Wednesday, November 08, 2006
CHAKRA KHAN, LET ME ROCK YA
I had my aura read this afternoon and learned that my chakras are all out of whack. The reader first told me that my aura was healthy and that I was projecting myself well. She also said my color, yellow, denoted wisdom and creativity. Then I asked her what the giant yellow orb on the diagram meant - and she informed me that my navel chakra, or solar-plexus, was extremely active. I told her I had not eaten lunch yet and wondered why there was so much activity in that area. She explained that chakras are channels for energy - and that this was where the sense of self, or ego, manifests. She called it the power center for the self. So I asked her what the little dots meant "here" and "over here." I pointed to the purple dot on the top of the diagram's head and the blue one in the neck. She told me those were my crown and throat chakras, and there wasn't a whole lot of energy flowing through those. I didn't like the sound of that at all. So I got online and looked up some ways to balance my chakras. Three cups of herbal tea later and I've got to say I am feeling fantastic. I can't say my chakras are in balance - but I definitely feel a shit coming on. And that's almost always a good thing.
YEAR OF THE ASS
Did you vote this week?
I did. Used one of those unwieldly optical scan ballots that are the size of cafeteria trays. The whole experience was very Alice-in-Wonderland for me. After connecting all of the arrows to my choices for public servant, I took the over-sized sheet to the tabulator, which operates much like a paper shredder. It sucked my ballot in and that was that. A lady with her name stickered to her blouse handed me a generic “receipt” that I suppose was to make me feel better about the process because now I had PROOF that I had voted. But all it really did was give me a meaningless piece of paper that I promptly discarded on the way out the door. More meaningful would have been an itemized receipt - like the bill they give you at a restaurant, with all my choices clearly listed so I could verify that I had voted correctly. Imagine playing Super Lotto and having them hand you a generic, "Thanks for playing!" ticket. What good is that? I want to see the numbers I picked so I know who I'm rooting for.
As I walked away from the scanner machine I pointed back at it and announced, "There's the winning ballot, right there!" Everyone looked at me like I was insane. "That's the winner, right there. I just picked all the winners. Trust me - I have a knack for these things." The registrar at the entry table wiped horseradish off her mouth with a napkin and said, "That's not how it works, sir."
"Watch the news, tonight. I bet you I win." And I walked out.
It turns out I missed two. But that's not a bad percentage. I believe this may be the first time in my life that I have ever voted and came out on the majority side of things. I voted for Dole in '96 and he was trounced by Slick Willie. I voted for Bush in 2000 and he was beat by Al Gore (although the powers that be made sure he ascended to the throne) – so I suppose that qualifies as a win. Although, considering where he’s taken our country over the last 6 years, it's hard to call that a win. Then voted for Kerry in ’04 and he was mauled by the Republican rhetoric and marketing machine. Every successful politician in this country since 1776 has been a "flip-flopper," but Kerry was officially branded one...and that made all the difference.
But this election year was different. It was good to see people are finally coming around to my way of thinking.
South Dakota rejected a law that would have banned virtually all abortions. That’s a pretty conservative state, but like I’ve been saying for years – church-going farm folk get knocked up unexpectedly, too. What people don’t want to admit in public, they will vote for in private. Or against, in this case.
Speaking of which, Arizona voted against banning gay marriage. And good for them. I’m sure the temptation was overwhelming – thousands of heterosexuals standing in those cramped poll booths with the power to legislate the boundaries of love. They easily could have been Wedding Nazis: “No love for you!” But instead they chose the enlightening path of compassion and empathy. Lots of old people out there - maybe the rest of us could learn something from them. Such as: There are all kinds of people in this world – why not love them all? The institution of marriage promotes monogamy, which is healthier for all of society. Why would we discourage ANYONE from participating in that?
And then there was the passage of the stem cell measure in Missouri – a hotly contested debate that plumbed the depths of decorum when Rush Limbaugh accused Michael J. Fox of hamming up his debilitating illness for the camera. The measure was a big win for the advancement of medical science in the Show Me state, while the incumbent Senator who publicly opposed it will soon be collecting unemployment. For your files, here’s a file photo of Rush in rehab. He’s a little thinner here because he’s battling a fierce addiction to over-the-border pain killers.
So, yeah – it was encouraging to see that the American majority, by and large, has had enough of our Administration’s blind leading the deaf leading the dumb policies. Tuesday’s sweeping Democratic victories were essentially a referendum against Lord Bush and his elite Republican cronies. The only two candidates for whom I voted NOT elected to office were the two Republican candidates I felt were better for the job. I threw them my support, but it just wasn’t enough to overcome public suspicion that the elephant in the room is actually an elephant.
Who's got a Chinese calendar handy? Is this the year of the ass or what?
I did. Used one of those unwieldly optical scan ballots that are the size of cafeteria trays. The whole experience was very Alice-in-Wonderland for me. After connecting all of the arrows to my choices for public servant, I took the over-sized sheet to the tabulator, which operates much like a paper shredder. It sucked my ballot in and that was that. A lady with her name stickered to her blouse handed me a generic “receipt” that I suppose was to make me feel better about the process because now I had PROOF that I had voted. But all it really did was give me a meaningless piece of paper that I promptly discarded on the way out the door. More meaningful would have been an itemized receipt - like the bill they give you at a restaurant, with all my choices clearly listed so I could verify that I had voted correctly. Imagine playing Super Lotto and having them hand you a generic, "Thanks for playing!" ticket. What good is that? I want to see the numbers I picked so I know who I'm rooting for.
As I walked away from the scanner machine I pointed back at it and announced, "There's the winning ballot, right there!" Everyone looked at me like I was insane. "That's the winner, right there. I just picked all the winners. Trust me - I have a knack for these things." The registrar at the entry table wiped horseradish off her mouth with a napkin and said, "That's not how it works, sir."
"Watch the news, tonight. I bet you I win." And I walked out.
It turns out I missed two. But that's not a bad percentage. I believe this may be the first time in my life that I have ever voted and came out on the majority side of things. I voted for Dole in '96 and he was trounced by Slick Willie. I voted for Bush in 2000 and he was beat by Al Gore (although the powers that be made sure he ascended to the throne) – so I suppose that qualifies as a win. Although, considering where he’s taken our country over the last 6 years, it's hard to call that a win. Then voted for Kerry in ’04 and he was mauled by the Republican rhetoric and marketing machine. Every successful politician in this country since 1776 has been a "flip-flopper," but Kerry was officially branded one...and that made all the difference.
But this election year was different. It was good to see people are finally coming around to my way of thinking.
South Dakota rejected a law that would have banned virtually all abortions. That’s a pretty conservative state, but like I’ve been saying for years – church-going farm folk get knocked up unexpectedly, too. What people don’t want to admit in public, they will vote for in private. Or against, in this case.
Speaking of which, Arizona voted against banning gay marriage. And good for them. I’m sure the temptation was overwhelming – thousands of heterosexuals standing in those cramped poll booths with the power to legislate the boundaries of love. They easily could have been Wedding Nazis: “No love for you!” But instead they chose the enlightening path of compassion and empathy. Lots of old people out there - maybe the rest of us could learn something from them. Such as: There are all kinds of people in this world – why not love them all? The institution of marriage promotes monogamy, which is healthier for all of society. Why would we discourage ANYONE from participating in that?
And then there was the passage of the stem cell measure in Missouri – a hotly contested debate that plumbed the depths of decorum when Rush Limbaugh accused Michael J. Fox of hamming up his debilitating illness for the camera. The measure was a big win for the advancement of medical science in the Show Me state, while the incumbent Senator who publicly opposed it will soon be collecting unemployment. For your files, here’s a file photo of Rush in rehab. He’s a little thinner here because he’s battling a fierce addiction to over-the-border pain killers. So, yeah – it was encouraging to see that the American majority, by and large, has had enough of our Administration’s blind leading the deaf leading the dumb policies. Tuesday’s sweeping Democratic victories were essentially a referendum against Lord Bush and his elite Republican cronies. The only two candidates for whom I voted NOT elected to office were the two Republican candidates I felt were better for the job. I threw them my support, but it just wasn’t enough to overcome public suspicion that the elephant in the room is actually an elephant.
Who's got a Chinese calendar handy? Is this the year of the ass or what?
Friday, November 03, 2006
CHOO CHOO!
We hosted a Halloween party last Friday night and things got a little out of hand. Pirate Brad took a ride on the Night Train, which derailed around 2:15 am.No worries, Bradley - we've all been there!
[give yourself a courtesy flush, buddy!]
EXERCISING THE VOICE OF AMERICA
I have a voice. You have a voice. If we use them together we have a louder voice. Voices are used to communicate, to let others know how we feel and what we are thinking. Voices are important because they can be used to influence behavior and change the world. And that’s why it’s important to exercise your voice when you have something to say.
I like knowing that I a voice, even if it’s a small one. And size definitely matters. Think about all of the worthless crap Rush Limbaugh submits for public discourse on a daily basis. Why should his opinions matter any more than yours or mine? In substance, they don’t – but because he has a much bigger voice, he enjoy far more influence.
AYNtK is my voice, and I like knowing there’s a place I can exercise it with people outside of shouting distance. The Internet is a teeming hive abuzz with voices.
I derive great satisfaction using mine because it lends the illusion I have some control over what's going on out in the world, even if I know the absolute controls of law and policy are shaped more by bribes and money than bitching and moaning.
In addition to this voice, where I spread my own intoxicating brand of "common sense" propaganda (let's call it what it is), I’ve a second voice in the voting booth, and a third through participation in public opinion polls. Polls, you say? Mos def. Polls,not unlike advertising, don’t just reflect the attitudes and beliefs of society, they have the power to shape it. Polls are the pulse of a people, and a good indication of whether you’re going with the flow, or resisting. So whenever I am asked to participate in a poll, I do it without hesitation. It’s a voice.
I'm currently registered with www.pollingpoint.com, which solicits opinions from time to time on important issues, and yesterday morning I received one surely aimed at predicting the outcome of next week's mid-term elections. I eagerly dove into it, anxious to let the world know I felt it was high time we make some changes in those houses on the hill. I read the very first question to myself and knew I had to share it with you because it really got me thinking about America.
Question:
What is the Most Important Problem facing the coutnry today?
• Education
• Immigration
• Health Care and Health costs
• Energy Supply/Gas and Oil Prices
• Taxes/Deficit
• Economy and Jobs
• Abortion
• Housing
• Gay Marriage
• Terrorism
• Poverty
• Corruption in Government
• Crime
• Social Security and pensions
• War in Iraq
• Pollution and the Environment
• Drug Abuse
• Rising Prices
• Other, (please specify):
Wow! How could I choose just ONE at the expense of ignoring all of the other ones? Surely, one of these would stand out as the BIGGEST problem, right? It was difficult, but I rationalized my way through the list until I arrived at my answer. I began at the top.
Education is a major problem, but probably not our nation’s biggest. We definitely need to figure out a way to pay teachers more so we can attract a reliable supply of highly qualified public educators, level the playing field between low- and high-income communities, and improve standards and performance in public schools so parents don't feel like they have to send their kids to private schools for a quality educations. Either privatize public schools and let parents decide where to send their kids (only the strong will survive, thereby improving the quality of education via market forces), or overhaul public schools so they can compete with private schools. What’s the hold up here? Oh yeah, the billions we’re spending to secure and rebuild a country we invaded on poor intelligence.
Immigration is also problem, but how can we send back millions of illegal immigrants who are already here and peacefully contributing to GNP? Not practical or logistically feasible. Why not register them by granting temporary amnesty and enrolling them in some kind of guest worker program so we can get them on the books, thereby establishing a legal process for handling the flow of wanna-be Americanos – making English a prerequisite for citizenship in order to preserve the unity afforded by our national language, of course. I understand there’s an immediate need to secure our borders, and the great wall of America they're building down there now will be an interesting (and costly) experiment in low-tech security. I am neither for nor against it – but I do have my doubts. A massive wall couldn't keep the Mongolian horde from steamrolling into China – I sincerely doubt a razor-wire fence will prevent starving Mexicans from finding a way in. One final note: A lot of people argue that immigrants are only taking jobs that Americans don't want. But we've got a MASSIVE workforce available to perform these jobs: They're called criminals, and right now they sit behind bars bleeding our coffers dry while giving NOTHING back to society. Put those fuckers to work...and all these LOW-paying jobs we're squabbling over suddenly become NO-paying jobs. The only jobs left to fight over would be the ones that require a grasp of the English language. Illegals are coming to America to work, not because the weather is nicer. If there aren’t any jobs up here either, maybe they’ll stop making a run for the border. It’s a problem…but not our nation’s biggest.
Health Care and Health costs – This one is up there all right. Health care is currently priced out of the ballpark, and insurance companies are the primary reason. The symbiotic relationship between the two industries has resulted in an unending escalation of health care costs. I think health insurance should be treated more like car insurance...as an INSURANCE policy against accidents and whatnot, not a medical fund you pay into every month to subsidize routine visits. If my twice-daily asthma control medication, Advair, sold for $130 on the market (listed retail price), it wouldn’t survive as a product because people wouldn’t be able to afford it! But propped up by insurance company subsidies, it finds its way into millions of homes month after month. Why is an insurance company paying for my medicine? Instead of having me (and my employer) pay huge premiums to my insurance company so that my insurance company can turn around and pay off the pharmaceutical company, why not just lower the fucking price of the medicine and I’ll pay for it myself? Corporations make this econo-savvy adjustment all the time…it’s called cutting out the middle man. The bureaucracy and overhead associated with maintaining today's Health Maintenance Organizations keeps ballooning, and we keep footing the bill. It's not a healthy situation at all.
Energy Supply/Gas and Oil Prices – I'm not worried so much about the supply as I am the demand. If we reduced our energy needs, then prices would come down and this “problem” wouldn't even be on the list. But it IS on the list, primarily because the American standard of living is intimately tied to a steady flow of oil – most of which comes from the land of Jihad. Oil is the lifeblood of our economy; without oil, the American empire crumbles quickly to dust. Our enemies know this, by the way. Where do we start? Alternative forms of power exist, but big oil companies currently have the lobby to resist their development. We need major policy change here. Another very big problem, perhaps on its way to becoming our biggest...
Taxes/Deficit – Yeah, taxes are a bitch…aren’t they? But I think most reasonable people agree that they are necessary evil in today’s world. They pay for our protection and infrastructure. The problem here, in my always-humble opinion, is the cannon of indecipherable tax code even CPAs call laughable. It's far too easy to find loopholes in that mountain of legal mumbo-jumbo, and the IRS admits it can only catch a tiny fraction of the people who are knowingly breaking the law. The tax structure as it is set up doesn't work. A major overhaul is required. I say scrap the entire fucking thing and start over with something new and simple. I've heard a lot of great ideas on this, including a plan that would replace income tax with a general consumption tax – so people keep more of what they earn, and pay tax only on what they consume. It's just an idea, but a place to start. I sometimes wonder if anyone in power will ever have the balls to try something new.
Economy and Jobs – Hey...you gotta keep the people busy or they'll resort to mischief. Or starve. Fortunately, we are among the planet’s richest people. A democracy of goods has made a comfortable life more accessible to more people today than at any other time in history. But you have to be able to afford these goods to enjoy them, which means bringing home the bacon. Our problem here is that we have become a white-collar service society with too many people counting on blue collar manufacturing jobs to live the American dream. We can't compete with overseas labor, so our workforce needs to adapt to this paradigm shift or risk a future on skid row. There will almost always be some percentage of the population out of work – the challenge in keeping this figure low in any society is matching the skills of the employees with the needs of the employers. This is becoming more and more of a problem as the global economy picks up steam and we become, in essence, one world. To compete, we must adapt to America’s new economic role. Still, I don’t get the feeling this is our nation’s biggest problem right now.
Abortion – How can you possibly reconcile two viewpoints so diametrically opposed? The Supreme Court tried with its Roe v. Wade decision, establishing the concept of viability as the centerpiece of its decision to give states the right to make legal this controversial medical procedure. Viability was essentially a stab at defining when a "life" becomes a life with legal rights, and they determined that this right to "life" comes when the person-to-be can survive and develop naturally independent of the mother. According to the medical community, the viability threshold is around the end of the second trimester. For an issue so hotly debated and emotionally charged, I have to say I found the Supreme Court's wisdom remarkably rational – given, of course, the fact that this is a zero-sum issue with virtually no room for compromise. While abortion remains a hot topic, and will remain a lightning rod issue for some time, I don't personally consider it one of our nation's biggest problems.
Housing – A big part of living is having a place to live. Unfortunately, most places to live cost money – and if you don’t have enough of it, housing can become a real problem. Take a look at the people who are homeless. Many are mentally ill. They don’t know what’s best for them. They can’t hold down a job like the rest of us. They’re alcoholics or drug addicts. The bottom line is that people are typically homeless because they are either mentally sick or physically lazy, not because they can't find jobs. Separating the unwilling to work from the unable to work is the first step in tackling homelessness. And then we need a policy of some kind for sweeping the streets and getting these folks off of them. There should be a place for everyone…and the street is not one of them. This is definitely a problem, but no where near our nation’s biggest.
Gay Marriage – I can't imagine there would be a single person in America who would sincerely argue that gay marriage is the biggest problem facing our country today. I personally don't see it as a problem at all, let alone a MAJOR problem that requires an Amendment to our Constitution. But that's what separates me from President Bush. That and a 6th grade reading level. Is gay marriage a problem? Absolutely. The problem is that a significant percentage of the population can’t enter legally recognized, long-term committed relationships like the rest of us. All men are created equal, unless they happen to prefer other men.
Terrorism – Ah...the Dick Cheney special. Get them before they get us. Fight them over there instead of over here. The best defense is a good offense. ATTACK! It's true – terrorism is a real problem. It was a problem before 9/11 (see: World Trade attack numero uno, bombing of U.S. embassies, U.S.S. Cole, etc.) – and will continue to BE a problem so long as our foreign policies result in the systematic oppression of people half way around the world – particularly impoverished people who happen to be religious fanatics. It really doesn't matter how aggressively we pursue these third world henchmen, their distaste for us is cultural. Wherever our presence is regarded as an unholy occupation, terror will grow. It feels good to know we’re being proactive about the problem, but ridding the world of these zealots is complicated because our war machine is decapitating a hydra in disguise – every time we cut off its head, two more grow back. Decapitation actually creates more danger, not less. To defeat this beast, we have to take it out at the belly, where attitudes and behavior fuel action. The pull-string Bush doll likes the phrases: "Bring 'em to justice" and "Hold 'em to account." But you wouldn’t go after a bee that stung you by squeezing your fist into its beehive. That's just fucking stupid. And in this case, the beehive is a vast and venomous Middle East. It’s not like we can carpet bomb the entire desert and wipe out a billion Muslims (although I’m sure that was Rumsfeld’s Plan A). So yeah – I'd say terrorism is definitely one of our nation's biggest problems...because the people in charge of preventing it are haphazardly promoting it. How about we explore ways to foster good will in other parts of the world instead of aggressively imposing our will everywhere we go? Bush insists such a radical approach won’t work because they hate our whole way of life. But of course they do! Our way of life is what keeps them hopeless and destitute. This is a national problem not likely to go away any time soon.
Poverty - You can't have a list like this one without mentioning the poor. Poverty is a cultural institution in this country. And the people with the power to make a difference have done virtually nothing to change the prevailing mindset in poor communities that this is "as good as it gets." The result is a permanent welfare state – a population of people who for generations have been born and raised in an economically disadvantaged environment. A lower class without aspiration. We throw food stamps at them and raise the minimum wage every once in a while – token gestures that do more to keep them in poverty than help them out of it. While this is another big problem...it’s not what I would consider our greatest.
Crime – Crime is an unfortunate byproduct of some of the other problems on this list, such as poverty, drug abuse, and rising prices. As a result, it improves as the other problems improve, so it doesn’t make my list of top national concerns. One thing I will note is that I think we’re too quick as a society to lock up non-violent criminals, when they could be far more valuable to us all serving time on the outside. If we were to weed out the non-violent criminals from the violent ones, we’d discover that our nation's crime rate is actually a lot lower than the fear-inspiring media would have it seem. I’m not saying crime isn’t a problem – but how we deal with it may be more of one.
Social Security and pensions – Another doozy right here. We've been hearing for YEARS that our nation's security net is an insolvent mess. It's a hot topic every election year, and then it somehow drops completely off the radar. To address the issue, some have suggested we let people invest a portion of their social security in private accounts. Others call this gambling. The way I understand it, Social Security was created to protect people from themselves. The government recognized that, as Americans started living longer lives, they couldn't all be trusted to save up enough money to support themselves post-retirement. As a result, the social security net was established to help protect our "tribe elders." Privatizing a portion of that money is just another misguided, token gesture designed to preoccupy us with the illusion of control, when the overarching problem is that our government is spending our social security money on other things! This is definitely a major problem – and it may soon become our biggest if it continues to go unaddressed.
War in Iraq – I'm guessing this option will likely garner the poll’s highest percentage of responses. And I can understand the sentiment...war is among the costliest of national endeavors – in more ways than one. At least when we went to Afghanistan it was to chase down known terrorists and deliver payback, Tony Montana style. Rock and roll, Rummy. Go do that thing you do. Our invasion of Iraq, however, proved a horrible miscalculation based on erroneous information that has since served to create more terroristas (would you like whipped cream on your Skim Latte Jihad?) than it has disrupted. We can’t get any support from the rest of the world on this, but if we bailed, the U.N. would be forced to come in and mitigate the ensuing chaos. Hey, the rest of the world hates us anyhow, right? Major problem, for certain.
Pollution and the Environment – Al Gore had me on the rampage after his "Inconvenient Truth" flick, which I found both fascinating and inspiring. I then read the book 'State of Fear' by Michael Crichton on the advice of a good friend. I’ve never been much a fan of fiction, but properly annotated, a good novel can be every bit as informational as – and often more compelling than – a purported “truth,” inconvenient or otherwise. Assimilating knowledge from both sources, and consulting available arguments in support of both positions, I must say that I no longer share in the panic of hard-core environmentalists. Instead, I have cultivated a frightening appreciation for how our national political-legal-media machine works. Everyone has a motive…even the well-intended folks who cry “warming!” But as Crichton delicately illustrated (in a book I recommend every American reads), good intentions coupled with bad information is a recipe for disaster. Bottom line: in systems as chaotic and complex as our global environment, it is virtually impossible to detect reliable cause-effect relationships. So while I believe that pollution is a problem and that it would be nice to clean up the environment, I no longer think of global warming as a catastrophe in the wings.
Drug Abuse – A problem, yes. But our nation’s biggest problem? Clearly not. Drugs are cool. That was a joke. What concerns me more than the incidence of illicit, illegal drug abuse is the proliferation of FDA-approved crap foisted upon the masses by massive pharmaceutical companies. Somehow marijuana is bad, but Paxil is good. I have had them both, and can testify that marijuana is much healthier for the mind than Paxil. Without question. But slick marketing would have us believe otherwise. Apparently, we’re a nation of clinically depressed, sexually dysfunctional insomniacs with bad heartburn, high cholesterol, crippling arthritis, and a scorching case of herpes. But we can live the good life through good pharmacy. It doesn’t happen often, but I side with Tom Cruise on this one. Just say no to designer drugs.
Rising Prices – Inflation happens. But more unsettling to me is the financial industry’s vast takeover of American real estate. Think about this. It’s called “owning” your own house if you pay a mortgage, but you don’t really own your house – the bank does. Homeowners are still renters – we just write our checks out to the bank every month instead of the landlord. Worse, if something goes wrong at your hizzouse, there’s no super to call. You gotta fix that shit yourself. Yeah…there are benefits to owning your own home – benefits routinely summed up with grown-up words like equity and appreciation – if you’re lucky. And if you happen to live in the same house 30 years after you buy it, you just may end up owning it outright. The rest of us are just paying rent with interest, hoping the housing market happens to be hot when it comes time to move. Further, there was a time when the nuclear family was supported by a single breadwinner. Not anymore. No one understands the two-income household cultural revolution better than the actuaries in the mortgage industry. Today it takes two incomes to afford the same houses families used to be able to afford on one. It’s no wonder there’s a brand spanking new bank on nearly every city corner of the city. They’re flush, baby! It’s not exactly ironic, I suppose, that the banks have all of the money…or is it? We are but serfs, working in the fields of the financial industry, paying our wages right back to the landowners and investment lords of the manor. The rest goes to Best Buy and Verizon because flashy toys keep us preoccupied. I see rising real estate prices as a huge national problem, but not the very worst.
Corruption in Government – At first I skimmed over this option because, well, everyone just assumes there’s corruption in government. But then I thought about it. Why does everyone just assume there’s corruption in government? Is it true that absolute power corrupts?
Our nation’s Fathers fashioned a rather intricate system of government that has served us well for 2 and a quarter centuries. I suppose it’s hard to complain about corruption in government when you’re the world’s lone superpower. But that’s all we are anymore – a power. A military machine. We’re no longer admired or respected overseas for our values, ideas, and charity. Our values are mocked. Our ideas are questioned. Our good will is more often mistaken for subornment. Why is that? And that’s only the beginning.
The economies of backwards countries are being turned around while ours flirts with stagflation. Obesity is epidemic. Our children are not realizing their potential (U.S. ranks 55th in literacy). Third world countries are going completely wireless, while we remain chained to our copper, cabled infrastructure. China has stricter emissions regulations on its cars. CHINA! The legal system takes forever and costs a fortune to go through – so justice belongs to the wealthy. The tax codes are a nightmare. We are still a great country in many, many ways – full of great people (like me) – but our claim to “greatest nation on earth” is certainly in question.
It’s sewn into our cultural fabric somewhere that America is the greatest nation on the planet. We grow up recursively hearing it, and can’t help believing it. But statistics bear out that we are not the great world leader we tell ourselves we are when we are drunk. And for this, I believe, we have our leaders to blame.
They squabble over stupid shit, distorting the voting records and public statements of their rivals for political gain. There’s pork in every bill that gets passed around. Many of them have been proven liars and hypocrites. And it seems even the most well-intended of public servants ultimately succumb to the (two-party) system that prevents us from progressing like so many other less encumbered nations around the world.
So that was my choice. Government Corruption. Biggest problem in my America. I believe it is responsible for our failure to address so many of the other problems on this list. Now…chances are good it wouldn’t be your choice, and I’d wager it doesn’t even come in the top 10 when all the other votes are added up. But I wanted my voice to be heard, so that’s how I voted.
And on this note, I wish you a fantastic weekend out in the world. Think about voting next Tuesday and what it means. Exercise your voice. Be the change you want to see in the world.
Peace out.
I like knowing that I a voice, even if it’s a small one. And size definitely matters. Think about all of the worthless crap Rush Limbaugh submits for public discourse on a daily basis. Why should his opinions matter any more than yours or mine? In substance, they don’t – but because he has a much bigger voice, he enjoy far more influence.
AYNtK is my voice, and I like knowing there’s a place I can exercise it with people outside of shouting distance. The Internet is a teeming hive abuzz with voices.
I derive great satisfaction using mine because it lends the illusion I have some control over what's going on out in the world, even if I know the absolute controls of law and policy are shaped more by bribes and money than bitching and moaning.
In addition to this voice, where I spread my own intoxicating brand of "common sense" propaganda (let's call it what it is), I’ve a second voice in the voting booth, and a third through participation in public opinion polls. Polls, you say? Mos def. Polls,not unlike advertising, don’t just reflect the attitudes and beliefs of society, they have the power to shape it. Polls are the pulse of a people, and a good indication of whether you’re going with the flow, or resisting. So whenever I am asked to participate in a poll, I do it without hesitation. It’s a voice.
I'm currently registered with www.pollingpoint.com, which solicits opinions from time to time on important issues, and yesterday morning I received one surely aimed at predicting the outcome of next week's mid-term elections. I eagerly dove into it, anxious to let the world know I felt it was high time we make some changes in those houses on the hill. I read the very first question to myself and knew I had to share it with you because it really got me thinking about America.
Question:
What is the Most Important Problem facing the coutnry today?
• Education
• Immigration
• Health Care and Health costs
• Energy Supply/Gas and Oil Prices
• Taxes/Deficit
• Economy and Jobs
• Abortion
• Housing
• Gay Marriage
• Terrorism
• Poverty
• Corruption in Government
• Crime
• Social Security and pensions
• War in Iraq
• Pollution and the Environment
• Drug Abuse
• Rising Prices
• Other, (please specify):
Wow! How could I choose just ONE at the expense of ignoring all of the other ones? Surely, one of these would stand out as the BIGGEST problem, right? It was difficult, but I rationalized my way through the list until I arrived at my answer. I began at the top.
Education is a major problem, but probably not our nation’s biggest. We definitely need to figure out a way to pay teachers more so we can attract a reliable supply of highly qualified public educators, level the playing field between low- and high-income communities, and improve standards and performance in public schools so parents don't feel like they have to send their kids to private schools for a quality educations. Either privatize public schools and let parents decide where to send their kids (only the strong will survive, thereby improving the quality of education via market forces), or overhaul public schools so they can compete with private schools. What’s the hold up here? Oh yeah, the billions we’re spending to secure and rebuild a country we invaded on poor intelligence.
Immigration is also problem, but how can we send back millions of illegal immigrants who are already here and peacefully contributing to GNP? Not practical or logistically feasible. Why not register them by granting temporary amnesty and enrolling them in some kind of guest worker program so we can get them on the books, thereby establishing a legal process for handling the flow of wanna-be Americanos – making English a prerequisite for citizenship in order to preserve the unity afforded by our national language, of course. I understand there’s an immediate need to secure our borders, and the great wall of America they're building down there now will be an interesting (and costly) experiment in low-tech security. I am neither for nor against it – but I do have my doubts. A massive wall couldn't keep the Mongolian horde from steamrolling into China – I sincerely doubt a razor-wire fence will prevent starving Mexicans from finding a way in. One final note: A lot of people argue that immigrants are only taking jobs that Americans don't want. But we've got a MASSIVE workforce available to perform these jobs: They're called criminals, and right now they sit behind bars bleeding our coffers dry while giving NOTHING back to society. Put those fuckers to work...and all these LOW-paying jobs we're squabbling over suddenly become NO-paying jobs. The only jobs left to fight over would be the ones that require a grasp of the English language. Illegals are coming to America to work, not because the weather is nicer. If there aren’t any jobs up here either, maybe they’ll stop making a run for the border. It’s a problem…but not our nation’s biggest.
Health Care and Health costs – This one is up there all right. Health care is currently priced out of the ballpark, and insurance companies are the primary reason. The symbiotic relationship between the two industries has resulted in an unending escalation of health care costs. I think health insurance should be treated more like car insurance...as an INSURANCE policy against accidents and whatnot, not a medical fund you pay into every month to subsidize routine visits. If my twice-daily asthma control medication, Advair, sold for $130 on the market (listed retail price), it wouldn’t survive as a product because people wouldn’t be able to afford it! But propped up by insurance company subsidies, it finds its way into millions of homes month after month. Why is an insurance company paying for my medicine? Instead of having me (and my employer) pay huge premiums to my insurance company so that my insurance company can turn around and pay off the pharmaceutical company, why not just lower the fucking price of the medicine and I’ll pay for it myself? Corporations make this econo-savvy adjustment all the time…it’s called cutting out the middle man. The bureaucracy and overhead associated with maintaining today's Health Maintenance Organizations keeps ballooning, and we keep footing the bill. It's not a healthy situation at all.
Energy Supply/Gas and Oil Prices – I'm not worried so much about the supply as I am the demand. If we reduced our energy needs, then prices would come down and this “problem” wouldn't even be on the list. But it IS on the list, primarily because the American standard of living is intimately tied to a steady flow of oil – most of which comes from the land of Jihad. Oil is the lifeblood of our economy; without oil, the American empire crumbles quickly to dust. Our enemies know this, by the way. Where do we start? Alternative forms of power exist, but big oil companies currently have the lobby to resist their development. We need major policy change here. Another very big problem, perhaps on its way to becoming our biggest...
Taxes/Deficit – Yeah, taxes are a bitch…aren’t they? But I think most reasonable people agree that they are necessary evil in today’s world. They pay for our protection and infrastructure. The problem here, in my always-humble opinion, is the cannon of indecipherable tax code even CPAs call laughable. It's far too easy to find loopholes in that mountain of legal mumbo-jumbo, and the IRS admits it can only catch a tiny fraction of the people who are knowingly breaking the law. The tax structure as it is set up doesn't work. A major overhaul is required. I say scrap the entire fucking thing and start over with something new and simple. I've heard a lot of great ideas on this, including a plan that would replace income tax with a general consumption tax – so people keep more of what they earn, and pay tax only on what they consume. It's just an idea, but a place to start. I sometimes wonder if anyone in power will ever have the balls to try something new.
Economy and Jobs – Hey...you gotta keep the people busy or they'll resort to mischief. Or starve. Fortunately, we are among the planet’s richest people. A democracy of goods has made a comfortable life more accessible to more people today than at any other time in history. But you have to be able to afford these goods to enjoy them, which means bringing home the bacon. Our problem here is that we have become a white-collar service society with too many people counting on blue collar manufacturing jobs to live the American dream. We can't compete with overseas labor, so our workforce needs to adapt to this paradigm shift or risk a future on skid row. There will almost always be some percentage of the population out of work – the challenge in keeping this figure low in any society is matching the skills of the employees with the needs of the employers. This is becoming more and more of a problem as the global economy picks up steam and we become, in essence, one world. To compete, we must adapt to America’s new economic role. Still, I don’t get the feeling this is our nation’s biggest problem right now.
Abortion – How can you possibly reconcile two viewpoints so diametrically opposed? The Supreme Court tried with its Roe v. Wade decision, establishing the concept of viability as the centerpiece of its decision to give states the right to make legal this controversial medical procedure. Viability was essentially a stab at defining when a "life" becomes a life with legal rights, and they determined that this right to "life" comes when the person-to-be can survive and develop naturally independent of the mother. According to the medical community, the viability threshold is around the end of the second trimester. For an issue so hotly debated and emotionally charged, I have to say I found the Supreme Court's wisdom remarkably rational – given, of course, the fact that this is a zero-sum issue with virtually no room for compromise. While abortion remains a hot topic, and will remain a lightning rod issue for some time, I don't personally consider it one of our nation's biggest problems.
Housing – A big part of living is having a place to live. Unfortunately, most places to live cost money – and if you don’t have enough of it, housing can become a real problem. Take a look at the people who are homeless. Many are mentally ill. They don’t know what’s best for them. They can’t hold down a job like the rest of us. They’re alcoholics or drug addicts. The bottom line is that people are typically homeless because they are either mentally sick or physically lazy, not because they can't find jobs. Separating the unwilling to work from the unable to work is the first step in tackling homelessness. And then we need a policy of some kind for sweeping the streets and getting these folks off of them. There should be a place for everyone…and the street is not one of them. This is definitely a problem, but no where near our nation’s biggest.
Gay Marriage – I can't imagine there would be a single person in America who would sincerely argue that gay marriage is the biggest problem facing our country today. I personally don't see it as a problem at all, let alone a MAJOR problem that requires an Amendment to our Constitution. But that's what separates me from President Bush. That and a 6th grade reading level. Is gay marriage a problem? Absolutely. The problem is that a significant percentage of the population can’t enter legally recognized, long-term committed relationships like the rest of us. All men are created equal, unless they happen to prefer other men.
Terrorism – Ah...the Dick Cheney special. Get them before they get us. Fight them over there instead of over here. The best defense is a good offense. ATTACK! It's true – terrorism is a real problem. It was a problem before 9/11 (see: World Trade attack numero uno, bombing of U.S. embassies, U.S.S. Cole, etc.) – and will continue to BE a problem so long as our foreign policies result in the systematic oppression of people half way around the world – particularly impoverished people who happen to be religious fanatics. It really doesn't matter how aggressively we pursue these third world henchmen, their distaste for us is cultural. Wherever our presence is regarded as an unholy occupation, terror will grow. It feels good to know we’re being proactive about the problem, but ridding the world of these zealots is complicated because our war machine is decapitating a hydra in disguise – every time we cut off its head, two more grow back. Decapitation actually creates more danger, not less. To defeat this beast, we have to take it out at the belly, where attitudes and behavior fuel action. The pull-string Bush doll likes the phrases: "Bring 'em to justice" and "Hold 'em to account." But you wouldn’t go after a bee that stung you by squeezing your fist into its beehive. That's just fucking stupid. And in this case, the beehive is a vast and venomous Middle East. It’s not like we can carpet bomb the entire desert and wipe out a billion Muslims (although I’m sure that was Rumsfeld’s Plan A). So yeah – I'd say terrorism is definitely one of our nation's biggest problems...because the people in charge of preventing it are haphazardly promoting it. How about we explore ways to foster good will in other parts of the world instead of aggressively imposing our will everywhere we go? Bush insists such a radical approach won’t work because they hate our whole way of life. But of course they do! Our way of life is what keeps them hopeless and destitute. This is a national problem not likely to go away any time soon.
Poverty - You can't have a list like this one without mentioning the poor. Poverty is a cultural institution in this country. And the people with the power to make a difference have done virtually nothing to change the prevailing mindset in poor communities that this is "as good as it gets." The result is a permanent welfare state – a population of people who for generations have been born and raised in an economically disadvantaged environment. A lower class without aspiration. We throw food stamps at them and raise the minimum wage every once in a while – token gestures that do more to keep them in poverty than help them out of it. While this is another big problem...it’s not what I would consider our greatest.
Crime – Crime is an unfortunate byproduct of some of the other problems on this list, such as poverty, drug abuse, and rising prices. As a result, it improves as the other problems improve, so it doesn’t make my list of top national concerns. One thing I will note is that I think we’re too quick as a society to lock up non-violent criminals, when they could be far more valuable to us all serving time on the outside. If we were to weed out the non-violent criminals from the violent ones, we’d discover that our nation's crime rate is actually a lot lower than the fear-inspiring media would have it seem. I’m not saying crime isn’t a problem – but how we deal with it may be more of one.
Social Security and pensions – Another doozy right here. We've been hearing for YEARS that our nation's security net is an insolvent mess. It's a hot topic every election year, and then it somehow drops completely off the radar. To address the issue, some have suggested we let people invest a portion of their social security in private accounts. Others call this gambling. The way I understand it, Social Security was created to protect people from themselves. The government recognized that, as Americans started living longer lives, they couldn't all be trusted to save up enough money to support themselves post-retirement. As a result, the social security net was established to help protect our "tribe elders." Privatizing a portion of that money is just another misguided, token gesture designed to preoccupy us with the illusion of control, when the overarching problem is that our government is spending our social security money on other things! This is definitely a major problem – and it may soon become our biggest if it continues to go unaddressed.
War in Iraq – I'm guessing this option will likely garner the poll’s highest percentage of responses. And I can understand the sentiment...war is among the costliest of national endeavors – in more ways than one. At least when we went to Afghanistan it was to chase down known terrorists and deliver payback, Tony Montana style. Rock and roll, Rummy. Go do that thing you do. Our invasion of Iraq, however, proved a horrible miscalculation based on erroneous information that has since served to create more terroristas (would you like whipped cream on your Skim Latte Jihad?) than it has disrupted. We can’t get any support from the rest of the world on this, but if we bailed, the U.N. would be forced to come in and mitigate the ensuing chaos. Hey, the rest of the world hates us anyhow, right? Major problem, for certain.
Pollution and the Environment – Al Gore had me on the rampage after his "Inconvenient Truth" flick, which I found both fascinating and inspiring. I then read the book 'State of Fear' by Michael Crichton on the advice of a good friend. I’ve never been much a fan of fiction, but properly annotated, a good novel can be every bit as informational as – and often more compelling than – a purported “truth,” inconvenient or otherwise. Assimilating knowledge from both sources, and consulting available arguments in support of both positions, I must say that I no longer share in the panic of hard-core environmentalists. Instead, I have cultivated a frightening appreciation for how our national political-legal-media machine works. Everyone has a motive…even the well-intended folks who cry “warming!” But as Crichton delicately illustrated (in a book I recommend every American reads), good intentions coupled with bad information is a recipe for disaster. Bottom line: in systems as chaotic and complex as our global environment, it is virtually impossible to detect reliable cause-effect relationships. So while I believe that pollution is a problem and that it would be nice to clean up the environment, I no longer think of global warming as a catastrophe in the wings.
Drug Abuse – A problem, yes. But our nation’s biggest problem? Clearly not. Drugs are cool. That was a joke. What concerns me more than the incidence of illicit, illegal drug abuse is the proliferation of FDA-approved crap foisted upon the masses by massive pharmaceutical companies. Somehow marijuana is bad, but Paxil is good. I have had them both, and can testify that marijuana is much healthier for the mind than Paxil. Without question. But slick marketing would have us believe otherwise. Apparently, we’re a nation of clinically depressed, sexually dysfunctional insomniacs with bad heartburn, high cholesterol, crippling arthritis, and a scorching case of herpes. But we can live the good life through good pharmacy. It doesn’t happen often, but I side with Tom Cruise on this one. Just say no to designer drugs.
Rising Prices – Inflation happens. But more unsettling to me is the financial industry’s vast takeover of American real estate. Think about this. It’s called “owning” your own house if you pay a mortgage, but you don’t really own your house – the bank does. Homeowners are still renters – we just write our checks out to the bank every month instead of the landlord. Worse, if something goes wrong at your hizzouse, there’s no super to call. You gotta fix that shit yourself. Yeah…there are benefits to owning your own home – benefits routinely summed up with grown-up words like equity and appreciation – if you’re lucky. And if you happen to live in the same house 30 years after you buy it, you just may end up owning it outright. The rest of us are just paying rent with interest, hoping the housing market happens to be hot when it comes time to move. Further, there was a time when the nuclear family was supported by a single breadwinner. Not anymore. No one understands the two-income household cultural revolution better than the actuaries in the mortgage industry. Today it takes two incomes to afford the same houses families used to be able to afford on one. It’s no wonder there’s a brand spanking new bank on nearly every city corner of the city. They’re flush, baby! It’s not exactly ironic, I suppose, that the banks have all of the money…or is it? We are but serfs, working in the fields of the financial industry, paying our wages right back to the landowners and investment lords of the manor. The rest goes to Best Buy and Verizon because flashy toys keep us preoccupied. I see rising real estate prices as a huge national problem, but not the very worst.
Corruption in Government – At first I skimmed over this option because, well, everyone just assumes there’s corruption in government. But then I thought about it. Why does everyone just assume there’s corruption in government? Is it true that absolute power corrupts?
Our nation’s Fathers fashioned a rather intricate system of government that has served us well for 2 and a quarter centuries. I suppose it’s hard to complain about corruption in government when you’re the world’s lone superpower. But that’s all we are anymore – a power. A military machine. We’re no longer admired or respected overseas for our values, ideas, and charity. Our values are mocked. Our ideas are questioned. Our good will is more often mistaken for subornment. Why is that? And that’s only the beginning.
The economies of backwards countries are being turned around while ours flirts with stagflation. Obesity is epidemic. Our children are not realizing their potential (U.S. ranks 55th in literacy). Third world countries are going completely wireless, while we remain chained to our copper, cabled infrastructure. China has stricter emissions regulations on its cars. CHINA! The legal system takes forever and costs a fortune to go through – so justice belongs to the wealthy. The tax codes are a nightmare. We are still a great country in many, many ways – full of great people (like me) – but our claim to “greatest nation on earth” is certainly in question.
It’s sewn into our cultural fabric somewhere that America is the greatest nation on the planet. We grow up recursively hearing it, and can’t help believing it. But statistics bear out that we are not the great world leader we tell ourselves we are when we are drunk. And for this, I believe, we have our leaders to blame.
They squabble over stupid shit, distorting the voting records and public statements of their rivals for political gain. There’s pork in every bill that gets passed around. Many of them have been proven liars and hypocrites. And it seems even the most well-intended of public servants ultimately succumb to the (two-party) system that prevents us from progressing like so many other less encumbered nations around the world.
So that was my choice. Government Corruption. Biggest problem in my America. I believe it is responsible for our failure to address so many of the other problems on this list. Now…chances are good it wouldn’t be your choice, and I’d wager it doesn’t even come in the top 10 when all the other votes are added up. But I wanted my voice to be heard, so that’s how I voted.
And on this note, I wish you a fantastic weekend out in the world. Think about voting next Tuesday and what it means. Exercise your voice. Be the change you want to see in the world.
Peace out.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
UNBEARABLE!
It was one of the most egregious violations of human rights ever reported - and the whole thing was captured on tape. Just this past weekend, at least 40 Americans were forced to endure hours of degrading, humiliating, and painful treatment at the hands of fellow American citizens in an episode that many international watch groups are calling a senseless tragedy. Perhaps you saw the footage on the Sunday evening news, or heard it discussed around the water cooler on Monday morning. Yes, I am talking about the Chicago Bears publicly flogging the San Francisco 49ers in front of a nationally televised crowd.
I am almost ashamed to admit that I was on hand to witness the event in person - and did nothing to prevent it. Nor did the other 60,000+ screaming fans who encouraged the Bears to pour on the punishment play after play after play. In case you do not follow football, the Bears scored early and often against the hapless Niners...mounting an almost unfathomable 41-0 FIRST HALF lead. If you left your seat for any reason at any point during the first half, you missed a Bears score. It was a remarkably dominating performance that saw the Bears covering a 16.5 point spread in the first 8 minutes of play.
The highlight for me was the singing. The folks at Soldier Field cue up the Chicago Bears fight song every time they put points on the board. So after every field goal and following every extra point, the loudspeakers start crackling and buzzing and 60,000 drunk people start singing, "Bear Down...Chicago Bears...put up a fight with a might so fearlessly...Bear Down..." It's enough to produce chills, even if your officially-licensed down jacket is doing its job. We sang that damn song 7 times in the first half, roughly every 11 minutes. I am certain the Niners had it stuck in their heads the whole flight back to San Francisco. I honestly started feeling bad for them and wondered why football doesn't have a slaughter rule.
Fortunately, the Bears took pity on their prey - letting them fly back with a small bit of esteem: The Niners salvaged the second half of the game, winning 10-0 and preventing the Bears from completely trouncing them into oblivion. Next victim: the Miami Dolphins.
Growl.
I am almost ashamed to admit that I was on hand to witness the event in person - and did nothing to prevent it. Nor did the other 60,000+ screaming fans who encouraged the Bears to pour on the punishment play after play after play. In case you do not follow football, the Bears scored early and often against the hapless Niners...mounting an almost unfathomable 41-0 FIRST HALF lead. If you left your seat for any reason at any point during the first half, you missed a Bears score. It was a remarkably dominating performance that saw the Bears covering a 16.5 point spread in the first 8 minutes of play.
The highlight for me was the singing. The folks at Soldier Field cue up the Chicago Bears fight song every time they put points on the board. So after every field goal and following every extra point, the loudspeakers start crackling and buzzing and 60,000 drunk people start singing, "Bear Down...Chicago Bears...put up a fight with a might so fearlessly...Bear Down..." It's enough to produce chills, even if your officially-licensed down jacket is doing its job. We sang that damn song 7 times in the first half, roughly every 11 minutes. I am certain the Niners had it stuck in their heads the whole flight back to San Francisco. I honestly started feeling bad for them and wondered why football doesn't have a slaughter rule.
Fortunately, the Bears took pity on their prey - letting them fly back with a small bit of esteem: The Niners salvaged the second half of the game, winning 10-0 and preventing the Bears from completely trouncing them into oblivion. Next victim: the Miami Dolphins.
Growl.
Monday, October 30, 2006
COUGH! COUGH ! COUGH!
Do you know why people get sick this time of year? It's not because of the cold, damp weather. It's because we share a lot of nasty germs - and one of our favorite ways to share these germs is by covering our mouths when we cough. Yes, it's considered polite to cover your mouth when you cough. But did you know there's a right and a wrong way to do it?
I dare say MOST people do it the wrong way.
This video was developed to demonstrate the difference, and to promote a healthier world through proper cough-covering technique.
I dare say MOST people do it the wrong way.
This video was developed to demonstrate the difference, and to promote a healthier world through proper cough-covering technique.
Monday, October 23, 2006
BOOK WORMS OF THE WORLD UNITE
Looking for a book to read this winter? Someone has compiled a list of 1001 books you should read before you die. That's a lot of page-turning. I was surprised to find I've actually read a few of them. Or, at least I was SUPPOSED to have read them back in college. Cliffs Notes count, right? Drat.
It's broken up by eras so you can get a variety by time period. Check it out here!
It's broken up by eras so you can get a variety by time period. Check it out here!
Sunday, October 22, 2006
THE MIRACLE OF THE MIND
This is friggin' amazing. Here's a movie about a guy who sees numbers everywhere. Part of the movie shows his trip to America to meet the real Rain Man, the autistic savant about whom the movie of the same name was based. Apparently, the real Rain Man can read a whole page of any book in about 8-10 seconds and has a completely photographic memory. He remembers everything he has ever read in his entire life...right down to the last letter or number. It's simply unfathomable what this man's brain can do - a man who was diagnosed as retarded at 12 months.
Anyhow, if you've got 10 minutes to be amazed, watch this short documentary. I found it quite astonishing. I've queued up part 2 for you so you can get to the good stuff. Science is wild...but even more so when it involves mysteries about ourselves.
And when you're done with that one, check out this savant. He didn't speak his first words until he was 5, but he is amazing beyond explanation. He takes a 45 minute helicopter ride over Rome and then is able to draw an accurate aerial view of the entire city. It almost doesn't seem possible.
Anyhow, if you've got 10 minutes to be amazed, watch this short documentary. I found it quite astonishing. I've queued up part 2 for you so you can get to the good stuff. Science is wild...but even more so when it involves mysteries about ourselves.
And when you're done with that one, check out this savant. He didn't speak his first words until he was 5, but he is amazing beyond explanation. He takes a 45 minute helicopter ride over Rome and then is able to draw an accurate aerial view of the entire city. It almost doesn't seem possible.
ACTION!
Everyone who looks at Chicago's Marina Towers for the first time wonders the same thing: How do they get those cars so close to the edge? The tall, round apartment buildings in the heart of River North are actually an open-air parking garage for a third of the way up, and the parking spots go all the way to the edge. If you've ever wondered what would happen if someone decided to gun it and fly out into the Chicago river from 18 stories up, check this out.
LONG WAY DOWN
Check this shit out. Some ambitious folks are hoping to build the highest man-made structure on earth. Guess where? A glass bridge that spans the Grand Csnyon.
Not for those with a fear of heights.
Not for those with a fear of heights.
Friday, October 20, 2006
THE NERVE OF THOSE NIGERIAN SCAM ARTISTS!
I love corresponding with Nigerian Scam Artists. I actually had one turn me down this week, which was a first. Most people delte them, but I LOVE reading those long, drawn-out stories about how they identified ME somehow as the next of kin to some wealthy businessman who was killed in an overseas accident. And how they want to liquidate their estate but have run into some legal problems and need me to claim the money so that we can split my "relative's" millions. I usually respond by describing how excited I am to have received the e-mail and start detailing how I plan to use the money once we have gone through with the transaction. Then I like to start a dialogue and go back and forth for a while until the scammer starts getting frustrated with me, at which point I reveal that I am not who I claimed to be, but instead an undercover agent working with the United Nations task force on internet fraud called Cyberstrike. They never seem to reply to that one!
Anyhow, this week I decided to try a new tactic. When the scammer ran through all of the details and offered me the standard 60/40 split - 60% for him and 40% for me - I decided to counter. I demanded 70% of the estate for helping him out, and then concluded with, 'So - deal or no deal?"
The guy writes back:
"Dear Mr. Fujita - no deal."
Can you believe the nerve of that third world criminal? He's got no room to bargain with me. I'm calling the shots, I told him. After all, I was NEXT OF KIN. He needed me. I was his ticket to fortune. But it was going to cost him.
No deal.
These scam artists are starting to get a little full of themselves, don't you think?
I don't like being told no, so I'm actually thinking about coming down. I'll let you know how it goes.
Anyhow, this week I decided to try a new tactic. When the scammer ran through all of the details and offered me the standard 60/40 split - 60% for him and 40% for me - I decided to counter. I demanded 70% of the estate for helping him out, and then concluded with, 'So - deal or no deal?"
The guy writes back:
"Dear Mr. Fujita - no deal."
Can you believe the nerve of that third world criminal? He's got no room to bargain with me. I'm calling the shots, I told him. After all, I was NEXT OF KIN. He needed me. I was his ticket to fortune. But it was going to cost him.
No deal.
These scam artists are starting to get a little full of themselves, don't you think?
I don't like being told no, so I'm actually thinking about coming down. I'll let you know how it goes.
AGAINST THE LAW SCHOOL
You are not going to believe this shit. The game of Tag has been banned from recess at Willett Elementary School in Attleboro, Massachusetts. Sorry kids...no more, "Tag - you're it!" Someone might get hurt!
But wait, there's more. Also banned is the popular schoolyard pastime of touch football, as well as any other unsupervised games where kids chasing one another may get injured and pose a liability risk to the school. Our nation of laws is beginning to implode as fear of costly litigation squeezes freedom from us one harmless activity after the next.
I don't know about you, but this trend toward sterilizing our kids' physical activities is a little disturbing. We've already got an obesity pandemic in this country - our kids need to be chasing each other MORE, not less. Why would anyone in their right mind think this is a good idea?
"It's a time when accidents can happen," said Willet School Principal Gaylene Heppe. Her new rule is part of a standardized set of playground rules developed to keep kids out of the nurse's office, and the school out of court. Hey Gaylene - you said it, darlin'. ACCIDENTS can happen.
Sadly, this isn't an isolated act. There's apparently a growing movement against the simple schoolyard games you and I played growing up. School administrators around the country started by banning dodgeball, calling it an exclusionary, dangerous game. But kids were not discouraged, and they quickly found other ways to have fun. But this only frustrated those hoping to crush fun in all of its forms, and led to a new round of regulation overkill. Clearly, kids shouldn't be having fun because, as everyone knows, anything that gives you pleasure is bad for you.
This isn't a regional thing, either. In addition to Massachusetts, schools in Cheyenne and Spokane also banned tag at recess this year. It's out of fucking control. One of the primary reasons cited for buckling down on these activities was the avoidance of litigation. School administrators aren't the ones to blame here. They're merely adapting to a dog-sue-dog climate in which everyone's looking for a slice of free pie. Why is it that our reflex as a nation is to sue the moment something happens to us? Do we not understand what it means to forgive? To accept responsibility for our own actions? to understand that the world is a dangerous place and that accidents happen? People get hurt - and it's not always possible to point the finger and say, "YOU...YOU were to blame for this." And how have we decided as a nation that the best way to say "I'm sorry" to someone is with a checkbook?
If kids are chasing one another on the playground, and one of them should fall and scrape a knee, why would any parent reflexively think to sue the the school where the accident occurred? And how are so many administrators learning to fear a generation of such parents? Better safe than sorry, I guess.
The way I see it, these schools, for how ridiculous some of their bullshit schoolyard rules may seem, are only protecting themselves from the growing monster that is unchecked law. Most people have choices, remember. So if parents don't like these pussy-building playground policies, they can try placing their kids in other schools where physical social interaction is encouraged. If every parent did that, these rules would go away. Unfortunately, there are people who will send their kids to these schools BECAUSE they don't let kids play Tag.
[Dr. Rumsfeld asks: How are we going to power our mighty hegemonic war machine in the future if we're raising a nation full of pansies?]
Scary to think how, when I was a kid, I didn't wear a bicycle helmet. I played tackle football in the snowy schoolyard. I didn't even wear a seat belt in the car. There was a different socio-legal climate back then. We didn't feel the need to legislate every aspect of everyday life. People did what they did and lived their lives and every once in a while someone would get hurt, and we'd learn from that - or we wouldn't. And life would go on. Then the media started getting a hold of us - filling us with fear and stuffing numbers down our throats: all reasons to worry. Today there are laws, and rules, and regulations, and guidelines, and codes, and restrictions, and bans on everything. Practically everything you do is legislated in some way - all in the name of protecting us from, ahem, ourselves.
I don't know about you, but I liked things better the way they were. Men were men and so were boys.
Tag.
You're it!
But wait, there's more. Also banned is the popular schoolyard pastime of touch football, as well as any other unsupervised games where kids chasing one another may get injured and pose a liability risk to the school. Our nation of laws is beginning to implode as fear of costly litigation squeezes freedom from us one harmless activity after the next.
I don't know about you, but this trend toward sterilizing our kids' physical activities is a little disturbing. We've already got an obesity pandemic in this country - our kids need to be chasing each other MORE, not less. Why would anyone in their right mind think this is a good idea?
"It's a time when accidents can happen," said Willet School Principal Gaylene Heppe. Her new rule is part of a standardized set of playground rules developed to keep kids out of the nurse's office, and the school out of court. Hey Gaylene - you said it, darlin'. ACCIDENTS can happen.
Sadly, this isn't an isolated act. There's apparently a growing movement against the simple schoolyard games you and I played growing up. School administrators around the country started by banning dodgeball, calling it an exclusionary, dangerous game. But kids were not discouraged, and they quickly found other ways to have fun. But this only frustrated those hoping to crush fun in all of its forms, and led to a new round of regulation overkill. Clearly, kids shouldn't be having fun because, as everyone knows, anything that gives you pleasure is bad for you.
This isn't a regional thing, either. In addition to Massachusetts, schools in Cheyenne and Spokane also banned tag at recess this year. It's out of fucking control. One of the primary reasons cited for buckling down on these activities was the avoidance of litigation. School administrators aren't the ones to blame here. They're merely adapting to a dog-sue-dog climate in which everyone's looking for a slice of free pie. Why is it that our reflex as a nation is to sue the moment something happens to us? Do we not understand what it means to forgive? To accept responsibility for our own actions? to understand that the world is a dangerous place and that accidents happen? People get hurt - and it's not always possible to point the finger and say, "YOU...YOU were to blame for this." And how have we decided as a nation that the best way to say "I'm sorry" to someone is with a checkbook?
If kids are chasing one another on the playground, and one of them should fall and scrape a knee, why would any parent reflexively think to sue the the school where the accident occurred? And how are so many administrators learning to fear a generation of such parents? Better safe than sorry, I guess.
The way I see it, these schools, for how ridiculous some of their bullshit schoolyard rules may seem, are only protecting themselves from the growing monster that is unchecked law. Most people have choices, remember. So if parents don't like these pussy-building playground policies, they can try placing their kids in other schools where physical social interaction is encouraged. If every parent did that, these rules would go away. Unfortunately, there are people who will send their kids to these schools BECAUSE they don't let kids play Tag.
[Dr. Rumsfeld asks: How are we going to power our mighty hegemonic war machine in the future if we're raising a nation full of pansies?]
Scary to think how, when I was a kid, I didn't wear a bicycle helmet. I played tackle football in the snowy schoolyard. I didn't even wear a seat belt in the car. There was a different socio-legal climate back then. We didn't feel the need to legislate every aspect of everyday life. People did what they did and lived their lives and every once in a while someone would get hurt, and we'd learn from that - or we wouldn't. And life would go on. Then the media started getting a hold of us - filling us with fear and stuffing numbers down our throats: all reasons to worry. Today there are laws, and rules, and regulations, and guidelines, and codes, and restrictions, and bans on everything. Practically everything you do is legislated in some way - all in the name of protecting us from, ahem, ourselves.
I don't know about you, but I liked things better the way they were. Men were men and so were boys.
Tag.
You're it!
TONGUE TWISTED
DAMN this coffee is strong. I don't understand why. I made it the same way I make it every morning. 10 cups of water in the Krups. One cup of blended kona. I just don't get it.
Unless.
UNLESS.
What if it's not the coffee that's different? What if it's ME? What if my taste buds are suddenly hyper-sensitive? What if I have a superpower I never knew I had? Extreme taste! Yes! And maybe I can use it for good, fighting crime with my extraordinary sense of taste. Folks can call me Flayva Man!
This is gold.
"We've got no leads, detective."
"Bring in that guy. What's his name. Guy with the tongue."
"Flayva Man?"
"Yeah - him. Have him lick this entire room for evidence and let me know what he tastes."
"You got it, detective. Hey Johnson! Get a holda Flayva. No visible clues yet, but I'm betting this place isn't as tasteless as it looks."
Unless.
UNLESS.
What if it's not the coffee that's different? What if it's ME? What if my taste buds are suddenly hyper-sensitive? What if I have a superpower I never knew I had? Extreme taste! Yes! And maybe I can use it for good, fighting crime with my extraordinary sense of taste. Folks can call me Flayva Man!
This is gold.
"We've got no leads, detective."
"Bring in that guy. What's his name. Guy with the tongue."
"Flayva Man?"
"Yeah - him. Have him lick this entire room for evidence and let me know what he tastes."
"You got it, detective. Hey Johnson! Get a holda Flayva. No visible clues yet, but I'm betting this place isn't as tasteless as it looks."
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
LUH-WHO-ZUH-HER
Last week I provided a photo recap of the Bears-Bills game. This week's Bears recap is provided in the form of a link to a clip that is now posted on Wikipedia under references for Arizona Cardinals Head Coach Denny Green. I'm not kidding - history sure gets updated quick these days!
In case you missed his succinct summary of the Monday Night collapse, here it is in a nutshell.
In case you missed his succinct summary of the Monday Night collapse, here it is in a nutshell.
THROWING THE BOMB
Here's some exciting news from the land of terror. A website is claiming that 7 NFL football stadiums will be targeted with radiological dirty bombs this weekend, but don't worry - the government has expressed doubts about the threat.
The warning was posted last week as part of an ongoing Internet conversation creatively titled "New Attack on America Be Afraid." It specifically mentioned NFL stadiums in New York, Miami, Atlanta, Seattle, Houston, Oakland and Cleveland. My first thought was, "Good thing the Bears have a bye this week." (I've actually got tickets to the game the week after next)
The Homeland Security Department has since alerted authorities and stadium owners in those cities, as well as the NFL, of the potential threat, but said that it was being viewed "with strong skepticism." After all, why would terrorists go after teams with a combined record of 13-24? Miami? Cleveland? Houston? Those sporting environments are already polluted enough with poor play - I mean, chances are a dirty bomb wouldn't even be noticed in Oakland.
I personally think there should be a man-law against conducting terrorist activities during NFL operating hours. What do we think - man-law? Launching attacks during NFL games will henceforth be considered a neutral-zone infraction and punishable by 15 yards and a loss of Jihad.
The warning was posted last week as part of an ongoing Internet conversation creatively titled "New Attack on America Be Afraid." It specifically mentioned NFL stadiums in New York, Miami, Atlanta, Seattle, Houston, Oakland and Cleveland. My first thought was, "Good thing the Bears have a bye this week." (I've actually got tickets to the game the week after next)
The Homeland Security Department has since alerted authorities and stadium owners in those cities, as well as the NFL, of the potential threat, but said that it was being viewed "with strong skepticism." After all, why would terrorists go after teams with a combined record of 13-24? Miami? Cleveland? Houston? Those sporting environments are already polluted enough with poor play - I mean, chances are a dirty bomb wouldn't even be noticed in Oakland.
I personally think there should be a man-law against conducting terrorist activities during NFL operating hours. What do we think - man-law? Launching attacks during NFL games will henceforth be considered a neutral-zone infraction and punishable by 15 yards and a loss of Jihad.
RESTORING CHAOS ONE DAY AT A TIME
JB thinks YouTube was worth every penny Google paid for it, and I'm beginning to see why!
Here's a greatest hits reel Americans can be proud of...
Here's a greatest hits reel Americans can be proud of...
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
HAIR MANAGEMENT 101
This here's a jam for all the fellas,
Try to do what those ladies tell us...
Yeah, I'm talking about the lesser-known faux-hygienic art of "manscaping." Many of you are not strangers the routine of trimming upper body fur, cutting back the creep of chest hair that pushes like ivy from below your collar line. Some of you may even go so far as to use a straight razor in pulling the hair border back behind your buttons. While these manscaping exercises can make a real aesthetic difference, the girls tell me there are other places we should be directing that blade.
Encroaching back hair, for example, while unavoidable, is entirely manageable. It usually starts as a few stray hairs here and there, which eventually blossom into hair patches over time. For some, these hair patches spread like wildfire until there is complete coverage. And there's nothing you can do about that - it's genetic. But you CAN do something about it once it's there. I find if I do the proper stretching exercises beforehand, I can actually reach most of mine with a disposable razor. Yes, really. Excessive hair on the upper arms and shoulders should also be given your attention if you plan on being outdoors without a shirt - or intimate with someone who might appreciate the added attention to detail. If you can't reach these areas, a little wax treatment can go a long way toward improving your desirability.
Finally, and most importantly, men must become comfortable with the idea of trimming our nether-hedges. It's only fair. If women are expected to keep a tidy hairline down there, we should afford them the same courtesy. It's really not that difficult to do - and the result, I don't mind sharing, is a decidedly more robust-looking package, making the activity a win-win proposition. Here's what you do:
Just grab a fistful of the curly stuff and pull it away from your body. Then run some scissors in the space between and clip. I recommend performing this over a garbage can...and sober. Go ahead and clip it down nice and short. Don't worry - your nuts won't freeze off. Once the excess brush is taken care of, use a straight razor where it makes sense to shape the borders. You could shave the whole thing away if you choose - but that brand of barren manscape is typically reserved for the porno male. I do not recommend the Mr. Clean Machine. But definitely give the rest of that area a good buzz every few weeks - it's easy and relatively safe. I've been doing it for years and have been accident free for most of them.
One final note: Do not ask a barber to trim that up for you.
So there you have it...hair management 101. Your lady will love the new you - you're welcome!
Try to do what those ladies tell us...
Yeah, I'm talking about the lesser-known faux-hygienic art of "manscaping." Many of you are not strangers the routine of trimming upper body fur, cutting back the creep of chest hair that pushes like ivy from below your collar line. Some of you may even go so far as to use a straight razor in pulling the hair border back behind your buttons. While these manscaping exercises can make a real aesthetic difference, the girls tell me there are other places we should be directing that blade.
Encroaching back hair, for example, while unavoidable, is entirely manageable. It usually starts as a few stray hairs here and there, which eventually blossom into hair patches over time. For some, these hair patches spread like wildfire until there is complete coverage. And there's nothing you can do about that - it's genetic. But you CAN do something about it once it's there. I find if I do the proper stretching exercises beforehand, I can actually reach most of mine with a disposable razor. Yes, really. Excessive hair on the upper arms and shoulders should also be given your attention if you plan on being outdoors without a shirt - or intimate with someone who might appreciate the added attention to detail. If you can't reach these areas, a little wax treatment can go a long way toward improving your desirability.
Finally, and most importantly, men must become comfortable with the idea of trimming our nether-hedges. It's only fair. If women are expected to keep a tidy hairline down there, we should afford them the same courtesy. It's really not that difficult to do - and the result, I don't mind sharing, is a decidedly more robust-looking package, making the activity a win-win proposition. Here's what you do:
Just grab a fistful of the curly stuff and pull it away from your body. Then run some scissors in the space between and clip. I recommend performing this over a garbage can...and sober. Go ahead and clip it down nice and short. Don't worry - your nuts won't freeze off. Once the excess brush is taken care of, use a straight razor where it makes sense to shape the borders. You could shave the whole thing away if you choose - but that brand of barren manscape is typically reserved for the porno male. I do not recommend the Mr. Clean Machine. But definitely give the rest of that area a good buzz every few weeks - it's easy and relatively safe. I've been doing it for years and have been accident free for most of them.
One final note: Do not ask a barber to trim that up for you.
So there you have it...hair management 101. Your lady will love the new you - you're welcome!
BATTLE OF THE BANDS
Here's an interesting clip. It's a real life Battle of the Album Covers. Thanks to Marky Mark for sharing - who submits that we should not forget to thank drugs for enabling video art of this nature. It's quite creative!
END GAME ON!
North Korea is hosting a nuclear festival and we're all invited! Do you know what you'll be wearing for the big event?
As I'm sure you've been ignoring for the past couple weeks, there's been a nuclear crisis brewing on the Korean peninsula. Hard to get excited about something going on half a world away - but let me tell you, this has the potential to affect everyone.
North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il has been insane much of his life - and that insanity is peaking at a dangerous time. His country, as you may or may not know, has been insolvent economically since the word "insolvent" was made popular by Social Security and Health Care watchdogs years ago. The country's chief exports are counterfeit cash and military technology. They basically make and sell weapons and cash to whoever will pay for them. And their favorite place to sell is a shady little market on Black Street. Given their penchant for shifty, underworld dealings and a leader known for making mischief, recent reports that they successfully tested a nuclear bomb underground are troubling to say the least - for a multitude of reasons:
1.) First, let's consider the source of this knowledge. The media have proven susceptible time and again to erroneous, fictional reports (reference: Iraq) - so it's important we consider the possibility that these nuclear reports have been fabricated by the CIA, eager to keep hawkish Republican stalwarts in power - remember: the U.S. war machine is in the business of staying in business and is skilled at exploiting mass media for subversive political gain. The more you and I fear the perverse, powerless dictators of corrupt, third world nations, the more power we will turn over to those already in power here. Exhibit A: the erosion of your individual rights...a program brought to you by the Bush Administration, already in progress. I would submit to you that all we have to fear is fear itself - but that's already a matter of public record.
2.) North Korea has stated that sanctions against the rogue nation for nuclear testing are tantamount to a declaration of war. Well, it doesn't take a tenured logician to tell you that the unanimously passed U.N. Security Council resolution imposing sanctions on North Korea is essentially the equivalent of the whole world declaring war on Kim Jong-Il's military cabaret show (love those media-file clips of marching North Korean soliders on the evening news!). If we choose to buy into the North Korean rhetoric, we must acknowledge that we have, as a planet, declared war on that starving nation. So have we or haven't we? They say we have - but most of us missed the memo.
3.) If Illy Jonka DOES have the bomb, what do you suppose he will do with it? Bring it to class for show and tell? Ever since President Bush's private remarks about the 5'3" North Korean leader were made public in Newsweek a few years ago (unflattering, and un-presidentlike to say the least - go look it up!), we've been at the top of their payback (s)hit list. But, North Korea knows it doesn't have to launch a missile toward Hollywood to draw us into a costly conflict overseas. They need only lob a few nukes across the border into South Korea, or in the general direction of the Japanese. The U.S. has stated such an attack would be the equivalent of declaring war against us. So there you have it - everything Kim Jong-Il ever wanted is just a red button away.
4.) Or perhaps a few nuclear suitcases might somehow find their way into the hands of a terrorist. This, of course, is Donald Rumsfeld's "wet dream" scenario - or at least that's the way it appears when he, or Dick Cheney, talks excitedly about it with Tim Russert. Those hard-line war-machine chauffers LOVE the prospect of a nuclear North Korea because it gives the American people someone real to fear. Just as they made us fear Saddam Hussein, who had - count 'em - ZERO weapons of mass destruction, they will make us fear Kim Jong-Il. They are already pushing their talking points on top Republicans, so you can expect a steady stream of fear propaganda in the weeks leading up to the mid-term elections.
5.) Finally, reports of a nuclear bomb detonation by the North Koreans are troubling because that's all they have. That is, presuming they actually have it. (See item #1) There's nothing IN North Korea save cold, barren mountains and millions of starving people suviving on aid shipments. The only two things the government supports over there are the country's robust military and the leader's appetite for the good life. What do you suppose would happen if you raise a dog to fight its entire life by starving it, beating it, and locking it up in a cold, damp basement...and then decide to let it loose in the neighborhood?
It's not all doom and gloom, mind you. There IS a solution to this problem. Are you ready? Kim Jong-Il has a documented fascination with Hollywood. The guy just loves celebrity and the chic V.I.P lifestyle. If we could line up a date with Angelina Jolie (or perhaps he would prefer Ryan Seacrest?), he would abandon his nuclear ambitions in a heartbeat.
But then we'd have to go back to fearing terrorists - and poll numbers reveal that's getting a little stale. Count on the Pentagon and the powers-behind-the-powers that be to stoke the flames of discord in the Far East.
That's what they do best...
As I'm sure you've been ignoring for the past couple weeks, there's been a nuclear crisis brewing on the Korean peninsula. Hard to get excited about something going on half a world away - but let me tell you, this has the potential to affect everyone.
North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il has been insane much of his life - and that insanity is peaking at a dangerous time. His country, as you may or may not know, has been insolvent economically since the word "insolvent" was made popular by Social Security and Health Care watchdogs years ago. The country's chief exports are counterfeit cash and military technology. They basically make and sell weapons and cash to whoever will pay for them. And their favorite place to sell is a shady little market on Black Street. Given their penchant for shifty, underworld dealings and a leader known for making mischief, recent reports that they successfully tested a nuclear bomb underground are troubling to say the least - for a multitude of reasons:
1.) First, let's consider the source of this knowledge. The media have proven susceptible time and again to erroneous, fictional reports (reference: Iraq) - so it's important we consider the possibility that these nuclear reports have been fabricated by the CIA, eager to keep hawkish Republican stalwarts in power - remember: the U.S. war machine is in the business of staying in business and is skilled at exploiting mass media for subversive political gain. The more you and I fear the perverse, powerless dictators of corrupt, third world nations, the more power we will turn over to those already in power here. Exhibit A: the erosion of your individual rights...a program brought to you by the Bush Administration, already in progress. I would submit to you that all we have to fear is fear itself - but that's already a matter of public record.
2.) North Korea has stated that sanctions against the rogue nation for nuclear testing are tantamount to a declaration of war. Well, it doesn't take a tenured logician to tell you that the unanimously passed U.N. Security Council resolution imposing sanctions on North Korea is essentially the equivalent of the whole world declaring war on Kim Jong-Il's military cabaret show (love those media-file clips of marching North Korean soliders on the evening news!). If we choose to buy into the North Korean rhetoric, we must acknowledge that we have, as a planet, declared war on that starving nation. So have we or haven't we? They say we have - but most of us missed the memo.
3.) If Illy Jonka DOES have the bomb, what do you suppose he will do with it? Bring it to class for show and tell? Ever since President Bush's private remarks about the 5'3" North Korean leader were made public in Newsweek a few years ago (unflattering, and un-presidentlike to say the least - go look it up!), we've been at the top of their payback (s)hit list. But, North Korea knows it doesn't have to launch a missile toward Hollywood to draw us into a costly conflict overseas. They need only lob a few nukes across the border into South Korea, or in the general direction of the Japanese. The U.S. has stated such an attack would be the equivalent of declaring war against us. So there you have it - everything Kim Jong-Il ever wanted is just a red button away.
4.) Or perhaps a few nuclear suitcases might somehow find their way into the hands of a terrorist. This, of course, is Donald Rumsfeld's "wet dream" scenario - or at least that's the way it appears when he, or Dick Cheney, talks excitedly about it with Tim Russert. Those hard-line war-machine chauffers LOVE the prospect of a nuclear North Korea because it gives the American people someone real to fear. Just as they made us fear Saddam Hussein, who had - count 'em - ZERO weapons of mass destruction, they will make us fear Kim Jong-Il. They are already pushing their talking points on top Republicans, so you can expect a steady stream of fear propaganda in the weeks leading up to the mid-term elections.
5.) Finally, reports of a nuclear bomb detonation by the North Koreans are troubling because that's all they have. That is, presuming they actually have it. (See item #1) There's nothing IN North Korea save cold, barren mountains and millions of starving people suviving on aid shipments. The only two things the government supports over there are the country's robust military and the leader's appetite for the good life. What do you suppose would happen if you raise a dog to fight its entire life by starving it, beating it, and locking it up in a cold, damp basement...and then decide to let it loose in the neighborhood?
It's not all doom and gloom, mind you. There IS a solution to this problem. Are you ready? Kim Jong-Il has a documented fascination with Hollywood. The guy just loves celebrity and the chic V.I.P lifestyle. If we could line up a date with Angelina Jolie (or perhaps he would prefer Ryan Seacrest?), he would abandon his nuclear ambitions in a heartbeat.
But then we'd have to go back to fearing terrorists - and poll numbers reveal that's getting a little stale. Count on the Pentagon and the powers-behind-the-powers that be to stoke the flames of discord in the Far East.
That's what they do best...
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