booths with the power to legislate the boundaries of love. They easily could have been Wedding Nazis: “No love for you!” But instead they chose the enlightening path of compassion and empathy. Lots of old people out there - maybe the rest of us could learn something from them. Such as: There are all kinds of people in this world – why not love them all? The institution of marriage promotes monogamy, which is healthier for all of society. Why would we discourage ANYONE from participating in that?
And then there was the passage of the stem cell measure in Missouri – a hotly contested debate that plumbed the depths of decorum when Rush Limbaugh accused Michael J. Fox of hamming up his debilitating illness for the camera. The measure was a big win for the advancement of medical science in the Show Me state, while the incumbent Senator who publicly opposed it will soon be collecting unemployment. For your files, here’s a file photo of Rush in rehab. He’s a little thinner here because he’s battling a fierce addiction to over-the-border pain killers. So, yeah – it was encouraging to see that the American majority, by and large, has had enough of our Administration’s blind leading the deaf leading the dumb policies. Tuesday’s sweeping Democratic victories were essentially a referendum against Lord Bush and his elite Republican cronies. The only two candidates for whom I voted NOT elected to office were the two Republican candidates I felt were better for the job. I threw them my support, but it just wasn’t enough to overcome public suspicion that the elephant in the room is actually an elephant.
Who's got a Chinese calendar handy? Is this the year of the ass or what?
Friday, November 03, 2006
CHOO CHOO!
We hosted a Halloween party last Friday night and things got a little out of hand. Pirate Brad took a ride on the Night Train, which derailed around 2:15 am.No worries, Bradley - we've all been there!
[give yourself a courtesy flush, buddy!]
EXERCISING THE VOICE OF AMERICA
I have a voice. You have a voice. If we use them together we have a louder voice. Voices are used to communicate, to let others know how we feel and what we are thinking. Voices are important because they can be used to influence behavior and change the world. And that’s why it’s important to exercise your voice when you have something to say.
I like knowing that I a voice, even if it’s a small one. And size definitely matters. Think about all of the worthless crap Rush Limbaugh submits for public discourse on a daily basis. Why should his opinions matter any more than yours or mine? In substance, they don’t – but because he has a much bigger voice, he enjoy far more influence.
AYNtK is my voice, and I like knowing there’s a place I can exercise it with people outside of shouting distance. The Internet is a teeming hive abuzz with voices.
I derive great satisfaction using mine because it lends the illusion I have some control over what's going on out in the world, even if I know the absolute controls of law and policy are shaped more by bribes and money than bitching and moaning.
In addition to this voice, where I spread my own intoxicating brand of "common sense" propaganda (let's call it what it is), I’ve a second voice in the voting booth, and a third through participation in public opinion polls. Polls, you say? Mos def. Polls,not unlike advertising, don’t just reflect the attitudes and beliefs of society, they have the power to shape it. Polls are the pulse of a people, and a good indication of whether you’re going with the flow, or resisting. So whenever I am asked to participate in a poll, I do it without hesitation. It’s a voice.
I'm currently registered with www.pollingpoint.com, which solicits opinions from time to time on important issues, and yesterday morning I received one surely aimed at predicting the outcome of next week's mid-term elections. I eagerly dove into it, anxious to let the world know I felt it was high time we make some changes in those houses on the hill. I read the very first question to myself and knew I had to share it with you because it really got me thinking about America.
Question:
What is the Most Important Problem facing the coutnry today?
• Education
• Immigration
• Health Care and Health costs
• Energy Supply/Gas and Oil Prices
• Taxes/Deficit
• Economy and Jobs
• Abortion
• Housing
• Gay Marriage
• Terrorism
• Poverty
• Corruption in Government
• Crime
• Social Security and pensions
• War in Iraq
• Pollution and the Environment
• Drug Abuse
• Rising Prices
• Other, (please specify):
Wow! How could I choose just ONE at the expense of ignoring all of the other ones? Surely, one of these would stand out as the BIGGEST problem, right? It was difficult, but I rationalized my way through the list until I arrived at my answer. I began at the top.
Education is a major problem, but probably not our nation’s biggest. We definitely need to figure out a way to pay teachers more so we can attract a reliable supply of highly qualified public educators, level the playing field between low- and high-income communities, and improve standards and performance in public schools so parents don't feel like they have to send their kids to private schools for a quality educations. Either privatize public schools and let parents decide where to send their kids (only the strong will survive, thereby improving the quality of education via market forces), or overhaul public schools so they can compete with private schools. What’s the hold up here? Oh yeah, the billions we’re spending to secure and rebuild a country we invaded on poor intelligence.
Immigration is also problem, but how can we send back millions of illegal immigrants who are already here and peacefully contributing to GNP? Not practical or logistically feasible. Why not register them by granting temporary amnesty and enrolling them in some kind of guest worker program so we can get them on the books, thereby establishing a legal process for handling the flow of wanna-be Americanos – making English a prerequisite for citizenship in order to preserve the unity afforded by our national language, of course. I understand there’s an immediate need to secure our borders, and the great wall of America they're building down there now will be an interesting (and costly) experiment in low-tech security. I am neither for nor against it – but I do have my doubts. A massive wall couldn't keep the Mongolian horde from steamrolling into China – I sincerely doubt a razor-wire fence will prevent starving Mexicans from finding a way in. One final note: A lot of people argue that immigrants are only taking jobs that Americans don't want. But we've got a MASSIVE workforce available to perform these jobs: They're called criminals, and right now they sit behind bars bleeding our coffers dry while giving NOTHING back to society. Put those fuckers to work...and all these LOW-paying jobs we're squabbling over suddenly become NO-paying jobs. The only jobs left to fight over would be the ones that require a grasp of the English language. Illegals are coming to America to work, not because the weather is nicer. If there aren’t any jobs up here either, maybe they’ll stop making a run for the border. It’s a problem…but not our nation’s biggest.
Health Care and Health costs – This one is up there all right. Health care is currently priced out of the ballpark, and insurance companies are the primary reason. The symbiotic relationship between the two industries has resulted in an unending escalation of health care costs. I think health insurance should be treated more like car insurance...as an INSURANCE policy against accidents and whatnot, not a medical fund you pay into every month to subsidize routine visits. If my twice-daily asthma control medication, Advair, sold for $130 on the market (listed retail price), it wouldn’t survive as a product because people wouldn’t be able to afford it! But propped up by insurance company subsidies, it finds its way into millions of homes month after month. Why is an insurance company paying for my medicine? Instead of having me (and my employer) pay huge premiums to my insurance company so that my insurance company can turn around and pay off the pharmaceutical company, why not just lower the fucking price of the medicine and I’ll pay for it myself? Corporations make this econo-savvy adjustment all the time…it’s called cutting out the middle man. The bureaucracy and overhead associated with maintaining today's Health Maintenance Organizations keeps ballooning, and we keep footing the bill. It's not a healthy situation at all.
Energy Supply/Gas and Oil Prices – I'm not worried so much about the supply as I am the demand. If we reduced our energy needs, then prices would come down and this “problem” wouldn't even be on the list. But it IS on the list, primarily because the American standard of living is intimately tied to a steady flow of oil – most of which comes from the land of Jihad. Oil is the lifeblood of our economy; without oil, the American empire crumbles quickly to dust. Our enemies know this, by the way. Where do we start? Alternative forms of power exist, but big oil companies currently have the lobby to resist their development. We need major policy change here. Another very big problem, perhaps on its way to becoming our biggest...
Taxes/Deficit – Yeah, taxes are a bitch…aren’t they? But I think most reasonable people agree that they are necessary evil in today’s world. They pay for our protection and infrastructure. The problem here, in my always-humble opinion, is the cannon of indecipherable tax code even CPAs call laughable. It's far too easy to find loopholes in that mountain of legal mumbo-jumbo, and the IRS admits it can only catch a tiny fraction of the people who are knowingly breaking the law. The tax structure as it is set up doesn't work. A major overhaul is required. I say scrap the entire fucking thing and start over with something new and simple. I've heard a lot of great ideas on this, including a plan that would replace income tax with a general consumption tax – so people keep more of what they earn, and pay tax only on what they consume. It's just an idea, but a place to start. I sometimes wonder if anyone in power will ever have the balls to try something new.
Economy and Jobs – Hey...you gotta keep the people busy or they'll resort to mischief. Or starve. Fortunately, we are among the planet’s richest people. A democracy of goods has made a comfortable life more accessible to more people today than at any other time in history. But you have to be able to afford these goods to enjoy them, which means bringing home the bacon. Our problem here is that we have become a white-collar service society with too many people counting on blue collar manufacturing jobs to live the American dream. We can't compete with overseas labor, so our workforce needs to adapt to this paradigm shift or risk a future on skid row. There will almost always be some percentage of the population out of work – the challenge in keeping this figure low in any society is matching the skills of the employees with the needs of the employers. This is becoming more and more of a problem as the global economy picks up steam and we become, in essence, one world. To compete, we must adapt to America’s new economic role. Still, I don’t get the feeling this is our nation’s biggest problem right now.
Abortion – How can you possibly reconcile two viewpoints so diametrically opposed? The Supreme Court tried with its Roe v. Wade decision, establishing the concept of viability as the centerpiece of its decision to give states the right to make legal this controversial medical procedure. Viability was essentially a stab at defining when a "life" becomes a life with legal rights, and they determined that this right to "life" comes when the person-to-be can survive and develop naturally independent of the mother. According to the medical community, the viability threshold is around the end of the second trimester. For an issue so hotly debated and emotionally charged, I have to say I found the Supreme Court's wisdom remarkably rational – given, of course, the fact that this is a zero-sum issue with virtually no room for compromise. While abortion remains a hot topic, and will remain a lightning rod issue for some time, I don't personally consider it one of our nation's biggest problems.
Housing – A big part of living is having a place to live. Unfortunately, most places to live cost money – and if you don’t have enough of it, housing can become a real problem. Take a look at the people who are homeless. Many are mentally ill. They don’t know what’s best for them. They can’t hold down a job like the rest of us. They’re alcoholics or drug addicts. The bottom line is that people are typically homeless because they are either mentally sick or physically lazy, not because they can't find jobs. Separating the unwilling to work from the unable to work is the first step in tackling homelessness. And then we need a policy of some kind for sweeping the streets and getting these folks off of them. There should be a place for everyone…and the street is not one of them. This is definitely a problem, but no where near our nation’s biggest.
Gay Marriage – I can't imagine there would be a single person in America who would sincerely argue that gay marriage is the biggest problem facing our country today. I personally don't see it as a problem at all, let alone a MAJOR problem that requires an Amendment to our Constitution. But that's what separates me from President Bush. That and a 6th grade reading level. Is gay marriage a problem? Absolutely. The problem is that a significant percentage of the population can’t enter legally recognized, long-term committed relationships like the rest of us. All men are created equal, unless they happen to prefer other men.
Terrorism – Ah...the Dick Cheney special. Get them before they get us. Fight them over there instead of over here. The best defense is a good offense. ATTACK! It's true – terrorism is a real problem. It was a problem before 9/11 (see: World Trade attack numero uno, bombing of U.S. embassies, U.S.S. Cole, etc.) – and will continue to BE a problem so long as our foreign policies result in the systematic oppression of people half way around the world – particularly impoverished people who happen to be religious fanatics. It really doesn't matter how aggressively we pursue these third world henchmen, their distaste for us is cultural. Wherever our presence is regarded as an unholy occupation, terror will grow. It feels good to know we’re being proactive about the problem, but ridding the world of these zealots is complicated because our war machine is decapitating a hydra in disguise – every time we cut off its head, two more grow back. Decapitation actually creates more danger, not less. To defeat this beast, we have to take it out at the belly, where attitudes and behavior fuel action. The pull-string Bush doll likes the phrases: "Bring 'em to justice" and "Hold 'em to account." But you wouldn’t go after a bee that stung you by squeezing your fist into its beehive. That's just fucking stupid. And in this case, the beehive is a vast and venomous Middle East. It’s not like we can carpet bomb the entire desert and wipe out a billion Muslims (although I’m sure that was Rumsfeld’s Plan A). So yeah – I'd say terrorism is definitely one of our nation's biggest problems...because the people in charge of preventing it are haphazardly promoting it. How about we explore ways to foster good will in other parts of the world instead of aggressively imposing our will everywhere we go? Bush insists such a radical approach won’t work because they hate our whole way of life. But of course they do! Our way of life is what keeps them hopeless and destitute. This is a national problem not likely to go away any time soon.
Poverty - You can't have a list like this one without mentioning the poor. Poverty is a cultural institution in this country. And the people with the power to make a difference have done virtually nothing to change the prevailing mindset in poor communities that this is "as good as it gets." The result is a permanent welfare state – a population of people who for generations have been born and raised in an economically disadvantaged environment. A lower class without aspiration. We throw food stamps at them and raise the minimum wage every once in a while – token gestures that do more to keep them in poverty than help them out of it. While this is another big problem...it’s not what I would consider our greatest.
Crime – Crime is an unfortunate byproduct of some of the other problems on this list, such as poverty, drug abuse, and rising prices. As a result, it improves as the other problems improve, so it doesn’t make my list of top national concerns. One thing I will note is that I think we’re too quick as a society to lock up non-violent criminals, when they could be far more valuable to us all serving time on the outside. If we were to weed out the non-violent criminals from the violent ones, we’d discover that our nation's crime rate is actually a lot lower than the fear-inspiring media would have it seem. I’m not saying crime isn’t a problem – but how we deal with it may be more of one.
Social Security and pensions – Another doozy right here. We've been hearing for YEARS that our nation's security net is an insolvent mess. It's a hot topic every election year, and then it somehow drops completely off the radar. To address the issue, some have suggested we let people invest a portion of their social security in private accounts. Others call this gambling. The way I understand it, Social Security was created to protect people from themselves. The government recognized that, as Americans started living longer lives, they couldn't all be trusted to save up enough money to support themselves post-retirement. As a result, the social security net was established to help protect our "tribe elders." Privatizing a portion of that money is just another misguided, token gesture designed to preoccupy us with the illusion of control, when the overarching problem is that our government is spending our social security money on other things! This is definitely a major problem – and it may soon become our biggest if it continues to go unaddressed.
War in Iraq – I'm guessing this option will likely garner the poll’s highest percentage of responses. And I can understand the sentiment...war is among the costliest of national endeavors – in more ways than one. At least when we went to Afghanistan it was to chase down known terrorists and deliver payback, Tony Montana style. Rock and roll, Rummy. Go do that thing you do. Our invasion of Iraq, however, proved a horrible miscalculation based on erroneous information that has since served to create more terroristas (would you like whipped cream on your Skim Latte Jihad?) than it has disrupted. We can’t get any support from the rest of the world on this, but if we bailed, the U.N. would be forced to come in and mitigate the ensuing chaos. Hey, the rest of the world hates us anyhow, right? Major problem, for certain.
Pollution and the Environment – Al Gore had me on the rampage after his "Inconvenient Truth" flick, which I found both fascinating and inspiring. I then read the book 'State of Fear' by Michael Crichton on the advice of a good friend. I’ve never been much a fan of fiction, but properly annotated, a good novel can be every bit as informational as – and often more compelling than – a purported “truth,” inconvenient or otherwise. Assimilating knowledge from both sources, and consulting available arguments in support of both positions, I must say that I no longer share in the panic of hard-core environmentalists. Instead, I have cultivated a frightening appreciation for how our national political-legal-media machine works. Everyone has a motive…even the well-intended folks who cry “warming!” But as Crichton delicately illustrated (in a book I recommend every American reads), good intentions coupled with bad information is a recipe for disaster. Bottom line: in systems as chaotic and complex as our global environment, it is virtually impossible to detect reliable cause-effect relationships. So while I believe that pollution is a problem and that it would be nice to clean up the environment, I no longer think of global warming as a catastrophe in the wings.
Drug Abuse – A problem, yes. But our nation’s biggest problem? Clearly not. Drugs are cool. That was a joke. What concerns me more than the incidence of illicit, illegal drug abuse is the proliferation of FDA-approved crap foisted upon the masses by massive pharmaceutical companies. Somehow marijuana is bad, but Paxil is good. I have had them both, and can testify that marijuana is much healthier for the mind than Paxil. Without question. But slick marketing would have us believe otherwise. Apparently, we’re a nation of clinically depressed, sexually dysfunctional insomniacs with bad heartburn, high cholesterol, crippling arthritis, and a scorching case of herpes. But we can live the good life through good pharmacy. It doesn’t happen often, but I side with Tom Cruise on this one. Just say no to designer drugs.
Rising Prices – Inflation happens. But more unsettling to me is the financial industry’s vast takeover of American real estate. Think about this. It’s called “owning” your own house if you pay a mortgage, but you don’t really own your house – the bank does. Homeowners are still renters – we just write our checks out to the bank every month instead of the landlord. Worse, if something goes wrong at your hizzouse, there’s no super to call. You gotta fix that shit yourself. Yeah…there are benefits to owning your own home – benefits routinely summed up with grown-up words like equity and appreciation – if you’re lucky. And if you happen to live in the same house 30 years after you buy it, you just may end up owning it outright. The rest of us are just paying rent with interest, hoping the housing market happens to be hot when it comes time to move. Further, there was a time when the nuclear family was supported by a single breadwinner. Not anymore. No one understands the two-income household cultural revolution better than the actuaries in the mortgage industry. Today it takes two incomes to afford the same houses families used to be able to afford on one. It’s no wonder there’s a brand spanking new bank on nearly every city corner of the city. They’re flush, baby! It’s not exactly ironic, I suppose, that the banks have all of the money…or is it? We are but serfs, working in the fields of the financial industry, paying our wages right back to the landowners and investment lords of the manor. The rest goes to Best Buy and Verizon because flashy toys keep us preoccupied. I see rising real estate prices as a huge national problem, but not the very worst.
Corruption in Government – At first I skimmed over this option because, well, everyone just assumes there’s corruption in government. But then I thought about it. Why does everyone just assume there’s corruption in government? Is it true that absolute power corrupts?
Our nation’s Fathers fashioned a rather intricate system of government that has served us well for 2 and a quarter centuries. I suppose it’s hard to complain about corruption in government when you’re the world’s lone superpower. But that’s all we are anymore – a power. A military machine. We’re no longer admired or respected overseas for our values, ideas, and charity. Our values are mocked. Our ideas are questioned. Our good will is more often mistaken for subornment. Why is that? And that’s only the beginning.
The economies of backwards countries are being turned around while ours flirts with stagflation. Obesity is epidemic. Our children are not realizing their potential (U.S. ranks 55th in literacy). Third world countries are going completely wireless, while we remain chained to our copper, cabled infrastructure. China has stricter emissions regulations on its cars. CHINA! The legal system takes forever and costs a fortune to go through – so justice belongs to the wealthy. The tax codes are a nightmare. We are still a great country in many, many ways – full of great people (like me) – but our claim to “greatest nation on earth” is certainly in question.
It’s sewn into our cultural fabric somewhere that America is the greatest nation on the planet. We grow up recursively hearing it, and can’t help believing it. But statistics bear out that we are not the great world leader we tell ourselves we are when we are drunk. And for this, I believe, we have our leaders to blame.
They squabble over stupid shit, distorting the voting records and public statements of their rivals for political gain. There’s pork in every bill that gets passed around. Many of them have been proven liars and hypocrites. And it seems even the most well-intended of public servants ultimately succumb to the (two-party) system that prevents us from progressing like so many other less encumbered nations around the world.
So that was my choice. Government Corruption. Biggest problem in my America. I believe it is responsible for our failure to address so many of the other problems on this list. Now…chances are good it wouldn’t be your choice, and I’d wager it doesn’t even come in the top 10 when all the other votes are added up. But I wanted my voice to be heard, so that’s how I voted.
And on this note, I wish you a fantastic weekend out in the world. Think about voting next Tuesday and what it means. Exercise your voice. Be the change you want to see in the world.
Peace out.
I like knowing that I a voice, even if it’s a small one. And size definitely matters. Think about all of the worthless crap Rush Limbaugh submits for public discourse on a daily basis. Why should his opinions matter any more than yours or mine? In substance, they don’t – but because he has a much bigger voice, he enjoy far more influence.
AYNtK is my voice, and I like knowing there’s a place I can exercise it with people outside of shouting distance. The Internet is a teeming hive abuzz with voices.
I derive great satisfaction using mine because it lends the illusion I have some control over what's going on out in the world, even if I know the absolute controls of law and policy are shaped more by bribes and money than bitching and moaning.
In addition to this voice, where I spread my own intoxicating brand of "common sense" propaganda (let's call it what it is), I’ve a second voice in the voting booth, and a third through participation in public opinion polls. Polls, you say? Mos def. Polls,not unlike advertising, don’t just reflect the attitudes and beliefs of society, they have the power to shape it. Polls are the pulse of a people, and a good indication of whether you’re going with the flow, or resisting. So whenever I am asked to participate in a poll, I do it without hesitation. It’s a voice.
I'm currently registered with www.pollingpoint.com, which solicits opinions from time to time on important issues, and yesterday morning I received one surely aimed at predicting the outcome of next week's mid-term elections. I eagerly dove into it, anxious to let the world know I felt it was high time we make some changes in those houses on the hill. I read the very first question to myself and knew I had to share it with you because it really got me thinking about America.
Question:
What is the Most Important Problem facing the coutnry today?
• Education
• Immigration
• Health Care and Health costs
• Energy Supply/Gas and Oil Prices
• Taxes/Deficit
• Economy and Jobs
• Abortion
• Housing
• Gay Marriage
• Terrorism
• Poverty
• Corruption in Government
• Crime
• Social Security and pensions
• War in Iraq
• Pollution and the Environment
• Drug Abuse
• Rising Prices
• Other, (please specify):
Wow! How could I choose just ONE at the expense of ignoring all of the other ones? Surely, one of these would stand out as the BIGGEST problem, right? It was difficult, but I rationalized my way through the list until I arrived at my answer. I began at the top.
Education is a major problem, but probably not our nation’s biggest. We definitely need to figure out a way to pay teachers more so we can attract a reliable supply of highly qualified public educators, level the playing field between low- and high-income communities, and improve standards and performance in public schools so parents don't feel like they have to send their kids to private schools for a quality educations. Either privatize public schools and let parents decide where to send their kids (only the strong will survive, thereby improving the quality of education via market forces), or overhaul public schools so they can compete with private schools. What’s the hold up here? Oh yeah, the billions we’re spending to secure and rebuild a country we invaded on poor intelligence.
Immigration is also problem, but how can we send back millions of illegal immigrants who are already here and peacefully contributing to GNP? Not practical or logistically feasible. Why not register them by granting temporary amnesty and enrolling them in some kind of guest worker program so we can get them on the books, thereby establishing a legal process for handling the flow of wanna-be Americanos – making English a prerequisite for citizenship in order to preserve the unity afforded by our national language, of course. I understand there’s an immediate need to secure our borders, and the great wall of America they're building down there now will be an interesting (and costly) experiment in low-tech security. I am neither for nor against it – but I do have my doubts. A massive wall couldn't keep the Mongolian horde from steamrolling into China – I sincerely doubt a razor-wire fence will prevent starving Mexicans from finding a way in. One final note: A lot of people argue that immigrants are only taking jobs that Americans don't want. But we've got a MASSIVE workforce available to perform these jobs: They're called criminals, and right now they sit behind bars bleeding our coffers dry while giving NOTHING back to society. Put those fuckers to work...and all these LOW-paying jobs we're squabbling over suddenly become NO-paying jobs. The only jobs left to fight over would be the ones that require a grasp of the English language. Illegals are coming to America to work, not because the weather is nicer. If there aren’t any jobs up here either, maybe they’ll stop making a run for the border. It’s a problem…but not our nation’s biggest.
Health Care and Health costs – This one is up there all right. Health care is currently priced out of the ballpark, and insurance companies are the primary reason. The symbiotic relationship between the two industries has resulted in an unending escalation of health care costs. I think health insurance should be treated more like car insurance...as an INSURANCE policy against accidents and whatnot, not a medical fund you pay into every month to subsidize routine visits. If my twice-daily asthma control medication, Advair, sold for $130 on the market (listed retail price), it wouldn’t survive as a product because people wouldn’t be able to afford it! But propped up by insurance company subsidies, it finds its way into millions of homes month after month. Why is an insurance company paying for my medicine? Instead of having me (and my employer) pay huge premiums to my insurance company so that my insurance company can turn around and pay off the pharmaceutical company, why not just lower the fucking price of the medicine and I’ll pay for it myself? Corporations make this econo-savvy adjustment all the time…it’s called cutting out the middle man. The bureaucracy and overhead associated with maintaining today's Health Maintenance Organizations keeps ballooning, and we keep footing the bill. It's not a healthy situation at all.
Energy Supply/Gas and Oil Prices – I'm not worried so much about the supply as I am the demand. If we reduced our energy needs, then prices would come down and this “problem” wouldn't even be on the list. But it IS on the list, primarily because the American standard of living is intimately tied to a steady flow of oil – most of which comes from the land of Jihad. Oil is the lifeblood of our economy; without oil, the American empire crumbles quickly to dust. Our enemies know this, by the way. Where do we start? Alternative forms of power exist, but big oil companies currently have the lobby to resist their development. We need major policy change here. Another very big problem, perhaps on its way to becoming our biggest...
Taxes/Deficit – Yeah, taxes are a bitch…aren’t they? But I think most reasonable people agree that they are necessary evil in today’s world. They pay for our protection and infrastructure. The problem here, in my always-humble opinion, is the cannon of indecipherable tax code even CPAs call laughable. It's far too easy to find loopholes in that mountain of legal mumbo-jumbo, and the IRS admits it can only catch a tiny fraction of the people who are knowingly breaking the law. The tax structure as it is set up doesn't work. A major overhaul is required. I say scrap the entire fucking thing and start over with something new and simple. I've heard a lot of great ideas on this, including a plan that would replace income tax with a general consumption tax – so people keep more of what they earn, and pay tax only on what they consume. It's just an idea, but a place to start. I sometimes wonder if anyone in power will ever have the balls to try something new.
Economy and Jobs – Hey...you gotta keep the people busy or they'll resort to mischief. Or starve. Fortunately, we are among the planet’s richest people. A democracy of goods has made a comfortable life more accessible to more people today than at any other time in history. But you have to be able to afford these goods to enjoy them, which means bringing home the bacon. Our problem here is that we have become a white-collar service society with too many people counting on blue collar manufacturing jobs to live the American dream. We can't compete with overseas labor, so our workforce needs to adapt to this paradigm shift or risk a future on skid row. There will almost always be some percentage of the population out of work – the challenge in keeping this figure low in any society is matching the skills of the employees with the needs of the employers. This is becoming more and more of a problem as the global economy picks up steam and we become, in essence, one world. To compete, we must adapt to America’s new economic role. Still, I don’t get the feeling this is our nation’s biggest problem right now.
Abortion – How can you possibly reconcile two viewpoints so diametrically opposed? The Supreme Court tried with its Roe v. Wade decision, establishing the concept of viability as the centerpiece of its decision to give states the right to make legal this controversial medical procedure. Viability was essentially a stab at defining when a "life" becomes a life with legal rights, and they determined that this right to "life" comes when the person-to-be can survive and develop naturally independent of the mother. According to the medical community, the viability threshold is around the end of the second trimester. For an issue so hotly debated and emotionally charged, I have to say I found the Supreme Court's wisdom remarkably rational – given, of course, the fact that this is a zero-sum issue with virtually no room for compromise. While abortion remains a hot topic, and will remain a lightning rod issue for some time, I don't personally consider it one of our nation's biggest problems.
Housing – A big part of living is having a place to live. Unfortunately, most places to live cost money – and if you don’t have enough of it, housing can become a real problem. Take a look at the people who are homeless. Many are mentally ill. They don’t know what’s best for them. They can’t hold down a job like the rest of us. They’re alcoholics or drug addicts. The bottom line is that people are typically homeless because they are either mentally sick or physically lazy, not because they can't find jobs. Separating the unwilling to work from the unable to work is the first step in tackling homelessness. And then we need a policy of some kind for sweeping the streets and getting these folks off of them. There should be a place for everyone…and the street is not one of them. This is definitely a problem, but no where near our nation’s biggest.
Gay Marriage – I can't imagine there would be a single person in America who would sincerely argue that gay marriage is the biggest problem facing our country today. I personally don't see it as a problem at all, let alone a MAJOR problem that requires an Amendment to our Constitution. But that's what separates me from President Bush. That and a 6th grade reading level. Is gay marriage a problem? Absolutely. The problem is that a significant percentage of the population can’t enter legally recognized, long-term committed relationships like the rest of us. All men are created equal, unless they happen to prefer other men.
Terrorism – Ah...the Dick Cheney special. Get them before they get us. Fight them over there instead of over here. The best defense is a good offense. ATTACK! It's true – terrorism is a real problem. It was a problem before 9/11 (see: World Trade attack numero uno, bombing of U.S. embassies, U.S.S. Cole, etc.) – and will continue to BE a problem so long as our foreign policies result in the systematic oppression of people half way around the world – particularly impoverished people who happen to be religious fanatics. It really doesn't matter how aggressively we pursue these third world henchmen, their distaste for us is cultural. Wherever our presence is regarded as an unholy occupation, terror will grow. It feels good to know we’re being proactive about the problem, but ridding the world of these zealots is complicated because our war machine is decapitating a hydra in disguise – every time we cut off its head, two more grow back. Decapitation actually creates more danger, not less. To defeat this beast, we have to take it out at the belly, where attitudes and behavior fuel action. The pull-string Bush doll likes the phrases: "Bring 'em to justice" and "Hold 'em to account." But you wouldn’t go after a bee that stung you by squeezing your fist into its beehive. That's just fucking stupid. And in this case, the beehive is a vast and venomous Middle East. It’s not like we can carpet bomb the entire desert and wipe out a billion Muslims (although I’m sure that was Rumsfeld’s Plan A). So yeah – I'd say terrorism is definitely one of our nation's biggest problems...because the people in charge of preventing it are haphazardly promoting it. How about we explore ways to foster good will in other parts of the world instead of aggressively imposing our will everywhere we go? Bush insists such a radical approach won’t work because they hate our whole way of life. But of course they do! Our way of life is what keeps them hopeless and destitute. This is a national problem not likely to go away any time soon.
Poverty - You can't have a list like this one without mentioning the poor. Poverty is a cultural institution in this country. And the people with the power to make a difference have done virtually nothing to change the prevailing mindset in poor communities that this is "as good as it gets." The result is a permanent welfare state – a population of people who for generations have been born and raised in an economically disadvantaged environment. A lower class without aspiration. We throw food stamps at them and raise the minimum wage every once in a while – token gestures that do more to keep them in poverty than help them out of it. While this is another big problem...it’s not what I would consider our greatest.
Crime – Crime is an unfortunate byproduct of some of the other problems on this list, such as poverty, drug abuse, and rising prices. As a result, it improves as the other problems improve, so it doesn’t make my list of top national concerns. One thing I will note is that I think we’re too quick as a society to lock up non-violent criminals, when they could be far more valuable to us all serving time on the outside. If we were to weed out the non-violent criminals from the violent ones, we’d discover that our nation's crime rate is actually a lot lower than the fear-inspiring media would have it seem. I’m not saying crime isn’t a problem – but how we deal with it may be more of one.
Social Security and pensions – Another doozy right here. We've been hearing for YEARS that our nation's security net is an insolvent mess. It's a hot topic every election year, and then it somehow drops completely off the radar. To address the issue, some have suggested we let people invest a portion of their social security in private accounts. Others call this gambling. The way I understand it, Social Security was created to protect people from themselves. The government recognized that, as Americans started living longer lives, they couldn't all be trusted to save up enough money to support themselves post-retirement. As a result, the social security net was established to help protect our "tribe elders." Privatizing a portion of that money is just another misguided, token gesture designed to preoccupy us with the illusion of control, when the overarching problem is that our government is spending our social security money on other things! This is definitely a major problem – and it may soon become our biggest if it continues to go unaddressed.
War in Iraq – I'm guessing this option will likely garner the poll’s highest percentage of responses. And I can understand the sentiment...war is among the costliest of national endeavors – in more ways than one. At least when we went to Afghanistan it was to chase down known terrorists and deliver payback, Tony Montana style. Rock and roll, Rummy. Go do that thing you do. Our invasion of Iraq, however, proved a horrible miscalculation based on erroneous information that has since served to create more terroristas (would you like whipped cream on your Skim Latte Jihad?) than it has disrupted. We can’t get any support from the rest of the world on this, but if we bailed, the U.N. would be forced to come in and mitigate the ensuing chaos. Hey, the rest of the world hates us anyhow, right? Major problem, for certain.
Pollution and the Environment – Al Gore had me on the rampage after his "Inconvenient Truth" flick, which I found both fascinating and inspiring. I then read the book 'State of Fear' by Michael Crichton on the advice of a good friend. I’ve never been much a fan of fiction, but properly annotated, a good novel can be every bit as informational as – and often more compelling than – a purported “truth,” inconvenient or otherwise. Assimilating knowledge from both sources, and consulting available arguments in support of both positions, I must say that I no longer share in the panic of hard-core environmentalists. Instead, I have cultivated a frightening appreciation for how our national political-legal-media machine works. Everyone has a motive…even the well-intended folks who cry “warming!” But as Crichton delicately illustrated (in a book I recommend every American reads), good intentions coupled with bad information is a recipe for disaster. Bottom line: in systems as chaotic and complex as our global environment, it is virtually impossible to detect reliable cause-effect relationships. So while I believe that pollution is a problem and that it would be nice to clean up the environment, I no longer think of global warming as a catastrophe in the wings.
Drug Abuse – A problem, yes. But our nation’s biggest problem? Clearly not. Drugs are cool. That was a joke. What concerns me more than the incidence of illicit, illegal drug abuse is the proliferation of FDA-approved crap foisted upon the masses by massive pharmaceutical companies. Somehow marijuana is bad, but Paxil is good. I have had them both, and can testify that marijuana is much healthier for the mind than Paxil. Without question. But slick marketing would have us believe otherwise. Apparently, we’re a nation of clinically depressed, sexually dysfunctional insomniacs with bad heartburn, high cholesterol, crippling arthritis, and a scorching case of herpes. But we can live the good life through good pharmacy. It doesn’t happen often, but I side with Tom Cruise on this one. Just say no to designer drugs.
Rising Prices – Inflation happens. But more unsettling to me is the financial industry’s vast takeover of American real estate. Think about this. It’s called “owning” your own house if you pay a mortgage, but you don’t really own your house – the bank does. Homeowners are still renters – we just write our checks out to the bank every month instead of the landlord. Worse, if something goes wrong at your hizzouse, there’s no super to call. You gotta fix that shit yourself. Yeah…there are benefits to owning your own home – benefits routinely summed up with grown-up words like equity and appreciation – if you’re lucky. And if you happen to live in the same house 30 years after you buy it, you just may end up owning it outright. The rest of us are just paying rent with interest, hoping the housing market happens to be hot when it comes time to move. Further, there was a time when the nuclear family was supported by a single breadwinner. Not anymore. No one understands the two-income household cultural revolution better than the actuaries in the mortgage industry. Today it takes two incomes to afford the same houses families used to be able to afford on one. It’s no wonder there’s a brand spanking new bank on nearly every city corner of the city. They’re flush, baby! It’s not exactly ironic, I suppose, that the banks have all of the money…or is it? We are but serfs, working in the fields of the financial industry, paying our wages right back to the landowners and investment lords of the manor. The rest goes to Best Buy and Verizon because flashy toys keep us preoccupied. I see rising real estate prices as a huge national problem, but not the very worst.
Corruption in Government – At first I skimmed over this option because, well, everyone just assumes there’s corruption in government. But then I thought about it. Why does everyone just assume there’s corruption in government? Is it true that absolute power corrupts?
Our nation’s Fathers fashioned a rather intricate system of government that has served us well for 2 and a quarter centuries. I suppose it’s hard to complain about corruption in government when you’re the world’s lone superpower. But that’s all we are anymore – a power. A military machine. We’re no longer admired or respected overseas for our values, ideas, and charity. Our values are mocked. Our ideas are questioned. Our good will is more often mistaken for subornment. Why is that? And that’s only the beginning.
The economies of backwards countries are being turned around while ours flirts with stagflation. Obesity is epidemic. Our children are not realizing their potential (U.S. ranks 55th in literacy). Third world countries are going completely wireless, while we remain chained to our copper, cabled infrastructure. China has stricter emissions regulations on its cars. CHINA! The legal system takes forever and costs a fortune to go through – so justice belongs to the wealthy. The tax codes are a nightmare. We are still a great country in many, many ways – full of great people (like me) – but our claim to “greatest nation on earth” is certainly in question.
It’s sewn into our cultural fabric somewhere that America is the greatest nation on the planet. We grow up recursively hearing it, and can’t help believing it. But statistics bear out that we are not the great world leader we tell ourselves we are when we are drunk. And for this, I believe, we have our leaders to blame.
They squabble over stupid shit, distorting the voting records and public statements of their rivals for political gain. There’s pork in every bill that gets passed around. Many of them have been proven liars and hypocrites. And it seems even the most well-intended of public servants ultimately succumb to the (two-party) system that prevents us from progressing like so many other less encumbered nations around the world.
So that was my choice. Government Corruption. Biggest problem in my America. I believe it is responsible for our failure to address so many of the other problems on this list. Now…chances are good it wouldn’t be your choice, and I’d wager it doesn’t even come in the top 10 when all the other votes are added up. But I wanted my voice to be heard, so that’s how I voted.
And on this note, I wish you a fantastic weekend out in the world. Think about voting next Tuesday and what it means. Exercise your voice. Be the change you want to see in the world.
Peace out.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
UNBEARABLE!
It was one of the most egregious violations of human rights ever reported - and the whole thing was captured on tape. Just this past weekend, at least 40 Americans were forced to endure hours of degrading, humiliating, and painful treatment at the hands of fellow American citizens in an episode that many international watch groups are calling a senseless tragedy. Perhaps you saw the footage on the Sunday evening news, or heard it discussed around the water cooler on Monday morning. Yes, I am talking about the Chicago Bears publicly flogging the San Francisco 49ers in front of a nationally televised crowd.
I am almost ashamed to admit that I was on hand to witness the event in person - and did nothing to prevent it. Nor did the other 60,000+ screaming fans who encouraged the Bears to pour on the punishment play after play after play. In case you do not follow football, the Bears scored early and often against the hapless Niners...mounting an almost unfathomable 41-0 FIRST HALF lead. If you left your seat for any reason at any point during the first half, you missed a Bears score. It was a remarkably dominating performance that saw the Bears covering a 16.5 point spread in the first 8 minutes of play.
The highlight for me was the singing. The folks at Soldier Field cue up the Chicago Bears fight song every time they put points on the board. So after every field goal and following every extra point, the loudspeakers start crackling and buzzing and 60,000 drunk people start singing, "Bear Down...Chicago Bears...put up a fight with a might so fearlessly...Bear Down..." It's enough to produce chills, even if your officially-licensed down jacket is doing its job. We sang that damn song 7 times in the first half, roughly every 11 minutes. I am certain the Niners had it stuck in their heads the whole flight back to San Francisco. I honestly started feeling bad for them and wondered why football doesn't have a slaughter rule.
Fortunately, the Bears took pity on their prey - letting them fly back with a small bit of esteem: The Niners salvaged the second half of the game, winning 10-0 and preventing the Bears from completely trouncing them into oblivion. Next victim: the Miami Dolphins.
Growl.
I am almost ashamed to admit that I was on hand to witness the event in person - and did nothing to prevent it. Nor did the other 60,000+ screaming fans who encouraged the Bears to pour on the punishment play after play after play. In case you do not follow football, the Bears scored early and often against the hapless Niners...mounting an almost unfathomable 41-0 FIRST HALF lead. If you left your seat for any reason at any point during the first half, you missed a Bears score. It was a remarkably dominating performance that saw the Bears covering a 16.5 point spread in the first 8 minutes of play.
The highlight for me was the singing. The folks at Soldier Field cue up the Chicago Bears fight song every time they put points on the board. So after every field goal and following every extra point, the loudspeakers start crackling and buzzing and 60,000 drunk people start singing, "Bear Down...Chicago Bears...put up a fight with a might so fearlessly...Bear Down..." It's enough to produce chills, even if your officially-licensed down jacket is doing its job. We sang that damn song 7 times in the first half, roughly every 11 minutes. I am certain the Niners had it stuck in their heads the whole flight back to San Francisco. I honestly started feeling bad for them and wondered why football doesn't have a slaughter rule.
Fortunately, the Bears took pity on their prey - letting them fly back with a small bit of esteem: The Niners salvaged the second half of the game, winning 10-0 and preventing the Bears from completely trouncing them into oblivion. Next victim: the Miami Dolphins.
Growl.
Monday, October 30, 2006
COUGH! COUGH ! COUGH!
Do you know why people get sick this time of year? It's not because of the cold, damp weather. It's because we share a lot of nasty germs - and one of our favorite ways to share these germs is by covering our mouths when we cough. Yes, it's considered polite to cover your mouth when you cough. But did you know there's a right and a wrong way to do it?
I dare say MOST people do it the wrong way.
This video was developed to demonstrate the difference, and to promote a healthier world through proper cough-covering technique.
I dare say MOST people do it the wrong way.
This video was developed to demonstrate the difference, and to promote a healthier world through proper cough-covering technique.
Monday, October 23, 2006
BOOK WORMS OF THE WORLD UNITE
Looking for a book to read this winter? Someone has compiled a list of 1001 books you should read before you die. That's a lot of page-turning. I was surprised to find I've actually read a few of them. Or, at least I was SUPPOSED to have read them back in college. Cliffs Notes count, right? Drat.
It's broken up by eras so you can get a variety by time period. Check it out here!
It's broken up by eras so you can get a variety by time period. Check it out here!
Sunday, October 22, 2006
THE MIRACLE OF THE MIND
This is friggin' amazing. Here's a movie about a guy who sees numbers everywhere. Part of the movie shows his trip to America to meet the real Rain Man, the autistic savant about whom the movie of the same name was based. Apparently, the real Rain Man can read a whole page of any book in about 8-10 seconds and has a completely photographic memory. He remembers everything he has ever read in his entire life...right down to the last letter or number. It's simply unfathomable what this man's brain can do - a man who was diagnosed as retarded at 12 months.
Anyhow, if you've got 10 minutes to be amazed, watch this short documentary. I found it quite astonishing. I've queued up part 2 for you so you can get to the good stuff. Science is wild...but even more so when it involves mysteries about ourselves.
And when you're done with that one, check out this savant. He didn't speak his first words until he was 5, but he is amazing beyond explanation. He takes a 45 minute helicopter ride over Rome and then is able to draw an accurate aerial view of the entire city. It almost doesn't seem possible.
Anyhow, if you've got 10 minutes to be amazed, watch this short documentary. I found it quite astonishing. I've queued up part 2 for you so you can get to the good stuff. Science is wild...but even more so when it involves mysteries about ourselves.
And when you're done with that one, check out this savant. He didn't speak his first words until he was 5, but he is amazing beyond explanation. He takes a 45 minute helicopter ride over Rome and then is able to draw an accurate aerial view of the entire city. It almost doesn't seem possible.
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